My Autistic Brother
by AoUsagi
Summary: At a young age, Nate was misdiagnosed. Mihael wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help than he lets on...
1. Journal Entry 1

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Okay, I'm going to try to keep these Authors Notes short – so I'll just quickly explain how the idea for this story came about: it being the school holidays, my English teacher set us homework; that is, reading the book _The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time_, by Mark Haddon – the story of a 15 yr old autistic boy writing a murder mystery about his neighbours dead dog. It'll probably take the rest of my class all holidays – I had it finished a week ago. But today I read another story about a little girl who was autistic, and I thought "coincidence, much," but then I went back and looked at Near's character, and a question came to my head: _What if Near is actually autistic?_ So I did some research, and I got this idea – since Mello and Near were stuck in the Wammy House together, why not write a short story about them? Well, I've decided to go with a sort of poetry/diary form of story – so here goes…

Mercy

PS – so much for a short Authors Note! ^_^ haha – please enjoy. Thanks go to **hamaell** (_who's incredibly awesome at writing Death Note fics_), **Ratt9** (_you were my first reviewer for my other Death Note fic!^_^_)and to **COBRASTEVE** (_because hey – anime and manga is for all ages!_)

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #1**

_4/3/97 (April 3rd, 1997)_

**-:-**

_I don't want to be writing this. I have better things to be doing – studying for our next test, for example. But my latest assignment (via Roger – who else?) is to observe someone else here and write poetry about them. Excuse me? Poetry? Roger's got to be off his wick to think I'm going to be any good at this. I'll bet Near is, though – he's always so good at everything, it makes me want to hit him so hard his buggy little eyes fall out. THEN let's see him solve a Rubik's cube in under a minute. That'd teach him. I don't get how he can't go outside – I don't go out with the other kids often, but I do out sometimes – he just sits inside and plays with his puzzles all day. He never talks to the other kids, he hardly listens when our tutor is talking and yet he always gets top marks and scores in everything. It's so unfair! I think Roger favours him, just because he doesn't make any trouble. God, I hate Near so much…all I want is to show him that being a hot-shot isn't a cool thing, and that he should stand on his own two feet for once! Jesus – he relies on everyone else to do stuff for him, and never lifts a finger to help. _

_Urgh…I think I should actually use this journal for what it's meant to be used for, though. I guess Roger doesn't want to read about how much I can't stand the white-haired little twerp. So I've got to pick someone to write poems about. They've got to be someone who changes the sort of things they do on a regular basis, Roger said, so picking someone like Lily or Nigel is out of the question – they're always either playing with their dolls or trucks. And besides – who would want me using them as an assignment? No one, that's who. They'd all be like, "Geez, Mello – what's your problem?" usually I'd hit them or something, but Roger says I really should stop that._

_He says I don't have to write any poetry today. I should just talk about anything – myself even, if I'm out of ideas. So here goes nothing._

_I'm Mello. My real name is Mihael Keehl, but I don't go by that name anymore. It's my old name – a memory of my dead parents and Mello is the name Roger, Watari and L helped me to take when I stepped into my new life here in the Wammy House. Um…I'm eight years old, I have shoulder-length blonde hair, and lots of people think I'm a girl. Psh. Roger says we could get my hair cut if it bothers me, but I don't to – I like my hair just fine. Uh…I don't have lots of friends here in the Wammy House, but everyone is pretty much friends with everyone else, although we kind of have our own 'groups' as I heard one of the staff say once. There's this kid, a year younger than me, his name's Matt – and we usually sit together during lunchtime. We're all still in the junior wing, so it's pretty easy getting in and out of each others dorms without any of the on-duty staff noticing. I like to kick the soccer ball around with the other kids, and I like to be the best. I guess this is why I hate Near so much._

_So, uh…that's pretty much it. I don't know when I'm going to give this poetry stuff a go, but I'd probably better get started soon, otherwise I'm going to have to hand this in to Roger and watch him read all this stuff and get marked as a fail. I don't want to fail – I never do – I'm always second best, just behind Near. I can't believe it – two years younger than me and smarter, better, at just about everything but his social skills. That's what he lacks – and that's the only thing I'm better at than him._

_Aw, no – I'm sitting in my dorm, and I can hear him banging his head on the wall again. His dorm is right next to the one I share with Nigel, and night after night all I hear is _**thump, thump, thump**,_ as he knocks his conk against the plasterboard. It hardly stops, and while Nigel can go to sleep like a switch is turned off inside him, I have to lie awake and listen to Near mumbling to himself through the wall between the banging. I can hear him counting all the prime numbers up to…well, whatever he gets up to before I think he falls asleep out of exhaustion._

_Why the heck am I still writing about Near? I'm going to try covering my ears with a pillow tonight, so I might be able to get some sleep. I'm also going to try to think of someone to keep a poetry journal on._

_Well, goodnight for now –_

_ Mello._

_

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

Woot! Chapter One is Done! And yes, that was a PURPOSEFUL RHYME – but I said I'd keep these Notes short, didn't I? Oh well – I hope you liked it, and will continue to read this story. And just so you guys know – I'll probably have this story finished before my other Death Note fic: _Shinigami of the Past,_ so please don't hold it against me that I can get out a Mello and Near story faster than I can get out an L story…^_^

Stay safe, stay happy -

– _Mercy_


	2. Journal Entry 2

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

All right – I promise this will be a short one. I don't have anything much to say here, other than _**woot woot! Two chapters up in record time!**_ If I get ahead, and type faster than I post, I promise I won't put up like, a thousand chapters at a time – it's an exaggeration, but I've done something like that before, with a Maximum Ride fic and my SSX 3 fic, and I'll try not to make that mistake again. Sorry about that!

Mercy

PS – Yes! I kept it pretty short this time! MAJOR ACHIEVEMENT! ALERT THE MEDIA!

Yes, I DO feel pretty high on Pepsi right not. ^_^.

**Mello's Journal Entry #2**

_4/5/97 (April 5th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Two days have passed and I still haven't picked anyone to do this assignment on. Gosh, won't Roger be impressed? I don't think so._

_I've been talking to L over the phone – he's not too sure what I find so hard, but I can't think of anyone who does different things daily. Lily plays with her dolls, Nigel with his trucks, Cameron with that make-up kit that Roger got her, Andy with his cars, Joyce with her play-doh and Near with his stupid puzzles and other toys._

_Wait a minute…_

_Near had a screaming fit this morning – it woke up the whole junior wing – I don't think there wasn't a kid in here that didn't hear him. We all rushed to the dorm, I guess we all thought someone was in there with a knife or something, but there wasn't anyone there – just Andy and Near. Andy was still in bed; his hands clapped over his ears, but Near was on the floor, screaming at the window. Wendy, one of the staff, pulled the curtains closed, and Near stopped, just like that. Roger let him stay in his room all day. Lily and I went to check on him, even though I didn't want to, and found him sitting in the corner by the window, sucking his thumb like a baby and mumbling. We left him there; I think Lily was scared he'd start screaming again._

_Near had never done something like that before…it was a big thing – I could still hear the other kids whispering about it in the dining room. Roger said that Near was sick – he had to be alone for a while and Andy was to move into another dorm. Joyce and Pierre have been told they've got to let him stay with them in their dorm until Near gets better. No one knows when he will – but I haven't seen any doctors go in to his room or even come to the Wammy House. _

_I know I shouldn't have, but I went down to the basement today, during our lunch break, to where all the files on all the kids are kept. It was a bad thing to do, and I know Roger's going to find out, because he's going to read this when I hand it in, but I felt so excited to be doing something that the other kids were too chicken to do. I was crossing a line – and it felt…weird, but a good weird._

_I found what I was looking for: the records on all of the kids that were admitted to the Wammy House a couple of years back. I was admitted in 1993, when I was four – so … that means I've been here for four years. Creepy. Anyway – I found my own file, saw my picture of a four-year-old-me scrunching up my face as the camera clicked, but I couldn't stop – I didn't have lots of time. I found Near's file – and I put it into my jacket and closed the filing cabinet and left the basement._

_I've been reading his records – according to his family doctor, he's got Aspurgus Syndrome, which can make a person really closed off from others. That sounds about right – it also said they were could be compulsively obsessive, which also sounded a lot like Near. He was always playing with puzzles or toys._

_So, I decided, as much as I hate the little squirt, I'd do this assignment on him. It sounded like fun – and fun was what I needed. And a bit dangerous, which is also fun. But I guess I've still got to write the poetry side of this journal, so I'll give it a shot tonight. Near isn't banging his head against the wall – when I went passed his dorm to mine and Nigel's, Wendy came out and said she'd given him lots of pillows, because he had a big bruise on his head from all the banging and wanted him to be comfortable. Maybe I'll sleep okay, tonight. I hope so. Anyway – I'd better write that poem…_

They Said

They called it Aspurgus,  
And said it was fine.  
They said it couldn't hurt us,  
And said "give it time".  
They said he'd heal,  
They said he'd get better,  
But now his name's Near,  
And he's not any better.

_Wow…did I write that? It's like it just…came out on it's own. Huh – maybe this won't be so bad after all. In fact, it was kinda fun. But geez – I wrote that using the notes and comments the doctors left on all of Near's medical reports…and I couldn't think of anything to rhyme with "better", but oh well. I think I should get some sleep now, or at least try. _

_Well, goodnight for now –_

_Mello._

_**AfterNote:**_

Is that how an eight-year-old would write a poem? I mean, Mello's really smart for his age, right…? Anyway – chapter three is on the way! You all rock for reading this! I love you all! ^_^

– _Mercy_


	3. Journal Entry 3

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Okay – another short note – just to say, I'm sorry I haven't kept my promise as to updating all the rest of my stories yet. But I will! I'm working on them on par to this story, and another I'm doing for a friend, but my own PC has crashed so I've got to wait for it to be fixed before I can keep going with any updates. This story is currently being typed on my mum's laptop – but that's just a random fact of trivia for you!^_^

_Mercy_

"_When nothing goes right, go left."_

**Mello's Journal Entry #3**

_4/8/97 (April 8th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_I got in trouble with one of the staff today – they saw me trying to go back into the basement to put away Near's file, and now I've been told I'm not allowed to go on any field trips with the other kids for two weeks. Roger didn't stand up for me – I'll bet he still favours Near. Who is still "sick" – but has been "sick" for the last five days. No one stays sick for that long. When Lily had a cold, she was in bed for two days and on the third day; she got up and was fine. Nigel had the flu for three days, and then he barfed and felt better. Roger said Nigel had had indigestion, not the flu, but Nigel hates big words so he said he'd had the flu._

_It's like no one can talk about anything else but Near. Even the staff are whispering about him. He's not supposed to be going on any field trips, either, so I was sitting in my room, writing this, and kinda wondering what he does all day. Suddenly, there's a _**knock, knock, knock**_ on his side of the wall. Just three taps – he must be rapping on the wall with his knuckles. What the heck…?_

_I gave an experimental knock back, and there was a pause before there were three more knocks, and so, I knocked back, twice. I don't remember how long we sat there, on our own sides of the wall, knocking away at each other. And then, I felt like I should write something – a poem?_

_**Tap, Tap**_

We sit, we knock  
It's a tap, it's a rap,

We're left at home.  
All alone.  
It's quiet, no sound,  
Don't even look around.  
But there's his tap,  
My tap,  
And us – on either side of the same wall,  
And then, I don't feel alone at all. 

_I think I'm getting the hang of this poetry thing. It's not easy, but just sitting there and tapping to that white haired albino kid, it made me feel – I dunno, kinda peaceful? Roger came in about an hour later and told me to stop, that Near needed to rest if he was going to get better. Then he asked me about the assignment – I held up the journal for him to see, and he seemed pretty impressed. I'll bet he won't be when he reads it himself, though. I'll probably get into even more trouble, because the basement is strictly off-limits to us kids. And I don't think a well-done assignment will be of any help to me, but I don't care. _

_It's currently Monday night – game night, but I didn't feel like joining in with any of the other kids. They'll be playing Scrabble and chess, or they'll be playing video games on the PS2. No one will beat Matt's high score, though – he hates going outside, and has all the top scores all the racing games, all the strategy games and pretty much any of the other guys games. He's a whiz at that sort of thing. Kinda like Near's a whiz at anything that requires thinking. _

_I think I should go to bed now – we have a test tomorrow and I've been studying all afternoon, and then some more after dinner._

_Goodnight –_

_Mello._

_**AfterNote:**_

Woot! Chapter three up finished! Yay! This was supposed to start out as a filler story until I got my computer back, but I guess it's going to get a bit longer than I originally thought…anyhow! Happy reading!

– Mercy


	4. Journal Entry 4

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Writing this story made me think of something – it's actually really, really easy. I set myself this task so I wouldn't be bored, but now I've gotten into it and it's not so much of a challenge as I thought it would be. Writing from Mello's perspective is a bit tricky, though.

_Mercy_

"_When nothing goes right, go left."_

**Mello's Journal Entry #4**

_4/9/97 (April 9th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_The test today was a general knowledge test – I think I did really good. But then again, I always do really good on all the tests – I'd be the best in my class if it weren't for Near. But he wasn't in class today – Roger made him stay in bed again today, and he had another screaming fit this morning. Nigel, Lily and I were outside his dorm when Wendy went in – we could see him through the crack in the door – Near was on the floor, with Roger and Wendy close-by, screaming like he was going to be killed or something. Then when Wendy knelt down and reached out to touch him, he just screamed louder and harder – Lily ran and hid in the toilets, and no one could get her out until two hours after Near had stopped screaming. No one wanted to do the test – they were all worried about him, but Roger made us all sit down and do it. I think he wanted us to think about something else instead of Near, but I'm not sure if it worked – after everyone had finished the test, they were passing around notes and whispering behind their books, and I could hear them talking about him._

_During lunchtime, I asked if I could make a phone call, and our caretaker, Ms Potts, seemed a little concerned, but let me use the phone in the office. I dialled the number I had been told, and after two rings, L picked up._

'_Moshi-moshi,' he said._

'_Hi, L,' I said. 'It's me…Mello. Are you still in Japan?'_

'_Yes, Mello. I will be for a while.' He replied, and then he paused. 'Is something wrong, Mello?'_

'_Um…no,' I said, wondering what I should actually say. 'But…there's this kid here, you remember Near?'_

'_Yes, I remember him,' L said. 'Why? What seems to be the problem?'_

_I didn't say anything for a moment, and I thought it may have been better if I just told him to not worry and to forget about it. L was busy working a case – something about a mafia group hiding out in the Kyoto area of Japan. But he never forgot – if he made a promise, he would keep it. _

'_Well…' I started. 'Near's been acting all weird. No one knows what's wrong with him – Roger says he's sick but no doctors have come.'_

'_Weird as in how?' L asked, and I bit my lip, recalling all of the things Near did._

'_Uh – he bangs his head against the wall at night, he's always counting in prime numbers to himself, he never talks to anyone else and he's always playing with a bunch of the toys that he never let's anyone else touch. And he's started having these weird screaming fits.' I recounted, and L was quiet for a little while. After about a minute, I wondered if he was still there, when he said;_

'_Perhaps he's not sick – he may have autism.' He said, and I blinked. What?_

'_Auto-what?' I tried to repeat, and L laughed softly. He didn't laugh like normal people, he had this quiet, sort of throaty chuckle._

'_Not auto, Mello. Autism. Comes from the Greek word meaning "self". It's where a person becomes withdrawn into themselves, usually at a very young age.' He said, and I immediately had lots of questions I wanted to ask._

'_So…is it a thing he could have got from his mum or dad?' I asked, and I heard the quiet clatter of cutlery on china. What time would it have been in Japan if it was seven o'clock at night here? _

'_No – it can happen quiet suddenly, if there's a certain amount of shock put on the infant, they may simply become autistic from that. Anything – falling into a river and knocking their head on a large tree root, being left out in their cot without any covering with a window open in the room.' He told me, and then he paused. 'Mello – are you observing Near for your assignment?'_

'_Yes,' I said, and wondered if he thought it was a good thing or a bad thing. 'How come?'_

'_Does Roger know?' he asked._

'_No – he won't know until I hand it in.'_

'_When have you got until to complete it?'_

'_Um…the end of April? I think,' I replied, and he was quiet again for a moment. I heard him say something to Quillish, something about some sort of data input. L was always multi-tasking, but I could tell he was listening. He always listened to us if we called him – he and Quillish were the founder's of the Wammy House, along with Roger, and he was always ready to hear what he called "his successors" has to say._

'_Hmm…' he said, I wondered what he was thinking about. 'I think he should see a doctor. You should tell Roger to arrange an appointment with one – because you and Near are the star students of the Wammy House.'_

_I liked the way L said me before Near, even though Near's smarter than me, even if was only by a bit. _

'_Okay,' I nodded, knowing that Roger would be far too busy with the other kids to have the time to look after Near. So, I guess that as much as I hated the little screaming squirt, I'd have to do this. Which meant going back and getting Near's file again, to see if he'd ever gone to a doctor before. _

'_You promise to tell Roger, Mello?' L said, and I bit my lip before answering._

'_Yes,' I lied – this was going to be my problem to solve – this would show Roger and Quillish and L that I was just as good as Near – better, in fact. I was going to help him._

'_Hmm,' L said softly, and I wondered if he knew I was lying. L was really, really smart, and he's good at telling if people are lying or not. Roger had laughed when one of the staff had mentioned this to him, and said that L was also very good at telling lies. But with the children, Roger had also said, L was as honest as the sun was bright in summer. I wasn't sure what that meant back then, coz it was like, two years ago, but I think I understand a bit better now._

_Then, Nigel and Cameron came into the office, looking for me._

'_Hey, Mello –' Nigel said. 'Come on, we've gotta go – it's time to go back to class.'_

'_Shh,' I hissed. 'I'll be there in a minute.' I covered the receiver with my hand so L wouldn't hear me. 'I'm talking to L.'_

_Nigel and Cameron nodded, and went back. I took my hand off the speaker._

'_I have to go now, L,' I said._

'_All right, Mello,' he replied. 'Let me know how it goes with Near. I'd like to be kept up to date with how things go.'_

'_Okay,' I promised. We said goodbye, and I hung up. I went to class, excused myself for being late, but Roger said it was okay, and that Ms Potts had said I had been talking to L, and that I wasn't in trouble.  
After everyone had gone to bed, I crept out of my dorm and to Near's. The door was slightly ajar, and I could hear a whispering voice coming from inside. I nudged the door open and peeked inside. Near was curled up in the bed of pillows that Wendy had made for him, his knees drawn up to his chest and one arm draped over them, his head resting on his arm. There was a damp patch on his sleeve where he'd been sucking on it, and he watched me as I came in._

'_Uh…Near?' I said softly. He shuffled away, into the wall, and sat there, still looking at me, not actually doing anything. I thought he'd start screaming or something, but he didn't._

_I sat down about two meters away from him on the carpet, going slow so I didn't scare him or anything. Wendy had said he was like a wild animal sometimes, and he no longer let people touch him. I'd seen this documentary where people approached wild animals slowly, as to not frighten them, so I thought it would be good if I tried this, keeping myself relaxed, to show I'm not acting like a predator. Near just kept watching me, mumbling something into his sleeve occasionally. In his other hand, which sat in his lap, he had two dice, which he kept shaking about. _

'_Near,' I said, trying to sound strong, but soft so I didn't make him think I was going to try to hurt him. 'I'm going to help you. We're going to the doctor's, and they're going to figure out what's wrong. You're going to get better.'_

_Near made a sound into his sleeve, like a huffing, and his eyes went wide, like saucers, but he didn't say anything. I laid my hand out on the floor, palm-up, and said, 'Gimme your hand, Near. It'll be okay.'_

_We sat like that for hours, Near looking from my hand to me, then back at my hand. Then, slowly, he reached out and touched two fingers into my palm, then snatched them back. Every couple of minutes, he'd keep doing that, but he left his fingers there for longer every time. Eventually, when my back was sore and stiff and my arm was aching, Near had his small, pale hand in mine, and he let me close my hand gently around his fingers without freaking. I shuffled closer, until we were side by side, and I was still holding his hand. I didn't have this journal with me, so I couldn't show him or write any poetry, but we sat there all night. We didn't say anything, but I thought about how I'd have to get up really early tomorrow morning to go down to the basement to get his record folder again. I didn't know what Roger would say if he caught me, but I was willing to take the chance. This was my time to prove myself. I was as smart as Near, he was sick and I had a choice – make him better or surpass him and leave him behind as I moved on. I knew what my choice was – I was going to make him better._

_Maybe we would succeed L together._

_Mello._

_**AfterNote:**_

I've had such a great response to this story already – thanks to all those out there, including **kindacravingshortcake,** _DarkAngelJudas,_ COBRASTEVE and **FluffyDuck-01** for their awesome reviews and their enthusiasm for chapter one. I hope you all enjoy the rest of this story.

– Mercy


	5. Journal Entry 5

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

I've had such an awesome response to this story – and it was only supposed to be a fill-in story while I was waiting for my computer to be fixed. Well, it's almost fixed, but I really don't want to actually end this story just yet. Things are just getting going for Mello, and I don't even know where this story will go – so I'll keep writing. And for now, I'm going to stop this authors note RIGHT HERE otherwise I'm going to start getting sentimental… ^_^ peace, love and joy to you all -

_Mercy_

_Oh, and BTW – I do NOT own Death Note, and this story is mainly dedicated to all those out there with Autism. May God smile upon you and grant your wishes for freedom._

**Mello's Journal Entry #5**

_4/14/97 (April 14th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Now, you may not know this, but the doctor's office is upon every day, even Sunday. And that's when I couldn't put this buzz in my head off any longer. I had to do this – but I was scared – I was just a kid, looking after another kid, in a big world outside the Wammy House gates. A world full of grown ups that didn't care about us._

_On Wednesday, I'd gone down to the basement really early to get Near's file, but I found there was a padlock on the door – and no key hidden anywhere I looked around the door. So I had to wait until one of the other staff members, John, went down to get something out of the storeroom in the basement. I followed him down, slid inside the basement and waited for him to leave. But I thought he'd be coming back – but he didn't. He locked the door behind him and went back up the stairs. I had told myself not to panic, that I'd be fine, and found Near's file. Then, I stacked some old boxes up to the small window that was level with the ground, and forced the old, creaky window open. The sounds of the other kids playing outside before breakfast came as I tried to wedge the grimy old window open a bit further, and then managed to squeeze out. It didn't open very far, only a little bit wider that my head, so I really had to squeeze, but I did get out, and that's the main thing. So, file in hand, I went back to the dorm Nigel and I shared, locked the door, and read through Near's file, trying to find his family doctor, the one his parents had seen when he was a baby._

_There was no reference to any doctor other than a "Dr J Hawkins", so I crept out of the dorm, made sure there was no one around, and then made a dash for the office where they kept all their address books and phone books. I grabbed the closest phone book and headed back to the dorm, relocking the door behind me. I found Dr Hawkins listed under the doctors, found the local surgery he worked at, and it also showed a map of the surrounding district to the surgery. The Wammy House, I found with happiness, was only five blocks away – I calculated in my head, and I figured it would be about twenty minutes by bus, five by car and about forty-five minutes on foot. Of course, I couldn't drive, and I didn't have lots of money, so I guessed we'd have to walk, unless I borrowed some money from one of the others – we all got pocket money each week for helping around the orphanage. I looked in my moneybox, and found I had twenty dollars saved up. That would be enough for two children's bus fares, wouldn't it? But probably not enough when it came to paying for the visit._

_The visit – I decided I'd walk Near to the surgery, even if it meant taking the extra time to get him going. My next step was to make the appointment. I'd seen Ms Potts make lots of appoints in her office, either to get a manicure or her hair done – how hard could it be? I went to her office, but she wasn't there. However, the cordless phone was. I took it back to my room, hoping she wouldn't notice it missing or anything. I dialled the number under Dr Hawkins name and waited as the phone rang. A lady answered it._

'_Can I help you?' she asked, and I faltered – what was I going to say?_

'_Um…is this Dr Hawkins?' I asked, feeling my heart pounding inside me._

'_Uh – no, he's busy at the moment – can I help you?' she repeated, and I drilled myself to remember all those times I'd heard Ms Potts making appointments._

'_Um…yes – can I please arrange an appointment to see him? As soon as possible?' I asked, and she said, "hold one", and then there was a shuffling of papers and several clicks – she was probably a receptionist, I guessed. _

'_Well, the earliest we can fit you in is Sunday – I say, young man, are your parents around? Perhaps I should talk to them?' she said, sounding dubious, but I knew I couldn't ask Roger or Wendy for help – I had to do this myself._

'_Uh – no, it's fine,' I said. 'I need to make an appointment for my…uh, brother – Nell,' the name just poured out of my mouth, so I went with it. 'He's…um, sick.'_

'_Uh-huh,' the lady replied, sounding like she was doing something else. Like, putting on nail polish or something that ladies like her did. 'Well, have you ever seen Dr Hawkins before?'_

'_No – but Nell has. He has a different name now, though.' I said, not mentioning that Near's real name was Nate. If I could get this to work, maybe the doctor would recognize Near and do something to help him, like L had said._

'_Well, okay – I'll see if I can fit you in for Sunday, then,' the receptionist lady said, and I waited as there were more clicks and shuffles of paper before she came back on and said, 'How does ten o'clock on Sunday morning sound?'_

'_Um…yes, that sounds good,' I nodded. 'How much will it cost?'_

'_I don't know – depends how long you're seeing him for,' she said. 'May I ask your name, young man?'_

'_M-Marshall,' I said quickly, maybe a little too quickly. 'Uh – Squires. Marshall Squires.' _

'_All right then, Marshall,' the lady said. 'Ten o'clock on Sunday – one appointment booked for your little brother Nell.'_

'_Thank you,' I said, and she said goodbye, and I hung up. I felt…elated. This was great – Near was going to get better, we were going to see a doctor, and I would have this problem solved. Carefully and quietly, I put the phone back where I'd found it, and also took the phone book back, but kept the address and phone number of Dr Hawkins in case I needed it again._

_And then, I waited for Sunday._

_Sunday came, and before anyone else got up, I snuck into Near's room and found him curled up and asleep on the floor in his bed of pillows. I tapped him on the back of his hand, and he started to wake._

'_Near,' I whispered. 'Shh, come on – we're going to get you seen by a doctor today.'_

_Near made a small sound as he blinked, seeing me, and I tapped his hand again._

'_Come on, Near,' I said. 'We've got to go.'_

_Near got up slowly, and dressed himself in his usual white shirt that was two-sizes-too-big, some plain cargos and runners with no socks. I think, if he'd had a choice, he wouldn't have worn shoes, but I told him we were going to go for a walk, a long one, and he needed to wear shoes. I felt slightly bad, but I took an extra ten dollars from his moneybox, just in case I needed it. Then, with the phone number, address, money, a list of Near's symptoms and this journal stuffed into my backpack, I led Near out into the hallway by the hand. We went slowly, quietly, coz I didn't want anyone else to wake up. Near had his sleeve in his mouth again, and was looking around curiously as we stepped into the sunshine outside. Once outside the gates, however, he balked and didn't want to move._

'_Come on, Near – ' I said, giving his hand a tug. 'Come on, we've got to go!'_

_He looked at me with big, grey eyes, and then, with no warning, launched himself forward and wrapped his arms around me, trembling. I was scared he'd try to run off, so I put and arm around him and started to shuffle forward. He clung to me for the whole walk to the surgery. He started to walk a little faster, but he still hung on to me as if I was going to stop him from floating away or something. I didn't let him go until we got inside the surgery's foyer, and then I had to gently peel him off me, but I didn't let go of his hand, and led him to the front desk, where a sign read:_

**PLEASE REPORT TO THE FRONT DESK WHEN YOU ENTER.  
thankyou.**

_The front desk was very high – I could only just see over it if I stood on my tiptoes, but I couldn't reach the buzzer on the desk, because there was no one there. I looked at my watch, the one Roger had gotten me for my birthday last year. It was nine thirty – we were in time._

_A large, round woman waddled up to the front desk beside us, and Near cowered behind me as we looked up at her._

'_Excuse me, gentlemen,' she said as she looked down at us, her face covered in heavy layers of makeup and her three chins wobbling. 'Would you like some help?'_

'_Um…' I said, just as Near spoke from behind me. _

'_Big lady,' he said softly, and I nudged him to shut up – this wasn't going too good. But the lady merely smiled and bent over, still looking down at us._

'_Is that so, young man?' she asked, and I tried to look unafraid, like I knew what I was doing._

'_Yes,' I snapped back. 'But because you're taller than us – would you please ring the buzzer thing on the desk? There's no one there and we can't reach it.'_

_The lady looked taken aback, like a hamster had just growled at her, but then she broke out into a grin, showing large, tombstone-like gold teeth._

'_Of course, young sirs,' she said, and straightened and rung the bell for us. A receptionist came in and sat behind the desk._

'_May I help you, ma'am?' she asked the fat lady beside us, but the lady shook her head, sending her purple curls of hair flying, and put a hand covered in bejewelled rings on my shoulder. I tried not to flinch._

'_In a moment, dear,' the woman said as she looked down at us. 'These gentlemen were here first.'_

_The receptionist peered over the front desk at us – me, with my blonde hair to my shoulders, grey hoodie jumper, black shirt, pants and trainers, and Near, with his curly white mop of hair, his white shirt and white cargos and runners, holding my hand and sucking on his sleeve, a hand to his mouth._

'_Um…' the receptionist wasn't the same woman I'd talked to over the phone. 'Are you two here on your own?'_

'_Yes,' I said. 'We have an appointment with Dr Hawkins.'_

_She blinked, a look of surprise on her face, and I smiled up at her sincerely – Roger had always said that it paid to dress nice and be presentable, but a good, sincere smile was always a better catch than any fancy shirt or hair-do. The receptionist looked at her computer for a moment and then turned back to me._

'_A…uh, Marshall and Nell Squires?' she asked, and I nodded._

'_Yes – that's us.' I replied, and she directed us to the waiting area after telling us that Dr Hawkins would be with us in about fifteen minutes. We sat in the waiting area, and Near pulled his dice out of his pocket and started rolling them around on the floor as I sat in one of the chairs. He sat on the carpet beside me, not touching any of the other toys. I took out my list of his symptoms and added that he wasn't interested in anything but his own toys, wondering if that was part of his sickness._

_About five minutes after we'd sat down, a tall, bald man walked into the surgery carrying a suitcase and wearing a hat. He took off his hat and smiled as he said hello to the receptionist. She handed him some sort of card, and he headed straight into one of the doctor's offices, putting his hat back on as he walked and tipping it to the fat lady, who sat in the other waiting area across from ours. She warbled a hello as she looked up from her magazine when he passed. Near wrapped an arm around my leg and leant into me, murmuring the alphabet under his breath. He relaxed against me, and I kept my hand on his shoulder for the next ten minutes. We didn't move until a short man with black curly hair came out of one of the offices carrying a clipboard. He looked at it, then up around our waiting room._

'_Marshall and Nell?' he asked, and I nodded, and stood, Near still leaning on my leg. I tapped his hand to wake him, and he jolted awake. He gripped my leg in fear, and he started to scream but I knelt down next to him and shushed him. He stopped as he saw me, and looked into my eyes for a long time until he was calm. Then, I stood, holding his hand, and got him to stand up with me. Still holding hands, we went in with the man with the clipboard, who introduced himself as Dr Hawkins. We went into his office, and he sat us down in the chairs by his desk. I sat in one chair, but Near seemed to crumple in on himself again and knelt on the floor, swapping my hand for my leg, which he held on to._

_Dr Hawkins sat in his chair, put down his clipboard, and smiled at us._

'_You're not waiting for your parents, are you?' he asked, and I shook my head._

'_No – but my brother, Nell, he's sick.' I dug into my back for the list of his symptoms. 'I made a list of all the weird things he's been doing, for like, the last two years, but the major ones started about a week ago.' I pointed out the screaming and Near not liking to be touched, and the doctor sighed._

'_Well, I think I can safely say there's nothing that can be done,' he said, and I blinked – doctors weren't supposed to say that._

'_What? You can't help him?' I asked. I was about to mention L, but decided against and went with something else. 'A friend said he might have autism – and he said there might be treatment for it.'_

_The doctor raised his eyebrows._

'_It looks like this boy, your brother, has Aspurgus syndrome – nothing more,' he said, looking bored. 'And that can't be treated. Autism, on the other hand, has some very specific traits. I don't think your list covers any of them.' He pushed the list across his desk back at me, and I felt furious when I realized he'd never even looked at it._

'_So that's it?' I asked, feeling like I wanted to yell. 'You're not going to even try?'_

'_I can take his temperature, or say he's underweight, if that's what you want, boy,' Dr Hawkins said prudishly. 'But if you want treatment, take him to a mental ward.'_

_I couldn't help it – I burst._

'_You're a pig!' I yelled, and I felt Near grip my pants tightly as I stood abruptly. 'You didn't even look at the list – you're not going to help him because you're so lazy! Lazy, and ugly, and so, so stupid!' I cried, and he looked like I'd just slapped him. Well, I felt like it, but instead I took Near's hand and pulled him to his feet. 'Is that the same diagnosis you gave his parents?' I snapped, and a look of recognition dawned over the mans face._

'_That's…' he said, trembling. 'This is…Nate?'_

_At the sound of his name, Near looked up, and, as if seeing the man for the first time, started to tremble just as hard as Dr Hawkins. He pushed against me, his hands grabbing my clothes and clinging to them._

'_Mello…' Near whispered my name, over and over. 'Mello, Mello, Mello…'_

'_C'mon, Near,' I said in disgust, glaring at the doctor. 'Let's go home.'_

'_Home, home – home?' Near whispered as I led him out of the doctors office, and Dr Hawkins didn't try to stop us – he didn't move from his chair. This was going so bad, and all I wanted was to make Near better…_

'_Uh, excuse me, sir…' the receptionist stood from her desk as I stalked passed it, just about dragging Near behind me. 'You have to pay for that visit –'_

_The bald man with the hat and suitcase was standing on the visitors side of the desk, and I saw him hand back the card, but I didn't stop. I just kept pulling Near along with me, until we were actually running out of the surgery. There were yells from the receptionist inside, and I only looked back once as we ran down the street. And from that glance, I saw the bald guy with his suitcase in one hand and his hat on his head, watching us. I dragged Near by the hand until we were just a block away from the Wammy House, and we collapsed in a small alleyway. We were both breathing hard, and Near was shaking real hard, and looked like he wanted to cry – maybe he knew I'd failed. All the sounds around him must be scaring him, too, so I took off my hoodie and draped it over his ears, and he stopped shaking so much. He rubbed his face in my hoodie, closed his eyes and said, "Mello"._

'_Yeah – I'm here,' I said, tapping his hand. 'I'm sorry, Near – I got us in trouble. I shoulda left this to Roger.' I took his hand, and we got up, and started heading down the sidewalk towards the Wammy House. I could see the gates, and I wondered if anyone had noticed us missing._

_There's an easy answer to that. We were definitely missed – there was a police car in the parking lot and Roger was talking anxiously to the policeman. When he saw us, looking out of breath and wind-blown, he looked relieved for about half a second, and then he was angry._

_I'm currently in my dorm – Near's back in his bed of pillows. There was no thumping tonight – Roger thinks that Near's in shock and isn't letting anyone but himself look after Near. And he didn't want to hear what I had to say, either – he just told me to go to my room, and he'd talk to me later. Well, it's been seven hours since midday, which was roughly when we got back, and he hasn't come in yet. People have gone in and out of Near's room, but my door hasn't opened once. My tummy's rumbling but I've got to be strong – if they want to lock me in here then fine, let them do that – I was going to find a way to help Near get better._

And that's all there was to it.

_Mello._

_**AfterNote:**_

Yay! I'm sorry this chapter's a bit longer (by my count, three pages longer than it should have been) but who's counting? Chapter six is coming soon!

– _Mercy_


	6. Journal Entry 6

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Here is chapter six! I have nothing much to say here, other than a massive SHINIGAMI sized thank you to all those who have reviewed, read, and even put a link to this story on **Facebook** for other people to read. You guys are really, incredibly, amazingly awesomely awesome! Also - this is to **igor** - yes, i do mean "aspergers", but my spellcheck is retarded. :P

_Mercy_

_

* * *

_**Mello's Journal Entry #6**

_4/18/97 (April 18th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Four days have gone passed since I took Near to see Dr Hawkins and got into major trouble with Roger. He still hasn't come in to see me, but I've heard him talking to Ms Potts outside my door. I haven't heard much, it sounds like he wants to send me away. I'm scared – what if I do get sent away? I'll never be L's successor, with or without Near. I guess that I should have let Roger handle this – but I think I believe the doctor and just thinks that Near has Aspurgus. Well, I believe in L, and even if L's not a doctor, I think he's right about Near having autism. _

_I don't…I don't think I hate Near anymore. Not like I used to – it's just recently that he's become so…off, "sick" as Roger calls it. Near used to be the best at everything – solving Rubik's cubes, blank puzzles, word searches – and he's only six. I'm eight, and I can do all those things, sure, but I think Roger's babying Near because he's younger. Maybe Roger thinks I can be more independent, and doesn't think I need help. So okay, I tried to be independent and tried to help Near – and all I get in thanks if told to stay in my room for four days. Wendy brings me breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I see Nigel when he comes to bed and say hi to the other kids when they go passed my door if it's open, but otherwise Roger seems to think I'm the one who did something wrong. Maybe he's right – maybe I will be sent away, to some foster home, maybe. I know this is supposed to be a poetry journal, and I haven't written any poetry for the last couple of entries – but who would? I guess if I am going to get sent away from the Wammy House, I should at least finish an assignment._

_**Silence**_

Silence fills,  
The room like air  
And I don't think  
I'm going anywhere.  
It's like a prison,  
I don't wanna be in.  
But the door stays closed,  
No one comes in,  
And then I hear,  
That _tap tap_ again.

_Tap tap – a sound I haven't heard in like, five days! It's Near – knocking on the wall again! I knocked back, and he knocked again too. Just then, Roger came into my room, and he looked tired. _

'_Mello,' he said with a sigh. 'Please come away from the wall.'_

_I shifted away from the wall, and Near kept knocking for a little while before he must have realized I wasn't going to answer him, and then the room went quiet. Roger Sat on the edge of my bed, his hands clasped and his eyebrows drawn together. _

'_Are you going to send me away?' I asked quietly after a minute of silence. 'Because of what I've done to Near – have I made him worse?'_

'_No, Mello – ' Roger chuckled slightly, and I didn't understand why, but then he continued. 'No one's sending you away – in fact, you're quite a hero.'_

_What did he just say? I was a…what was going on?_

'_Huh?' I asked, and Roger looked up at me._

'_I've been talking to L about your little excursion with Near a couple of days back, and he did a little bit of off-the-record research about the doctor Near had seen as a baby, Dr Hawkins,' he said, and I nodded, still not quite understanding. 'And as it turns out, several of his infant patients have been mis-diagnosed with a range of different diseases and problems, which has led to the use of the wrong medicine, which has, more often than not, led to later problems – and even the death of three children under five years old.'_

_I wanted to be sick – I felt like I was going to throw up – I had taken Near to see a…a murderer? How could I have been so stupid? This was my fault…_

'_And it's not your fault, Mello,' Roger said calmly. 'In fact, you taking Near back to see Dr Hawkins uncovered a scandal he tried to cover up a few years ago, when Near was diagnosed with Aspurgus and it was said nothing could be done about it. The only reason Near was sent here when his parents were killed was because no foster parents would take the small, crying child who said nothing and banged his head on the wall at night.'_

_I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry. _

'_What…what's going to happen?' I managed to ask, and Roger smiled slightly._

'_Well, thanks to your trying to help Near, the good Dr Hawkins has been apprehended by the police and is being pressed with murder charges,' he said, and I felt so relieved – no one else would die, but – _

'_Wait – what about Near?' I asked. 'Is he going to be okay?'_

'_Near will be fine,' Roger reassured me. 'There's a specialist on autism that saw you at the surgery on Sunday, and he wishes to speak with you and Near.'_

'_Who is it?' my mind went back to the fat lady, the receptionist, and the…_

'_Do you remember seeing a tall, bald man wearing a hat and carrying a suitcase?' Roger asked, and I nodded. 'Well, that was a doctor by the name of Theodore Lenkov – he specializes in treating and helping autistic children.'_

_I soaked up every word that Roger said, and remembered how I'd seen the guy watching us from outside the surgery as I'd pulled Near along behind me. I could remember his eyes, kinda blue, kinda of green, looking straight at us – and felt a cold chill creep over my skin. _

'_That's…that's the guy?' I asked, and Roger nodded._

'_Yes – he'll be coming to see you two on Saturday – I want you on your best behaviour, Mello – I don't want you getting yourself into any unnecessary trouble, all right?' he asked, and I nodded. 'Please, do it for Near.'_

'_I'll be good,' I said, and then thought of something. 'Um…can I go see Near?'_

'_Not yet,' Roger said, suddenly looking sad. 'Near – Near had a fit last night.'_

_My breath caught in my chest. _

'_You mean, like, one of his screaming fits?' I asked. 'But, he has them all the time –'_

'_No, Mello,' Roger said softly. 'He almost choked on his tongue. He was in the play room, when Lily saw him starting shake violently. She called Wendy and Wendy tried to calm him. But he got worse as more people crowded him. In the end, I had to put a ruler in his mouth and across the top of his tongue to stop him from swallowing it.' Roger gestured with his finger across his tongue, and I felt queasy._

'_Is he…is he going to be okay?' I asked, just as there was a knock on the door, and Roger turned to see Ms Potts holding the cordless phone._

'_Yes, Rita?' Roger asked, and Ms Potts gestured to the phone._

'_Uh – phone call for Mello,' she said, and I wondered who would be calling. 'It's L.'_

_My heart jumped – L would tell Roger to let me see Near, I was sure of it. Ms Potts handed the phone to Roger, who handed it to me. I held it to my ear._

'_L?'_

'_Good morning, Mello,' L said, and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. 'How are you doing? I here you got into trouble for trying to help Near by yourself.'_

'_Yeah…' I said, looking over my shoulder at Roger, who nodded and left, guiding Ms Potts out with him. 'I wanted to show them I could be like you.'_

_It sounded like he was laughing softly, and then L said,_

'_Being like me isn't being brave and stepping out into the wide open world without knowing what the consequences are, Mello,' he said. 'Being like me is hiding behind a keyboard and giving people orders as to what should be done. Being like me is waiting for the coffee to go cold before putting the milk in and drinking it – it's watching and waiting. Something I believe you aren't too good at doing.'_

_I grinned, knowing he was making a joke – I could hear it in his voice._

'_Roger made me stay in my dorm since Sunday,' I said, and L said something to Quillish, something about a translocator. 'And he says I'm not allowed to see Near again yet, but since you found out that stuff about Dr Hawkins, I'm not in too much trouble.'_

'_Yes, well – Roger was incredibly worried when the two of you went missing – the first thing he did was call Watari – ' Quillish's undercover name when he was working with L – 'And then the police. I find that somewhat amusing,' L said, and I nodded._

'_Yeah. Um – there's this doctor guy, who's like, a doctor for autism,' I said. 'And Roger says he saw me and Near, and thinks that Near might be autistic as well. We're meeting him on Saturday.'_

_L was quiet for a moment._

'_And the soonest you'll be seeing Near is on Saturday?' he asked, sounding a little surprised, and I nodded even though he couldn't see me._

'_Yeah. I don't like it – Roger said that Near had this weird fit last night, where he almost swallowed his tongue, and that he didn't think it would be good if I saw Near just yet,' I said, and I wondered what L was thinking._

'_Hmm,' he said after a moment. 'I think it would be beneficial for Near to see you before you meet with the autism doctor. That way, Near won't feel like he's being approached by two faces at once – he may see you, but he may also see you bringing the doctor in as a threat, and might not trust you any more.'_

_Something stuck in my throat – I wanted Near's trust – otherwise, I couldn't help him and he wouldn't get better. I didn't tell L about how I thought maybe Near and I could succeed him together, because I didn't want him thinking that I thought he was going to die any time soon. I never wanted L to die – and succeeding him would be something I knew I couldn't do by myself. I'd need someone super-super smart, like Near, to help me._

'_Mello? Are you still there?' L asked, and my train of thought derailed and I focused on talking to L._

'_Huh? Yeah, I'm still here,' I said, and L said,_

'_I'd like to speak to Roger – can you put him on?' I stood from my bed and headed over to the door. Roger and Ms Potts were outside, talking quietly._

'_Sure,' I said. 'Here he is – bye, L.'_

'_Goodbye, Mello. I wish you the best with helping Near,' he said, and then I handed the phone back to Roger. As he started talking to L, I was about to go back into my room, but Ms Potts stopped me._

'_No, dear,' she said softly, taking my arm and bringing me into the hallway. 'Roger and I agree that you need some sunshine – go out and play with the others for a bit.'_

'_But, what about Near –' I protested as she propelled me down the hallway._

'_Near will be fine for a while, don't worry – he's asleep,' she reassured me, and I decided to let it be. I nodded, and then ran down the hall, feeling like I could fly if I just spread my arms out and let the wind catch me. I raced out to join the others, knowing that for just a while, Near would be safe, and, knowing L, I would see Near again before Saturday._

_Mello._

_

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

Wow – I can't believe this story's been such a big hit. I thought I sucked at summaries but what the hey – thanks go out to _**bff's4evaMattandMello,**__ DarkAngelJudas,__**COBRASTEVE, **__FluffyDuck-01, **kindacravingshortcake, **Cherry's Blood, **ITILY,** Kishimojin, **coloredsparks, **igor and _(with lots and lots of love)_ to **hamaell.**  
_

– Mercy_  
_


	7. Journal Entry 7

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

You know what? I expected to have about half a gazillion messages asking me why the hell am I doing this to Near, that I'm an awful sadistic person that doesn't appreciate true character, but I'm pleasantly surprised (and very, very much relieved) to find out that pretty much everyone who's reviewed thinks that this isn't so bad. Or maybe all the Near lovers are hiding under rocks or something…*runs away laughing like a maniac*

_- Mercy_

_PS – yeah, I felt I needed to mention that. Thanks for your support everyone – you're all indescribably awesomely incredible._

_(With a definite splash of amazingness) ^_^_

_

* * *

_**Mello's Journal Entry #7**

_4/20/97 (April 20th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_I was allowed to see Near yesterday – Roger let me stay with him after lunchtime, and we sat together for several hours. Neither of us have been to any real classes for a week or two, but I showed Near this journal, and told him about the poems that I wrote, but I didn't read them to him. I didn't want him to know all about it, because it was a kind of personal assignment. Afterwards, though, Near kept tapping on the carpet with his knuckles, and said, over and over, "tap, tap, tap, tap". It's been a while since he's said anything comprehensible, like what he thinks the day will be like or what dream he had the night before was._

_L had done what he called a "background check" on the man with the hat and suitcase, Dr Lenkov, and had said he has a history of treating autistic children and giving the highest quality results with his patients, but I wasn't going to trust him until I was sure he wasn't going to try anything weird, like Dr Hawkins had. I guess I just haven't had a heap of luck with doctors recently, but I wouldn't trust the orphanage nurse with Near while he's like this. L said that autism isn't something someone can snap out of, but they can become autistic at a young age, although it was rare for someone like Near to become so suddenly affected by it, even if he's had it for his whole life. He asked me to do detective work and look around the orphanage, to see if I can find anything that may had spurred Near's autistic activity in the last couple of weeks._

_I went every I could think of, to the playground to the kitchen, the classrooms we have to basement door – but I couldn't find anything that L described as "an unnatural stimulant of autistic behaviour". I went to the library, all over the orphanage grounds, until I ended up back at my dorm. That was when the screaming suddenly started again. I rushed to Near's room, and saw that he'd opened the curtains, and had then fallen back onto the floor, screaming at nothing but the window. I tried to shush him and told him it was okay, but he wouldn't stop screaming. Roger and Wendy came in, and even they didn't know what to do. But adults always know what to do – that's how they solve stuff like murders and catch criminal on TV. It's how Einstein developed his theory of relativity and why Archimedes yelled 'eureka'. That's what I figured, so it was weird to watch Roger and Wendy looking lost, and then I saw it – the shadow cast by the pine tree outside Near's window, falling over the carpet and looking like a pointed spike about to stab Near's bare feet. I pulled the curtains closed, making the spike disappear, and Near immediately stopped screaming. Roger and Wendy looked amazed. _

'_It was the shadow,' I said, stating the obvious but no one disagreed with me. 'It was the shadow of the tree that was freaking him out – like the last time.' Putting two and two together, I remembered the last time Wendy had opened the curtains and had gotten this reaction – and it made sense._

_And so while Near and I sat together, we heard John go out with the chainsaw and cut down the pine tree. I peeked out the curtains after he'd cut it down, not letting Near look yet, and saw the massive pine was lying on the ground, some other kids already surrounding it and wondering what was going on. Just then, Near poked his face up next to mine and looked at the tree. I expected him to start trembling or screaming or something, but all he said was "bad tree, tree can't hurt me", and then he went back to playing with some of the toys Roger had brought up to the dorm so Near wouldn't get bored being alone all day. I was surprised that he hadn't been any more emotional about it, but I tried not to let him know. I told him about how Dr Lenkov would be coming to see him tomorrow, and he listened, but to how much he actually listened to, I'm not sure. He rocked himself back and forth, sucking on his sleeve, his eyes going from me to a couple of dice that Roger had left with the other toys. _

_In the end, I stopped trying to get him to listen and let him roll the dice for a long, long time into the night._

…

_This morning when I woke up, I was on Andy's old bunk, where I remembered falling asleep, but Near wasn't on the bed of pillows I'd laid out for him on the floor beside the bunk – he was curled up on the bed with me, and he'd taken one of my arms and draped it over himself. He was mumbling in his sleep, stuff like "bad tree" and "bad doctor-pig" and "Mello good Mello". I tried to take back my arm, but his hands closed around it and he shifted in his sleep, so I left him alone. I lay there for a while, wondering what the other kids would say it they saw us like this. Probably stuff like "Gee, Mello – I knew you had a thing for younger boys but seriously, Near?" that's what Percy would say. Percy was a big, mean kid who, when he knew Roger or any of the other caretakers weren't looking, would beat up and bully the younger kids. He and I had gotten into lots of fights, mainly when he started picking on me and I hit him to make him stop. He'd broken my arm once, so I broke his nose and his finger. Nigel had said that it was a fair trade, but Roger hadn't thought so. He made me apologize to Percy, write nice things on his finger cast and make him an "I'm sorry" card. Which only made me hate him all the more. And Roger didn't make Percy do any of that for me – but all the other kids wrote on my cast anyway. _

_I tried not to think of Percy anymore, and just then, Near woke up. He rolled over to face me, and I tried a smile. And then, he did something I'd never seen him do before – he smiled back at me._

'_Mello,' he said softly, and I nodded._

'_Hi, Near,' I said, sitting up and helping him to sit up as well. It was a little cramped on the one bunk, but at least neither of us was falling off it. We were both pretty skinny, and Near always seemed to fold in on himself, so even though there wasn't much space, there was some. 'Ready to meet Dr Lenkov today?'_

_Near put his sleeve in his mouth and sucked on it a bit, looking like a puppy licking it's paw, and looked back at me with big, trusting eyes._

'_Mmhmm,' he murmured, and I took it as a yes. I think that so long as I stay positive about new things, and act like they're good, Near'll trust me and believe the new thing can't hurt him. Like the tree – I guess in his eyes, I'd stood up to the scary shadow and made it go away. When I'd opened the curtains next, after the tree had been cut down, Near had seen it was cut down for himself, he believed it couldn't hurt him, and was no longer afraid of it. So, I put lots of effort into making it seem like Dr Lenkov would be really, really nice, even though I didn't know what he was actually like._

'_Why don't we go downstairs, Near, and have breakfast with the other kids?' I asked, knowing it had been ages since Near had eaten breakfast with the others. He nodded, and then, he took my hand and rubbed it against his face, and whispered, 'safe with Mello. Always safe with Mello'. I smiled, and led him downstairs._

…

_We were called into Roger's office about an hour after breakfast, and when we got there, the man with the hat and the suitcase was already there. He was sitting in one of chairs Roger called "comfy chairs" – most of the new kids got to sit in them and have lollies while their caretakers and that made arrangements to have them transferred to the Wammy House. I remember sitting in one, sucking on a lollipop as the Metro Police signed over the forms to have me enrolled into the orphanage. I hadn't realized it at the time, but Roger had kept looking at me, a sad look on his face – I realize now he was probably sad that because I was so young, I didn't have a proper foster parent or anything to enroll me, and it had to be the police to do it, because I didn't have anymore proper family._

_Anyway, Near examined the man with apparent interest, and he smiled at Near, and then at me – he seemed friendly enough, but I wasn't going to trust him completely until Roger was happy with the man himself. So I stood by, nodded politely to the man, and kept a hold of Near's hand. Near made no move to try to move closer to the man, but he didn't try to press against me, either. He just stood there, staring at the man, his sleeve in his mouth, scrutinizing the man, as if trying to decide if he was a good guy or a villain. Or … something like that.  
At that moment, Roger came in and closed the door._

'_Ah, Mello – thank you for coming up so quickly,' he said, going over to his desk and sitting down. He reached a hand over to the man. 'And Doctor Lenkov – a pleasure to have you here in person.'_

'_It was a lucky trip, I guess,' the man, Dr Lenkov, said with a smile. He had very white teeth. I didn't know what he meant by "trip" though. 'I just hope I can be of some help.'_

'_Ah, yes,' Roger said, turning in his seat to look and me and Near. 'Mello, this is Dr Lenkov – he's the man who's come to help Near.'_

_I stepped forward, leading Near with me, and he almost tripped over his own feet – he was still staring at Dr Lenkov._

'_Um…hi,' I said lamely, and Dr Lenkov reached out a hand to me._

'_It's nice to meet you, Mello,' he said, and I forced myself to shake his hand. He had big hands – and they were warm, like he'd been sitting in front of a heater for a while, or in a car on a sunny day. Then, he opened his hand out to Near, except he laid his hand out flat. I'd read in an animal magazine somewhere that if you did this when meeting a strange dog, you were showing the dog you weren't going to try to hurt it or anything by putting your hands straight on it's head, but under it's jaw. But I don't think Dr Lenkov was going to do that – he was just showing Near he wasn't going to hurt him. Near looked from me, to Dr Lenkov, to Roger and then back to me. He shuffled closer to me and wrapped his arms around one of mine._

'_My Mello,' he said softly. Dr Lenkov smiled and nodded slowly._

'_That's right, Near – he's your friend. It's good to meet you, Near.' Near still made no move towards Dr Lenkov's hand, but Dr Lenkov didn't drop his hand – he was waiting for Near to accept him, I realized. If he dropped his hand, he'd be showing Near he was giving up, and I was guessing that wasn't the idea of this visit._

'_Come on, Near,' I said quietly, reaching up and tapping Dr Lenkov's open palm. 'You can shake his hand. It's okay.' I then tapped Near's hand, and chewed on his lip for a moment. Then, he unhooked one of his arms and reached up, slowly, and put his fingers on Dr Lenkov's palm. Dr Lenkov smiled again._

'_Okay-man,' Near said, and then looked up at me and blinked. 'Okay?'_

'_Okay,' I nodded. Roger beamed, and I knew this was, like, the first time Near had shown recognition of someone else in a few weeks. Normally, we'd all go for a trip into town on Saturday, but today, it was just Roger, Dr Lenkov, Near and me in Roger's office, and when Near took back his hand, so did Dr Lenkov. The doctor turned to Roger._

'_I'd like to see how he reacts to some one-on-one interaction,' he said, and Roger nodded._

'_Would you like some privacy?' he asked, and Dr Lenkov shook his head._

'_No – you can stay, but maybe if you sat a little way away, where Near's not going to be distracted by either you or Mello,' he said, and Roger nodded again and stood, and then put a hand on my shoulder._

'_Come on, then, Mello,' he said. 'Let's give Near and Dr Lenkov a little room.'_

'_But…' I started to protest. 'What if Near starts screaming again?'_

'_We'll only be in the corner, Mello – it'll be all right,' Roger reassured me, and, reluctantly, I disentangled Near's arms from mine and let him go. But he made a grab for my shirt and hung on, not letting me go._

'_No go, Mello,' he whispered, burying his face into my shirt. 'Please no go.'_

'_Uh…come on, Near,' I said with a sudden smile, remembering to be enthusiastic about new things with Near. 'Dr Lenkov's really nice – see? I told you so.'_

_Near eyed Dr Lenkov, only turning his head slightly to look at the doctor, and Dr Lenkov smiled at me and nodded, so I shuffled closer to him, bringing Near with me. Then, I put my hands on Near's shoulders and made him sit. He did, but held onto my jeans and leant into me again._

'_Mello, please no go,' he murmured, and I sank down beside him, trying not to get frustrated with him._

'_Near,' I said, looking into his eyes, and he stared back, looking a little scared. 'It's all right. Look – I'll sit here for two minutes, then I'm gonna have to go sit with Roger. You've got to talk to Dr Lenkov – and look –' without letting Near see, I took a couple of dice from my pocket, where I'd put them before we came to the office, and reached up to Dr Lenkov. I reached up behind his ear, and then pulled back, pretending I'd pulled the dice out from behind his ear. Even Dr Lenkov looked surprised, but Near was mesmerized by the dice. I put them in his hand. 'You can have these, but you have to talk to Dr Lenkov, okay? Maybe he'll pull something else out of his ear.'_

_Near bit his lip for a moment, and then looked up at Dr Lenkov from under his mop of hair. Dr Lenkov smiled again, and I realized he wanted me to show him how to act around Near, and had been watching us. I guess that if other people treat him similarly to the way I do, Near would respond to them more. I just hoped that when I went to sit with Roger, Near wouldn't keep looking back at me. Finally, though, Near nodded._

' '_Kay,' he whispered, and I grinned._

'_Cool, Near!' I said, rubbing his shoulder. He looked up at me and a bit of a smile came over his face, and I slowly got up and stepped back to where Roger was by a bookcase in the corner. Even better, Near was looking at Dr Lenkov, who came down and sat on the floor in front of Near. _

'_All right, then, Near,' he said quietly. 'How are you?'_

_Near just watched him for a moment, scrutinizing him, and then he sighed and fumbled with the dice. Dr Lenkov was patient, though, and just waited before repeating the question. Near looked up again and seemed to focus on him some more. I bit my lip and waited for Near's response, and then he said,_

'_Mello is my friend. Mello takes care of me.'_

_Roger blinked and looked at me, but I couldn't stop staring at Near – that was like, the longest sentence he'd strung together in the past few weeks, apart from when he repeated a couple of things every so often. Even Dr Lenkov seemed surprised. Near then turned and looked up at me._

'_Hello, Mello,' he said, and I waved, and then nodded at Dr Lenkov, who reached forward and tapped the ground at Near's feet. Near's attention was back on Dr Lenkov in an instant. And this time, it stayed on him._

'_Near – does Mello take care of you a lot?'_

_Near nodded._

'_Is he a good person?'_

_Another nod._

'_And do you think he likes you?'_

_A pause, and I bit my lip again – had Near realized that at first, I'd hated him for being better than me? I hoped not. Then, Near nodded and smiled slightly._

'_Chases nightmares away.'_

'_He what?' Dr Lenkov looked up at me, then back at Near in confusion._

'_He chases away nightmares.'_

_Well – Near was certainly being very talkative today – I don't think I've ever heard him talk so much. Dr Lenkov, however, didn't seem too put off by this and kept going._

'_Is he good at chasing them away?'_

_Another nod from Near. He started playing with the two dice I had given him, but it was obvious he was still concentrating on Dr Lenkov._

_The meeting went on for about two hours – I felt like I was going to fall asleep from boredom, but Near seemed to stay entertained by Dr Lenkov, and vice versa. Dr Lenkov would ask a question, Near would answer with either small sentences or a shake or nod of his head, and then Dr Lenkov would encourage him to keep talking. Finally, Dr Lenkov looked up at Roger and I and smiled. Then, he held his palm out to Near again and said thank you, and Near put his fingers on Dr Lenkov's hand, but didn't say anything. Then, Dr Lenkov stood and came over to us. He and Roger stepped out of the office to talk, and then, Near came up and tugged on my sleeve._

'_Did good?' he whispered, as if he thought Dr Lenkov could hear us, and I laughed._

'_Yeah, Near – you did great!' I said, and he wrapped his arms around me and sighed before sagging into me, and I could tell that now the meeting was over, he was really, really worn out._

_Dr Lenkov and Roger were talking outside quietly, and I opened the door, Near still pretty much hanging around my waist, and they looked at us._

'_Yes, Mello?' Roger said, and Dr Lenkov saw how tired Near looked, and looked a little shocked._

'_Is Near…is he all right?' he asked, and I nodded._

'_Yeah – Probably really tired. Um…can I take him back to his dorm?' I asked, and Roger nodded._

'_Of course – thank you, Mello. You've been a great help to both Dr Lenkov and Near today. You should be very proud of yourself.' He said, and I grinned before tapping Near on the hand to try to wake him a bit more. He woke up enough to trudge back to the dorm from Roger's office, but I had to just about carry him to his bed of pillows, mainly because I wasn't strong enough to lift his limp form onto his bunk. I'm pretty sure he was asleep before his head had hit the pillows._

_- Mello_

_

* * *

**AfterNote:**_

Woot! I'm sorry about the wait between chapters but I hope this chapter's been up to snuff. Chapter eight coming sooner than this was. Maybe it'll even be up tonight or early tomorrow…*yay!* thank you to everyone who's read, reviewed, and written in with their encouraging and incredible comments. In my personal opinion, you all deserve a massive Shinigami-sized hug. (But maybe not from an _actual_ Shinigami, right…?) ^_^

– _Mercy_


	8. Journal Entry 8

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Hmm…I'm beginning to wonder if I should have called this story "Tap Tap", because a lot of it centres around Mello's communication with Near. However, I think that the title suits it, and I have an idea for the ending, but for now, I'll work on the main story and make you all wait to find out what I've got planned. (Aren't I so nice?) XD haha – anyway, thank yous go to everyone who has read, reviewed and commented on this story. But I don't want to sound like I've won some sort of prize (because I haven't) so I'll just leave it at this. Thank you (because you all deserve it).

_Mercy_

_PS – I've been having a conversation with _**hamaell, **_and she and I have come to the startling conclusion that all the main Death Note characters have some sort of disorder. I'll list them in the AfterNote…

* * *

_

**Mello's Journal Entry #8**

_4/24/97 (April 24th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Today is Wednesday, just a normal day at the Wammy House. Near has been staying close to me, but has occasionally been saying hello to the other kids. It's not a lot, but it's an improvement. Since the meeting with Dr Lenkov, he's been a lot more attentive, and Roger thinks that if Dr Lenkov can keep getting Near to interact with people more, it'll be better for him and he'll be over the worst of disorder. Dr Lenkov has confirmed that Near has autism, but is determined that with lots of help, Near can overcome it, even if he's still only slightly affected by it. I told him about how for the years Near's been in the Wammy House, he'd bang his head against the wall almost every night, and although it was rare in the first couple of years, he would have the occasional scream. Dr Lenkov seemed impressed that I remembered that much, and I told him that it was hard not to, seeing as Near's dorm was right next to mine. _

_We haven't seen Dr Lenkov since then, but Roger says that he wants to schedule another meeting soon. I'm actually really, really glad that Near's improving. He's even stopped banging his head – well, he hasn't been banging for the last couple of nights. The first night after the meeting with Dr Lenkov, he slept through the whole afternoon and all through the night. The second, I slept on Andy's bunk again because Near was really restless, and Roger said it would be good to have someone familiar with him to sooth him, because of all the new things he's been doing over the last few weeks. (The start of all the mega-screaming fits, Andy moving dorm, me trying ((and failing)) to get a non-retarded doctor to see him, and now, Dr Lenkov coming to see him.) There's more, but my hands gonna cramp if I keep listing them._

_Anyway – the third night, I waited until Near was asleep, and then I went back to my own dorm. Nigel was already asleep, so I was about to climb into bed when I heard a gentle _tap, tap _on the wall. Near obviously wasn't as asleep as he'd seemed when I'd left him. So, we spent most of the night tapping on the wall to each other. Around 4 a.m, I think he finally fell asleep, because he stopped knocking. When I went in the next morning, he was curled up in his bed of pillows, which he'd moved right up against the wall._

_The other kids thought it was weird to see Near and me always together – I think they all know that we used to always be competing, and now Near needed my help. I sit up the back in class, he sits up the front, but Roger had his desk shifted down next to mine today, and we worked together during maths and English. It's actually surprising, how much Near knows but how little he can write down. Even though I've got no problem with writing, Near can't write two sentences without making some sort of mistake. He either gets words mixed up, mis-spells something or writes some letters backwards. It was weird, watching him chewing on a pencil and frowning down at his pencil when the question on the paper was: "Henry has five pets – he places them in order from smallest to largest, but has covered them up so you can't see. He has a horse, a cat, a dog, a mouse and a parrot. Can you write their names in the correct order?" Obviously, it went from mouse, parrot, cat, dog to horse, but Near couldn't figure it out. It could be that he's never actually seen a horse or a parrot, but there were pictures on the page, and he still didn't get it. He nudged me and whispered,_

'_Mello,'_

'_Yes, Near?'_

_He gestured to the work, pointed out all the things troubling him, an expression of confusion on his face. So I leant over and helped him out. I explained the difference between the animals, and he nodded along, but when he went to write the names in, he kept writing "horse" with a backward R and E, and parrot with backward R's and he had trouble making a straight line for the T. I kept correcting him and showing him the right way to do it, and he eventually got it right. Roger seemed impressed that I was helping him so much, and I felt proud of myself – L would be proud of me. In maths, though, he didn't need any help at all – in fact, he went so far ahead he left the rest of the class behind. When Roger checked his work, he'd done all the working in shorthand, and had gotten every answer right. I'm still jealous of him, I guess, but now I'm going to figure out where Near needs the help, and I'll work on helping him in those areas._

_For lunch we all went to the hall right outside the kitchen, and waited in line. I hadn't been to the hall to eat for while now, with being with Near and all, and I was worried all the voices of all the other kids and the loud noises would scare him. But he stood next to me, looking around with apparent curiosity. When we got our trays and sat down, he shuffled closer to me, staring at his food. _

'_What's wrong?' I asked ask Near just kept staring at his tray, like he was trying to figure out a really hard sum. Not that Near ever found any sum hard. Okay – a hard English question, one that even Lily, who's the best at English, would have trouble with. Then, his expression lifted and he started eating, just like that. I wondered what was wrong with him, and had to remind myself to be patient. It was kinda hard, when I was so used to having to constantly try to keep up with Near in everything else. Suddenly, something slammed into my back, really, really hard. I just about shared my lunch with my lunch with my shirt, and when I whirled around, I came face to face with Percy, the bully of the orphanage. He was always picking on the other kids, and I don't think he ever forgave me for breaking his nose and his finger. Well, I wasn't about to forget about my broken arm, which he had the privilege of giving me, all too quickly, either._

'_Hey, Squeak,' Percy snarled, glaring down at me. He had nicknames for everyone – Lily was "Doll-face", Andy was "Wimp", and Nigel was "Snooger". Those are just a few, and they all have their stories, too. But I'm "Squeak". I don't know how I earned this nickname, but Percy had a thing for making me mad. It's the only thing he's really good at._

'_Waddaya want, Percy?' I put on my meanest face, and without even looking around, I could see the other kids starting to tremble. They were scared – anyone who stood up against Percy usually got a twisted arm, a stepped-on hand, a black eye or several punches to the stomach. I know Roger knows about Percy bullying the other kids, but there's nothing he can do about it – no other orphanage in Winchester will take him. Secretly, I think Roger approves when I stand up to Percy for the other kids – I may not be friends with them all, but I sure as hell hate it when I see them with black eyes, bruised arms and scared eyes whenever Percy's been in a bad mood._

_Percy sneered at me – it was like…like a hippopotamus yawning. I tried not to smirk._

'_You're a poof, you know that, Squeak?' he asked, and I rolled my eyes, knowing this was just a big show to make the other kids think I was gay or something._

'_Yeah? Who did you beat up to find that out?' I snarled, and just then, without Percy answering anything, I saw who had. Andy was quivering next to Lily – there was a bruise on Andy's cheek, his eyes were shiny and full of tears, and his shoulders were hunched. Heat rose through me – what the heck did Percy do to him?_

'_A little Wimp told me you were sleeping in his bunk – with Junior, here,' Percy leered, and I immediately knew he was talking about Near. Near's nickname, for Percy, was Junior. The fact that "Junior" was four times as smart as Percy was a different thing altogether. Near looked up at Percy with large, dark eyes, and I stood, stepping in front of him, blocking him from Percy's sight. Percy just laughed._

'_Aw, widdle Squeak's protecting his Junior poof as well!' he cracked up, as if it was the funniest joke ever, and all I wanted to do was to punch him, right in the middle of his fat, pudgy face. Everyone seemed to have a nickname, I suddenly though, except for him. I suddenly had the best comeback – how would Percy like a taste of his own medicine?_

'_Yeah? Well, I'm only saving him from a big, fat walrus like you, Percy,' I snapped, and suddenly, his laughter vanished, and I heard several of the other kids gasp. Yep – I'd crossed an invisible barrier._

_Percy grabbed my shirt, hauling me up close to him, his piggy eyes boring into mine._

'_What you say, Squeak?'_

'_You're a walrus, Percy,' I repeated, spitting the words into his face. I could see the surprise, the anger, the confusion, all wanting to get to out all at once, but it was like he couldn't decide how he felt. Probably more surprised that someone was saying the truth, right to his face._

'_Am I?' he asked, real quiet, like he didn't want anyone else to hear. I nodded, keeping my eyes hard, not daring to let him know that inside, I wanted to puke – he smelt like too much soap, mixed with some sort of sweet, tangy gel. _

'_Yeah,' I whispered._

_His face twisted, and I knew he was about to start using me as a punching bag, when he pulled me closer again._

'_You wanna die young, Squeak?' he hissed._

'_Only if I can haunt you,' I grinned suddenly – and spat in his face. He quite literally squealed, like a pig. He let me go, and I didn't stop – I plunged my fist into his cheek, and he fell back. Now, Percy is eleven-and-a-half, and I'm only eight, and I've got to admit, I'm pretty strong for a kid my build. Percy is just fat hoping to become muscle overnight. Without success. _

_He clattered to the floor, just as a couple of the orphanage staff rushed up – one of the kitchen staff must have seen what was happening and called Wendy, because she was suddenly grabbing my arms and pulling me away from the gathered group of kids. Someone grabbed an icepack from the kitchen and helped Percy up, and Wendy dragged me off to my room, so I didn't get to hear Percy's death threats. Wendy said I wasn't to come out of my room until Roger had come in to talk to me, so for the next couple of hours, I sat on my own, wondering what Near was doing._

_What I'd done was stupid, I realized, and now, Near would have to be on his own for the next few hours until Roger came in, told me off, and told me I was allowed to come out. I should have thought about Near before I had hit Percy, but I just couldn't forget the sight of Andy shivering by Lily, her arms around him protectively. _

_Okay – so Andy had seen me and Near sleeping on the same bunk, and had told Percy, probably under threat of worse torture or something. So what? It was something Percy thought he could use against me or Near, then I say, let him try. I'll get back at him, for Andy, for everyone – and Percy would seriously regret everything he ever did to all the other kids. At least, I reminded myself, Percy had never tried to hurt Near, mainly because to Percy, Near was dead and uninteresting, until something weird about him came up._

_For now, I reassured myself, Percy would be sent to his own dorm, and while he was kept on a short leash, Near would be okay on his own – at least, I hoped he would be._

– _Mello.

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

Hooray! I'm seriously sorry for the wait…this story's been my most popular – I honestly didn't think it would get this much attention. I just hope you haven't all forgotten about it because of the wait between chapters…heh heh…

Anyhoo! Chapter nine is already started and on the way – thanks for reading! ^_^ Oh, yeah – the disorders of the DN characters…

**L:** bulimia. Because face it, no one can eat that many sweets without getting fat. Not even someone as awesome as L.

**Light:** paranoia, and some sort of God complex…

**Mello:** hello, anger management! Therapy for an inferiority complex, anyone?

**Near:** high-functioning autism, I feel is the best description. I've done a bit of snooping around on the internet, and this is the best I could come up with.

– Mercy


	9. Journal Entry 9

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

I'm going to try to keep more up-to-date with my stories (I know I've said this before, and look how well it worked out then – haha) but seriously, I've got to start paying more attention. Anyhow, I've sworn to keep these notes short, so that's what I'm going to do.

_Mercy_

"**I smile because I have no idea what's going on."**

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #9**

_4/30/97 (April 30th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Percy hasn't so much as looked twice at any of the others since I spat in his face and punched him after he called me a poof. I hope he learns his lesson. I got a lecture from Roger, mostly the whole "don't do it again", but I won't have to, if Percy keeps his piggy nose out of our faces. I didn't tell Roger that, though. _

_Dr Lenkov and Near had another session two days ago – and apparently, Dr Lenkov thinks that I've had a very good impression on Near, and he's getting slightly better. Roger agreed and eagerly told Dr Lenkov how Near had even asked Lily for some help drawing a house in art, and had then said "thank you" when she'd finished helping him. Dr Lenkov said this was great news, and the more I got Near to interact with the other kids on his own, the more he was likely to develop less of an attachment on me, and not be so dependent, so I wasn't his constant support. I did some research last night, after Dr Lenkov had said he thought Near had what he called "High Functioning Autism". So I looked it up and found that it wasn't a clear diagnosis, but it was a more collective term than just "aspergers" or simply "autism". Apparently, there's this whole spectrum thingy, like a scale with aspergers at one end and several other really long scientific terms at the other, but it all amounted to the same disorder. At least, that's how I interpreted it._

_Near told me about his visit with Dr Lenkov, how Dr Lenkov had shown him some pictures and a bunch of names, and how Near had had trouble matching up the pictures to the names. Then, Dr Lenkov had taken away the names and had asked Near to tell him the names of each picture without the words as an aid. Near had gotten them all right the first time, with no help at all. I had sat in the hallway while he and Dr Lenkov had their session, and when Near had come out, Dr Lenkov was smiling and Near was sucking on a lollipop. He had then proudly produced a second one from inside his sleeve after Dr Lenkov had left and had said he'd gotten it for me, without Dr Lenkov knowing. It would be our secret – and it had made Near smile, so I wasn't about to tell him it was wrong._

_Today, though, Roger decided that us in the junior wing needed a walk. There were about twenty of us altogether, so it was like a class outing, like in a real school. We'd all seen real schools on TV, with big school buses, backpacks and formal teachers. We had something like it in the orphanage, but it wasn't the same. Anyway – there was a local park just down the road from the Wammy House, so Roger said we would go there, and he let us take a loaf of bread from the kitchen to feed the ducks in the massive pond. Everyone was really excited, and even Near wanted to come – I thought I'd have to stay behind with him, after he's had such a bad reaction to going outside the last time, but he tugged on my sleeve and told me he wanted to some with us. So, with his hand in mine, we followed the other children, who walked in two lines behind Wendy and Roger, until we got to the park, when Wendy and Roger told us we could go and play._

_Near sat at the edge of the sand-pit for a while, sifting the sand through his fingers and tracing circles in it with his finger – Lily showed him how to draw a smiley face, and he drew more. She showed him other stuff, too, and I felt kind of jealous, and a bit selfish. I mean, up until now, it had mainly been me who sat and talked with Near, and I really, really wanted to play on the playground. But from where I was sitting up on top of the monkey-bars, I watched Lily draw a smiley face, then a flower, and then a love heart in the sand, and Near watched her closely, too. Then, he copied what she did, somewhat awkwardly at first, and then he kept going, and got better at it. I felt a pang of jealousy as I saw him smile as Lily laughed with him when he accidentally drew an upside-down smile, and she told him that the person was sad, and he needed Near's help to be happy again. I felt like I should have been down there with him, but I can't draw for nuts, and Dr Lenkov had said that it was good that Near learn to interact well with other kids. So I tried not to think about it, and lay myself out across the rungs of the monkey-bars, high above everyone else. I took out my journal and flipped through it – I'd written a lot of pages, more than I'd ever written before. I'd brought it with me because, sitting up here in the breeze with the sun on my face, I could take a deep breath and not feel like Near was going to be tugging on my sleeve the next moment, like he wasn't going to be looking up to me and asking with his eyes, "what next?". I was glad he was getting on so well with Lily, so I tried to relax. I'd had an idea for a poem a while back after I'd hit Percy and been sent to my room, but Roger had taken this journal off me, saying that I wasn't allowed to distract myself from being a naughty person, because only naughty people hit other people, even if the other people deserve it. Percy has an older brother, Lachlan, who's in the senior wing. He's big and mean and always talks to the girls. They laugh and giggle at his jokes, but I think they're secretly afraid of him. I once told Roger that I thought Percy and Lachlan were sent back from Hell from another life because Hell couldn't handle them. Roger asked me, very quietly, not to repeat this to either of them. _

_The other kids in the junior wing think that Lachlan is the Boogey Monster, and that Percy is the Boogey Monster's assistant. They're all scared of Percy – and they all think I'm really brave to stand up to him, like when he was bullying Pierre one time, and I told him to pick on someone his own size, and he said it was hard to, because there was no one in the junior wing as tall as him. I'd then agreed and added there was no one as fat as him either, which made him angry and he'd kicked me in the stomach. I couldn't breathe for what seemed like forever, but could only have been minutes. But there's only one way I can sum up Percy and Lachlan – and that's "evil"…_

_**Evil**_

It's something evil,

I think it hides,

In different people,

But it's not shy.

It makes a fist,

Swings and aims,

Punches and hits,

Trying to maim.

Other kids they cower,

Away from him,

They know he's got power,

Don't risk their limbs –

I think Percy's evil,

And he should burn in hell,

He's a slimy weevil,

I guess it's just as well.

_The poetry writing's getting a bit easier. Sometimes I just can't get the words to come out, so I can't write anything, but I know I've got to do lots more work on the poems before I hand them in to Roger. I don't think he'll be too impressed if I hand in a journal with nothing but a day-to-day keeping of my life. I think he'd tell L I'm easily distracted, incompetent and unable to complete tasks quickly and efficiently, like Near. And that wouldn't get me any closer to being Number One for L's successor. But Near and me, when we grow up, are going to L's successor's together – I already decided that. _

_Suddenly, I heard Lily yell something, and then everyone else started yelling too. I sat up and looked down – and saw that Near with Lily anymore. He wasn't with anyone. Something seemed to fall through my stomach, and I remember feeling something like dread sinking in my throat. Then, I saw a flash of white, and caught the briefest glimpse of Near sprinting down the street. I'd never seen him run before, but he was running like someone was chasing him. No one had caught him before he got out of the park – Roger was too old and slow, Wendy was in high-heeled shoes and was trying to keep the kids together, and the other kids were trying to run after Near._

_Leaping down and hitting the dirt, I knew there was only one person fast enough to catch Near – me. Shoving this journal into the waistband of my jeans, I threw myself forward, the sand slipping from beneath my feet, but when I hit the solid ground of the grass, I was unstoppable. I sprinted as hard I could, hearing Roger and Wendy call out behind me – they wanted me to stop, but I couldn't. Near could get hit by a car, taken by a stranger, scare a dog by accident and bitten – I squashed all the horrible thoughts down, and focused on the most important thing right then:_

_Catching Near._

_Mello._

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

Mooha! Another chapter complete, another cliffhanger! When will it end? *swoons*

Anywayser – why another cliffhanger, I hear you ask? Well, if I put it into one whole chapter, it would probably take up WAY too many pages on my sucky Windows 98, and the friend I've got to pre-read this (say hi to **tarquin,** everyone!^_^) will be saying "too long, everyone will be like 'too long' and be hell bored before the middle of the third page". So yes – this is the end of CHAPTER NINE – CHAPTER TEN is coming soon… moohahahahaha! XD

– Mercy


	10. Journal Entry 10

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Okay – a heads up with the next two or so chapters – they're skipping around the main event a bit, and this chapter comes AFTER the event of Near suddenly running away, and it's Mello looking back on the event. But I hope I can write it so it explains everything – so bear with me and if it makes no sense, don't be afraid to PM me or review and say so. All critic is taken graciously and to heart. Thanks go to everyone who's read, reviewed, and given me their own insights on the tender subject of autism. You're all beautiful people – I cannot thank you enough.

_Mercy_

"_**Nobody is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry**_**."

* * *

**

**Mello's Journal Entry #10**

_5/1/97 (May 1st, 1997)_

**-:-**

_I don't believe many people have experienced a police lock-up, but for those who have, I think you'll agree that it's not the most comfortable place. Especially when you've got a terrified six-year-old who won't let go of your hand in the cell next to you, whimpering the Greek alphabet backwards to himself. And even more especially when you're not exactly sure why you're in there in the first place._

_Let me try to explain – I'll go back to where I last wrote, where Near was running from the park, everyone was yelling, and I had jumped down from the monkey-bars and had taken off after him. That might be easier…um – I think I'll start using the last bit of my last entry to start me off…_

_I sprinted as hard I could, hearing Roger and Wendy call out behind me – they wanted me to stop, but I couldn't. Near could get hit by a car, taken by a stranger, scare a dog by accident and bitten – I squashed all the horrible thoughts down, and focused on the most important thing right then:_

_Catching Near._

_My feet hit the pavement and my breath was already catching in my throat. Near couldn't have gotten far – but he had been running like a jackrabbit, and I thought, for a moment, I would never catch up to him. But as it turned out, he'd only crossed one street, and I could tell, because of the cars that had braked to a hard stop, the drivers stepping out and yelling swear words that even I didn't know. I heard a new one and tucked it away in my brain for future use, but I was then snapped back to the focus of Near – he'd crossed an intersection, and, by the look of all the people looking around and yelling to others, he'd made it to a rather congested area of town. I was panting, and I felt like my lungs wanted to pop, but I kept running, knowing I had to be close. I dodged between people who stepped back in surprise, and I wondered briefly if they'd never seen an eight-year-old dressed in black with blonde hair to his shoulders run before. Then, I heard the yell._

'_Oi! I said, what's yer name, boy?'_

_And that's when the screaming started – Near. There was a crowd up ahead, all huddled around someone – Near, no doubt, and I tried to shove my way through them. But it's very hard to get noticed when you're only eight, sort of mid-height for your age and hardly able to say an entire sentence when you're gasping for breath. The fact that Near was screaming at the top of his lungs didn't help, either._

'_I'm calling the police,' I heard a woman say, and I tried to push my way into the middle of the crowd again, this time, I got through, but only by elbowing a fat man in the ribcage – although I might have hit his liver. He went "oof!" and stepped back in surprise, and I slipped passed him before he could look down and see the culprit for the sudden sharp pain in his side. Stumbling into the middle of the crowd, I was suddenly out in the open, only to see Near on the ground, one arm back behind him for support as he cowered away from this tall man, and his other hand raised to his face – he was still screaming. The tall was reaching out to his and saying something, but I didn't hear him – all I saw was his massive hand, reaching towards Near, who looked so, so scared – _

'_Stop!' I yelled, darting between them. Near's scream immediately stopped, but we were both cast in the man's shadow. He looked surprised, and pulled back._

'_Wha – what the hell's going on?' he asked, and I snarled, baring my teeth a bit, thinking that if I showed him I wasn't going to back down and let him touch Near, he'd back off._

'_Don't touch him,' I growled, putting on my toughest, fiercest voice, but apparently, adults don't think the way I originally thought they do. Instead of stepping back, he just laughed and grabbed my arm. 'Hey!' I cried, but he shook me, hard, and it felt like my head was rattling._

'_You've got some nerve talking to an adult that way, kid,' he said, and I tried to wriggle away from him. He let me go, and I fell back, almost onto Near. Near was whimpering again, but he'd rolled forward and he was almost curled over himself completely, his forehead resting on the concrete and his hands covering his ears. God, he must have been terrified. I knelt beside him and pulled him up into my lap, not taking my eyes off the tall man, in case he tried to grab Near the next time. Near was groaning, and he buried his head into my chest. I stroked his hair and shushed him, telling him it would be okay. He hung onto my shirt, and the man just stood there and laughed. Some of the people around us laughed, too._

'_What are you, his mother?' the man chuckled, and I felt something akin to fury building up in my chest. 'You better have a good explanation as to watch exactly you're doing out here, all alone – hell, where is your mother?'_

_I had to push down the lump that suddenly lodged in my throat – and I shut down all memories of my mother. She was dead now – just like my real name, Mihael Keehl, and I wasn't about to change that. I had moved on. When I didn't reply, the man got impatient._

'_Look, kid – for fuck's sake, come here,' he grabbed at me again, but my fist shot out and landed right in the crease of his elbow, and I used the force to slam it down. He yelled and his other hand lashed out, catching me across the face and sending me sprawling, and I tasted the blood where I'd bit my cheek, and I tried to shake the stars that spiralled around my vision._

_Near cried out, and I felt his small hands dragging at me, heard his small voice begging for me to get up, but I just lay there. For a moment, I wondered – what was wrong with me? This have never happened to me before – I'd always been able to get up when I got knocked down in a fight. Suddenly, I realized that this wasn't the Wammy House anymore. This was real life – these adults weren't the ones that tucked us into bed, told us to eat our spinach, to not climb trees and to go to sleep when the lights had gone out – they weren't like that at all. They didn't know about Near – they couldn't see he was scared witless. All they saw was a couple of incompetent children, too scared to speak up for themselves._

_Near's scream brought me back down to earth. I forced myself up, to see the man, along with two other people – had their hands on Near, were trying to get him to stop screaming, and all I saw was red._

_No one ever, _ever_ touches my autistic brother like that and gets away with it. Hell with the clichés – these people had just made the biggest mistake of their lives. I yelled and sprang forward, head-butting one and launching a kick at the second. The first man had Near in his grip, and Near was crying now, too. _

'_Near!' I yelled as hands grabbed me, and I punched and kicked as hard as I could, and then I saw Near squirm free and fall from the man's grip. The man swore as Near started to dart away – and then looked back at me, his eyes big and scared._

'_Mello,' I didn't hear him say it – but I saw his mouth move. People were yelling for Near to be stopped, restrained until the police got here, and everything seemed to be going in slow motion for a moment – and then snapped back into real time as I heard the wail of the police car siren._

'_Run, Near, run!' I yelled. 'Go back to the Wammy House!' someone slid their arms around my neck and hoisted, and I gagged, feeling like I couldn't breathe. I saw Near pause a fraction of a second, before turning and running – straight into a policeman._

'_Whoa, hey,' he said, and Near stumbled back. I was still choking, struggling to break the hold on me, but I was suddenly released just as I started to see black spots at the edges of my eyes. I fell and landed on all fours, coughing and trying not to look like a fish out of water. Near scrambled back to me, and I suddenly felt his arms loop around me._

'_Up, Mello, up,' he whispered shakily, urgently, into my neck, and I looked up to see the policeman looking down at us._

'_Uh…' I started, but he cut me off._

'_What, exactly, is going on here, young man?' he asked, and, just able to see around him, I saw a couple of other policemen shooing the crowd away – but one of the policemen was talking to the three men who had grabbed Near and me._

'_Um…my brother – he got scared,' I mumbled, unable to come up with a convincing lie. I wished Roger was here – or Quillish. Quillish would have things fixed quicker than you could say "Wammy". Where was Roger? Had he sent Wendy after us? Someone? Anyone – but right now, I had to focus. The policeman suddenly grabbed my shoulder, and I pulled back._

'_Hey – ' I started, but the policeman cut me off about._

'_Tell me, boy,' he said impatiently. 'What happened here. And no lying – I don't like little boys that lie.'_

_I blinked, about to retort that, in fact, I didn't count as a "little boy" anymore – I was well on my way to adolescents thank you very much, but at that moment Near said,_

'_Bad man. Let go my Mello.'_

_And then, he leant forward and bit the policeman, right on the wrist. Let me just say this – the policeman wasn't too happy. He swore and slapped Near across the face, and Near fell back with a cry. I saw red again. So then, I hit the policeman too._

_Mello.

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

Yet another cliffhanger! Ah – I think I should stop having so many, because once the SHOCK and HORROR has been announced, having it crop up every five minutes gets a little stale and sinks to lolcat level. Anyhoo – this time I didn't need tarquin to read this and say "put a cliffhanger HERE", because I knew exactly where I wanted to finish this chapter. I apologise if it's too short, but it seemed just right. And yes, for those who are wondering – there are some people out there who will randomly slap you across the face for no apparent reason other than to start a punch-up. Happened to me once. Maybe I looked at her the wrong way and she took offence to me looking at her cross-eyed. But I'm not convinced…

ANYWAY! This AfterNote is going to be RATHER LONG because I have a SPECIAL MESSAGE to give to the one, the ONLY **hamaell**: GET THE HECK BETTER THE HECK SOON – WE MISS YOU! (a-hem, sorry about that. Bit of a personal conversation…) but anyhow – everyone send a prayer to heaven for **hamaell**, because she is a very special person, and without you, **hamaell**, WHO WOULD FINISH_ SILENT SHOUT_? (for those of you UNAWARE of what I'm talking about, go to **hamaell**'s profile RIGHT NOW and read her story "_**Silent Shout**_" if you like L and Light. ((Not like THAT you insane twits…)) and then REVIEW it because it is a AWESOME STORY and needs more reviews.) And **hamaell**, as soon as you're better, imma gonna b hammrin' u 4 da nxt chptr! RAWR! XD

And yes, **hamaell**, I AM advertising your story.^_^

– Mercy


	11. Journal Entry 11

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Okey-dokey – this is the follow-up chapter to the events in chapter ten, so hopefully I'll make a little bit more sense. For anyone who's actually paying attention to the dates of the entries (not that they're of any significance) yes, there will probably be some sort of mess-up. I'll do my best to iron out the wrinkles…

_Mercy_

"_**A good friend will come bail you out of jail... a true friend will be sitting next to you saying... damn we screwed up!**_**"

* * *

**

**Mello's Journal Entry #11**

_5/2/97 (May 2nd, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Going back to where I off, I think I should fill in some details. Basically, after I hit the policeman, he grabbed both Near and I – with Near screaming and kicking and trying to hit him with bawled up fists, me doing pretty much the same – and hauled us out of the crowd and over to his police car._

'_Awright, you little buggers,' he said, one of his eyes starting to swell from where I'd punched him. 'Try any more funny business, and I'll slap ya both so hard your ancestors will feel it.'_

_He took out his walkie-talkie and told one of the other cops he was taking us down to the station. I'd never been to a police station before, but I figured that if I went along with it, I could find a phone to use to call Roger to tell him where we were, if he wasn't already looking for use. More likely, he'd send someone like Wendy, or the gardener, John. But still, as soon as I stopped wriggling, Near did too, but he still looked at me with big, scared eyes as the policeman opened the rear car door._

'_Get in,' he grunted, and I tapped Near's hand, letting him know I knew what was going on and that it was okay to do what the man said, and I helped the rather short Near scramble up into the car. I climbed in after him and clicked on his seatbelt before doing my own. The car smelt like chips, coffee and hot plastic, and lurched kinda violently when the policeman got in. He looked at us in the rear view mirror, muttered "Jesus Christ", and started the engine._

_By the time we got to the police station, the sun was beginning to slowly climb out of the horizon. We'd gone to the park at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon, but I guess I'd lost track of time with the blur of everything going on, from Near to that big guy threatening him to the policemen. The policeman got out and opened my door, telling me "remember, no funny business" before leading us inside, holding me by the back of my shirt and pushing me along. I wanted to tell him to cut it out, but I guess that Roger was right – being sincere and wearing a believable smile gets you more brownie points than being a brat does. Near stayed close to my other side, well away from the policeman, probably scared witless that the policeman would try to touch him again. And I think Near's had enough of being touched by strangers today._

_We by-passed the receptionist, who gave us querying looks, but said nothing. The policeman took us down to the holding cells, put me in one and Near in the other and told us to wait there. Like we had a choice. He took everyone off me and Near – my pencil (in case he thought I was going to try to, you know, hurt someone with it) both Near and my shoelaces (in case we tried to strangle each other or something) and this journal. I felt like I was having my personal life pulled out and trodden all over – I knew the policeman would read it, find out we lived at the Wammy House, and would probably contact Roger. About three hours later, though, no one arrived to pick us up, and there was a chill starting to creep through the air. Near started to shiver and huddled against the bars of his cell, the side closest to mine, and I did the same, putting my arm through and around him, trying to share body heat. I bet Near was wishing he was back to his soft, warm bed of pillows on the floor of his dorm right now. I knew I wished I was back in my dorm, with the curtains drawn and the bedside lamp switched on, my doona wrapped around me as I wrote in this journal. But no such luck – we waited and waited, but no one came._

_Another four, maybe five hours went by, and still nothing. There were a couple of other people in the cells around ours, and although Near had fallen asleep with his hand in mine a while back, I was wide awake and trying to look older, fiercer, than just an eight-year-old kid. I caught sight of a girl, several years older than me, sitting in the gloom in the cell across from mine. She was up against the wall, and I realized with a jolt that she, too, was awake._

'_What're you in for?' she croaked, and then she chuckled. 'Always wanted to say that.'_

'_Uh…' I started. 'Um – hitting a policeman.'_

'_Wanker,' she muttered. 'The guy that brought you in?' I nodded, and she huffed a bit. 'Yeah – he deserved it. I'll bet you gave him a good one, right?'_

'_I think I got him in the eye,' I said, and in the pale moonlight that came in through the window at the end of the cellblock, I could see her grin._

'_Good.'_

_After a moment of silence, I felt a question rise in my chest, and I felt that, being at least two sets of bars and a good ten meters away from me, she couldn't hurt me so it was safe to ask._

'_So…why are you in here? Is this a real jail?' I knew it wasn't, but I was curious. She chuckled again._

'_I'm in here for a stint my friend got me into,' she said, and she sounded kind of…aloof? I think that's the word. 'And naw – this ain't half as good as the real deal. My whole family's done time, 'cept me. I had a clean record til now – but I get out in two days. They said they couldn't keep me here coz they couldn't find any way of holding whatever they thought I'd done against me. Too bad.' She nodded at Near. 'He your brother or something?'_

_I looked down at him, his head resting between the bars, as close as he could get to me, and I could almost make out the slap mark on his cheek from where the policeman had hit him. 'Yeah – yeah, he's my brother.'_

_She snorted._

'_Not bloody likely. The two of you are polar opposites – I've been watching you since you came in – there's nothing in common between you other than the cells you're sitting in. Trust me – I would know.' She said, and I blinked – I was nowhere near going to trust her – not as far as I could spit her, thank you very much. After a while of silence, she sighed._

'_What's your name, kid?'_

_I bit my lip, wondering if I should lie, like I had at the doctors surgery, but then I realized that after that night, when Roger and Wendy and the others figured out where Near and I were, I'd probably never see her again. It couldn't hurt, could it?_

'_Mello,' I replied after a moment. 'What's yours?'_

'_Jo,' she smirked. 'Johanna Jeevas, but no one ever calls my that.'_

_I nodded._

'_Okay, Jo,' I said, and she laughed softly. _

'_Dammit kid, you're cute,' she chuckled. 'Look – you better get some sleep. You're tired, I can see it. Go to sleep – I'll wake ya if anyone comes down here lookin' for you.'_

_I nodded, suddenly realizing how tired I was, and took a deep breath of the musty, dank air. It made my eyes want to water, but I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and rested my head between the bars, close to Near's head. I knew that I couldn't do anything about my situation, and I just hoped so, so hard for morning to come, and with it, Roger to take us home._

_The sun pouring through the little window at the end of the cellblock when I felt Near stirring against my shoulder. He yawned, and then tugged at my sleeve urgently, and I prised my eyes open. For a split second, I panicked – where were we? Why were we in a cell? And then a remember the events of yesterday – and saw that across from us, Johanna was already up and stretching._

'_Mornin', boys,' she grinned, and I could see her clearly now. She had dark hair that might once have been a deep, rich red, but now it was lank and oily, and she had a smear of dirt over a bruise on her cheek, like someone had struck her with a dirty fist. But her eyes were kind of sparkling, and I remembered that she had reason to be excited – anyone would be if they only had a day left in this place. She was wearing a torn pair of jeans with rips across the knees, a pair of muddy hiking boots and a long-sleeved bottle-green shirt with a split seam in the left shoulder and a rip in the hemline. She yawned as she stretched._

'_Hi,' I said softly, giving Near a gentle tap on the hand, and he calmed down a bit._

'_Mello,' he whispered hoarsely, and I could only imagine how sore his throat was from all the screaming yesterday. 'Wanna go home.'_

'_I know, Near,' I said softly. 'We're going home today. I'm taking you home.'_

_Johanna looked at us for a moment, and I caught her glance – I wondered what she was thinking about, just as the cellblock door banged open and an aging policeman strode him, the policeman from yesterday following him. His badge introduced him as Sergeant Lance, and he was carrying a tray of food. Behind him, the policeman from yesterday – I got a good look at him this time and saw his badge said his name was Officer Anderson, was carrying another two trays. I smirked when I saw his wrist was bandaged from where Near had bitten him, and there was a definite bruise on his face from where I'd hit him beneath his eye. Johanna laughed when she saw him, too._

'_What happened, Ando?' she grinned. 'Did the little boy hit your itty-bitty ego?'_

'_Johanna,' the Sergeant Lance said sternly, coming to a stop between our cells. The smell of food hit my nose and I swallowed hard – it had been lunchtime yesterday when I had last eaten, and my stomach growled impatiently. Sneaking a look at Near, I saw his eyes were wide and glued to the trays. He licked his lips, but then stepped back and reached for my arm through the bars, looping his around mine. I was so proud of him – policemen were supposed to help people, not lock them in cells, and Near didn't look like he was about to trust Officer Anderson further than he could throw him. Which, for Near, couldn't be very far at all._

_Sergeant Lance turned to me._

'_We've managed to contact your caretaker, Mr Ruvie, Mello,' he said to me, and I blinked. I didn't expect him to be so formal with me. 'He's coming to pick you up in fifteen minutes. I suspect he's been running himself ragged trying to find you.'_

'_But isn't the police the first place to call if someone gets lost?' I asked, and Sergeant Lance chuckled._

'_Not always,' he said, and then he turned and took a tray from Officer Anderson and then he opened my cell door. 'Come on out – come into the foyer and have something to eat. You must both be hungry.'_

_He offered me the tray, and I looked at it sceptically, like it might have contained a live grenade or something, but at the same time, I didn't want to step away from Near, so I hesitated._

'_Come on,' the sergeant said again. 'It's okay.'_

'_Um…' I glanced down at Near, who's eyes were still glued to the food, and I realized he must be starving, too. But I also knew that one wrong move from the policemen, and he would start screaming. So I compensated. 'Okay. But you mustn't touch Near, okay?'_

'_Why not?' Sergeant Lance asked, his eyebrows drawing together and looking a bit like two fuzzy, mating caterpillars. 'Is there something wrong with him?'_

'_He has autism,' I said, and the sergeant nodded, and then turned back to Officer Anderson._

'_See? Told you something was funky with the kid,' Anderson said, and Lance sighed and shook his head before turning back to me._

'_Nevermind Officer Anderson, son – you'll be okay, and so will Near. No one will touch him, I promise you.' He said, and I took a step forward as he then opened Near's cell, too. 'Okay, kiddo – you can come out, too – you're breakfast is waiting for you. Mello'll be with you all the time, okay?'_

_I stepped out and held my hand out to Near, who followed cautiously, slipping by Sergeant Lance and coming straight to me. I felt so…so responsible, for him. He depended on me, I knew that. He trusted me, and I couldn't violate that trust. I knew that, too. But I still couldn't wait until we got home. Until we got back to the safety of the orphanage, with the adults around who kind of understood what was going on, with Roger and Dr Lenkov, who would always take care of Near, even if I wasn't able to. _

_We followed Lance into the foyer as Officer Anderson let Johanna out and gave her a tray of her own, and she followed us out. In the foyer, we ate in silence, Near picking a bit at his eggs but eating the toast, leaving the strawberry jam but slurping down the glass of milk that Sergeant Lance brought him. _

_About ten minutes later, Roger came. He and Sergeant Lance stood to one side, talking quietly to themselves. Johanna hung around with Near and I for a while, and she kept Near occupied with her waist-long hair, which she drifted over his small hands. He smiled as it tickled him, and she danced it over his skin and told him how long it had taken her to get hair that long. Near watched her in awe, shyly, not saying anything and occasionally reverting to sucking on his sleeve. Johanna was really quite nice, I realized. She was occupying Near, letting me relax a bit. I knew he wasn't going anywhere, I knew that Roger was here and we'd be going home soon, and I knew Johanna wasn't about to hurt Near. It struck me as weird, but she seemed to know how to act around little kids. I sat on the floor, leaning against the wall as Near proudly showed her his dice, which he had kept hidden in his pocket and Officer Anderson hadn't confiscated. _

_Five minutes later, Roger came over._

'_Oh, Mello,' he said, and I scrambled up. Near shuffled over, too. 'I'm so glad you're safe – I'm so sorry I didn't think of the police sooner.'_

''_S okay, Roger,' I said as Near came up next to me and yawned, slumping against my leg. 'We were okay. We were strong – and brave, just like L.'_

_Roger smiled down at us, like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't. Instead, he offered his hand, palm-down, to Near. I suddenly realized that any moment, Near could start screaming. I don't think anyone had ever tried this before (apart from Dr Lenkov) before we knew about Near's autism. I held my breath, but Near just lifted his hand, put two fingers on Roger's hand and tapped him on the palm. Then, he took his hand back and started to suck on his sleeve, and then looked up at me._

'_Going home?' he asked, and I grinned down at him._

'_Yes, Near,' I said, kneeling down and putting my arms around him, lifting him onto his feet. 'We're going home.'_

_Roger went out and started his car, and as we went out to follow him, I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. Johanna._

'_Hey – ' she said, and I turned back to her. 'I'm headed back to the cell for now, coz the sergeant thinks it's good that I get some vitamin D every day, but I want you to know – Near's special. Real special.'_

_I nodded. 'I know.' But she shook her head._

'_No, I mean, really special. He's taken a big step, for someone with autism. I've heard stories of people like him, who've ended up in hospital with seizures from just being touched. It's a rough world – he's taking a lot of it. So are you, Mello.'_

_I didn't know what to say, but I could hear Roger starting the engine. Johanna went on._

'_I mean – I think…I think you guys remind me of a little brother I used to have. Until – until my parents died,' she said. 'He got taken away, and me too, but I never saw him again. He was only three,' I saw tears starting to threaten her eyes. 'Um…sorry, Mello. You guys are just like him. Well, what I kind of imagined him to be like.'_

_Suddenly, I got an idea._

'_Don't cry, Jo,' I said quickly. She had her arms folded over her chest kind of protectively, and I put my hand on one of her arms. 'I'm the second smartest kid in my orphanage. I'll do some research, and see what I can find – maybe I'll find your brother.'_

_Okay, so it was a long shot, but I didn't want to see Johanna sad, because she'd just been so…so happy when she'd been entertaining Near. It made something inside my chest hurt to know she'd lost the people she loved, including her baby brother._

'_But – But Mello,' she stuttered, looking surprised. 'You're only a kid – '_

'_Yeah, second smartest kid in Winchester,' I bragged, knowing that if I could make her believe me, I'd have in me to believe myself. 'I can do it. Stay close – I'll look everywhere I can. I'll do my best to find your brother.'_

_Johanna was speechless, but then, she pulled out a scrap of paper from her pocket, and then started rummaging for a pencil. 'Here,' I said, digging out mine that Officer Anderson had given back to me, including my shoelaces and the journal. Near was fiddling with his own shoelaces, his sneakers loose on his feet, and he seemed to be admiring the pavement with apparent interest, so I didn't disturb him. Roger was waiting in the car, and I knew we'd have to get moving soon._

_Johanna took the pencil and scrawled down something, and then handed both pencil and paper to me, and I saw she'd written down a phone number._

'_If you find anything,' she said, blinking hard. For a moment, I thought she was going to cry. 'Call me.'_

'_Okay,' I nodded, and then tapped the back of Near's hand. He looked up, as if suddenly realizing I was there, and blinked. I nodded towards the car. 'We've gotta go, but I'll find something, don't worry, Jo.'_

_She laughed, but it was forced._

'_Thanks, kid.'_

_Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

This is a bit overdue, and I keep looking at my stats and wondering 'any more reviews? Nope.' And then I realize something! It's because I've got to UPDATE! AAAAH! UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! Haha…don't mind me…

ANYWAY – for all those interested I'm setting myself up on deviantart, and will probably be posting some artwork up there soon. And I'm considering putting this story up there, too…ooh, ooh! For those who like the Shinigami I created for my other Death Note fic, _Shinigami of the Past,_ I'll probably be working on some sketches of Bittersweet to go up there soon…yay! XD stay safe and stay happy –

– Mercy


	12. Journal Entry 12

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

All-righty. This chapter (and chapter eleven) have both been put off for a while, because I've just heard from a close friend who hasn't been in contact in a while, and I'm sorry for being so late. I'll do better, promise. ^_^

_Mercy_

"_**A good friend will come bail you out of jail... a true friend will be sitting next to you saying... damn we screwed up!**_**"**

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #12**

_5/10/97 (May 10th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_There has been a lot going on over the past couple of days, and I haven't had time to update at all. Safe to say, though, that when we got home, there was a sea of worried faces, staff and other children – all of them wanting to know if I was okay, if Near was all right, and what had happened. I did my best to explain what had happened, and later that day, Lily came up to me when I was in the library and told me what had really happened – what had made Near run._

_She said that a truck had back-fired somewhere close to the park – I don't know how I hadn't heard it – perhaps I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts – but Near had taken off when Cameron, who had been playing nearby, had squeaked in surprise when the truck had back-fired. A sort of domino effect, Lily told me, and in a way, it did make sense. I knew that the slightest thing could set him off, so I guess I can't say the news came as a surprise. What surprised me was just how far he ran. Lily said that Roger and Wendy had a hell of a time trying to round up the rest of the kids and get them back to the Wammy House, and it took all afternoon and into the evening to get them settled down. By that time, Roger had informed L and Watari, and Wendy and John had gone out searching for Near and I, in case we were still on the street. Apparently, Roger had called everywhere he could think of – hospital, town watch, and the police, by midnight. The police had told him that Near and I were safe, but were going to be given cautions for aggravated assault on a policeman – but it wouldn't be as severe because we were both still under the age of ten, and that Roger could pick us up in the morning. I kinda got the rest of the picture from there._

_Lily was really concerned about Near – for the rest of the day, he holed himself up in his room and refused to come out, screamed if anyone but me tried to go in. So for most of the day, I sat outside his door and knocked on the wood, waiting for him to answer. Only he didn't, and after a while, I figured he'd fallen asleep, but I didn't check in case I disturbed him. So I just sat on the floor with a couple of my study books – there was no use trying to search for Johanna's younger brother yet, I figured, if Near wasn't going to coaxed out by anyone else when I had my nose buried in files I really shouldn't have it buried in. I don't think Roger knows about my sneaking down to the basement to check the files on Near yet, but he probably will. I know one of the other staff didn't tell him when they found me, only sent me to my room with a stern warning. I vaguely remember one of the teachers saying something a test coming up, so I figured studying would have to do to ease the boredom for now._

_Which was fine, until I heard small noises from behind the door at my back. I stopped, listened; and then heard them again – whooshing noises and vroom noises, and I grinned, knowing exactly what was going on._

_I turned silently and eased the door open as slowly as I could until I could just see in, and sure enough, there was Near, lying on his stomach on his bed of pillows, legs kicked up behind him, and hands whizzing those small transformer-car toy things around on the floor. Sometimes he had them soar up, and he made jet noises, then brought them around and collided them with another toy – a plastic dinosaur – and made a crashing noise. The entire sounds system for his imaginary world of robotic cars versus plastic dinosaurs was made entirely from his mouth – sometimes bits of spittle sprayed as he made his pawns crash and explode among each other. I couldn't keep back the smile as I watched him – and for a moment, I wondered about joining him. But I stopped myself – if he was disturbed now, by anything – it didn't matter if it was me – it could do him more harm than good, so I left him be, collected up my books, and went down to the library._

…

_The library was, as it always should be, quiet. There were a couple of the older children from the senior wing either studying or playing chess at the desks in the open space, or a couple scattered like sown seeds among the bookshelves. A bunch of younger kids were huddled around a children book, and I saw Lily sitting cross-legged in the middle of them, reading the book aloud to them. In honestly, I think she might be a teacher when she grows up – she's too nice, too soft to be top-of-the-line detective material. That's pretty much why we were here, anyway – to be bred into successors for L. We weren't categorized by numbers or letters or names – we each chose a letter upon arrival, and found a name for ourselves that began with that letter. Sometimes, Roger or Quillish would help us – but my name I decided on by myself. I don't think Near chose his, though._

_I headed for one end of the library, the resource section, and tucked away into a corner there were two rows of computers for everyone's use. You just had to sign your name and the time it was when you started using the computer on the pad of lined paper pinned to the wall. I signed in, checked the clock, and then moved the cursor on the first computer I came to, which hummed into life. With the Quillish Fortune, as I've heard people call it, the orphanage can get quality top-of-the-range products, the newest technology and reference material. Books were still the first resource, but the Internet has been known to be very handy. Like right now, for instance – I wasn't going to find anything on Johanna Jeevas in the Wammy files; I'd have to use some basic hacking skills taught to me by –none other – than L himself, and try to get into the Winchester police database._

_Fortunately, it wasn't too hard – a firewall and an encryption code, which was easy as pie to decipher. I found it a little disappointing, though, to only have to try three times to get the encryption code right. My first two attempts ("WPD" and for the sake of it, "doughnuts") were a bit laughable, and the second definitely stupid, but hey – third time lucky, I got in. And am I going to tell YOU, oh reader? Ha – nice try, but no cookie._

_Once in, I went into the search files and typed "Johanna_Jeevas", and waited for the results. Only three thousand hits in England – none looked at all promising. I tried several other searches until I came across a recently posted article, an image on which I recognized – it was Johanna. I read the article, and remembered her words to me,_

"_I'm in here for a stint a friend got me into"._

_The article stated blandly that she'd been beaten by her uncle, who wasn't blood related, and she had run away to the police station, only to be found there by her uncle. Apparently a fight had followed as she'd tried to get away from him. According to the article, it said she was also down in the police station lock-up for assault on a policeman, too – I had a strange feeling that, should I ever see her again and ask her about it, she'd say that the policeman was in the wrong place at the wrong time when she swung the hit. I wondered if she had to go back to her uncle, and then read further and found that the man had been placed in an asylum, and Johanna would be put into foster care until she reached the age of sixteen, and she had simply been in the police lock-up until social security confirmed a foster home for her. I felt sorry for her, I really did – I was lucky enough to be landed straight into the Wammy House when I became an orphan, but poor Johanna was being shunted around like a badly addressed package. I considered asking Roger if he could take Johanna into the Wammy House, but upon further research I discovered that on a police record, it had already confirmed that Johanna had a new place to live. My heart sunk – for a moment I had thought we could search for her little brother together._

_Which brought me back to my predicament. Haha – whenever I don't know the word for something, I'll asked Mrs Potts. She keeps a dictionary on her desk because she said she only went to school for a couple of years because her parents moved around a lot. But she and I played this game – a word game, and if she said a word I didn't know, I'd have to look it up and find out it's meaning in under a minute. I learnt the word "predicament" last week. _

_Um…anyway…Johanna's little brother. I tried several searched on the police data base, and even hacked another orphanage in Salisbury to see if anything came up. Both times I came up with nothing, and eventually turned to the Wammy House files, knowing I'd get nothing from the internet. I logged off the computer and was about to sign out when I heard noises coming from a computer a row away from mine. I looked around and caught sight of Matt – he was playing a computer game. I grinned – he was always playing computer games. He had a short attention span when it came to equations and riddles, but he could be held captive for hours on end, until the librarian kicked him out even, by a computer screen and all it's flashing lights and beeping noises. Of course, he has the highest score out of all the Wammy kids – because he spent the most time in front of a screen with a controller in his hand or a keyboard and mouse under his fingers, he had all the top scores on every game. His hair was a wine red, sort of like dry blood, but that's a creepy way of putting it, and he hates going outside. I don't blame him – Roger once told us he has some sort of deficiency in his skin that makes him get sunburnt really easily. _

_I stood there and watched him for a moment – the seven year old didn't even hear me, and then I jerked myself into motion again, remembering what I had to do – get down to the basement and check the files for any kid with the name Jeevas. It was possible that he was here – I didn't know how old a kid I was looking for but he was probably a year or so younger than me. Still, if I did come up with gold with the old files I'd know how old he was, anyway._

_Heading down to the basement wasn't an issue; the problem came when I discovered that someone had padlocked the door. Roger held all the keys to this place, but I doubted he'd let me borrow them to go rooting through all the Wammy House files. So I'd have to borrow them without his noticing – it wouldn't be stealing because I'd give them back when I was finished – I'd leave them exactly as I found them._

_Back upstairs, I crept into Roger's office, only to find it empty. He was probably with Wendy or looking after some of the kids in the playground. The keys, however, were on a shiny silver ring, smack in the middle of his desk. I considered that if he did find out they were gone, he'd most likely ask people to look out for them, and that would be it. if I happened to avoid trouble on my way back and replace them unseen, he'd find them an think his eyesight was going or something. I couldn't blame him if he did think that, though, so I pocketed the keys and scuttled back down to the basement door as fast as I could without being seen._

_Several tedious attempts later I finally got the right key and slotted it into the padlock, and I winced as the click seemed to echo louder than it should have. Maybe I was just nervous about getting caught again. But no one came down – I doubt anyone would have been passing by. So I carefully opened the basement door and slid inside, unnoticed. Inside I was greeted with filing cabinet after filing cabinet – full of old records, and someone had even installed a computer into one corner. My guess was that was the reason for the padlock. I decided against trying to use the computer, as Roger would no doubt have some sort of way to see if anyone had been accessing any of the files on there, so my best bet was the filing cabinets._

_I found the J's, right in front of the K's, and, pushing back each file as they all fell forward as soon as I pulled open the draw, I found my own file – "Keehl". I resisted from seeing exactly what Roger had on me in there, although I was sorely tempted to look. Pushing passed the K's, I reached the J's and held my breath as I flipped through each one. Jackson…Jeevas…Jones…Jura – wait – Jeevas!_

_I pulled out the manila folder marked "Jeevas", feeling like my heart wanted to escape out my throat – I'd done it! I'd found Johanna's little brother! I mean, seriously, how many Jeevas's could there have been in Winchester? It wasn't a common name so my confidence was pretty high. I opened it and my breath caught in my throat – it was Johanna's little brother, all right. I could tell just by looking at the features in the photo – they had the same eye colour and wine red hair._

_Johanna's little brother was Matt. His real name was Mail Jeevas._

_- Mello_

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

But then again, you'd already guessed that, hadn't you? ^_^ Ah well – give Mello his credit because HE didn't know, now did he? Haha – thanks for holding out for this chapter. And just a mention; _**Shinigami of the Past**_ now has it's own chapter 12 up and waiting to be read! Cheers, peeps – stay healthy, happy, and reasonably sane!

Oh, and also - PLEASE NOTE! i won't be updating for the next few weeks to ANY of my stories, due to exams and such next week, finishing this year of school, etc. I'll only say this NOW but Shinigami of the Past is also being put on hold AS WELL AS THIS STORY, so no one thinks this is a cop out. Sorry, peeps -

– Mercy


	13. Journal Entry 13

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Oookay. Thank you all for being so patient in wait for this chapter – exams are finally over and I'm ready to get back to work on this story. I think the break did me good, too, but still – I'm not going to give up on this story or my other DN story (Shinigami of the Past) but there's been a heap load of assessments on my plate as well as my exams, and I just haven't had the zest to get on the computer and do some typing. But here you are…

**Sc[+]pe**_ Presents…_

_A _**DeafMute**_ productions…_

_In association with _**Reflex Studies**_…_

_Written by _**M.,**

_Original Death Note story by _**Tsugumi Ohba** _and _**Takeshi Obata,**

_Dedicated to _**Hanna**,

Chapter 13_ of_ **My Autistic Brother**.

_-Mercy_

"_**Ten percent of people in Britain believe their food has a party when they shut the fridge door.**_**"

* * *

**

**Mello's Journal Entry #13**

_5/13/97 (May 13th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_I figured that the best thing to do was tell Matt, but also Johanna, but I couldn't decide which one to tell first. Either tell Matt that he had an older sister that he probably didn't remember, or Johanna that I'd found her little brother hardly any searching at all. Somehow, I didn't think either of them would believe me. So instead, I went back to Near, and found his door open, and I could hear voices coming from inside. Looking inside, I saw Dr Lenkov squatting down next to Near, who was building something out of Lego. Both looked up as I stuck my head around the door, and Near waved a piece of Lego at me as Dr Lenkov smiled._

'_Hi there, Mello,' he said, beckoning me inside. I liked Dr Lenkov – there was something about him, that faint smell of soft, worn leather from his suitcase, the way the light streaming in from the window shone over his bald head, his deep blue eyes that seemed… caring? Sort of. But nonetheless, I was glad to see that Near liked Dr Lenkov probably as much as I did._

'_Hi, Dr,' I said, coming in and kneeling next to Near, who was still sitting on his bed of pillows on the floor, fixing three bits of Lego together to make something akin to a Lego man, which he then trundled across the floor, making little beeping noises, seeming to forget all about Dr Lenkov and I sitting next to him._

'_I hear you two had a bit of excitement over the last couple of days,' Dr Lenkov said gently, not disturbing Near, and I nodded as he continued. 'As soon as I heard from Roger I wanted to make sure the both of you were okay. Near's condition is important to maintain, especially now he seems to be interacting with other people a lot better, but you're important, too, Mello. Someone's got to look out for Super-Kid.' He grinned and ruffled my hair with his spare hand, and I laughed. I'd never really thought of myself as Super-Kid, just a really smart kid with a stupid knack for getting into fights with older kids when the latter picked on the younger kids. Dr Lenkov sighed and sat down on the carpet next to us, his face turning a little more serious._

'_Really, though, Mello – how are you coping?' he asked, the sparkle of laughter disappearing from his eyes and voice slowly. I was almost sad to see it go – I didn't like the way adults asked me if I was okay. It made me feel like…like they expected me to say that I wasn't, so they could fuss about it. But Dr Lenkov said it in such a way that I could tell he was treating me like an adult, not like the kid I was. _

'_Um…' I started, not really wanting to talk about this, but I knew I had to. The sooner this was over, the sooner I could figure out how to tell Johanna and Matt that they were blood-related siblings. 'I'm doing okay, I guess.'_

'_Well, you're sure to come across some problems,' Dr Lenkov said thoughtfully. 'No one can look after such a burden like Near and not have some side effects. I know he can be a bit of a handful.'_

'_Near's not a burden,' I said. 'He's not that bad – '_

'_I know, Mello,' Dr Lenkov cut me off, but quietly. He wasn't competing with me for the right to speak, but he was definitely with the upper-hand of authority, so I bit back the retort of "what do you know?" and tried to listen. Roger was forever telling me to listen more and talk less – he thinks that the talking is what sometimes starts the fights. I'm trying to leave such childish behaviour behind me – although if it's Percy we're talking about, I have no problem being immature. 'It's just that…well, he's doing surprisingly well,' Dr Lenkov continued, looking a little uncomfortable. 'Almost too well. I've never seen an autistic child have such a positive reaction to their guardian – usually there's a lot more fuss.'_

'_Like what?' now I was curious, and I let the question slip out unintentionally, but Dr Lenkov didn't seem to notice. _

'_Well,' he said thoughtfully, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling as he thought for a little bit. 'There was one case I worked with, who wouldn't allow her guardian to feed her – she wouldn't even feed herself. There was simply nothing her family could do – she'd play with the food they gave her and throw it around and so forth, but they couldn't get her to eat anything. She was a mute child, but she would scream for hours on end – quite like Near, in some cases. But one day, when the family went for a walk, hoping that the cool air would help to calm her, she got spooked by a barking dog and tried to run but tripped and fell, straight onto the concrete sidewalk.'_

_I winced in sympathy, and I could only imagine how awful it must seem to someone like this girl or Near, who didn't really understand what was going on or why. I wouldn't have blamed the girl if she hadn't stopped screaming for the next two days straight. Dr Lenkov cleared his throat and continued. _

'_However, she didn't scream. She just sat there and did nothing. Her mother was able to pick her up and carry her the whole way home – her entire family thought that she had a concussion – but then, when they decided to go for a walk a week later with no improvement in her case, she got up and ran after them. She screamed when they tried to leave her behind in her room, so they gave up and took her with them. This time, though, she skipped along, happy as anything. She sat down on the sidewalk where she'd previously fallen, and laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world. Her family was flabbergasted – they were at an end until, two nights later, her guardian, who was actually her older brother, had a brain wave – violence.'_

'_Violence?' I repeated, and Dr Lenkov nodded. _

'_Yes – he realized that after a violent encounter, the next time his little sister came into contact with that thing, she was no longer frightened. Because she knew what it could do, I hypothesized, she didn't believe it was a threat anymore. So her older brother broke his own heart in doing so, but he believed that he could get her to start eating. That night there were tears, screams, and a very terrified family in the next room as her guardian sat her down in the kitchen with a bowl of baby food and a spoon. Every time she resisted him when he offered her the spoon, he slapped her. Every time she screamed, he slapped her again. He didn't have much success that night – only managed to get about three whole spoons-worth into her, but it was something. The next time, the same thing was repeated – refuse, slap. Scream, another slap. His father and mother couldn't believe he was being so cruel to his baby sister, but he steeled himself to do it, and he bravely continued. That night, he got ten spoonsful of food into her.'_

'_She was learning,' I said softly, realizing that Dr Lenkov's story was, in actual fact, quite believable. I knew I wouldn't be able to steel myself to do that – but I could only guess how many cases were out there that were worse that Near's. While I was wrapped up in Dr Lenkov's story, Near had constructed a small army of Lego men, and was pitting them against one another in ferocious battles laid out in his mind._

'_She was,' Dr Lenkov said quietly, almost sadly – and I looked up to see him watching Near, his eyes lowered. I wondered what he was thinking when he said, 'I was the families doctor, and so they came to me with this heart breaking solution – I agreed it wasn't the most orthodox method, but it was teaching the little girl that the screaming and refusing of food was wrong. I didn't encourage it but I did tell them that if it was a method that worked, then it wasn't my place to say to stop when they were making this much progress, but to keep me informed. And they did – every week her older brother would come into my doctors surgery and give me an update, and he did admit that he hated doing what he had to do to get his little sister eating, but it was working and slowly, he stopped having to slap her – about three months later, she was feeding herself like any normal six year old – apart from the fact that she was already eight.'_

_There was a couple of moments of silence, and all we could hear was Near crashing his little Lego men together and the sound of a crow cawing outside. The crows seemed to congregate – another word taught to me by Mrs Potts – around and in the bell tower outside. Some kids were scared of going inside the bell tower because of the crows – their squawks would echo around the bell and make the kids scream and run away. One time, a kid named Andre – have I mentioned him before? – decided to show that he wasn't scared, and climbed up the ladder to the railing inside the bell tower and shoo away the crows. He'd been attacked by the crows, and had fallen down about seven ladder rungs while trying to get down. He fractured his pelvis and had to stay in hospital for a month and a half while he got better. He's in the senior wing now, about five years older than me, and now he walks with a permanent limp. Suddenly, another question probed my mind, and I was asking it before I registered it._

'_What…what happened to her?' there was a heavy pause, and tension suddenly seemed to crackle through the room like bad reception on the radio during a thunderstorm. Dr Lenkov cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable. _

'_Well…' he started. 'She's still alive. She's sixteen now – but she's in a state of permanent shock – one she'll never truly come out of because of the trauma she suffering two years ago.'_

'_What happened?'_

_Another pause, and then, Dr Lenkov got to his feet._

'_Her family was in a car accident – they all walked out alive, including her, except…' he cleared his throat again and wiped the back of his hand across his eyes – wait…was he – crying? 'Except for her guardian – her older brother was killed in the crash.'_

_I felt something leaden drop in my stomach. How awful – how must that girl feel, after having her older brother give her such hope, and then be ripped away from her in such a brutal way?_

_I didn't have time to ask – Dr Lenkov was turning and heading towards the door, picking up his suitcase on the way out. He spoke over his shoulder._

'_What I'm saying, Mello, is that you've got to look out for yourself, not just Near. He's important, but he's nothing without you.' He said, and I nodded, getting the moral of his story. I felt my throat start to close, but I swallowed hard and forced back the rush of emotions as I realized something else – something I desperately, desperately wanted to know._

'_Dr Lenkov?' he stopped as he reached the door, and turned back, his face sad but his eyes were dry._

'_Yes, Mello?'_

'_Who was she? The girl?'_

_One long, last heavy pause before Dr Lenkov answered. I feared that I already knew the answer, and my fears were confirmed when he finally replied._

'_Her name is Ruby,' he said softly. 'She's my daughter.'_

_And then, Dr Lenkov turned and headed out, leaving me alone with Near, and a whole new perspective of thinking. And I realized that he was right. About everything. _

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

Don't ask me where this chapter came from – but I'm currently mid-way through my exams and I thought I owed you guys this one seeing as I threatened to not update for ages until I got more reviews on _Shinigami of the Past._ However well threats work, though, here is chapter 13, and I'm sorry that it's more of a sad chapter, but hey. There's got to be a little bit in here somewhere. Keep sailin' -

– _Mercy_


	14. Journal Entry 14

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

All-righty! I swear, if we hit more than 100 reviews on this story with this chapter, I'm gonna break my back writing two extra chapters EXTRA fast for you guys – you've all been so great the whole way through this story so far, and I'm also going to be posting this on deviantART, as well as a couple of other fics from here. But seriously, the support, encouragement and the stories that people have written in with to help with this story have all been so, so fantastic that I can't even begin to thank you. I haven't quite run out of ideas for this story, and I know where it's going, but I'm still not quite sure on the how I'm going to get there – that will pan out the more I write. ANYWAY! Thank you all – and, as promised, I've got a dedication to do…

_Directed and written by _**M.…**

_A _**DeafMute**_ productions…_

_In association with _**Sc[+]pe **_and _**Reflex Studies**_…_

_Original Death Note story by _**Tsugumi Ohba** _and _**Takeshi Obata,**

_Dedicated to _**UprisingDevilDetectiveL**,

Chapter 14_ of_ **My Autistic Brother**.

_-Mercy_

"_**I walk beside you, but you may not see me. The strongest among you may not wear a crown.**_**" **– Three Doors Down, "Citizen/Soldier"

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #14**

_5/18/97 (May 18th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_If there is one thing I hate, it's all the testing and examining done at the Wammy House. Every couple of weeks there's a test to be done, revision and check-ups on all the could-be L's in training. There are lots of kids here at the Wammy House, but only about thirty in the program that Near and I are part of in the junior wing – there are a couple more in the senior wing that are also part of the program, but I don't know any of them. So we have to undergo lots of tests and interviews, some with Quillish Wammy himself or even with L – and this meant I had no way of getting to see Matt or getting in touch with Johanna. Luckily, though, today was Saturday, which was a test-and-study-free day. I woke up late, though, and peeked into Near's room, only to see that he was still asleep. So I left him, and headed straight towards Mrs Potts office – I was going to call Johanna first, and then go to Matt. As I headed down the hallways, I couldn't help but think back to a couple of days ago, when Dr Lenkov had come to check up on Near, and had told me about his daughter. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't realize who I was running straight into until I actually hit them. We both cried out in surprise and I stumbled back._

_I looked up, only to see a tall, gangly guy who must have been in the senior wing of the orphanage, dressed entirely in black. I blinked, about to say something when I realized it wasn't who I thought it was – I thought I was looking at L, but it wasn't – L was in Kyoto still, wasn't he?_

_But the teenager standing in front of me was an exact copy of L – just a couple of years younger. His hair was exactly the same, he had dark circles under his eyes, and his eyes…a dull brown – it took me a moment to realize they were coloured contact lenses – the coloured lenses hid the true colour of his eyes._

'_Hey, watch it,' he said roughly, reaching down to retrieve the notebooks he'd dropped as we'd collided. I didn't know him – but he had to have been here for a while, seeing as he didn't seem like he didn't know his way around. I was still staring at him, marvelling at how well he resembled L, when he looked back up and glared at me._

'_What?' he snapped, and I swallowed – what was I going to say? The phone and Mrs Potts fled from my mind – I was suddenly scared of this guy – this guy who looked so much like L, but, like…like a demon version of L. A bad L. An L on the dark side. Crap._

'_Uh…' I started as he straightened up – it was then I realized that he stood with a bit of a hunch, not as much as L's but getting close to it. I took a step back – in honestly, this new L frightened me._

'_I said, what are you looking at?' he said, a frowning slashing his pale face. I gulped, and suddenly, the frown vanished – in it's place was some sort of recognition. 'Wait a minute – you're that Mello kid, the one who ended up with the autistic boy in jail overnight.'_

_I couldn't do anything but nod – he didn't talk like L very much, but he had those same, unblinking eyes – yet he was more expressive. L hardly ever showed any expression other than his wide-eyed stare._

'_You gotta realize, something like that could make that Near kid withdraw into himself – damage could be permanent.' The scary L-look-alike said matter-of-factly, and then seemed to realize that I was still staring – right at his eyes. He blinked and held out a long, pale hand, quite like L's, but this boys hand seemed to have a sinister shadow haunting it. 'Sorry. I'm B – Beyond, if you like.'_

_I shook his hand out of politeness. It was cold and it sent a chill up my arm – or I could just have a really, really good imagination. _

'_Um…okay, B,' I said, and then realized what a strange name it was. Why B? Why Beyond? Before I knew what I was doing, I was asking those very questions. Beyond suddenly threw his head back and laughed. It was a weird, genuine laugh, not at all forced, and he seemed to be honestly amused by my questions. It sent a tingle down my spine. An uncomfortable, fear-tinted tingle._

'_Because I was the second one enrolled in the special Wammy program,' he said easily, his eyes becoming less hard and a bit friendlier. 'But they ditched those stupid letter titles a while back – before your time, kid.'_

'_I'm not a kid,' I shot back indignantly before I could stop myself – I just hate people calling me a kid. Beyond snorted._

'_Sure you're not,' he nodded. 'And your real name's not _actually_ Mihael, is it?' For a moment, his eyes seemed to be fixed somewhere over my head, and he stared there thoughtfully for a moment, before grinning slyly as I stepped back in shock – no one, I swear, no one, knew what my real name was other than me, Roger, Quillish and L. But now, this Beyond boy knew it, too._

'_How did…how did you know?' I asked softly, and Beyond shook his head again, before reaching up a slender hand and ruffling my hair. It was a weird gesture, and he did it a bit robotically, as if it wasn't something he usually did, but he still ruffled my blonde hair before turning away._

'_I know everyone's name, Mihael.' he said as he started to head back down the hallway he'd come from. 'A nasty curse, but a brilliant gift.'_

'_Don't call me that!' I said before I could keep my mouth shut, and Beyond turned back to look at me for a moment, his eyes almost a dull, dead brown colour, and then he smiled again, a bit lopsidedly, and nodded._

'_Okay, Mello.' Then he walked away._

_I wanted to call after him – ask him how he really knew my name – perhaps he'd been sneaking around the basement, too, or hacking the Wammy files, but there was something that definitely gave me the creeps about him. Not just his likeness of L in appearance, but his odd behaviour – he didn't act a lot like L or speak like him, and those contact lenses – I actually shuddered as I imagined what could be hidden behind them. I watched Beyond head down the hall and then turn off towards the senior dorms, and then I remembered why exactly I was heading this way in the first place. I forced my feet to go forward, heading towards Mrs Potts reception office. Something akin to fear gripped me as I got to the hallway where Beyond had turned into, and a glance down it let me see that Beyond was standing in front of one of the dorm doors, still carrying his notebooks, but the creepy thing was that he was staring right at me – but his lopsided smile had turned into a twisted, almost insane grin. Like he knew something I didn't._

_I ducked past the hallway and broke into a run – a tingly, unwelcome feeling coming after me, telling me that Beyond was still watching me._

…

_I got to Mrs Potts office and closed the door behind me – and it was then I realized that I was breathing hard. Mrs Potts raised her eyebrows at me from over his cup of tea._

'_Something wrong, Mello?' she asked gently, and when she smiled, I was almost afraid that her smile would become twisted like Beyond's, but it didn't, and I let out a deep breath, slumping against the door._

'_No, I'm okay,' I managed, telling myself to get my act together. I dug a hand into my jeans pocket and pulled out Johanna's phone number. 'Um…would I please be able to make a phone call?'_

_Mrs Potts gave me a strange look, but she set her cup down and got out of her seat, beckoning me over to her desk._

'_I suppose so,' she said. 'You seem to be getting yourself into an awful lot of trouble and such these days, Mello – ' she paused, the phone in her hand. 'Are you sure you're all right?'_

'_Yeah,' I said, a little too quickly. Mrs Potts looked at me for a moment more, her eyebrows still raised, and then she sighed and handed me the phone._

'_Okay,' she said, sounding resigned. 'Don't take too long.'_

'_I won't I said, and she went back over to her armchair and picked up the book she'd been reading when I'd come in, her tea cup in one hand. I headed into the reception part of her office, and checked to make sure no one else was around before dialling the number on the scrap of paper. After five rings, Johanna answered._

'_Yo,'_

'_Jo – it's me, Mello,' I said, remembering at the last second that she didn't like being called by her full name. _

'_Hey! Mello – what's shakin', bacon?' she sounded okay – and from what I could hear she was out on the street. _

'_Well – you're never going to believe this,' I said, feeling the excitement from several days ago beginning to swell up in my chest again._

'_What aren't I gonna believe, Mello?' she asked, and I grinned, even though I knew she couldn't see me._

'_I found your brother – he's here, at the Wammy House.'_

_There was a moments pause, before her reply came._

'_The what House?'_

'_Wammy. The orphanage that I live in.'_

_There was another pause, longer this time, and I could hear traffic and cars tooting their horns on her end of the line._

'_My brother?' she asked._

'_Yup.'_

'_In an orphanage?' her tone changed, sounding more angry._

'_Uh-huh,' suddenly, I didn't like where this was going._

'_Is he…is he okay? Does he know about me yet?'_

'_Not yet,' I said. 'But as soon as I'm off the phone, he'll know.'_

_Another pause, but this one was shorter. Then, there was a sniffle on the other end on the phone line._

'_Uh…Jo?' I asked, and her voice seemed a little strained when she replied._

'_It's…it's really Mail?' she asked, and I thought I heard her take a deep, shuddering breath – it suddenly struck me that she was crying._

'_Yes. Why don't you come to the Wammy House?' I asked, trying to cheer her up. 'Roger would let you in – and I'm sure Matt would want to meet you.'_

'_Wait – who's Matt?' confusion in Johanna's voice made me realize me mistake._

'_Huh? Oh – that's the name the Wammy House gave him when he came here. It's a taken name that seals our identity and our real names are kept on file. The only people supposed to know about our real names is ourselves, Roger and a couple of the other staff.' I stopped myself before I spilt anything about L, just in case._

'_Right,' Johanna said. 'Well – sure. I'll come round on…uh, it Tuesday okay?'_

_There was a calender pinned the wall of the reception office, and I glanced at Tuesday the twenty-first. A blank date – nothing too spectacular happening._

'_Yeah – that should be fine…I think. I'll check with Roger, but I'm pretty sure if you come in the afternoon after about two-thirty, you should be okay.' I said._

'_Sweet,' Johanna said, and her voice seemed – more relaxed. 'I'll find you guys then.'_

'_We'll be waiting out the front gates for you,' I promised, even though I knew I still had to check it with Roger. 'I'll give you a call back when I've confirmed it with Roger.'_

'_Okay. Thanks so much, Mello,' I heard relief in her voice, and I smiled, feeling a victory rising in my chest. 'I'll see you then.'_

'_Okay – bye, Jo.'_

'_See ya, Mello.'_

_I ended the call and took the phone back to Mrs Potts, and then headed back into the hallway, glad to see that Beyond was nowhere in sight. I ran into Cameron about halfway towards the library, and she said she was returning a book, so she'd come with me. We went our separate ways after we got to the library – her to the return desk and me towards the back corner where the computers were tucked away. _

_I knew that even if Matt didn't believe me now, when Johanna came to see him, he'd believe me then. Nothing, I felt – not even that creep Beyond, could ruin the rest of my day. _

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

This chapter also had another alternative path – one that didn't actually have Beyond appear at all, and for a long time I've been debating on whether or not to introduce him. But I finally decided to give him a go in this story – so I hope you've enjoyed this chapter – more coming soon!

– Mercy


	15. Journal Entry 15

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

WOOOOHOOOO! I LOVE YOU GUYS ALL OFFICIALLY! 109 REVIEWS AND YOU ALL KICK-BUTT! XD woo, perhaps I should lay off those happy pills for a while… ^_^ but ANY-hoozah, I KNOW I promised two extra chapters EXTRA fast, but work experience for this week left me not wanting to even look at a piece of paper or a book, (I was doing work experience in a book shop – Dymocks, to be exact), but now I'm BACK and BETTER than ever – after a good night's sleep, of course – so here is the first of the promised chapters.

_Currently musing to "Crying Rain" by Girugamesh,_

_Mercy_

"_**Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste to the sky as well as the earth.**_**" **– Henry David Thoreau

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #15**

_5/21/97 (May 21st, 1997)_

**-:-**

'_No way.' _

_His eyes were as big as saucers – he'd put the controller down after I'd switched off the TV right in front of him, and he'd complained at first, but I convinced Matt that what I had to tell him was important and that he really should listen. That was yesterday – when I'd told him about Johanna being his sister. Now, we were sitting cross-legged on the floor of Near's dorm, as Near fiddled with a Rubik's cube next to us on his cushions, a plate of cookies that Wendy had baked sitting between Matt and me. _

'_Yeah,' I said. 'She really wants to meet you.' Matt's shoulders fell as he let out a breath, and his eyes fell to the carpet between us. Being seven years old, I could understand that this had to come as a big thing to him – I mean, I'd been told that my parents had been killed two years after I'd come here, when I was six. It had been a lot to take in and at first I didn't want to believe it – I'd cried so hard I don't think I have any more tears to cry, because I haven't cried since. But getting reunited with a family member is very different than getting the truth about why you haven't seen them for two years. Once I'd been told of my parents death, I remembered how it happened – before then, I thought they'd sent me away because I wasn't a very good son. That's why I wanted to be the best for so long. Now, knowing they're gone is motivation to get better, not turn out like them. Of course, I don't think it helps that my father used to have ties with a mafia-like society (um…perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned that…Roger will know for sure I poked around in the Wammy archives after I was told of my parents death…) but anyway. Back to Matt._

_He was picking at the carpet with two pale slender fingers – he and I were kinda similar – we didn't go outside too often, we preferred staying inside. But we were extremely different, too – where I enjoyed what time I did spend outside, if Matt was forced to go out he'd find the smallest corner or patch of shade he could and sit there, not talking to anyone and looking miserable. He had all the top scores on every gaming console the Wammy House owned – he'd even topped most of the senior wings scores – where as I had a not-so-innocent knack for getting into trouble. He had boundaries he stayed inside – whereas I can say (rather proudly, if I do say so) that I'm not easily restrained by rules or regulations. _

_Matt was wearing a green skivvy with white patches stitched onto it – it was three sizes too big – a hand-me-down from one of the seniors, I think, and a pair of blue, scuffed jeans. His socks were grey, like his eyes, and there was a small lackey band tying back the slightly longer strands of his hair. _

'_You…you've spoken wif her?' he asked quietly, still not looking at me, and I nodded._

'_Yes. I think – I think it's a good idea that you guys meet,' I said, and he was still for a moment. Then, I realized that his shoulders were trembling – then, he rubbed the back of his hands across his nose, sniffling. Oh geez – he was crying._

'_Hey – Hey, don't cry, Matt,' I said, reaching out to touch his shoulder, and I moved the plate of untouched cookies to one side so I could scoot closer to him in comfort. Near watched us with apparent interest, and then turned back to his Rubik's cube. Which he'd already solved once and had muddled up again. Suddenly, Matt leant into me, sobbing, and threw his arms around my neck, bawling his eyes out. Poor Matt – I sat there for a moment, stiff, mainly because I didn't know what to do, and then I put my arms around him, rubbing his shoulders._

'_Sssh,' I said softly, feeling like a parent to this small, pale and fragile boy who was clinging to my black shirt. 'It's okay.'_

'_I know,' came the almost incomprehensible reply, and I could feel his hot tears soaking through the cotton of my shirt. I bit my lip – I'd done this countless times with Near, when he couldn't sleep, when I wouldn't let him bang his head if he tried. Thinking of Near – he suddenly crawled over, and put his hand on Matt's shoulder. Matt looked up at the new, cold touch of Near's fingers, and Near blinked up at him._

'_No cry, Matty,' Near said in a small voice, his eyes big and some stray strands of his white hair falling over his brow. I smiled a little and brushed them away._

_Matt nodded, chewed on his lower lip and rubbed at his eyes, still leaning into me. I didn't let go – we just sat there for a bit, and Near settled himself against my leg. A couple of minutes later, his breathing quietened and I knew he'd fallen asleep. He'd been sleeping a lot lately – I wasn't sure if it was a good or bad sign. Matt had stopped crying, and I used my sleeve to wipe away some of the tears that had streaked down his cheeks._

'_Thank you,' he mumbled. After a moment, he looked up at me. 'What's she like? My sister?'_

'_Um…' I was about to start describing her when I thought of something else – this is supposed to be a poetry journal, and I haven't written a poem in ages. So I reached up onto my desk and felt around until I found this journal and a pencil, and I actually scribbled this poem in the back, but I'll put it here so I don't loose it. _

_**Johanna**_

Kind eyes, red hair,

She's got that sort of air

With her you're safe –

You don't feel outa place.

She believes the unbelievable,

She sees the unseeable,

Like an otter she's slippery,

But loyal

To the people she trusts.

She can't wait to meet you,

Be that big sister to you,

And she loves you very much too.

_I showed Matt the poem, wondering how he'd react, and I felt good, knowing that everything I wrote was true. She did have that sort of warm, kind feel about her, but she had also said that she knew Near was special – and I believed her._ _There was a moment of quiet as Matt read through it, and then he handed the journal back to me._

'_That's…cool. That you can write like that,' he mumbled. 'That you can…you know. Write poems and stuff.'_

_I nodded._

'_And…I wanna meet her, too,' Matt said quietly, and I felt happiness rise in my chest. 'I remember her now. She…she's like, sixteen?'_

'_Yeah,' I said, and Matt nodded, and then he sat back, and wiped his eyes, looking down at Near and he bit his lip again._

'_Figures,' he said. 'She was like…ten. When our parents died. I got told about them last year. No one told me I had a sister, though. But I kept…kept thinking. That – you know, there was someone else no one was telling me about. Now I remember.'_

_So it was sort of the same for me and Matt, learning about our families – and I think that the saddest thing is that both our parents are dead, and we had to get told about it. I think the reason we got told while we were young was because of the shock suppressing the memories, and that if we were told and knew about it a couple of years after the event happening, we would be upset, naturally, but as we got older we'd be more accepting and willing to find our place in the world more easily. Or something like that – I don't know quite how to describe it._

_I looked down at Near for a moment, watched him sleep, his thumb resting at his lips, and I was numbly reminded of seeing L do that once, when he'd come to the Wammy House in order to see his successors. Now I thought about it, there had to be a difference between us in the junior wing, and those in the senior wing. Beyond had obviously been in the senior wing for a while, as he seemed comfortable with his place there, and it made me wonder if the senior wing of the orphanage was ranked the same as it was in the junior wing. Why was I thinking of Beyond? Must have been that memory of L or the senior/junior wing system. Matt derailed my train of thought with another question._

'_When is she coming?'_

_I blinked, and then remembered who he was talking about – Johanna, of course. I mentally slapped myself for being such an airhead at such an important time like this._

'_Uh…on Tuesday,' I said. 'I've just got to make sure it's okay with Roger. But I'm sure he won't mind.' I tried to sound as positive as possible, seeing as I didn't want Matt to think I was pulling threads together randomly and hoping they'd hang together. Which technically, I was, but still._

'_Cool,' he smiled a little, and Near yawned against my leg, but his eyes stayed closed. 'I hope she recognizes me.'_

'_Of course she will,' I said confidently. 'How wouldn't she? You're her brother. Trust me – you'll know her when you see her. Just wait.'_

_This seemed to lift Matt's spirit more, and we sat there for a while more, in quiet. On the outside, I knew I had to be strong for these guys, but on the inside, I was quaking. This was happening so fast – I had to hold it together. For their sake. _

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

ARGH! I'm horrible at keeping promises – I'll sorry this took so long to get up when I promised two chapters in record time, but I've been trying to write out a couple of future scenes for this story, and they've been preoccupying my head like a bunch of indignantly determined squatters. Well! The cobwebs are getting cleared from my head and chapter 16 is on it's way! Thank you everyone for your patience. ^_^ it's muchly appreciated. Chapter 16 is halfway written and close to being finished and prepped to be put up - COMING SOON! XD haha...

Mercy

**PS **– my spellchecker doesn't like the word "muchly" that I just wrote there in the AfterNote, so I have the option of changing it to "mushily", "mushy", "muscly", "much" or "mutely"

…

I think I'll go with "mushily" next time. ^_^


	16. Journal Entry 16

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Okey-dee-day! Part two of the promised two extra chapters, and part one of a two-parter that ties in with chapter 17! XD Johanna and Matt will finally be reunited…but with what results? Haha! Gotcha! Spoilers, my friends – so why are you reading this? Nevermind… XD But any-hoozer, thank you all for being so great throughout the story so far, and I know progress on my other stories has been extra-extra slow, but I'm considering putting them all on hold (apart from a Maximum Ride story, an FFVII one and **Shinigami of the Past**) You've all been so awesome – I send Shinigami-sized hugs to you all.

**Me**: Bittersweet – sic!

**Bittersweet**: what?

**Me**: hug them!

XD

_Mercy_

**PS – **for those who do not understand the reference to Bittersweet above, he is the OC Shinigami I created for Shinigami of the Past. He's L's Shinigami.

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #16**

_5/28/97 (May 28th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Class today (Tuesday) seemed to go forever – I can't remember it ever seeming so long. While the other kids struggled with unfinished homework and the teachers looked over their shoulders disapprovingly, I spent most of my time in a staring competition with the clock on the wall. Near was staying in his room – I'd gone into him this morning and found he'd puked all over the carpet, and he looked miserable. I'd cleaned him up and taken him to the nurse, leaving him there for the nurse (a rather rotund elderly lady named Rosalie) to have a look at while I got Roger and Wendy. According to Rosalie, Near wasn't running a fever, but he was shaky, pale and weak – much weaker than he'd ever seemed, and Roger had him stay in bed for the day after the cleaners had cleaned his room. Well, not bed exactly – he'd flat out refused to be tucked under the covers after spending so much time on his pillows, so they let him lie there, and after he'd fallen asleep, Wendy asked me to go in and cover him with the doona from his bed. I waited a while for him to fall asleep – I sat outside his dorm door and waited, only to hear him crying a couple of times, once it escalated to screaming, and I heard a very disconcerting ripping noise, but he quietened down after a while. It hurt to listen to him scream and bang his head against the wall, especially after he'd been doing so well, but I refused to let myself go in to comfort him. After the screaming though, I heard him start retching again, which lasted a couple of minutes for silence settled in. I thought he'd passed out from exhaustion, and opened the door a crack to peek in. Yup – he'd knocked himself flat after all the carrying on – the stench of vomit hung in the air and there was fluff from one of the pillows littering the floor – it was even all over him, in his hair and in his clothes. I guess the torn pillow was the source of the ripping sound I'd heard during his screaming fit. But what surprised me most was that Near wasn't actually on his bed of pillows – the torn one lying dejectedly against the opposite wall – he was lying _under_ them. I had to pinch my nose against the smell, and crept over to him. He was well and truly passed out, so I gently pulled him out from under the pillows and scooped him up as best I could – he was light and sickeningly thin, but I slung him across my arms and carried him out and to my dorm – I hoped Nigel wouldn't mind – and laid Near against the wall by my bed. Then I went back and took as many of the pillows that weren't covered in puke splatters and took them back, too. I gently laid them over Near so that if he did roll over or struggle in his sleep, they wouldn't cover his face and suffocate him, and he stirred a little – just enough to hiccup and mumble something I didn't quite catch, and then he fell back to sleep. His hair was damp and his hands were slick with sweat – God, he was like I'd never seen him before. What was happening to him? It scared me that only yesterday he built a small city out of Meccano and got Lily to bring him a small flower from outside so he could stick it on top of the tallest building as a flag, and now he was trembling, barfing, and sweating – but he didn't have a fever._

_I got to class late, but by then everyone had heard that Near was sick, and me being his only "friend" it was kind of excusable that I stay with him a while. But no one asked how he was, if he was okay – they just gave me some odd looks before going back to their work. I tried to bury myself in my own school work, but it was hard – thoughts of both Near being sick and Johanna coming today were swirling around my head, and everyone's silent looks at me weren't helping at all. And so, I spent most of my time staring at the clock, waiting, wanting break time to come faster than usual. When it finally did, I didn't go to the playground with the other kids – I went to the kitchen, to get a glass of milk for Near. Only when I got there, there were a couple of senior wing kids already standing around – I was going to politely excuse myself and just get on with it, until I realized who one of the senior kids was._

_Beyond._

_My throat dried as I saw him – he was wearing dark sunglasses today instead of his contact lenses, but I still couldn't see the true colour of his eyes. Next to him was a girl, maybe a year younger than him, and they were standing in front of another guy, about the same age as Beyond, who was sitting up on the bench. The guy sitting on the bench looked awful – it was obvious he'd been in a fight. Beyond was holding a swab that was stained with a brownish liquid and a dark red – the beaten up guys blood._

'_We've got to do something,' the girl said. I ducked down into the hallway, not wanting to be seen, especially by Beyond, and couldn't help but eavesdrop. 'You can't just let Lachlan keep doing this to you.'_

_I peeked around the corner of the door and saw the guy on the bench shake his head, chestnut locks of curly hair falling around his lowered face. _

'_I can't,' he mumbled as Beyond dabbed the cotton swab at a deep graze the guys shoulder. The guy wasn't wearing a shirt, and he had cuts and bruises all over his chest. 'You know I'm not strong.'_

'_Bull,' Beyond muttered. 'You didn't get to be the smartest one here by not being strong. You know that, A.'_

_I blinked – so A was above Beyond – I wondered who the girl was. She had dyed-blue hair that was braided in two plaits that came down to her shoulder blades, and she was wearing a green T-shirt and blue jeans. Beyond was in still in all black clothes, and he had an angry look on his face._

'_Come on, A,' the girl said, her eyebrows drawn together in worry. 'You can't keep it a secret forever. One day, someone's going to find out. Then Lachlan will get it good. Right?' She looked at Beyond for confirmation, but Beyond shook his head and said something in a low voice that I couldn't hear, and I caught a glimpse of A's face. He had a deep bruise beginning to show around his eye – I felt a pang of sympathy for him. The girl handed Beyond a bandage, and Beyond started to wrap it around A's shoulder. A winced and pulled pack._

'_Aww,' he groaned. 'Don't, man – it hurts…'_

'_I know it friggin' hurts,' I heard Beyond growl. 'This is my fault.'_

'_What?' the girl asked, surprised. She stepped forward, closer to Beyond – it surprised me how she didn't seem to reject Beyond, look at him like some sort of freak. He turned to her sharply, and apart from his appearance, everything trace that Beyond was in any way like L vanished. And it scared me._

'_If I wasn't the sideshow freak, Ada wouldn't have to get beaten up behind everyone's back. Ada wouldn't have to hide himself every time somebody swung a punch. But because I'm the one who gets called the weirdo, people think it's okay to do stuff like this to someone who accepts me. They're beating up Ada to get to me.' He said, his voice low and harsh, and I had an uneasy that being called a weirdo or a freak had something to do with Beyond's eyes, and why he kept them hidden behind sunglasses and coloured contacts._

'_No – that's not it, man,' A – I'm guessing his name's really Ada, as Beyond called him – said, raising his head slightly. 'It's my fault. It's got nothin' to do with you, man.'_

'_Yeah?' Beyond leant on the bench, trapping Ada in a caged of black-sleeved arms, and got right up into his face. Then, Beyond whipped off the sunglasses, staring fiercely at Ada. 'Really? You think THIS isn't what's getting you beaten up?'_

_The girl gasped and covered her own eyes, but even though I couldn't see Beyond's eyes, I saw that Ada refused to look away._

'_Beyond – please!' the girl cried. 'Put them back on! I can't stand it, please!'_

_Beyond and Ada continued to stare at each other – Beyond angry, Ada staring back with something like defeat in his eyes. Both of them were ignoring the girl._

'_Celicia,' Beyond said slowly, sounding far off and distant, holding his hand out to the girl. 'Can you hand me another swab? One of these grazes on Ada's face looks rather deep.'_

_Ada finally lowered his head, but Beyond's hand was already there, grabbing his chin and yanking his face back up and into the light. I watched, engrossed, as the girl, Celicia, handed Beyond another swab. Then it hit me – their names. Ada, Beyond, Celicia. The three of them – they had to be the three smartest kids in the senior wing. It made sense that they would stick together. Celicia had to be the youngest, and Beyond and Ada were like older brothers to her. At least, Ada would be more of an older brother. The impression I was getting from Beyond was that he _liked_ being a creep. That he didn't mind all the curious looks so long as he remained different…until Ada or Celicia got hurt because of it. _

_Ada let Beyond swab one of the cuts on his face, before finally sighing and pushing past Beyond and grabbing up his shirt, sliding off the bench and pulling his shirt over his head. _

'_Come on, man,' Ada said quietly. 'Let's just…let's just forget about today, 'kay? Please? I just wanna sleep.' His head was still lowered, and I saw Beyond turn towards the door – holy God, I was going to see his eyes – they were going to see _me_ as soon as they stepped out the door – but Celicia grabbed his arm first._

'_Wait – ' she said, and all three of them went silent. I could hear my heart hammering in my chest, so loud I thought they could hear it. Suddenly, I seriously regretted not running away and coming back later. 'Someone's outside the door.'_

_I'd been caught – please, don't let Beyond come around the corner, I silently begged, screwing my eyes tightly closed and trying to pull as far back into the shadows as I could. _

'_Bugger,' I heard Ada mutter, and footsteps padded closer. I didn't dare look up as a shadow fell through the doorway – followed closely by none other than Beyond. My breath hitched and I prepared myself to be dragged into the kitchen for a lecture by three older kids. _

_But there was nothing – I looked up, only to see Beyond grinning down at me knowingly – but there was nothing creepy about his grin this time – only a slightly sick twist of his lips and the sunglasses were back, covering his eyes so I couldn't see the expression behind them. But there was something – smugness? I don't know the right word for it, and then he simply looked the other way, then back again, right over me, and then stepped back into the kitchen._

'_Nope – nothing out there,' he said, and I couldn't believe it. He'd been looking right at me. Why did he pretend that I wasn't there? I listened as quietly as I could for anything else they said as they began to head out a different door, one that would lead off towards the cafeteria._

'_You're hearing's going funny, C,' I heard Beyond say quite cheerfully, and I peeked around the corner to see them heading out another door. Beyond had gained more of a slumped posture as he walked, although he had been standing perfectly upright when he'd been swabbing Ada's cuts and grazes. Ada's head was hanging and Celicia turned back to look towards the doorway I was next to, but Beyond had already given her a little shove through the door they were heading out through._

_The door closed, and silence settled over me for a moment. Why had Beyond acted like I wasn't there to the others, but had actually seen me? I _know_ he'd seen me – I'd felt his eyes, covered by the sunglasses, staring right at me. I let out the breath I'd been holding in, trying not to suck in lungfuls of sweet air, and then scrambled up before I lost my nerve, got the glass of milk and ran as fast as I could without spilling any back to my dorm._

**…**

_Near was awake and waiting for me when I got there. I ducked into my room, feeling like there was something chasing me, and quickly closed the door. Near looked up in surprise when I leant back against the door and let myself relax, letting out a long sigh._

'_Mello?' he said inquisitively. 'What's wrong?'_

_I took a moment to catch my breath before I came over to where he was still lying under the pillows, and he sat up slowly to greet me. _

'_Nothing,' I murmured, showing him the glass. 'I thought you might be thirsty.'_

_He eyed the glass sceptically, and then rubbed his stomach with one hand and pouted a bit._

'_My tummy hurts, Mello.'_

_I knelt down next to him and put a hand to his forehead – still no fever. He was warm, I that was probably from lying under the pillows and not having the window open all morning. Near sniffled and wiped a runny nose on the back of his sleeve, and I took over rubbing his stomach gently as he leant into me._

'_Feel any better, Near?'_

'_Little. Still sick.'_

'_That's good.' I nodded. And it was – at least he wasn't trembling or vomiting anymore. Luckily enough, he hadn't puked while I was in class, so Nigel wouldn't have to complain about that, at least. I held the glass of milk up to Near's lips. 'Sip.'_

_He obeyed, taking only small sips, coughing once or twice, but after about ten minutes he'd finished the glass. A white smear of milk coated up his upper lip, and I laughed, thinking how much it matched his white hair, almost like a moustache. Near blinked up at me with big, curious eyes. I wiped the milk away, and then he leant back into me. He was very warm, now I could feel him against me, and his hands were sweating slightly, but he didn't look as sick as before and there was more colour in his naturally pale face. I took these as good signs, and made not to tell this to Rosalie. She'd want to make sure he was okay, too. _

'_Mello?'_

'_Mmm?'_

_Near yawned into my chest._

'_C'n hear your heart.'_

_I smiled into his hair, and then took one of his hands and held it up to his own chest._

'_Can you feel _your_ heart?' I asked, and he nodded._

'_Yep.' After a moment, Near said, 'Frightened?'_

_I blinked – I was still trying to calm down after the incident in the kitchen – Near must have picked up on it._

'_Nope,' I lied through my teeth. 'I'm not scared. Are you?'_

'_Feel sick.'  
_

'_Heh, heh – it'll be okay. You'll get better.' I reassured him, and he nodded into my chest again. A while later, Rosalie came in to check on us and to tell me that Roger said it was time to get ready for meeting with Johanna, so I had to peel Near off of me and pass him over to Rosalie. I was afraid he'd kick up a fuss, but he didn't, only settled back down onto the carpet and pulling one of the pillows over him like a blanket. Rosalie gave me a questioning look as I got a fresh shirt out of my wardrobe, and I explained that he'd suddenly taken to sleeping under them. She shrugged and headed back to her office. After I'd pulled the fresh shirt over my head, I heard Near call from the floor._

'_Mello?'_

'_Yeah?' I didn't turn around, still buttoning my shirt. I know Near wasn't…you know… but I still felt kinda self-conscious around him. Geez – writing this is embarrassing. To think Roger's gonna be reading this, too…Anyway._

'_Gonna see Jo?'_

_I nodded._

'_Yep – I'm going to get Jo to meet her little brother – you remember Matt?'_

_I turned to see Near nod – his eyes were at half mast, and he looked like he could fall asleep at any moment. It struck me as odd how over the past week, he'd been sleeping a lot more than he'd been doing anything else. Roger and Wendy had supplied him with endless puzzles and some of the schoolwork we were doing at the moment in class, and he'd barely touched them. He'd spent most of his time sleeping – even his favourite toys weren't of any interest to him anymore. I made a mental note to tell this to Dr Lenkov the next time he and Near had a session together. I was sure Roger had already alerted him about Near being sick, and I wondered what Dr Lenkov made of it. I hoped it didn't mean Near's autism was getting worse or anything. I didn't know much about autism, but Dr Lenkov would know. I'll definitely ask him about it._

_I left Near soon after he fell asleep, and headed out towards the classrooms to find Matt. He wasn't hard to find – sitting by himself, playing his Game Boy when the teacher wasn't looking – which was most of the time – and not talking to anyone. I asked the teacher to excuse him, and we headed down the main hallway towards the front doors of the Wammy House. Matt was constantly asking questions, nervously fiddling with the hems of his shirt and keeping his eyes on the ground. _

_We waited outside for about ten minutes, sitting just outside the gates to the Wammy House. The orphanage was set a little way back from the main road, with massive oak trees lining the small gravel road that led up to it, casting long, cool shadows everywhere. When I'd first come here, I used to hate the Wammy House, and I'd taken to sitting as far away from the main buildings as possible, and I'd either come here, and sit just inside the gates or in the old bell tower – it stood apart from the main buildings, old and proud. It rung every hour, and I used to count the hours I could escape from having to be inside, locked away with all the other children. I'd only been young at the time, but I liked being alone much more than I'd liked being inside with everyone else. My freedom had only lasted until I was about five and a half, when I'd been enrolled in the education system. At first, I'd hated it, and had engrossed myself in the work they'd given me, soaking up anything and everything the teachers and tutors could give me to keep me out of trouble. Soon, I'd made a few friends among the other kids, and I gave the school work a bit of slack, but I was still the smartest in the junior wing. Then Near came along – him with his head banging, constant crying and cold shoulder to everyone else. And his more superior intelligence. Suddenly I was pushed back, down to second place. I think this is what made me hate Near so much._

_My attention was caught away from my thoughts as I heard footsteps crunching over the gravel, coming our way. Matt looked up from where he was sitting against the gate, and scrambling to his feet as I recognized Johanna approaching. She had her hands in her pockets and she had a goofy smile on her face when she saw me – I waved and she returned the wave – until she saw Matt, and her smile faded, her hand falling._

'_Is that her?' Matt whispered to me, and I nodded._

'_Yup,' I said softly. 'That's Johanna.' _

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

A-HA! C-L-I-F-F-H-A-N-G-E-R! XD haha – sorry about that, guys. It was getting a bit long for a normal chapter, so I've got to stop here and pick it up in chapter 17 WHICH WILL BE WRITTEN SOON, I PROMISE! But here you go – more mystery about Beyond, and a family reunion…how's that for an extra fast chapter? ;P haha – and I think I should just mention now that with every review I get for this story (and every other story) I DO in fact reply to them, so long as they are signed reviews (kinda hard to do that if they're not…) and I AM keeping track of everyone who has reviewed – there will be a surprise at the end of the story for you all (coz you're all so awesome with support and encouragement). Yes, without you, this story and Shinigami of the Past would have both probably been scrapped. But anyway…XD SCHOOLS OUT and I've got a HEAP of free time these holidays (apart from when I start working again) so there will beLOTS AND LOTS of updates! ^_^ (why am I always using uppercase? Nevermind…)

Mercy

**PS **– I've been discussing the characters of Ada and Celicia with a friend, and for those who are curious, Ada means "happy" and is the name I'm also using for A in **_Shinigami of the Past_**. I also think I'd better add – the name "Celicia" is not a real name, but is pronounced "Cell-ee-see-ah". Haha – thanks for reading!


	17. Journal Entry 17

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

ALL-RIGHTY! I really don't know what to write here – but mainly, I think I should say thanks – to everyone out there who has read, reviewed, favourited, and put alerts on this story – there are so many of you guys out there now it's going to my head *YAAAAY!* but anyway…this story's coming to the point where I've got to start tying it all together, bring the whole cast in for one last act. There will be following chapter_**s**_ after this (I've already had half a dozen people ask me if this will be the second-to-final chapter) and I'm proud to say no it's not – but I've got to start bringing the story to an end. A very exciting end for you guys (I hope) and even more exciting for me, since I'll soon have my very first COMPLETED multi-chap story that wasn't finished before I actually posted it on here. I remember when I vowed to keep these authors notes short, when I promised myself I'd only write about three-four pages worth per chapter, and I've gone and blown that all out the window. But hey – for you guys out there, here is chapter 17 of My Autistic Brother; written, ready and readable – love and thanks to all of you.

**Sc[+]pe**_ Presents…_

_A _**DeafMute**_ productions…_

_In association with _**Reflex Studies**_…_

_Written by _**M-I-Blessed,**

_Original Death Note story by _**Tsugumi Ohba** _and _**Takeshi Obata,**

_In loving memory of the __**real**__ Johanna,_

Chapter 17_ of_ **My Autistic Brother**.

_- Mercy_

**PS – **RandomFactOfTheDay: I am now the proud owner of _**Mogworld,**_ by Yahtzee Croshaw *woo, go Yahtzee!*. ^_^

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #17**

_5/30/97 (May 30th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_I don't honestly know where to start here. Perhaps it would be best to keep going from where I left off two days ago. I really should have written more before now, I just haven't had the time. So here we go…_

_Johanna, Matt and I sat in Roger's office, which he said we could use. When Johanna had reached us at the gates, Matt had thrown his arms around her and started crying again – and then she was crying too, and I stood there like an idiot. No, I'm not the best at these sort of touchy-feely situations, but once they'd both dried their eyes, we headed into Roger's office. Matt and Jo couldn't stop looking at each other – at first I thought it was weird, but then I realized that after them not seeing each other for years, it wasn't actually all that surprising. We talked about stuff, from how Near was doing to what life was like here at the Wammy House. We talked about Jo's life – Matt was so full of questions that Johanna would laugh and need a moment to think before answering. But we sat together for about an hour like that; passing questions and answers back and forth between each other, until we all heard the screams from somewhere down the hallway, and my heart plunged into my gut._

'_Near,' Jo knew immediately, and she, Matt and I were bolting out the door and down the hallway – passed a rush of other kids who were all headed in the same direction as we were – my dorm, where Near's autistic screams were coming from._

'_Mello!' I caught sight of Lily – 'Come quick! Near's having a fit!'_

_I shoved my way through the crowd, knowing that if I didn't get to Near quickly, he could swallow his tongue and choke, but suddenly, his screams cut off and went quiet – but everyone else was still babbling. I felt like something leaden had hit me in the stomach, but I kept pushing, knowing I had to get to Near – _

_I got to the doorway of my dorm, only to see – no kidding – _Beyond_ kneeling on the floor, Near limp in his arms. Beyond's finger was wedged in Near's mouth, chewed and bloody, and his other hand was at Near's throat – he was just letting go, still cradling Near in his arms when I launched myself at them._

'_What're you doing?' I cried, only to be grabbed back by several hands – looking up I saw Beyond's friends, Ada and Celicia, holding me back from trying to hit Beyond. God, if he'd done anything to hurt Near…_

'_Calm down!' Celicia ordered – she was wearing a rose pink and black, frilly sort of dress today, with suspenders and calf-length black and white stripy socks, and black, platform heeled strap-boots. Ada was dressed in a T-shirt and torn and dirty jeans. 'Beyond had to make him unconscious so he didn't swallow his tongue.'_

_I blinked, and then remembered one of the human anatomy lessons we'd had a couple of months ago, when our teacher had taught us that if you press on either side of your jaw hard and long enough, you can render someone unconscious. Which had then resulted in everyone turning to the person next to them to try it out. I remember it specifically because I'd been sitting (unfortunately) next to Percy, and he decided to try out this new torture technique on me. I'd stomped on his foot and punched him for it, and we had both ended up in front of Roger's office._

'_You…is he okay?' I asked, trying to take a deep breath, and Ada and Celicia let me go when they felt me relax. Beyond nodded – he was wearing sunglasses again today._

'_Near will be fine. His head'll hurt, but that's to be expected.' Beyond said matter-of-factly, and I realized that he'd just saved Near's life. Beyond's finger was covered in saliva mixed with blood, and the skin had been chewed life a dogs toy. Near must have been thrashing really hard. Still – it creeped me out to see Near lying in Beyonds arms like that – I was about to say something when Celicia cut me off._

'_We should get him to the nurse,' she said, kneeling down next to Beyond and taking one of Near's small hands. She looked genuinely worried. After a moment, Beyond laughed and stood, Near laying across his arms._

'_You coming, Mihae – Mello?' Beyond caught himself and my eyes widened as I realized he'd almost blurted out my real name in front of a bunch of the kids in the junior wing. I wondered why Beyond, Celicia and Ada had been down here, anyway, but I would ask later. Near was covered in sweat and his breath was shaky, but at least he wasn't choking or screaming anymore. _

'_Yeah,' I deflated, knowing I couldn't do anything to help other than sit with Near until he woke up, and the crowd of kids dispersed as we went down to the nurses office. I passed Matt and Johanna, and Jo squeezed Matts shoulders and smiled._

'_Go on,' she said softly. 'It's okay – I'll get Matt to show me around, right, Matty?' she looked down at him and he nodded proudly._

''_S cool, Mello,' he said. 'I hope Near gets better.'_

_I nodded, feeling my shoulders slump._

'_Yeah,' I replied. 'Me too.'_

…

_That was two days ago. Near woke up sometime after Beyond, Ada and Celicia had left, and I stayed with him all night, holding his hand and telling him it would be okay and he'd be getting better soon. I know Near was trying to be strong, and I knew he was scared. He had as much clue about what was going on as the rest of us._

_Dr Lenkov came the next – he checked Near's heart rate, his temperature, and any symptoms of sickness, but even he didn't know what was wrong – he'd never seen an autistic child react like this before. But he recommended a "cocktail" as he called it (I'm going to have to ask Mrs Potts what a cocktail is) of warm milk and a few drops of honey – he said it would help to sooth Nears stomach, and he'd check back with us in the morning._

_At first, Near had refused flat-out to drink the concoction (a word I recently learnt from Mrs Potts. I think "cocktail" has the same basic meaning but I'm going to ask anyway), and proceeded to hide under the pillows in his freshly cleaned room. It now smelt like disinfectant and air freshener, and someone had opened the window and pulled back the curtains to let the light in, but Near had also refused to let anybody swap his pillows for any fresh ones, so there was still a bit of a stale air about the room. I'd had to coax him out and away from the pillows, and even then he refused to drink._

_It hurt me to do it, and I know I've said I could never bring myself to actually do it, but I suddenly reached out and slapped Near – _hard_ – across the face. He sat there, stunned, his big eyes staring at me in shock. I can't believe I'd done that! My hand tingled and I could see the pink slap mark across Near's cheek. Then, his eyes weld up with tears and he started to scream. _

_Refusal – slap._

_Scream – another slap._

_That's what Dr Lenkov had said._

_**SLAP**__!_

_Another scream, louder this time, pierced the air. __**SLAP**__. My handprint was red on his cheek now, and his shrieks only got higher. _

'_Near!' I yelled, and suddenly, just like that, he stopped, his screeches dropping off all of a sudden. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks, and I felt my chest tighten suddenly as I realize there were tears in my eyes too – unshed and choking in the back of my throat. I wanted so bad to cry, to just break down and beg him to forgive me, but Near was the one who reached out – touched my face and then his own, comparing the difference – cool and smooth to hot and slapped – and he looked down at the glass of milk mixed with honey at our feet._

'_Near?' I whispered, and Near looked back up at me. I picked up the glass, and held it up to his mouth. 'Drink – please drink. Please?'_

_Near looked from me to the glass, and when I pushed it a little closer to his face he pulled back and tried to shy away, and without thinking, I raised my hand to him – but stopped myself before I slapped him again. Near balked but stopped – and then he let me put the glass to his lips and tip a little of it into his mouth. He swallowed, and I let him have a breath. He took the glass from me and downed the rest of it by himself, watching me all the while. I just sat there, feeling like there were weights tied to my hands and feet, and then Near said,_

'_Mello?'_

'_Yeah?' my voice sounded thick, and Near's was still shaky with tears._

'_Mad with me?'_

_I took the glass from him and shook my head._

_'No, Near. I'm not mad with you.'_

_I reached out for his hand, and he put his fingers into my palm, and we sat together on his pillows. He clambered into my lap and wrapped his arms securely around me. I don't know how long we stayed like that - Roger had given me a couple of days out of school so I could stay with Near while he got better - if he got better - so I didn't have to worry about classes or anyone other than Near.  
_

_I remembered Dr Lenkov's story about his daughter Ruby - and I realized that I needed to be there for Near, whatever it took. I guess that all the weird looks I get from everyone means they don't understand what it's like to look after someone so small, so fragile - and for that, I pity them all._

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

I know what you're going to say; that Matt and Johanna didn't get enough time in this chapter. I know, and I'm sorry - writer's block is a bitch but I just needed to get this chapter finished. SO…thankyous go to MostlyxShortxStories, for making me promise to have this chapter up by tonight. I know it's a pretty mundane chapter, but I hope it does in fact make your night. ^_^

Mercy

**PS **– Chapter 18 might take a while longer to get up than most - a friend of mine's in hospital after getting beaten up by a bunch of assholes, and he's just been declared half-blind in his right eye. I've been spending lots of time with him, so chapter 18 will probably take a backseat for a couple of days.


	18. Journal Entry 18

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Right! I know it's like, Christmas, and I thought you guys might want something a little special, so here is chapter 18 of My Autistic Brother. I'm still not sure how many more chapters there will be, but I can assure you that this story is still quite far from over. And that, unfortunately, leaves me with nothing much to say at all. Sorry about that, peeps'. **MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

_Mercy_

"Blind is his love and best befits the dark." – _Benvolio (my hero) from Romeo and Juliet, by William Shakespeare.

* * *

_

**Mello's Journal Entry #18**

_6/5/97 (June 5th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Dr Lenkov came to see Near again a couple of days ago. He asked Near a bunch of questions, and Near answered them to the best of his ability. He screwed up his face a lot and tried to avoid looking at Dr Lenkov at first, but Dr Lenkov wouldn't stop asking the question over and over until Near looked up and answered. Afterwards, Dr Lenkov told me this was another method for getting a response from an autistic person – like the slapping technique, this was a repeated thing that required determination and patience. I hoped this word work better than the slapping, because I don't think I could bring myself to ever slap Near again – not after the way he looked at me, stunned after the first time I did it. At first, I was scared he wouldn't like or trust me anymore after I'd done it – but he'd actually become more responsive. Which was good, I think, but he's still sleeping heaps and I told Dr Lenkov, because it worried me that Near was sleeping so much. When Lenkov examined Near, though, he found out that Near had been having lots of really bad headaches recently. I don't know why Near hadn't told me – but he told Dr Lenkov, so Lenkov had given me a packet of prescription tablets to help ease the headaches. Every night, I have to drop two into a glass of water and wait for them to dissolve. Then, I stir it around to make sure it's all gone, and then I give it to Near. He says it tastes like strawberries. I told him it's because it's a very special kind of strawberry that will make him feel better. And it works, too – he hasn't screamed at anyone or vomited in the last two days, but he starts to sway dangerously if he's been standing up for a long time – Dr Lenkov said that was really only natural. Near's adopted a sort of hunched-over position now, his head sometimes hanging low, and he's taken to grinding his teeth. I keep telling him not to, that it's probably only contributing to his headaches, and he honestly tries to stop, I know he does, but it's hard for him. Dr Lenkov says it's a habit that Near will hopefully grow out of, like the sucking of his sleeve, which he still does whenever he's uncertain or scared or sleeping._

_I'm writing this in my room – Near's curled up on my bed with two of his pillows laid over the top of him, sucking on his sleeve as usual. Looking at him, I see how peaceful he is when he sleeps. Not in pain or worried – I gave him the tablets in the water about an hour ago. It knocks him out pretty quick, too. When Dr Lenkov said the tablets were likely to cause Near drowsiness, I asked if it would affect Near, seeing as he was sleeping so much already, but he said it wouldn't. Most likely, Dr Lenkov had said, was Near was becoming bored without any school work to challenge his brain, but he wouldn't have been up for the work anyway. He had hoped that the extra sleep at night would discourage Near from sleeping so much in the day time, but I've found it only makes Near yawn even more. Apparently, yawning isn't going to do him any harm, so I'm not going to try stop him._

_It's movie night down in the library – every Wednesday night after dinner the junior wing kids crowd into the library, make themselves comfortable on the sofas and the big, soft cushions that litter the children's reading section, and one of the staff, usually Wendy, pulls out a big television on a trolley and the children take votes on which video to watch. I haven't been to one of those movie nights since the third of April, when I started writing this journal. It's been, like, two months. Three months as of two days ago, in fact. Thinking of two days ago…_

_I look from Near to my desk, and see the other leather-bound journal sitting there, the one from two days ago. Perhaps I should explain some more…_

_Two days ago, I picked up a notebook lying in the courtyard. I'd been watching from the window, as a bunch of the senior wing kids headed across the courtyard, and I caught sight of Beyond and Celicia. Ada wasn't there – but that wasn't what made me not look away – I saw Percy's older brother, Lachlan, come up and shove Beyond, hard, in the chest. At first, Beyond didn't do anything, but Lachlan kept pulling at Beyond's bag and hitting him on the shoulder, and Beyond finally snapped back – God, it happened so fast, I think what happened was Beyond's hand lashed out and the heel of his hand caught Lachlan on the jaw. Whether it actually happened or not, Lachlan was suddenly on the ground, but had pulled Beyond over with him, and they were both fighting until Celicia and another couple of kids I didn't recognize came and pulled Beyond off of Lachlan. It was…weird, seeing Beyond, gangly and scrawny, managing to hold more than his own on a boof-head like Lachlan. I could hear their yells through the open window, Lachlan swearing at Beyond and Beyond spitting blood at him, both being held away from each other by other senior wing kids. Celicia dragged Beyond away, and I watched as they headed across the quadrangle, Beyond favouring one of his hands, which was bloody and had skin missing off the knuckles. But then I realized something as the crowd dispersed (another word I recently learned from Mrs Potts, meaning to become thin or spread over a certain area) that someone had dropped a black notebook on the ground where Beyond and Lachlan had been fighting._

_I went out and fetched it – I thought it would be right to take it back to it's owner, but what scared me the most was that it wasn't just anyone's that I could take up to Roger or Wendy so they could help me find the owner – it was Beyond's._

_I haven't had the guts to do anything but leave it on my desk. I can't open it, read it – even thinking about it scares me. But what am I so afraid of? All I have to do is take it back to Beyond's room or give it to Celicia or Ada to give to him, right? There's nothing to be scared of if I don't have to look Beyond in the face. But why am I even scared of him? I don't know – but his notebook has been sitting there on my desk for the last two days._

_Near just mumbled something in his sleep – something about a wall, I think, but I'm not sure. I know I've got to do something about Beyond's notebook. But what if it's a journal, like this one? What if it's not just something full of equations and notes from his schoolwork? Well – I won't know unless I find out, right? I take the notebook, and open to a random page – it's dated to about six months ago. I read, and it goes something like this:_

(Journal # 87)

The numbers are burning even brighter today than ever. Ada keeps saying he's fine but I know he's not. Celicia thinks I'm just being pedantic but I can't figure out why the numbers won't just fade back into the background. Everyone else's do – so why the hell won't Ada's?  
And just to put the cherry on it – today's lecture in health was about the importance of valuing yourself for who and what you are. All that mushy wordy-sharing of feelings was lost on most of the other guys in my class. There was one girl, Mona, who kept looking at all the photos we got shown that depicted horrible suicide attempts, ones that had succeeded and ones that had gone wrong. Slit wrists across the street instead of up the highway. Drug overdoses, ones that burned away stomach acids and left the taker in terrible pain and mutilated from the inside out. It didn't help at all that Ada took a liking to the photos, too – he and Mona got on like a house on fire during the discussion phase of the lecture. I'm going to have to talk to someone about Ada. The numbers don't lie (at least I don't think they do – that kid who was supposed to be "D", his real name was Lincoln James, numbers 2, 45, 16, 8, 0 and 67, died right on time – the joker stepped out in front of a bus. Couldn't hack being in the top four, I guess.), and they don't seem to be wavering in the slightest. I'm trying to detect a pattern – I'll have to snoop out anyone else for brightly burning numbers, see if they act the same as Ada. I don't have the heart to tell him he'll live to see a hundred – guys got a heart like a marathon runner and lungs like a cow. Stomach like one, too – you should see how much he goes through in a day and he still asks for more. Like his appetite for knowledge – and one wonders how he has any spare time at all for Celicia or me.

God, my eyes hurt so bad, I had to take out the contacts for hours the other day before I could put them back in. And even then, they stung like a bitch. I had to go back to the sunglasses, but I know I can't wear them forever. Celicia says there's nothing wrong with having red eyes and Ada keeps telling me that we're all freaks here, that there's nothing to be ashamed of because in the end, we all live, we all die – what comes in between shouldn't make a difference. Like they'd know what it's like, having to hide these atrocities, that predict death and wake me every day in a furious glow. What the hell was L thinking, just giving me dark contact lenses and thinking everything would be hunky-dory? Did he seriously believe there wasn't something more to it than me just being the freak with the red eyes? Who's he to think that I'm going to just NOT believe that the numbers aren't just something that pop up for the hell of it? They mean something – they mean death, but WHO THE HELL CAN I TELL? No one, that's who!

_I stopped reading for a while, feeling like I was going to puke, knowing that if Beyond caught me, he'd probably kill me. His eyes were red? What did he mean by numbers? I flipped through several more entries further on, away from the questions he asked that seemed to yell at me from the page. I found another one, seemingly calmer, and I made myself read just a little bit more…_

(Journal # 94)

Ada said he'd do it tonight. That it was too much and he had to stop it from getting worse. I stopped him. He had this knife, and suddenly, his numbers started to plummet – right in front of me! His numbers were dropping, falling down until they all read one thing: 15. That meant he was supposed to die that night. It happened to that Lincoln guy when he was ten years old, but I felt sick thinking it was going to happen to one of the only people I've come to trust in this place. I wasn't going to lose Ada – so I stopped him. He was about to stab himself, but I grabbed the knife and wrestled him for it – we broke something valuable, I think, and ended up on the floor of his room, amongst broken glass, trying to pull this stupid frickin' knife away from each other. I won, eventually, but that's only because he gave up and just let go. We lay there for ages – staring up at the ceiling, and all the broken glass sticking into my arms and my back meant nothing, so long as Ada was still breathing. He asked me why did I do it – I said I did it for Celicia, I mean, how would she feel if she knew what he was trying to do? He said nothing after that. Just helped me pick out all the bits of glass from on my back where I couldn't reach afterwards, and I pulled out the bits from his back, and we swabbed and bandaged each other up. We looked like idiots, bleeding and scratched, swearing at the sting of the Betadine and moaning when the other pulled the bandage too tight. I helped him clean up the mess, making sure he couldn't have another grab at the knife, and when I went to leave, he asked me to stay. He said it wasn't easy being alone at night. So I sat with him until about two am. He'd finally fallen asleep so I took the knife back to the kitchen. I found the deaf boy, Dante – he's the most recent "D" – in there. He said something in sign language that I didn't catch – something about me carrying a "big" knife. Then he said something about me being scary coz I had blood on my face, and ran out. He was freaked as hell, I swear – I looked in the mirror in the kitchen and saw he was right – I had a deep scratch down one cheek, and I realized that when we'd been struggling with the knife, Ada had turned the tip of it and must have scratched me. How neither of us noticed it was weird, but I washed off the blood and made the bloody gash retreat into a thin red line that was slightly swollen, pink around the edges and stung like hell.

I went to the library and found Celicia was still up – reading, of course. She was hoeing through that manga series – _Min Ayahana's _'Akazukin Chacha'_. _An easy read, it looked like she'd already devoured four volumes in one night.

'Hey you,' she smiled as I went up to her. I'll never forget C's smile – she could put the most glamorous movie star to shame. And the thing was, C was one of the ones who was proud to be pretty, but didn't flaunt it. That's what makes her a C, I think. Anyone who is a C should be proud of it, not afraid to step up but not afraid to step down when the times not right to be one of the ones who knows everything. Is it weird that I think of her like this?

'Hey,' I replied, flopping into the chair next to where she was sitting with her feet kicked up over the side of her own armchair. Of course, she immediately saw the cut on my cheek, and the manga books were forgotten.

'Oh my God, B – what happened?' her eyes were wide and I envied her for having such normal, such pretty green eyes.

'Nothing. Got in a fight with Ada. Things were thrown, nothing broken. It was hours ago,' I muttered, trying to deter her hands from my face, but she was determined – only giving up when I pulled away and out of her reach. She pouted.

'You guys and your fights – I'll never understand your need for violence.'

I laughed at it then, but now I think about it – I'm getting into a lot more fights as of late. I nearly started one (completely by accident) with a kid from the junior wing the other day. He (I'll admit I only thought he was a girl for a second) ran into me on his way to the office – he had loose blonde hair that came to his shoulders, and like me he wore complete black clothes, too loose to fit him properly. I snapped at him, and he snapped back, but I suddenly realized – why was I being so…so agro? Was it because I was still mad at Ada for the whole ordeal with Andre? I don't know, but then I saw this kids name… shall I whisper in your ea–

_I slammed the book closed and took a deep breath. No way could I finish reading. He was writing about ME! Why? Why why why? I had to return this notebook as soon as possible – I had to get rid of it. I don't want to know if I had been mentioned in his journal again – I just wanted to forget all about how creeped out I was and why I was so scared of Beyond. So I left Near and headed towards the senior wing, passing a couple of the staff on my way and lied my way around them, saying I was going to get a glass of water or I was going to the toilet. I went to Mrs Potts office, where all kids of the Wammy House has their name on a list, and the list has which room number they're in on it. I didn't have to look for Beyond's – he was right underneath Ada, second on the list. I went to the room number that was given, which was 65S, and was halfway through slipping the book underneath the door when it opened. I tried to run, but a hand grabbed me first._

'_Sssssh,' my heart was pounding as a hand closed over my mouth, but then I realized that it wasn't Beyond, it was Celicia. 'What were you doing?'_

_She released me so I could stumble away, but she still had a hold of one of my wrists. She was wearing a black nightgown with white, bony butterflies imprinted on it. I took a deep breath._

'_Um…I was returning – returning Beyond's journal. He…dropped it.' I mumbled, and she looked down at it, where it sat at her feet. Then she let me go._

'_Oh – right. Thanks for that – Mello, was it?' I nodded, and she smiled. 'Yeah, Beyond's been looking for this for a while – he got scared it was in the wrong hands.'_

_I started for a second before she laughed, seeing me tense._

'_Don't worry,' she giggled. 'I won't tell him who found it if you don't.' she winked at me and then waved. 'Night, Mello.'_

'_G'night.'_

_The door closed, and I was left in the darkness of the hallway. Everything seemed darker now – I'd taken a peek into Beyond's world; and I didn't like what I saw. I ran as fast as I_ _could back to my own dorm – my safe, quiet dorm, switched off the light and got into my pyjamas, and then I tucked myself in to bed behind Near. He mumbled something and woke for a moment, saw me and blinked. Then, he said my name and pulled a pillow off of him and over me – I smiled shakily and he fell asleep again, leaving me feeling alone and scared in the darkness of the one place I felt safest._

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

RIGHT-Y OH! I'm sorry this took such a disgracefully long time to put up (a week is a very long time according to my internal clock) but I hope it's to everybody's satisfaction – I was considering doing some arbitrary jump into a future journal entry where it's Christmas for Mello, Near, Matt and everyone else but I realized it would only confuse people (and me!) so that idea got drop-kicked out the window before I could let it germinate! Haha – Anywayser, I hope you all have a very safe, a very happy, and very, very merry Christmas. Long live SANTA! (Snow And Napalm Taste Awful – don't ask me, it was something Tarquin came up with on his first night out of hospital when we all went on a Spooks Night Out in town – he was certainly getting used to being half blind and still thinks it's great fun. Unfortunately, he didn't proof-read this chapter for me, so any mistake I made - blame me! ^_^ Merry Christmas to you all.

– Mercy

**PS **- i'm sorry if it gets confusing and a bit hard to follow with both Mello and Beyond's journals - but to clear it up, Mello's stays in italics, and Beyond's is without italics. ^_^


	19. Journal Entry 19

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Okay – here is Chapter Nineteen, and I honestly don't have much to say here. I had to re-write this BeforeNote, because before everything came apart at the seams it was a happy note, but now it doesn't seem so appropriate. Don't worry – I'll read your reviews, thank you and tell you that, sometime soon, I'll start writing another chapter. But for now, here it is.

_This one goes out to Tamera._  
_Wherever you are, I hope you're safe and happy._

_- Mercy_

"Revive! Look up – or I will die with thee." –_ Lady Capulet, Romeo and Juliet.

* * *

_

**Mello's Journal Entry #19**

_6/7/97 (June 7th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_I think I understand what anguish is, now. It's not what lots of people think it is – Dr Lenkov told me that it's all about feeling, not thinking. You don't think when you in anguish, and that's why Beyond is gone._

_Or perhaps I should go back to yesterday. Dr Lenkov said it's good I'm keeping a journal, a solid record of events that happened here, but every time I've looked at my pencil or this journal, I start shaking again. Maybe it's because of what happened in Beyond's journal, but I've finally sat down and I know I've got to write what happened. So here goes…_

_Yesterday, when I woke up, something was different. I didn't know what it was, but the sun was shining, and Matt was pounding on my door for me to hurry up and get dressed, that everyone was going down to breakfast and I was going to miss out. I woke Near, who had taken to sleeping under the bed on account for him falling out the night before – these beds weren't built for two – but he refused to take the bed while I took the floor. I guess he'd been used to it for so long, he didn't want to change his routine just because I'd made him sleep in my bed for one night._

_When we got down to the dining hall, I still felt like…like something wasn't quite right, that something was off, just outside my grasp, and whenever I tried to focus on it, it scattered. Matt, Near and I sat together during breakfast, and Matt and I both made Near eat something. Near spat out the toast we offered him, but he did drink all the milk from his cereal bowl – leaving the soggy cornflakes behind. He refused to touch the glass of orange juice, but when Matt came back with a glass of blackcurrant juice, Near had no problem with it. Dr Lenkov had said that whatever weird habits Near seemed to develop, we were to try to figure out what exactly it was that he didn't do or eat or touch. Well, it was supposed to just be me, because as Dr Lenkov put it, I was Nears "guardian", but Matt said he'd help out as much as he could, because I'd found Johanna and reunited them. Matt and I have become good friends now – we don't just sit together at lunch times; we sit together in class, and even in study time. He comes to Nears dorm (which has become more of a play area – Near now insists on sleeping in my dorm with me and Nigel, who's still not happy about it, but he puts up with it) and sits with Near if I'm doing homework (Matt, being younger than me and a year below me, doesn't get homework yet. I do.) and plays with him, helping him figure out puzzles and stuff while I'm studying. Matt's even gotten Near to stay awake for a whole day once – we both saw it as an improvement, until Near's eyelids dropped and he started to yawn.  
But anyway – we figured out that the things Near wouldn't touch or eat were all orange or yellow. I even dug out a couple of bits of Lego I keep in my pocket nowadays in case I need to keep him entertained, set them in front of him and watched. There were four pieces – a blue one, a green one, an orange one and a white one. Near didn't look twice at the orange piece, but started to stack the blue, white and green ones up on top of each other, clicking them together and totally ignoring the orange bit of Lego. Matt and I looked at each other, nodded, and I made a note of this in the back of this journal. _

_The feeling that something wasn't right hung in the air like a thick, heavy fog on a winters morning, just before the temperature dips low enough for the grass to frost over. Matt and I took Near back to our dorm, where he slumped into his pillows and started fiddling with a couple of the black and green army men toys I'd brought in from his room, and then Matt and I went to class. I couldn't help but feel like something was waiting to happen, someone was going to open a closet and find a skeleton inside it and scream, shaking the whole orphanage. It wasn't until classes were finished for the day and Matt and I were making our way back to the dormitories when we suddenly ran into Celicia. She seemed upset – her brows were creased with worry and she was looking around, like she was trying to find someone in the crowd._

'_Oh!' she stumbled into us, and recognized us immediately. 'Hey, Mello, Matt – uh, you wouldn't have seen Ada anywhere, would you?' She hardly looked at us – just kept looking around._

'_Um…no.' I replied, looking at Matt, who shook his head. I think he'd only seen Ada a couple of times, and even then he'd never talked to him. I hadn't directly talked to him, either, but from what Beyond had written in his journal…I stopped thinking about it, and it's a shame I'm writing this in pen, because I can't erase it, and I don't want to scribble it out. It'd look messy._

'_Ah, okay – nevermind,' Celicia was about to turn away when a scream cut through the air – not a girls screams, but a guys. She froze for a split second before lunging forwards, out into the courtyard._

'_Beyond!' she cried, and the agonized scream came again – lots of kids had turned their heads and were starting to head towards the commotion. _

'_It's A!' I heard someone say as they ran past. 'They found A!'_

_Found him…? I lurched forwards, too, hoping against hope that what they meant couldn't be the same as the way I understood it. Beyond's grief-stricken yells were relentless, and coming from one direction – the bell tower, and that's when I realized why today had been different. The bell tower – of course! The bell rings every hour of every day, but today, it had been silent, it's silence weighing down on us, waiting for us to figure it out._

_Matt and I ran, dodging past other kids to get to the bell tower, which stood at the other end of the courtyard, and we could already see Celicia at it's doorway. When we got there, I saw Beyond, kneeling on the floor, Ada laid across his arms. Ada had a piece of rope taut around his neck, frayed and snapped, and his eyeballs had been picked out by crows. I stood there, the dread seeping into me as I realized that Ada was dead, and Beyond howled again and again. _

'_Urk…' Matt turned away and puked in the nearby bushes. Celicia fell to her knees as Beyond threw back his head and screamed again – I could see tears of agony racing down his cheeks from under his sunglasses, just over a faint pink scar that ran down his cheek from his fight with Ada that night. He let his head fall as his scream trailed off into sobs, and he knelt there, limp with Ada's body in his arms, Celicia wrapping her arms loosely around his shoulders, sobbing. I couldn't do anything but stand there, stand there and watch. The sight of the three of them, one dead, two grieving, and realized I was looking into a different world. They were each other's best friends, each other's lives, and now one of them was gone, and the two left behind didn't know what to do. It was alien to what I knew of – with Near and Lily and Nigel and Matt – I wasn't ready for the world of misery that Beyond and Celicia were left in._

_A hand came onto my shoulder and gently guided me away, a gentle voice in my ear that I didn't recognize at first – my eyes were still locked on Beyond and Celicia, still kneeling in the bell tower with Ada lying across Beyond's lap – and I guess it was one of the teachers who made me sit down on one of the benches and drink a glass of water. Matt was sat next to me a couple of minutes later, a damp paper towel pressed to his forehead and his cheeks still slightly green-tinged. We sat there in a state of shock, just staring back at the bell tower, as the teachers tried to shoo away the other kids and fence off the area. I watched numbly as Beyond stood, Ada laid across his arms like that time he'd carried Near._

'_Why?' Beyond was yelling. 'What went wrong? Why the hell didn't you ask for help, you stupid idiot?' Celicia was there with her hands on his arms, around his shoulders, and there were teachers crowded around to fend off other crying kids and to comfort Beyond and Celicia._

'_Mello?'_

_I turned to see Mat waving a slightly shaky hand in my face. I blinked, trying to shake off the stupor I was in, and realized that I was trembling, too, and I felt like I could be sick at any time._

'_Yeah?' I managed. Matt's brows were knitted together in worry and fright._

'_I've never – never seen no one dead before,' he murmured, and I stared at him, than realized that I'd never seen a dead person, either. He looked around the courtyard and took a shaky breath. 'C'n…can we go inside? I don't wanna stay out here.'_

_I nodded, and offered him my hand, like I'd done so many times with Near._

'_Yeah. Let's go back to Near. Make sure he's okay.'_

_Matt took my hand, and we disappeared into the crowd before any teacher could find us and ask if we were all right. Even if they had found us, I knew the answer would have been no._

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

So here it is. And for now, this will be my last update. Thank you for reading. When I do start writing again, this will be the first to be updated. Happy New Year, everyone.

– Mercy


	20. Journal Entry 20

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Hi again everyone! I'm back and I'm proud to announce that this is CHAPTER 20 of My Autistic Brother – written, proof-read and READY for you all! I've got to thank you for your patience and understanding, as it was greatly appreciated. But I'm back and ready to start updating my stories now – and here is the next chapter for you all – enjoy! ^_^ My only regret is to announce I MUST finish at least three other stories before I complete this story (that means updates on this story may be somewhat delayed) because my flimsy new years resolution list had a meagre number of ONE resolutions which was to finish at least three other stories before _My Autistic Brother_ is complete and to try to finish about nine stories this year alone…phew, I'm so glad New Years was such a short period of time and we're getting stuck into the year already…here's to you guys, and my very first update of 2011!

_- Mercy_

_This chapter is dedicated (fondly) to __**Beyond,**__  
Who stood behind me tapping a VERY sharp knife against his palm as I slowly, painfully, killed off one of his only friends in the last chapter. Running away or trying to distract him with strawberry jam didn't work._

**…**

"Do you believe in fate? It's what brought us here – you and I had no choice but to end up this way."_ – Reino, from the Queen's Knight, vol.11

* * *

_

**Mello's Journal Entry #20**

_6/10/97 (June 10th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Beyond left the Wammy House the night after Ada died. The day after, I came out of my dorm and found policemen everywhere, swabbing stuff and questioning some of the staff. Near came up behind me and asked me what was going on, and I said that one day, we'd be doing that stuff, but we'd do it like L does it, figuring out where people went and finding them again. Matt said that the policemen were questioning the kids, too, and that everyone was to tell the truth. But we didn't get asked anything – apparently the police thought we were too young. I didn't see Sergeant Lance from the police station, but I did see Officer Anderson – I don't think he saw me, though. Matt, Near and I hid on the stair well, out of sight and peeking through the railing. We watched everything that went on, waited for the police to leave, and watched as Roger tried to console Celicia. It must've been really hard for her – having both of her closest friends leave her in the space of forty-eight hours. First Ada, and then Beyond. Then an announcement was made over the PA system, asking all children to meet in the dining hall, and Matt, Near and me slipped away, taking a longer route to the dining hall instead of having to go past Celicia and Roger. I don't think Celicia would have wanted to see me at that moment._

_The announcement was that Ada had been confirmed dead and Beyond had gone missing – the police had found only a couple of things missing; Beyond's journal, his sunglasses and contact lenses, a thirteen-part manga series – _Min Ayahana's _'__Akazukin Chacha__', and three jars of strawberry jam. The last two things that had gone missing didn't make any sense – it only made a couple of kids mad that three jars of their strawberry jam they'd been going to use in an experiment had disappeared from the kitchen fridge. Lots of the kids cried when Ada's funeral was announced; it wasn't going to be a big event – just a few of Ada's closest companions, a few of the staff and the cemetery keeper – the Wammy House had a cemetery dedicated to it just a few miles down the road – it was creepy and I'd never been there before, but I'd heard some of the senior wing kids telling stories about how once you were a Wammy child, you were always a Wammy child and no matter what you did with your life, when you died you're body would be brought back and buried in the Wammy House cemetery. For a while, it had made me feel trapped and I'd wanted to leave, go somewhere else, but Roger had talked me through it and I understand it more now. Anyway…_

_The assembly was interrupted by someone's arrival – L's. Everybody – even Roger – was surprised to see him. He had flown in from Kyoto for Ada's funeral in three days, and even though he didn't talk very much – Quillish did, though – L didn't look away from the assembled kids once as plans were arranged and the children were told that Ada's death, because it had a massive impact on everyone, was not to be taken lightly and would be remembered with every passing year. _

_We didn't have any school for the next couple of days – everyone was still really shaken up by Ada's death and Beyond's disappearance. Celicia especially. I was in the library today when she came in and saw me and Matt trying to choose a book to read to Near. We were trying to find something without lots of yellow or orange. _

'_Hi, Mello,' she said quietly, kneeling down beside us. I looked up at her, and saw her eyes were blotchy with tears, her cheeks were red from crying and she was clasping a crumpled tissue in one shaking hand. 'Can I…can I talk to you for a moment?'_

'_Sure,' I disentangled Near's arms from around my waist and passed him off to Matt (he'd been leaning on me – and he'd come to accept Matt as well, which was really good. I mean, Near liked Johanna – I think Matt reminded him of her a bit.) and got up and followed Celicia to a quiet corner of the library._

_She sat down and wiped her nose before taking a deep breath._

'_Mello,' she started. 'God, Mello – I know why he went.'_

'_Who – Beyond?' I asked, and she nodded._

'_Yes. He left because he didn't want anyone to get hurt anymore. He thought it was his fault that Ada…Ada killed himself,' Celicia shuddered and took another breath. 'Ada was getting beaten up – by Lachlan. In secret. Beyond was made a freak show, but Ada was – he was a personal beating bag for that creep.'_

_Lachlan – I knew it. Lachlan and Percy had to two of the most horrible people alive. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say. Celicia dabbed at her eyes with the tissue and kept going._

'_He thought…B thought he was going insane. He said he saw the bathroom mirror cracking the night before he left – he wrote it in here,' she pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket. 'He left me this note. With another note. From…from Ada.'_

_I didn't want to take it – didn't want to know what was written there in Beyond's spiky handwriting, and relief flooded through me when Celicia didn't offer it to me._

'_He told me everything in this,' she said softly, looking down at the piece of paper, smiling against her tears. 'He said that he took the strawberry jam because it reminded him of me – because I liked it so much on toast. And he took the manga series because it reminded him of A, how A loved to read anything and everything, and the series had been the latest A had gotten, and had just recently leant to me.'_

_I looked at the folded paper, not really knowing what to say. Celicia was quite for a while, and then she wiped a hand across her eyes and tried to smile again, looking up at me._

'_I'm sorry, Mello – I really shouldn't ask this of you, but I guess…'_

'_You need someone,' I said without really thinking, and she blinked. I tried to roll with it, though. 'You…you don't have anyone anymore so you need someone to talk to.' _

'_I…You're right,' she admitted, and I saw something move past her, at the other end of the library, by the entrance doors – it was another girl, this time with long, red hair. _

'_Jo!' Matt cried as he saw her, and launched himself at her with such force he almost knocked her over. She was laughing, smoothing down his hair and getting her balance. Both of them were getting dirty looks from the librarians, though. Celicia turned around to look at the commotion (yes, another word I recently learnt from Mrs Potts)._

'_Who's that?' she asked, wiping her eyes with the damp tissue that was coming apart. I reached for a nearby box of tissues and offered her one._

'_That's Matt's big sister, Johanna,' I said proudly. 'But she likes being called Jo.'_

'_Oh…' Celicia's eyes were fixed on Johanna, and Jo saw us and tried to make her way over, impeded by Matt's attempts to hang off her waist. She eventually gave up and hoisted him up onto her hip and carried him over._

'_Hiya, Mello,' Johanna smiled down at us. Then, her smile faded a bit. 'I heard what happened – I'm so sorry.'_

'_It's okay, Jo,' I said, and then realized that Celicia was still staring at Johanna. 'Um… This is Celicia – she was hit the hardest by this.'_

_Jo put Matt down and turned to look at Celicia – and something seemed to click between the two of them. I don't know what it was, but suddenly, Jo was down on her knees, wrapping her arms around Celicia, who stopped for a second, before hugging her back, hard. Matt leaned over._

'_What're they doing, Mello?' he whispered. 'I've never seen two girls hug like that before.'_

_I shrugged, not really knowing._

'_Um…making friends?' I tried, and Jo pulled back, saying something in a low voice that I couldn't hear to Celicia, and Celicia smiled a bit. Matt nudged me._

'_Should we…you know, go back to Near?'_

_I nodded, and we crept back over to Near, who was leafing through a book about a gluttonous (yes, another word I recently learnt – meaning "greedy" or "very hungry") caterpillar. Most of the pages were green, so he wasn't scowling each time he flipped the page or flat-out refusing to touch the pictures, which was good. I made a mental note to mention this to Dr Lenkov the next time I saw him. Looking back over at Johanna and Celicia, I saw that Roger had come in to the library and was sitting over with them, the three of them talking and Johanna seeming pretty up-beat, nudging a small smile out of Celicia every so often. I felt happy for some reason – happy that Johanna was being so nice to Celicia, just like a real friend. _

**…**

_Later that day, Matt had taken Near to the dining hall early for afternoon tea and I'd gone to put a couple of the toys Near had brought with him to the library back in his dorm. On my way back, I heard a couple of the kids in my years level talking in hushed voices under the stairs. I heard them say L's name, and my curiosity got the better of me and I listened in, hiding around one side of the wall._

'…_And it's going to be shut down!' I heard one of the girls who called herself Heather say. 'The whole orphanage! And we're gonna be sent away!'_

'_I don't wanna go anywhere else!' gasped one of the younger boys, Maverick. 'I don't wanna go!'_

'_Seriously? L wouldn't do that to us – ' I recognised the third voice as another girl who had taken the name Rachael. 'You gotta have heard them wrong.'_

'_I swear, I didn't!' Heather said. 'They said that L wasn't just here for A's funeral – he was here to confirm something to do with the closing down of the Wammy's House!'_

'_But why?' Rachael asked, and I could hear Maverick crying softly. 'L wouldn't send us all away and just close down the Wammy House just like that – he'd tell us first. Wouldn't he?' Doubt was in her voice now, and something similar started to creep through me. If…if the Wammy House was getting closed down, then I'd be sent away and Near and Matt would be too…but – but Near needed me! I couldn't let him go to some family who didn't understand him!  
I turned and ran down the hallway towards the dining room, feeling like my heart was going to burst and that I wanted to curl up somewhere and cry. The passage I was running down turned left and joined another, which crossed the main entrance hall. I slowed to a walk, trying to stop the angry tears from coming, when I saw L and Quillish in the entrance hall. _

'_L!' I cried, lunging forwards again, running full pelt towards them. They both stopped and turned to look at me, L kind of hunched over at the shoulders and Quillish looking impassive under his big, bushy white eyebrows. I threw myself at L without really thinking, and caught hold of him around the waist. His hands caught me on the shoulders, his long fingers almost touching the tops of my shoulder blades. L had only ever hugged me once before – when I'd first been brought here and I couldn't sleep. He'd come into my dorm and told me that everything would be okay, and then tried to give me a rather bony, elbow-and-lanky armed hug, which was kinda awkward, but this time his arms caught me and he stepped back to keep his balance. I hung on and didn't let go._

'_Mello,' he said, concern tinging his voice. 'Whatever is the matter?'_

'_Tell me it's not true!' I cried into his white shirt, keeping my eyes screwed shut. 'Tell me that Wammy's isn't closing down!'_

_Somehow L managed to disentangle my arms from around him, and he sank down onto his haunches and looked up at me, his big, dark-circled black eyes looking directly into mine. I scrubbed my sleeve across my eyes, suddenly not wanting to have L see me cry. A bit late for that, though._

'_Who told you this?' he asked in a low, monotone voice. 'Mello?'_

_I took a deep breath, embarrassed when a hiccup caught in my throat._

'_I…I heard some kids just talking about it…they said we're all getting sent away – are we? Please, L – we're not, are we?'_

_L's hands were flat out in front of him, palms up, holding up my own hands. Almost like the many times I'd held my hands out flat to Near, and he'd rested his fingers in my open palms. _

'_Of course not, Mello. They must have misheard something – nothing is happening to the Wammy House and none of you are being sent anywhere, other than the eldest children who are ready to leave, like always.'_

_I was struck dumb – what had I heard, then…? L seemed to sense the unasked question, and he blinked._

'_What they must have misheard was a conversation I was holding with Watari – ' he flicked a glance up to where Quillish was standing at his shoulder. ' – About shutting down the specialist program.'_

'_The what…?' I asked, and Quillish answered before L could._

'_Ada and Beyond were both part of a special program for some of the smartest Wammy children – you are in this same program, Mello, only on a junior level, as is Near. L has decided that both programs will be shut down due to the unexpected pressure put on Ada, resulting in his suicide.' Quillish said is so matter-of-factly, I knew that it had to true, and the stuff I'd overheard in the hallway had to have been either misheard or made-up. 'His passing and Beyond's disappearance has caused panic among many of the other Wammy children in the senior wing who are also in this program. They do not know how to go on and they do not want the pressure of being the very best, as they are scared for their safety – which is very understandable.'_

'_So I am having the program in both sections of the Wammy's House closed down, as I hope to help calm things down if there is no rigid hierarchy to put any of the children under any more pressure or stress. Of course, this does not mean you should stop trying to achieve as well as you can, Mello,' L said flatly, looking me straight in the eye. 'You and Near, as you are both still very young, will be able to grow up and learn as you go. Both Ada and Beyond were already at least twelve when they started here as students – a lot was expected of them, but I hope you understand that, as you and Near have both been here since you were much younger, will be able to keep going as there will be no ranking or rivalry between you.'_

_I nodded, taking it all in – it did make sense. It was sad, of course, because Ada was dead and Beyond was gone, but L had learnt from this mistake and was making changes to prevent it from happening again. I remember something Quillish had once told us, which was that, if at first you don't succeed, you haven't failed, but you now know that the particular way in which you tried to solve the puzzle will not work, and so you can make changes to fix it or find another way. I also remembering hearing one of the older kids saying that a simpler way to put what Quillish just said was "I have not failed – I've just found a thousand ways that won't work". _

'_So…Near's staying here?'_

'_Yes, Mello. And you are, along with everyone else. You're all perfectly safe,' L said quietly, not once blinking or breaking eye contact. 'But I ask you to keep this information to yourself. The other children need not worry – I'll have Watari make the necessary arrangements.'_

_I nodded, feeling the heavy weight of doubt lift from my shoulders. L's lips twitched up to one side, and I realized he was smiling – with his wide, unblinking eyes and dark, tussled hair, it was a bit of an eerie effect._

'_Good. I must return to Kyoto soon – but I will like to check in with Near before I go –' another look up over his shoulder at Quillish, who nodded again. 'To see how he is doing. I would also like to see that journal you are keeping, Mello.'_

'_Uh…it's not finished yet,' I mumbled, and L nodded._

'_I understand.' He let go of my hands and stood, still bent over at the shoulders, but this time he dug a hand into his pocket and pulled out a lollipop. He handed it to me, and then went foraging back in his pocket again, this time bringing out four more lollipops. He handed two more to me. 'For Near and Matt.' I nodded as he unwrapped a third, stuck it in his mouth and offered the fourth to Quillish. Quillish shook his head and raised a hand up politely, and L simply shrugged, unwrapped the fourth lollipop anyway, and stuck in his mouth alongside the other lollipop. _

_I laughed and Quillish shook his head in what looked like a sort of parental disapproval, but he didn't say anything as L reached out his hand again, and I shook it._

'_Take care, Mello. I will be in Roger's office should you need.'_

'_Okay. Thanks, L.'_

_He nodded vaguely, twirling the two lollipops around inside his mouth with his forefinger and thumb on the sticks, before turning and starting to head off to Roger's office. Quillish paused a moment before he followed L, turning to me._

'_He means it, Mello – please take care.' He said seriously, but I could hear a gentle kindness behind his voice, as if no matter how many times he had to say that, he never got tired of saying it._

'_I will.' I nodded, grinning as I turned on my heel and started to run back down the hallway, the three lollipops clutched in my hand. Suddenly, I thought of something, skidded to a halt, and turned back._

'_L!' The two of them turned back at the sound of my voice, L's attentive eyes watching me curiously. I grinned again._

'_Me and Near and Matt – we're gonna do our best! We'll be as good as you one day!' I yelled, and another smile cracked over L's mouth; not in amusement, but this was a genuine smile, like he was about to laugh._

'_I do not doubt you will be better than me, Mello,' he called back. I laughed and waved before spinning back around and breaking back into a dash – hearing the confirmation from L was making me feel so much better than hearing the rumours from other Wammy kids._

…

'_Whoa – you got to talk to him? Like, face to face?' Matt was leaning forwards from his perch on my bed, lollipop halfway to his mouth. I nodded, handing Near another three dice. I was kneeling on my dorms floor, next to Near, who was swirling his own blue and pink lollipop in his mouth calmly as he constructed a small fortress of dice. I don't know who gave him the dice, but whoever it was had given him a lot of them. I suspect it was Johanna, but Matt innocently denied his big sister bringing Near any sort of amusement. However, I remained suspicious._

'_Yeah – and I told him that we – I mean, you Near and me – were gonna grow up to be as good as him one day.' I added proudly, and Matt rocked back, a dazed smile and a smear of sticky lollipop colouring on his face, staring at the ceiling in wonder._

'_Wow,' he murmured. 'Imagine that – you, me and Near – the best minds in the world! We could add up to be even better than L!'_

'_No way – L's the smartest person in history,' I said with a grin, and Near perked his ears at the sound of L's name. I'd told him about the fact that L would like to have a talk with him, and he seemed pretty excited – or, of course, it could have been the fact that I'd been holding out the unwrapped lollipop in front of Near as I told him. _

_There was a short silence as Matt lay back on my bed with a hand behind his head, and Near continued constructing his tower of dice, and I watched him. Then, Matt broke the silence._

'_Do you…you know, _want_ to succeed L?' he asked, and I paused, actually surprised at his question._

'_What do you…I mean – yeah, I guess so,' I said, blinking in surprise._

'_Wouldn't it be cool if we succeeded him while we were still really young? I mean, he's the youngest detective-slash-smart guy that we know of,' he said, and I rolled my eyes._

'_The term is "genius", not "smart guy", Matt,' I corrected, and he laughed. 'And no way – I'm happy to wait until L gets older and hands the title down to us himself. You know – when he retires or something. Goes on a really, really long vacation. Or … something.' It suddenly occurred to me that none of us knew what L did with his spare time – if, of course, he actually _had_ any spare time._

'_Yeah…having to succeed someone who's dead is kinda…sad. And creepy,' Matt agreed, and I realized that, without knowing it, he'd just summed up what all the other senior kids in the orphanage's specialist program must have been feeling; scared, upset – creeped out. Terrified that none of them would be smart enough to take Ada or Beyond's place. Or if Celicia could take Ada or Beyond's places, either. That must have been one of the reasons that L was having the specialist program shut down. To erase any doubts. _

'_Yeah…' I said slowly. 'Still. Doesn't mean we can't do our best, just in case something happens to L.' Matt nodded in agreement._

'_Oh, yeah – if L gets killed, we're definitely gonna work together to catch his killer, right?'_

'_Definitely. We won't let _anyone _get away with it.' _

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

Wow – a longer chapter than I expected, I'm actually really happy to be back – most things have been sorted out now and just about everything is back on track. I'd like to put my thanks out in this chapter to everyone who was so very supportive of me, but most of all to **xNamineHearts**, who I know is on deviantART, and not here, but thank you anyway sweetie – everything you have done for me has been so greatly appreciated.

I'd also like to stamp out any concern regarding the floods in Brisbane – it's okay, I wasn't affected (I've had so many people ask me, I thought I should clear this up now) I'm on the other side of Australia, a friend of mine from work and I were down at the local markets the last couple of weekends getting donations for the Flood Relief, so I've been keeping busy. Seriously, though – thank you all for reading. It means a lot to me that you've waited so patiently for this delayed update. ^_^

Keep rocking, people –

– Mercy


	21. Journal Entry 21

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

I should have said in my last authors note in the end of chapter 20 that I wouldn't have chapter 21 up for a while, since I'm going back to school and all, but after this first week I really feel like updating… so here it is – I know where it's going now and I've managed to get it down. You guys have all been fantastic with your encouragement and support, and without you guys I probably wouldn't have started writing again. I know I originally said these would be short authors notes and the story itself was only going to be short, but I've had lots of fun writing this, so now, instead of aiming for short authors notes, I'm wondering if we can reach over 500 reviews on this story – if that's so, I say screw my New Years resolution! XD I'll keep writing for you guys until this story comes to a close. And even though the end is not too far away, it's still on the horizon, and there's still a ways until we get there. So I'll stop rambling here…

_- Mercy_

_This chapter is dedicated to, once again, the real (late) Johanna –  
You were right; light shines brighter when you're lost in the darkness.  
Because without the light you shone,  
I'd still be adrift._

…

"_**The report of my death was an exaggeration"  
– **_**Mark Twain, after reading in the paper that he had died.

* * *

**

**Mello's Journal Entry #21**

_6/21/97 (June 21st, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Two weeks later, ten days after L had gone back to Kyoto, Near locked himself in his room. He wouldn't let me go in, or Matt, or Roger or Wendy or Johanna – one of the orphanages gardeners went around to look in Near's window, only to have Near start screaming at the top of his lungs. But the gardener came back and said that Near had barricaded himself in – pushed his chest of drawers in front of the door. I don't know how Near had managed it, but he'd retreated into his room and refused to come out._

'_He was going so well,' Matt said quietly as we listened to Near smashing his head and fists into the wall on the other side of my dorms wall. Nigel had woken up early to Near's banging and had gone to the library to get some peace and quiet, so it was just me and Matt and Johanna sitting around in my room, wondering what we were going to do._

'_I don't see how we can get him to stop,' Johanna said, glaring at her hands. She'd come over early today to see Matt, like she did every Friday – Roger had said that it was okay that she come over a couple of times a week, and Jo had agreed with Matt that she'd definitely come over on Fridays to spend the day with him. Suddenly, my train of thought was pulled somewhere else – to the wall that separated me from Near. Could I hear…?_

'_Hey guys,' I said softly, and they both stopped to look at me. I crawled over to the wall and cupped my ear against it, listening in the silence between Near banging his head. 'Can you guys hear that?'_

_Johanna came over and did the same thing, followed by Matt, and slowly, she nodded._

'_Yeah…is that – is that a TV I can hear going in there?' I nodded, remembering how Wendy had set up a small TV in Near's room in case he got bored._

'_Yeah – Wendy put it in there for him,' I said, and Matt narrowed his eyes as he listened._

'_I think that's…a news report he's got going? I can't tell,' he murmured, and I sat back, wondering what exactly could have set Near off. Then, I realized I did have a way of finding out – Near's window._

'_We could sneak around the back and look in his window, like the gardener did,' Johanna said, almost like she was reading my mind, and I nodded._

'_Yeah – I mean, I don't think he'd start screaming if he saw me, but still, we should stay out of sight,' I said, and Matt and Johanna nodded, and we pulled on our shoes and headed outside._

…

_When we crept around to Near's window, the banging had stopped, but I could hear the sounds of a news broadcast being played over and over coming through the window. It was open, but he had pulled across the curtains – probably after the gardener had tried to look in. Now, if he was paying the window any attention, he'd be able to tell whether or not someone was looking in – the shadow from the curtains would move and he'd see our shadows. Seeing our predicament (a word Johanna taught me a couple of days ago, meaning "problematic situation"), she sighed softly as we crouched by the window._

'_I'll give him this, he ain't called the smartest kid in the junior wing for nothing,' she said quietly, and I nodded, but I knew I had to try to get a peek through the curtains._

'_I'm gonna try anyway,' I whispered back, but Matt bit his lip._

'_What if he sees you and starts screaming?'_

'_I'll quiet him down,' I replied, knowing that, if worst came to worst I'd have to slap him, but hopefully it wouldn't come to that. I didn't want to have to hurt Near ever, ever again. I swear, I'll never lay another hand on his as long as either of us lives._

_Slowly, I lifted the bottom edge of one side of the curtains, and peeked inside. It was dark inside Near's room, but the light from the TV spilt a white and blue-ish glow over the floor, and I could see that Near's stack of pillows that he'd taken from my room were strewn everything, and white, downy feathers were scattered around the room, some stuck to the walls and all through his bed sheets. Neither his bed nor Andy's old bed were made – the sheets were rumpled and pulled off the beds, cast over the floor and twisted up in knots. Books had been pulled from Near's bookcase and thrown all over the room, several had left marks on the walls where they'd hit before falling to the floor, and he'd pulled most of the clothes out of the drawers of his chest of drawers and thrown them everywhere, too. The TV looked like the only thing that had been left untouched, because even most of the toys had been tossed with reckless abandon around the room, and the TV stood high up on a bookshelf that Near had obviously been unable to shove over, blaring an old news clipping on repeat. It must have been one of the ones that our files came with, old pieces of video about where we came from, because the headline reporter was saying something about an orphan who had been abandoned by his parents in the rain. I took a closer look at the TV screen, and the broadcast showed a piece of video where an old-ish man was cradling a young boy who was soaked to the skin in an orange blanket. I blinked, absolutely positive that the boy was Near and the man was Roger – it had to have been – who else would be wearing a tweed jacket, have a slightly stooped posture and a balding patch on the top of his head, crowned by grey hair? And Near… he was much younger, only about two or three years old. But the video showed him screaming, his pale face unusually red. The sound was muted under the broadcasters voice, and I looked away from the saddening picture, unable to watch anymore._

'_Whadaya see?' Matt hissed, and I held up a hand to them, realizing that by now, I'd looked so far into Near's room that my head was ducked under the curtain. But I didn't pull back, because just then, I saw him.  
Near.  
Curled up against the wall, I could see his eyes closed in exhaustion, sweat drenching his white shirt and one of his light grey socks were missing. He had probably slumped against the wall when he'd been banging his head, but from the destruction of pretty much everything in his room, I could tell he had been wearing himself out all morning. Which, of course, explained the banging and crashing earlier on. Fear grabbed me in the chest when I saw a trickle of blood running down Near's face, and without thinking I pushed myself up onto the windowsill and into his room, picking my way around the toys and the sheets, trying not to sneeze as I inhaled the dust in the air from the feather from his pillows. As soon as I had a clear path, and ran to Near's side, clearing the space between us in a couple of steps._

'_Mello – what's going on?' Johanna poked her head in after me, and I looked back to see her and Matt starting to boost themselves through the window, too. I turned my attention back to Near and collapsed on my knees next to him, feeling my knees go weak as he didn't stir, and for a horrible, horrible ten seconds, I was sure Near wasn't breathing._

_And then, he stirred, and relief flooded through me. I gently pulled him into my lap as his eyelids flickered, and his breathing came in short, shallow gasps._

'_Mello…' he whispered hoarsely, and I held him close, a hand holding his head to my chest and wrapping my other arm around him, letting him know I was here and he was safe. _

''_S okay, Near,' I'm here now. It's gonna be okay,' I murmured into his hair, which was a mess with feathers tangled into his own feathery locks of white hair. Near sniffled against my chest as Johanna and Matt pushed the chest of draws back into it's place and out of the way of the door. Johanna then came down and squatted next to me._

'_He all right?' she asked quietly, concern knitting her eyebrows together, and I nodded._

'_I think so – but…could you get him a glass of water? Please?'_

_She nodded and headed out. Matt looked around at the mess._

'_Uh…what should I do?' he asked._

'_Could you get Roger? And Rosalie the nurse, too?'_

'_Sure,' Matt nodded, smiling – I guess he must be glad that he could help – he cared about Near, too. 'I'll be right back – don't go anywhere!' he said, turning and heading to the door._

'_Not moving,' I replied, and Matt smiled again as he took off down the hallway, disappearing from view. A few minutes later, Johanna came back with a glass of water. She handed it to me, and I pulled Near's head up a bit so he wouldn't swallow the water the wrong way when I got him to drink. He weakly sucked down the water, coughed a little and snorted some out his nose, but when Johanna put her ear to his chest to listen for any noise in his lungs, she said he was okay. Roger, Matt and the nurse, Rosalie, appeared in the doorway. Near didn't want Rosalie to put a stethoscope to his chest, and he buried his head into my shoulder and refused to look at Roger. Johanna knelt next to me and rubbed Near's back for a bit while Roger and Rosalie went outside to discuss things, and Matt started to collect up all the toys strewn around the room and put them back in Near's play chest. I just sat there and held Near, thinking how scared I'd been for those terrifying seconds when I thought Near wasn't breathing. What if he'd choked on the feathers, or one of the toys? Broken his hand or arm or leg while he'd been throwing the fit? Had a heavy piece of furniture – like the chest of drawers – fall on him? That last one was so horrible that I shut down every other thought and just focused on Near, right then, and the sound of his shallow breath on my neck, the warm sweat that lightly beaded his forehead, the sound of Johanna hushing him soothingly every time he whimpered or hiccuped. My arms around him, I felt like I wanted to crush Near into the chambers of my heart, lock him away from all the horrible things in the world and keep him safe forever. But I knew I couldn't do that. I could only do so much, and soon, I didn't think even that would be enough._

_Roger and Rosalie came back about ten minutes later._

'_I've called Dr Lenkov again, let him know how Near's doing,' Roger said. He'd already called Dr Lenkov before when we hadn't been able to get Near to open the door, but Dr Lenkov had been seeing another patient at the time. He'd said he'd come as soon as a hole came up in his schedule, but he didn't know when that would be. Roger cleared his throat and smiled. 'He says he can come in about twenty minutes.'_

_I breathed a sigh of relief, and Near felt me relax and looked up at me._

'_Gonna be okay?' he whispered hoarsely, and I nodded._

'_Yes, Near – you're going to be okay. Dr Lenkov's coming – he's gonna find out whats wrong and he's gonna help, okay?'_

''_Kay.' Near snuggled his head back into my neck, and I leant my head gently on top of his. Matt was trying to push the lid down of the now nearly over flowing toy chest, struggling with the effort, and Johanna laughed softly and got up to help him. Rosalie came and squatted down next to us._

'_I think Near should lie down and rest for a while,' she said softly, dabbing a damp tissue at Near's forehead where he'd cut himself on something. 'He's bound to have a headache.'_

_I nodded, and looked down at Near again._

'_Can you stand, Near?' I asked, gently lifting him under the arms a bit. Near shook himself a little and blinked._

'_Dunno.'_

'_Come on, then – let's try,' I said encouragingly, and got to my knees, lifting Near up with me. He was almost like a dead weight against me, but he did get his feet under him enough so he could stand on his own, before wobbling and falling back against me. He mumbled something incoherent and rubbed his eyes. Roger helped me half carry, half drag Near into my dorm, where we found Nigel setting down a couple of his books._

'_Oh, hey,' he said. 'See you got Near out. He okay?'_

_I nodded. 'Yeah – we think so. He's gotta lie down for a bit – don't worry, I'll use my bed for him,' I quickly added, seeing Nigel's eyebrows lift a notch. Not enough for Roger to notice, but enough for me to know there was a warning behind it, saying "you better not be using my bed". Nigel nodded, apparently satisfied with my answer, and picked up his bag, pulling it over his shoulder._

'_Well, I'd better get back to class – you missed out on learning about the anatomy of a frog this morning,' he said with a grin, and I blinked – normally, I'd be seething that I missed out on such a fascinating class that I wouldn't give the world to miss, but now I found myself oddly uninterested in it._

'_That's okay,' I said flippantly, and both Roger and Nigel paused at my answer, as if I'd just given them both an electric shock. 'I'll catch up next science class.'_

'_Oh…oh, okay,' Nigel said, eyes wide, before stepping out and around us. 'Uh…guess I'll see you at lunch break, huh?'_

'_Dunno,' I said, looking down at Near, who was almost asleep on his feet. 'Depends on how long I stay with Near. But maybe, yeah.' I tried to sound positive, I honestly did, but Nigel shrugged._

'_Cool.' And then, he was gone. I didn't have lots of what I'd call friends here, Matt and Near and Johanna being exceptions, but I did get along reasonably well with my peers who were in the same classes and years group as me. Still…sometimes I think the others, Nigel and that, only tolerate me because I'm the one who stands up to Percy. _

_Roger put a hand on my shoulder, obviously realizing what I was thinking about._

'_Think nothing of them, Mello – you're doing just fine, and no one could ask more of you,' he said, and I nodded, swallowing the small lump that had risen in my throat._

…

_Later that night, I sat by Near's (well, my) bed, listening to him breathe quietly as he slept. It was dark in my room, and Nigel was snoring quietly on the other bunk. I was sitting in the chair I'd pulled up next to my bed, so I could be there for Near when he woke up. There was a light tap on the door, and it opened just enough for Matt to poke his head around._

'_Hey,' he whispered, and I motioned for him to come in. he came and knelt by the bed. 'How's he doing?'_

'_Okay, I guess,' I said softly, careful to not disturb Nigel. Thing was, Nigel could sleep like a badger in hibernation, so I wasn't too worried, but I wasn't going to take the chance. Matt picked up on this and kept his voice low. _

'_He say anything?'_

_I shrugged._

'_Earlier, before he fell asleep, he said something about the nightmare he had, in a dark scary room. Then he just kept saying "tape in TV, turn on, press play," over and over again.' I said, recalling those minutes where he'd refused to let go of my sleeve, cried into my shoulder, whispering the words again and again. Matt frowned._

'_Think he was talking about the news thingy?' he wondered, and I nodded._

'_I think so. And you know what that means?' I asked, a sly smile beginning to creep across my face. Matt blinked._

'_What?'_

'_It means that tomorrow, we've got to find out what was on that tape. Find out what Near was so terrified of, and find way to fix it.' I said, and Matt's face lit up._

'_Oh, yeah,' he grinned. _

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

All-righty! There we have it – chapter 21 is *finally!* done! XD haha – I'm such a wimp sometimes – still, I've got the next few chapters already planned, up until about 24 (sort of) it'll take some time to get them up, though, since I do still have to work on my other stories (desperately!) Next stories to be updated will be _The Sky is Falling_, _Burning Vengeance _and _APPLESEED: a novelisation._ Just a little FYI for you! ^_^ Many happy returns –

– _Mercy_


	22. Journal Entry 22

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

-OKay! here we go - i know i promised it to be here on friday and GUESS WHAT? IT"S FRIIIDAAAAY! XD haha...well, not much to say here, but still. ^_^ enjoy, peoples! tell me what you think please! And yes. This chapter has a cliff hanger. Sorry, guys...XP

_- Mercy_

…

_**Be yourself because there is nobody like you.

* * *

**_

**Mello's Journal Entry #22**

_6/22/97 (June 22nd, 1997)_

**-:-**

_The next morning, Matt woke up before me. He'd spent the night on the floor of Nigel's and my dorm, since he didn't want to go back to his own in case I needed help with Near during the night. I'd pulled in the doona from Near's room, plus some of Near's pillows for him, but Matt was already up and yawning before I was. I'd spent the night on the unfortunately uncomfortable chair, dozing on and off throughout the night. I didn't want to leave Near, and I knew I couldn't sleep all night like I would have liked to, but he'd fallen into a pretty deep sleep around about 2:30 ish in the morning, so I drifted off a little after that._

_Matt shook me awake, then put a finger to his lips and motioned at Nigel, who was still snoring. I nodded, and then turned to see Near beginning to stir. He mumbled something, blinked a couple of times, and yawned._

'_Mello…?' he murmured, and I stroked some of the hair away from his forehead and shushed him quietly. _

'_Shh, Near – come on, time for breakfast,' I said, standing up and stretching my fist limbs. My butt hurt especially, from sitting down all night, and Matt was also stretching._

'_Floor's not so bad,' he grinned tiredly, and I hushed a laugh. We got Near up, and Matt fetched a clean shirt and pair of pants from Near's room, which Johanna had stayed behind yesterday to help clean up. After that, we walked Near out of the dorm and down the hallway, and to the dining hall._

_The dining hall, was, for the most part, crowded. Matt immediately went down to get the table at the back, which was fortunately vacant, and I stood with Near next to me as the line slowly shuffled forward. I got one tray, but a bowl of cornflakes on it for Matt, got two slices of toast for me, and Near picked out some cranberry juice and a couple of red plum slices. I carried the tray back around the other kids to the table Matt had claimed, and Near carried his glass of cranberry juice. There was already a pitcher of milk on the table, along with a jug of water and a couple of glasses._

_We ate in relative silence – the good thing was, Near was pretty much feeding himself, so we didn't need to worry about that. Apart from the fact that Near liked to play plum-wars with the plum slices before deciding to eat them. He seemed pretty much back to normal, except that I noticed he wouldn't look me in the eye. He wouldn't look anybody in the eye, even when a boy from the senior wing who called himself Patch, came over and said hi. Patch was a peer support leader so it was kind of his job to make sure that the younger kids were doing okay, but he was still really friendly, despite that. He had blonde and brown hair that flopped in his eyes, and I liked him. I think Matt did, too – but Matt's still very shy._

_We were just about to leave the dining hall when Matt grabbed my shoulder and pointed._

'_Hey – look!' he hissed, and I turned to see Roger and Dr Lenkov talking together at the head of the hall – next to the buffet-style bench with all the breakfast-making materials and food. I realized that this was our chance – we had to get into Roger's office while he was distracted._

'_Out the back,' I said softly, and I guided Near towards one of the back doors that lead out into the paved quadrangle. There were already kids out there playing, and Matt, Near and I stuck close under the covered areas, out of the sun and out of anyone's immediate attention. _

'_You go look first,' Matt said nervously as we headed down the hallways back to our dorm. We stopped and he shifted from foot to foot. 'I'll take Near back.'_

'_Okay,' I was a little surprised – Matt had never looked so nervous. 'Are you all right?'_

'_Me? Yeah.' He nodded, and he managed a smile. 'This is really exciting.'_

_I grinned back._

'_Yeah – okay. I'll meet you there,' I said, and he nodded again, taking Near's hand and leading him off. I watched them for a moment, and saw Near raise his head slightly, as if he had just realized that I wasn't next to him anymore. He looked back, pulled away from Matt a little, but then he saw me watching, and he averted his eyes again. I had to find out what was on that video._

…

_I crept into Rogers office, and started poking around. I shuffled through boxes, along several bookcases, rifled through drawers, until I'd been searching for about twenty minutes when I stumbled on the video tape – purely by accident. It was sitting in a small box under Roger's desk, and I pulled it out. It was labelled "__Nate 'Near' River – Julia and Steven River news documentary__". I tucked it up my shirt, and then, I realized something – Matt hadn't come._

_I paused for a moment, frowning, wondering what could have held him up. Then, I spied something lying at the leg of Rogers's desk – a small spinning top, with green and white swirls. I picked it up, just as I heard footsteps coming from outside. Then the door opened._

'_Mello!' Roger said in surprise. 'What're you doing in my office?'_

_I blinked, doing a deer-in-the-headlights impression. And guess who was standing behind Roger? Three guesses, and two of them don't count – Yup. Dr Lenkov._

'_Uh…' I looked down at the spinning top in my hands. Something clicked in my mind. 'Uh – Near lost one of his spinning tops. I thought it might have been here.' I held up the spinning top for them to see, and Dr Lenkov nodded understandingly._

'_Okay – sorry, Mello,' he smiled, and Roger looked relieved. 'You just gave us a start.'_

_I nodded, and then scrambled to my feet, trying to make it look like I didn't have the video stuck up my shirt, and excused myself. I burst into a run, yelling down the hall, purely for the effect,_

'_Near! I found your spinning top!'_

_I got back to my dorm, only to find it empty. Neither Near nor Matt was there – but there was a note on the floor._

Wnet to a lerning seshon with Neea.  
Sory I coodtn com to Rogrs offiss.  
We'll be in the libry.  
Matt

_I sighed, and re-read Matt's appalling handwriting and spelling. Not that mine was all that better at this point, but still. I tucked the video tape into the drawer in the beside my bed, scrunched up the note and left my dorm. Most other kids would be out getting lots of sunshine on this bright sunny morning, but Near sometimes had a learning session with one of the teachers he didn't violently dislike, just to make sure he was keeping up with the school work. I knew I should go to the library, but I let myself wander the hallways for a little bit longer than I should have._

_That's what got me hurt._

_I was walking through one of the hallways, minding my own business and not really thinking about where I was going, when suddenly a thick, pudgy hand grabbed my arm. I whirled to see the sneering face of Percy._

'_Hey there, Squeak.' He grinned, and before I could say anything, he had pulled me right off my feet, and literally dragged me into a side corridor._

'_Wha – hey! Hey!' I started to shout, calling for help, when his fist came in hard, and the pain shot through me as the wind left my lungs. I sagged, and Percy laughed as he slung into somewhere I couldn't see – somewhere dark. A closet? I couldn't tell. I could hear his breathing, and he was still laughing under his breath._

'_Squeak – you're dead this time,' he murmured, and I suddenly felt something cold and sharp running over the skin of my stomach – he had a knife! I gasped as I felt the pain, and I heard Percy laugh again. _

_The knife pressed harder – and my hands tried to push Percy away, but he grabbed both my wrists in one hand and held me there jiggling the knife against my stomach threateningly. _

'_Move and I swear, you'll never make another sound, you loud-mouthed little prick,' he hissed, and I tried to yell out, call for help – but no sound came out. It was like my words had dried up on my tongue – my mouth was dry and the pain made me want to cry. So I did. I let the tears fall down my face and onto my shirt, which was staining a deeper shade of black from the black. Not that I could see anything, but I felt the blood running down my stomach, hot and the knife still stinging in the cut._

_Suddenly, it was gone, and Percy stepped back. I couldn't feel him standing in front of me anymore, and there was a sliver of light behind him, outlining him a little – an open door. He turned so I could see his face._

'_Ssh, Squeak.' He said softly, before stepping back and out of the…the wherever. I couldn't tell where we were – I felt dizzy, and I touched my shirt – my hands came away sticky with blood._

'_I…' I mumbled, just as I collapsed to my knees and passed out. My second last thoughts were that Near and Matt were now vulnerable to Percy. My last thought was how much pain I was in. And what an idiot I was for not seeing this coming. _

– _Mello.

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

I'm sorry it had to end on this cliff-hanger, but this is it. For now, anyhow – I might have chapter 23 ready for posting in a couple of days, along with another couple of chapters of other fics. (hopefully, if I can motivate myself) XP MOTIVATE ME!

Haha. Just kidding ^_^. Thank you for reading – and yes, to a reader who has asked to remain anonymous, I DO reply to every review. Peace, y'all!

– Mercy


	23. Chapter 23

**-:-My Autistic Brother-:-**

_**Author:**_ _deunan4eva_

_**Summary:**__ At his young age, Nate River was misdiagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces his to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help than he lets on…_

_**BeforeNote: **_Okay! here goes chapter 23 - a change of style and pace, this one is a bit different for y'all. ^_^ can't wait to hear what you think!

* * *

_**  
**_

**Chapter 23**

**-:-**

The bell rang, and Matt stood, his stiff back aching. He'd been dying to tell Mello that he couldn't make it, seeing as Near refused to go to this session with a few of the teacher without Matt. But hopefully, Mello would have come looking when Matt hadn't come, and would have found the note. Matt was a little embarrassed that his handwriting wasn't as good as Mello's – he'd seen the journal that Mello was keeping on Near. Mello hadn't allowed anyone else to read it, but Matt had taken a peek the night before when Mello had dozed off around about four-ish in the morning. The things Mello got himself into… it was a lot for an eight year old, and Matt admired Mello because he was so brave, so capable to handle it all, and still look after Near. Mello had stood up to that creepy kid Beyond, he'd found Johanna, he'd stood up to the police and people who didn't understand about Near, he'd even gone up against Percy more times than anyone ever before. Matt believed that Mello knew no fear – it was like he was immune to it. Like Mello was invincible. Then Matt remembered something that he'd over heard Dr Lenkov say; "Even the super kid needs to be looked after". Or something like that. Matt hadn't heard it very well, and he was pulled from his train of thought as Near tugged on the hem of his shirt.

It surprised Matt at just how well Near had accepted him; at first, Near wouldn't even listen to Mello – but he'd accepted Matt pretty quickly. _Maybe it was because Mello had accepted me_, Matt thought, and that made his spirits lift a little. _If Mello likes me, then Near likes me, too. And I don't have to be scared of anything if Mello is my friend._

He guided Near back down the hallways while the other kids ran past them, playing and yelling in the bright morning sun. Matt didn't like the sun – it hurt his eyes and made him sweat a lot. And sweating made him feel all hot and sticky – and Matt hated that.

They reached Mello and Nigel's dorm, and Matt pushed the door open, half-expecting to see Mello. So he wasn't awfully surprised when he found the dorm empty. Near went over to the bedside table, and picked up something small and swirly – a white and green spinning top. Mello must have found it when he was looking for the videotape. Matt wondered it Mello had found it – when Near said suddenly,

'Mello in trouble,'

Matt was caught off guard.

'Huh?'

Near mumbled something, looking down at the spinning top. Matt thought he said, 'Where is Mello?' but he couldn't have been sure. So, he took Nears hand gently and pulled him back towards the door.

'Uh…Mello's not in trouble,' he said, trying to smile. 'He's probably with Roger. Or… something. C'mon, Near – let's go find them.'

But Near baulked in the doorway, and he squealed a bit in protest.

'No no no! Mello in trouble!' he said with redoubled urgency. Matt found it impossible to believe that Near could know such a thing – but Mello had always told Matt to be patient. So, he took a deep breath and said,

'Okay then, Near – we've got to find Mello. Where d'you think he is?'

Near peered out the doorway, then started shuffling down the corridor. Matt sighed and followed him – what other choice did he have? Maybe Near had some sort of radar that picked up on trouble signals from Mello – like tracker chips in some of the video games Matt had played. With this in mind, he dutifully followed Near down the hallway, keeping an eye out for Mello. In reality, the fact Near believed that Mello was in trouble worried Matt – and he hoped that Near was wrong, and that they'd run into Mello around the next corner.

…

Several hallways later, Matt realized that they'd been going in circles. He finally tugged Near down a hallway they hadn't been down, only to yelp in surprise.  
There was a hand laying on the floor, it's arm disappearing into the darkness of a broom cupboard that Roger had had cleared a couple of days ago for cleaning; all the stuff had been moved to other closets, but Matt felt a cold chill race through him as he saw the black sleeve encasing the hand. It had to be Mello.

'Mello?' he quavered – Mello…oh God, what if something had happened to him? Near squeaked when he saw the hand, and hurtled over faster than Matt could register. Next thing he knew, Near was on his knees on the floor, tugging at the black sleeve. Matt prayed it was true, but Near was already crying.

'Mellooo…Melloooo!' he wailed, and Matt stepped closer, enough to see through the slightly open door.

His stomach dropped and he wanted to puke.

Mello was lying in a pool of blood, his eyes closed. His blonde hair was stained red as blood dried in his gold locks, and his other hand, which was lying underneath him, was covered in the sticky red mess. It was like that day he and Mello had seen Ada in Beyond's arms, the rope around Ada's neck frayed and snapped, his eyes gouged out by the crows. Seeing Mello lying there, Matt felt his stomach flip over.

He whirled – and screamed.

'HELP!' he screamed at the top of his lungs. 'PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP US! HEEELP!'

There was no answer for a second, but Matt whirled again to see a hammer strapped to the wall – it was one of those safety hammers that you used to smash a window in an emergency. Matt yanked at it was all his might, strained and heaved and twisted the hammer in every he could, but it didn't come loose. Then, his finger slipped and tripped a button on the side of it by accident and it released, falling back into his hands. Matt paused for a moment, stunned, then he was brought back to earth by Near's screaming sobs. He turned to the nearest window, and smashed the hammer straight through it. The crash was deafening, and Matt was rained with a shower on glass_. _An alarm started blazing through the orphanage, and he could already hear people screaming far off. Then, Roger and Dr Lenkov came running around the corner, flanked by kids andteachers, andMatt sank to his knees, adrenaline licking through his veins and making him queasy and shaky all over again. He felt like he was under the hot, bright sun, and sweat cried down his skin. He wanted to be sick – he wanted to wake up from this nightmare. Hands held him as he retched on the floor, and he saw out of the corner of his fuzzy vision Mello being lifted up by Dr Lenkov, blood soaking into the doctors shirt. Then, Matt closed his eyes to the sights and his ears to the sounds and willed it to all go away.

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

A short chapter but here it is. DON'T WORRY! MELLO IS OKAY! (**Mello**: _I hate you so very much. Picking on the hero of this story…_) (**Me**: _shuttup and get in the hospital bed and lie there pathetically for the next chapter._) . More coming very soon! ^_^

– _Mercy_


	24. Journal Entries 23 & 24

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

OVERDUE OVERDUE OVERDUE **WAAAAAAAY** OVERDUE! I'm so very sorry about my lack of updates and so forth, and I know I said I'd update a HEAP of stories at the start of this year but I've got to admit: I'm a slacker and I hardly do any typing at all these days. School, work and a social life squeezed between the cracks has been giving me a hell of an overload for the last three weeks and I know it's unfair that I haven't updated in forever but here you go: Chapter 24, journal entries 23 and 24 of MY AUTISTIC BROTHER, ready to be read. God that sounded weird…

OHOHOHOHOH! I'm SERIOUSLY proud right now because I took a maths test yesterday, and the results came back; I got **82.56%** (which is 33 out of 40) CORRECT. Major proud moment, here! ( w )

*Phew*…yup, I feel better now…

_- Mercy_

…

Nothing weird or funny to put here today; just thankin' God for the woman that is my love and the people in this world that think my being weird is a good thing.  
Peace, y'all.

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #23/24**

_6/24/97 (June 24th, 1997)_

**-:-**

'_Mello? Mello – wake up, boy.'_

_My fathers voice…I could feel his hand on mine, closing over me and holding me – he sounded worried – scared. I tried to pull away. I didn't like it when father was worried – it usually meant that someone was after him. Mother always hated him for being in ties with the mafia, but he knew how to bring in money. I could feel her cold hand on my forehead._

'_It's all right, now,' she said softly, kindly. She sounded older, wiser than when she'd died. 'You're going to be all right.'_

_I struggled – these weren't my parents – my parents were dead, and the hand on mine shifted, and it occurred to me that my father had big hands – and the hand on mine was nowhere near as large as his would have been. And my mother's hand…moved away, left my skin and I moaned – I didn't want her to go. _

'_Mother – ?' I tried to speak, but my mouth felt dry, sore. I winced and my eyes hurt – the light was intensely bright, white behind my eyes and all I could hear was someone murmuring reels and reels of numbers. Numbers that were prime numbers…_

'_Mello?' my fathers voice changed – it sounded younger. More…boyish. And since when did my father call me Mello? Mello was the name I took when I came to Wammy's…_

'_Mello? C'n you hear me, Mello?' Matt's voice cracked through my fathers, and I blinked, my eyes truly opening for the first time. My parental apparitions vanished, to be replaced by an older nurse standing at the end of the bed, Matt on one side with Near at his arm, Near mumbling all the prime numbers from what seemed to be one to a googol, and Dr Lenkov sitting on my other side._

_I was in hospital – the result of the stiff bed I was lying on and the bright lights overhead. Matt had his hand on mine, shaking me a bit._

'_Mello?' his voice wavered._

'_Yeah?' my voice was a rasp, and I suddenly realized just how sore it was. The nurse held out a glass of water._

'_Here,' she said softly, giving it to Dr Lenkov. 'Make sure he drinks it.'_

_Dr Lenkov nodded and the nurse left, and he turned to me with a gentle smile._

'_How're you doing, Mello?' he asked quietly, and I blinked again, my sore eyes adjusting to the light. He helped me to sit up – my ribcage was really sore and a sharp pain shot through me every time I tried to move – and then held the glass up to my lips. (It also hurt to move my arms – I didn't know what was wrong with me.)_

'_Um…my stomach hurts,' I murmured, and Matt was clawing at my sheets._

'_It was Percy, Mello – ' he said urgently, and I blinked at him slowly. Then, something fired off inside my brain and two synapses connected – Percy. Lachlan's little (or big ((body-wise)), in Percy's case) terrorizing brother. Percy had…what had he done? I remember him hitting me and dragging me into someplace dark…I looked down at my stomach, which was wrapped in bandages and my imagination filled in the blanks._

'_Oh,' I said quietly._

'_Yeah – he's gonna get sent away, Mello – Roger's sorting it out. He moves out today!' Matt said with a tinge of triumph in his voice. His small smile grew as I smiled back, and suddenly, something seemed to lift off my chest – Percy was going to be gone, forever. No more bags shoved over our heads in the toilets, no more wet spit-balls hitting the backs of our heads in class, no more punches, no more fights, no more taunts, no more picking on the little kids – no more Percy._

'_Where's…Where's he getting sent?' I asked, and Dr Lenkov took a deep breath._

'_Well – there's a youth centre for young people like Percy – and Roger thinks he'll do a bit better there. The focus is on the child's behaviour instead of the child's endeavours as a student. No matter what had happened, Percy would have been either allocated to another place or he would have gone there sometime – but Roger didn't have hard evidence against him other than the other children's stories to go by. Now, though, Percy has crossed a line he can't uncross – of course he can't be charged as a juvenile, but he will be re-assessed sooner now rather than later.'_

_I stared at Dr Lenkov blankly for a few seconds._

'_And…uh, what does that mean?' I asked a little sheepishly, and Dr Lenkov laughed softly._

'_Heh – it means he's going to be sent somewhere where he can't hurt anybody anywhere ever again, Mello,' he said, and I nodded. You see? I can understand adults when they don't just bluster me with adult-speak. I may be really, really smart but even that went over my head. Glancing at Matt, I saw the recognition dawn over him as he caught on to what Dr Lenkov was saying, too. _

'_Oh, right,' he mumbled, blushing the colour of his hair and looking down. I still think that he's a little bit scared of Dr Lenkov, and then he looked at Near, who was still clinging onto his arm, still mumbling prime numbers. 'Uh…Near hasn't slept in two days since he found you.'_

_I reached out and touched the albino locks of Near's hair, as his face was buried in the crook of Matt's arm, and I gently rubbed his head._

'_Hey,' I said softly. 'Near?'_

_Near looked up and saw me, his big, round eyes full of unshed tears. Without saying anything, he crawled up onto the hospital bed, snuggled down next to me, wrapped his small arms around my neck, and promptly began sobbing into me shoulder. I did my best to wrap my arm around him, but pain jolted through me so I had to move slowly. Near's tears made the hospital pyjama shirt I was wearing a bit soggy, but that was okay. Dr Lenkov slid his hand into my other hand, and squeezed a bit. I smiled back at him, and it felt nice to have someone like him understand what was going on. It felt good that he was here, and I know that holding an adults hand is a kid thing and I'm trying to grow out of those sorts of habits, but it reminded me of my fathers hand, one time when he'd taken me to the park when I was three. I'd played on the slide and in the sand and he'd stood and watched, but then he'd taken me to get an ice-cream, and on the way home he'd held my hand, told me he loved me, and that I must always look both ways before crossing the road. He told me that, should anything should ever happen to him, I was to remember that no matter what I saw or what I heard, even if I didn't have him or my mother near by, I would always have their love. I don't remember much more, but then my father had gotten into the debt with the mafia and had been killed. I crushed down on the darkening storm cloud of memories and just thought about the warmth of Dr Lenkov's hand encasing mine. It felt real, secure. We stayed like that for a long time, Dr Lenkov holding my free hand, me holding Near with my other, and Matt stroking Near on the back. Slowly, Near's tears dried and he fell asleep against me, which was a bit painful and Dr Lenkov helped to untangle him gently and passed him off to Matt, who cradled him, despite Matt only being a year and consequently only slightly taller than Near, and rocked him gently. I remembered seeing Johanna doing the exact same thing for Matt. I remembered doing exactly that for Near. And I remembered then exactly why I'm writing this journal. Not much of a poet, am I?_

…

_Okay – I'm going to combine two journal entries here, just so I don't have to write two different ones. I'm sure Roger won't mind. Anyhow…_

_A few hours later, after I'd dozed off for a while, and so had Matt, and all the lights had been dimmed down after the clock had gone eleven-thirty, I woke up again about two hours later to see Dr Lenkov reading by my bedside._

'_Did you stay awake all night?' I yawned, and he blinked and looked up, rubbing his eyes._

'_Just in case you needed anything, Mello,' he said tiredly. 'I promised Roger I'd keep an eye on you until tomorrow. The doctor says you should be okay to go back to the orphanage then – your wounds aren't as bad as they could have been, but you did lose are rather shocking amount of blood. But nonetheless, the doctor wants you to make sure you have the bandages changed twice a day until the stitches are to be removed – '_

'_I have stitches?' I gaped, and he nodded._

'_Unfortunately, yes. But after they come out, he recommends about two weeks of rest – and catch up on your studies, if I might add, Mello,' he gave me a look and a small smile, and I grinned. 'And after that you should be up running around and causing mischief again just as usual.'_

_I grinned again as he said this was a knowing smile – obviously, Roger had filled him in on the Mischievous Mishaps of Mello – on 24/7, seven days a week, folks. Heheh.  
I glanced down at the book he was reading._

'_What're you reading?' I asked, and he smiled, and nodded, looking down at the cover. It was roughly made, as if someone had tacked a black cover over a small-ish book. It looked like someone had made it by hand._

'_A story that a friend of mine wrote,' he said. 'It's called "Once In A Lifetime of Never" – she wrote it for me while she was in hospital.'_

_I blinked. _

'_Oh,' I said, and Dr Lenkov sighed, but he was smiling._

'_She's turning nineteen this year,' he said fondly, gazing down at the cover. 'She's been in and out of hospital for the last few years – writing this whenever she isn't being poked and prodded by doctors.' At my perplexed look, he added, 'she suffers from a mental disorder called schizophrenia – it means to have several different personalities, and sometimes to have voices talking inside your head.'_

_I nodded – I'd learnt that any source of information I could get could be useful towards helping Near, and I wanted to know more._

'_What did she write about?'_

'_Well,' Dr Lenkov said, flipping through the pages – every single one of them was covered in small, neat handwriting that wrote it's way across the page, each page numbered, each chapter titled. Every seemed perfect – until he flipped to one page, where the neat writing broke off into a vicious scrawl of angry words all with capital letters, and I saw quotation marks, and I guessed that one of the characters had to be really furious for that sort of writing. I blinked in surprise and Dr Lenkov saw me. He sighed again, this time sounding sad._

'_Sometimes…sometimes she gets out of control. But I tell you what – if there's one thing her disorder is good for, it's creating interesting and hilarious characters.' He smiled, continuing to flip through the book. 'She sealed the covers herself, too. She said to me – "if you have no idea what is going on, then that's okay because I didn't either!",' he chuckled, and I tried a smile. There was a short pause between us, and then I asked,_

'_Will you please read some to me?'_

_Dr Lenkov looked up at me in surprise, and I made somewhat pleading eyes, and his face softened, and he smiled, turning back to the beginning of the book._

'_Okay,' he said softly. 'Chapter One…'_

He read to me through the long hours of the night, and I listened as he read about pirates and sea kings, an enchanted forest and trickster fairies, princess's, jesters, and insane town criers all wrapped up in the imagination of the girl who wrote that book. I remember trying not to let my eyes droop, but I did fall asleep about four hours later. And I remember that Dr Lenkov never let go of my hand once.

– _Mello.

* * *

_

_**AfterNote:**_

So there you have it! I'm not going to tell you all a huge fib and say I'll have chapter 25 up any time within the next century – (just kidding) – but there is probably not going to be a lot of time for me to do ANY updating within the next two weeks or so, so HERE IS THE DEAL. I have Sunday and Monday off this weekend (public holiday on Monday – SCORE!) so I'll be typing my butt off to finish and update some chapters of other fics and make a start on chapter 25 of My Autistic Brother. Updates may vary throughout the week, depending on how much **Self-Inflicted-Yet-Adult-Imposed-Torture** (_homework_ for those non-Maximum Ride fans) and how much sleep I manage to get. Oh – I also got 18 ½ out of 20 for my Ancient History test – but apparently all I was lacking in my answers was "depth". XD talk about bein' skin deep…

Til next time! (And_ to the IdiotMobile_!)

– _Mercy_


	25. Journal Entry 25

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

HEYA PEOPLES! about time i updated so here we go! this took me aaaages to write seeing as i didn't know where to go with it at first and i've had heaps of assignments and homework trucked onto me *dies drowning in paperwork* but NEVER FEAR! I AM HERE! bringing you the UPDATE (yes, you heard me right!) the UPDATE of My Autistic Brother. Chapter 25, here we come - thank you all for be so patient and willing to let me take my sweet time to get this up, because it is so massively appreaciated. ^_^

_- Mercy_

…

Oh, yeah – I think I'll have to mention that I am NOT using a 1997 calendar to figure out all the dates – the dates I'm using for Mello's journal entries are taken from an old 2002 calendar I had lying around when I first decided to put dates of the journal entries into the story. Just a lil' fun bit of trivia for ya.

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #25**

_6/27/97 (June 27th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Three days later, I was, as promised, home from hospital and resting up in the library of the Wammy's House; catching up on missed schoolwork. Apparently my classes hadn't been doing anything too interesting, so I wasn't missing out on too much. The doctors kept me back an extra day after I fell over the moment I stood up the day after Dr Lenkov had read me that story, just to make sure I was all right._

_I've been home about two days now. I saw Johanna yesterday – she wasn't due to come and see Matt until tomorrow but she said she wanted to come and make sure I was okay. We talked about stuff, she helped me out with a couple of the harder questions in my homework, and then she went to see Celicia. I hadn't seen Celicia in maybe…two weeks? I think I've lost track; it's got to be at least three weeks since Ada's death and Beyond's disappearance now. But still. Matt told me that Johanna and Celicia had been spending a lot of time together – they'd been talking a lot and sitting close to each other. Matt thought it was a little strange, but when I asked Johanna about it yesterday she said that Celicia didn't want to stay here at Wammy's anymore – it was hard for her to stay in the place she'd once called home but now felt like she was staying in a place that could only ever remind her of her two friends that had left her. So Johanna had been arranging with Roger to have Celicia transferred to a boarding house somewhere closer to London, where Celicia could make a new family and friends, move on and leave her childhood years behind. Roger had apparently agreed – so had Celicia, and Celicia was going to be moving out in a few days. _

_Thinking of people moving out – Percy also went yesterday, to some sort of detention centre for under-aged kids, and Lachlan was moving in to another sort of boarding home, kinda like Celicia, today. L had made announcements about it a couple of days ago over a voice speaker in Roger's laptop, lots of the kids gathered around to hear what he was going to say. I think they were all secretly relieved that Percy and Lachlan were going, but no one showed it – I didn't see either of them there when L made the announcement, and I was counting the moments until the overweight bully who called himself Percy was gone. Lachlan I'd never interacted with before, only seen him and kept well away._

_That…that kinda changed today._

_I packed up my folder with all my homework in it, put it in my lap and started to wheel myself out of the library. Oh…I think this is probably the time to mention that I have been put in a wheelchair for the next week or so, just until I can stand and walk on my own for five minutes straight. The doctors said that by taking the weight off my legs and the strain off my chest with the exercise, I'm less likely to aggravate (meaning to irritate or make worse) my wound. _

_Anyway…_

_I was half-way across the empty quadrangle when someone grabbed my wheelchairs handlebars from behind, almost pulling me over._

'_Hey!' I cried in surprise, yanking myself around to face who had grabbed me. My arms have been very sore from all of the wheeling myself around when the other kids aren't offering to do it during recess and lunchtimes. But you'll never guess who I spun around to see towering over me – what to hazard a guess? Yup – it was Lachlan._

'_Hey yourself,' he said, squinting down at me through the bright afternoon sun. 'You got a second?'_

_I was anything but willing to spend more time with anyone related to Percy – especially considering my last Percy-related experience. But since I couldn't walk five steps without stumbling and falling, and I couldn't wheel myself away from Lachlan very fast, I didn't have much choice, did I?_

'_Uh…' I said, still debating how far I could crawl away over the pavement before he caught up. 'Sure.'_

'_Cool.' I had never heard Lachlan talk so little – any other times I'd heard him, he was laughing, jeering, making cracks at people behind their backs and laughing with his boof-head friends. He spun me back around and took hold of the handlebars of the wheelchair, and wheeled me out of the sunshine. I felt vulnerable, knowing that he was capable to doing anything behind my back, and yet here he was, wheeling me along like a kind friend. I wasn't about to start trusting him, though._

'_So,' he said once we were under the cover of the veranda roofing. 'You're the kid Percy roughed up, huh? Heh – bugger did a real number on you, didn't he?'_

_I wasn't really sure what he meant by that, so I didn't say anything. Lachlan sighed heavily, and I could feel him scooting along behind me. He whistled a tune to the air, and I twisted around to see him looking off across the oval, as if he didn't have a care in the world. My stitches pulled uncomfortably, so I turned back and sat properly._

'_But now he's gone, I'm going too,' Lachlan said, fairly straightforwardly. 'I gotta say – kid was always a handful, that one. Ever since our folks died. Then when Rach' passed on. Percy's never been the same.'_

_Something in his tone sparked my interest. Who was "Rach"? So I asked, and I heard him chuckle softly._

'_She was my little sister. Percy's big sis. She had cancer. Got a brain scar that never healed – she was in a coma for like, three years. Percy never understood back then. He'd always ask why she wasn't waking up and sayin' hello to him anymore. I told it was cuz she was always tired cuz of the meds she was on. Then she stopped responding to the meds. The doctors said she was "dead in the water" so t'speak.'_

_I let this sink in. What if Lachlan wasn't just naturally mean like Percy? What if they were both really upset that their sister had died?_

'_How did she…how did she die?' I mumbled, immediately regretting asking. Lachlan said nothing for a bit._

'_The doctors yanked her plug. Took her off life support and let her die,' he said finally, and we stopped under the shade of a large oak tree. We were creepily close to the bell tower, where Ada had not-so-long ago hung himself to escape his own misery. Lachlan scrubbed the back of his hand across his eyes, and for a moment I thought he was going to cry, but his eyes were dry when he glared over at the bell tower. Then he spoke again, quieter this time. 'I held her hand. She told me to take care of Perc' while she was gone. Guess I buggered that one up royally, didn't I?'_

_I didn't know if he was actually asking me, so I stayed quiet again. We were out in the front quadrangle, and Lachlan swung me towards the senior wing dorms building. _

'_Gotta get me stuff,' he shrugged when I looked up at him. 'I got fifteen minutes left here before that guy I'm gonna be moving in with comes to pick me up.'_

_We walked – and wheeled – in silence for a while. I didn't know why Lachlan was here, what he was doing or where he was going by telling me about his sister. Although it seemed like lots of people were losing the ones they loved. Dr Lenkov, Lachlan, even Near to an extent (I'm kinda guessing that he knows what was on that tape, about his parents. I have yet to look at it, though – today was the only time I've had to myself. The rest of the time I've been fussed over by the orphanage staff, crowded by the other kids and piled up with a few bits of missed homework. And I haven't really had time to talk to Matt, yet, either – I've only seen him a couple of times, and he's been acting kinda off…). But anyway – we got to Lachlan's dorm, but we didn't go in. There were several duffel bags sitting outside the door, and he hefted two up in hand and the third up in the other._

'_Is that all your stuff?' I don't quite know why, but I was compelled to ask. I know none of the kids here came with lots of stuff – most of us came with the clothes we were wearing and a toothbrush or teddy bear. I'd come with nothing but the clothes I had been wearing that day the police had found me. And an old scrunched up tissue in my pocket. Lachlan nodded, looking down at the luggage in his hands._

'_Yup. I threw out masses of stuff, though – Roger said that I wouldn't need any of my old school work or anything – just my personal items and my school grade results, for wherever I go next.'_

_Wherever I go next. Those words hung in my heads like a moth trapped in cobwebs. Like Lachlan was just another dead autumn leaf breaking away from the aging tree and being carried away on the wind, just like that. Something occurred to me._

'_But…why don't you try to stay?'_

'_Can't,' he shrugged. I frowned._

'_Why not? It never stopped you from picking on the younger kids – or Ada. Or Beyond.'_

_Lachlan's face seemed to seize up, freeze over, and his eyes narrowed – and in that moment I was scared. Then, he just sighed._

'_Coz Ada was a right pain in the arse. He took my place with his better knowledge of the world, shunted me back in the line. Course, that didn't stop Beyond from staying in second place.'_

_I was confused – Lachlan was once an A? What was his name before…? As if reading my thoughts, Lachlan continued._

'_My name back then was Alaethēa,' he said, and I didn't recognize the name at all. 'It means "the truth" in Greek. L truly thought I was going to succeed him. Then that spoiled brat came along and proved himself better than me. Took B from me.'_

_I blinked in surprise – Beyond and Lachlan…friends? It was…it was incomprehensible. Unreal. Unlikely to say the least. Lachlan saw my surprise._

'_Yeah, strange, huh? I picked on Ada because he was weak. Tried to show him that if you were weak, you weren't going to survive. B took his side though, the backstabbing copycat that he was. We used to stick together, you know? Because everyone thought we were an odd pairing, Alaethēa and Bastain. Then when I was replaced, B changed his name, because Ada was supposed to be "Above" so B changed to "Beyond".'_

_My mind was reeling with all this new information – how could this be? It was…unreal. I mean, Lachlan could have been lying and I could be getting suckered into it, and suddenly I wondered why Lachlan was even bothering to tell me._

'_So…why are you telling me this now?' I asked, and Lachlan shrugged, something he seemed ridiculously good at._

'_Coz I saw you getting caught up in the whole Ada-Beyond-Celicia situation, and I knew it was bothering you, kid. I'm not like Percy – I'm a tough guy and a bit of a bully but I'm not a creep who beats up and stabs younger kids. I saw what was going on and tried to make Percy stop. He thought I was favouring you. I told him it was more complicated than that but he didn't believe me – so he wanted the attention. But with everything with Beyond and Ada going down, I realized you were caught up in the middle of it all. It didn't seem fair to leave you hanging not knowing the whole truth.'_

_I took it all in, not daring to dismiss the possibility that he was actually telling me the truth. Lachlan seemed to deflate slightly after the explanation, and checked his watch._

'_I'd better get moving, kid. Sorry – you'll have to wheel yourself out.'_

'_That's okay,' I said, and I turned myself around and began to roll myself down the hallway. My arms had been rested while Lachlan had been wheeling me around, but now they were beginning to ache again, remembering the work they had to do. I'll be glad when I'm allowed to walk on my own again._

_We walked/wheeled in silence until we got back out to the front courtyard, where a car was already waiting. A middle-aged man stood there watching us while he leant on the doorframe of the open car door, and nodded to Lachlan, who nodded back. He stopped, and turned to me. Before he left, I wanted to ask something._

'_So…how did you become Lachlan? Wasn't there some other name you wanted?' I asked, and he chuckled, not meeting my eyes._

'_If I'm honest, I wanted anything other than to be put back halfway down the alphabet to the L list. I didn't know what to call myself. I lost every friend that respected me, apart from a certain few who hung around to make me feel more miserable than I already was. Then, maybe four weeks later – B came and knocked on my door. He wasn't wearing his contacts or sunnies or anything – and he just said that I needed a name, so he wouldn't have to keep calling me 'scumbag' anytime he wanted my attention.'_

'_He said that?' I asked, thinking that wasn't at all what the Beyond I remembered was like. And, considering they were both younger back then when Ada had come, it didn't sound like something a young Beyond would say, either. Lachlan confirmed my suspicions and laughed._

'_No – but he might as well have. I told I didn't have a name yet, so he suggested one. Last nice the guy did for the world was give me a name to live by. He said "Lachlan" sounded good because it meant "warlike", and he knew I had a tendency to be a bit of a bully at times.' He said. 'Guess that I owe him one.'_

_Lachlan looked towards the car again, where the man was waiting for him. 'Guess I better go,' he said, kicking at the pavement with his scuffed trainers. I nodded._

_He looked up at me one last time._

'_You keep yourself outa trouble, 'kay, squirt?' he asked, and I was somehow relieved that he wasn't calling me "Squeak" like Percy used to._

_Used to. Never again – not anymore. I swallowed and nodded._

'_Okay.'_

'_Bye, Mello.'_

'_Bye Lachlan.'_

_Then, Lachlan turned and walked away, packed his luggage into the boot of the mans car, got in the passenger seat, and was driven away._

_And he was gone forever, leaving me with the truth – like his old name had said.__ ._

_- Mello

* * *

_

_**AfterNote: **_RIGHTY-OH! again, thanks for being so patient in wait for this update - i rattled myself today to get it finished because i thought i really should get it up before my 16th birthday tomorrow...otherwise i'd be feeling guilty for a week about not updating...^_^ PEACE OUT Y'ALL!

_the Soon-to-be-16, _

_- Mercy_


	26. Journal Entry 26

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

**I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY. I'M A COMPLETE DISGRACE, MON CHERI'S, AND THIS CHAPTER IS LOOOOOOONG OVERDUE.**

Please don't start throwing stuff at me. ^_^"

Anyhow, for those who are curious as to WHAT exactly I've been up to lately, you can check out the latest few journal entries of mine on **deviantART** (my username is **MercyBlessed**). YES! For those who don't frequent there, I've been "banned" as my mum says from using social networking sites such as _**dA, FF.N**_ and some others I've had tucked up my sleeve since my grade dropped in Japanese (again).

_BUT_ I'm proud to say that I'm NOT GOING ANYWHERE! I'm stayin' right where I am, and for now, all I can offer you is this new chapter (plus some of the art I've got up on dA for those who are curious ^_^) and the cliffhanger at the end of this chapter.

**YES!** I've stopped taking my practicality pills and decided at the last moment to throw this cliffhanger in for you!

Enjoy, please review and tell me how much you want to beat my brains out for having this up so late.

It's honestly okay if you _DO_ want to beat out my brains, since I've been wanting to do it myself for a very _LOOOOOOONG_ time.

_- Mercy_

…

"…And on the 8th day, God created homosexuality. And people LOVED it."

– _unknown._

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #26**

_6/30/97 (June 30th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Lachlan and Percy were gone. Celicia left two days ago with Johanna. Matt, Near and I went back to "school" as it were, but now the weekend has left the orphanage oddly quiet and I'm not quite sure where to start._

_Lily is still really nice to Near; she plays with him in the sandpit, and shows him all the different leaves that fall from the different trees. Nigel sometimes comes and sits with Matt and me, sometimes bringing with him some of the other kids. All of yesterday and today the kids have been real quiet around me. Even the teachers sometimes look over their shoulders at me with looks of worry. I don't know what they're worrying about. I still wheel about in my wheelchair, the younger kids still hang off it, whizzing me around as fast as they can, laughing and screaming. But whenever they do, Near sits in the shade of a tree and watches; he never comes close to the other kids his age. _

_Matt mostly offers to stick with me when I'm surrounded by the younger kids begging for a ride, so two days ago I asked Johanna to sit with Near while I let myself play run-around-taxi for little kids. Apart from getting dizzy I also got a little sunburnt, and soon the staff and teachers told the others to stop and leave me alone. So Matt wheeled me back to the shade of the tree where we'd left Near and Johanna. Near was asleep in her lap._

_He woke when I toppled myself out of the wheelchair onto the cool grass next to Johanna, and he dragged himself over and plopped down against my legs, and I rested my arm around his small shoulders. He still wore mostly white all the time, but he hated going out in the sun, so whenever you saw him it was like he was wearing grey from the darkness of the shade. I leant into Johanna from one side, Matt on her other. She looped her arms around us and we sat there for a while, smiling and sometimes giggling at absolutely nothing. Maybe from the excitement of the other kids. Maybe from the fact that we knew we were safe from everyone now, and that we didn't have a worry in the world._

_Apart from…_

_The videotape._

_It watched me with silent eyes the whole time I was doing my homework last night. Matt was sitting on the floor flipping through a comic book and Near was building up a little dice tower as high as it would go before toppling over. Then he'd start again; the repetitive sign in his behaviour was due to his autism, Dr Lenkov told me. Which made me think – I haven't been focussing very much on Near lately. It's all seemed to be about older kids and Beyond and Celicia and Lachlan and Ada…_

_But that's over now. Now, I have all the time I need to figure out ways to help Near, to keep him progressing (a word meaning to move forward) through his autistic problems. He and Matt are like…not just friends to me anymore, I don't actually remember ever seriously thinking of Near as a friend because he was never really coherent enough. But now…they're more like siblings. Younger brothers unrelated to me by blood, but brothers I still feel responsible for. Matt maybe not so much, since we don't have anything in common but our friendship, but Near more than anything. He depends on me. Like…that girl…Ruby – Dr Lenkov's daughter, depended on her brother._

_I had this sudden violent mental image of me getting killed in a car crash, Near having to move into some sort of hospital ward for children with serious mental problems, and Matt having to be moved to a foster home or something. The thought of us being separated – even killed – before being able to live up to L's expectations was terrifying – petrifying, even. So I stopped on the thought and hung onto the one of Near being my dependent little brother. My little autistic brother…_

_Hang on a tick._

_Roger told me when I first started writing this journal that it would need a name, something to make it stand out as mine. In case maybe someone found it long after I'd grown up and left the orphanage. I've just had the perfect idea for a title:_

_My Autistic Brother._

_It was simple…yet kinda cool, I decided as I wrote on the black leather cover with a whiteout correction pen. My hand was unsteady over the leather bumps, and even with my good-for-my-age-handwriting it still looked wobbly and uneven. I'm glad all those English lessons with Mrs Saint Jac have paid off. (She used to be my private tutor when I first came here. She was there to make sure I didn't get myself into trouble around the orphanage and that I was settling in okay. And, of course, she was there to assess my literate ability.)_

_Anyway…where was I? Oh, yes. The video tape._

'_You're looking at it again,' Matt said softly from the floor. I looked down and saw him watching me, then realized that I'd been staring at the tape, too._

'_Oh. Sorry.'_

'_Man – we've gotta watch it,' Matt said. 'We gotta find out what freaked Near out so much.'_

_I nodded, knowing he was right._

''_Kay,' I muttered, wheeling away from my desk and going over to Near. I offered him my hand, and he took it, and I pulled him up gently and sat him on the bed. He immediately lay down, still watching me with those dark eyes, questioningly. I smiled at him. 'Don't worry, Near, we'll only be gone a couple of minutes,' I told him, bringing one of the large pillows that Near still claimed as his own up so that it covered him up to his waist. I remember horror stories about children who had suffocated under pillows, so I didn't dare cover Near any higher. He trustingly laid his head down and closed his eyes, and I turned back to Matt, who was already on his feet._

'_C'mon,' I said quietly, and we left our dorm as silently as possible. I was glad that Near was being good tonight – usually he wouldn't be so complying, but he seemed extra tired tonight. Matt had picked up the tape and stuffed it up his shirt so Near wouldn't see while I put Near to bed, and he led the way down the hallway towards the library. _

_We couldn't risk Near hearing anything through the wall if we watched the tape in his dorm, and there was no one else around at this time of night anyway. The library was clear, except for the librarian, who we told we were doing some last minute homework revision. He let us in and then left the key to the library doors up on the front desk, asking us if we'd make sure it was locked when we left. We nodded and disappeared between the shelves._

_Matt pulled out the TV and the VCR player and plugged it in, switching it on. I had the remote, and turned the volume right down, just so we'd be able to hear it. Matt slipped the tape into the player, and it immediately started playing. _

_The screen lit up and there was a news report playing – the new reporters were saying something to do with child abuse or abandonment._

'…_Yes, Dave we've had a rather tragic case just recently – the couple Julia and Steven River – world renown business people have recently been seen with a baby boy – rumours of Julia's pregnancy have always been rebuked by her agents, but this footage was taken about two months ago, showing Julia making her way down the street with the baby boy on her hip.'_

_The tape cut to a shot showing a tall, brisk woman wearing a professionally tailored suit sashaying along the sidewalk, carrying what could only have been a baby Near on her hip. Mesmerized, neither Matt nor I dared speak as the tape kept playing, the female news reporter reappearing._

'_However recent events have come to pass, and Julia has been making public statements against her child, calling the child a horror, an a freak of nature.'_

_The screen changed to a shot of an outraged woman that I recognized as Julia River, her eyes were wild and her hands were thrown up in the air. She was shouting vulgar things about someone to the camera. I didn't catch most of the words, but I did hear her screaming that, "he couldn't have been my child – his eyes and his screams are inhuman"._

'_Damn,' Matt breathed. 'What a mum. I'm glad Near isn't old enough to understand this.'_

_A thought struck me as Matt said that._

'_Wait…what if he did? What if he recognized his mum on the tape?' I asked. 'That could explain why he was so upset about it.'_

_Matt blinked._

'_You could be right…' he murmured, and the news reporter wrapped the interview up with saying that Julia was rumoured to have said she was planning to abandon the child somewhere, but nothing had been confirmed and that child activists had been trying to rescue the baby Near from the estranged woman, who'd recently gone bankrupt along with her husband. More footage was shown of the horrible woman and the crowd that surrounded her, some of the people holding banners that read stuff like SAVE THE BABY and A MOTHER LIKE YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND A CHILD ANYWAY – I remember Roger once telling us about people who waved banners like these – protesters, he called them. The footage came to an end, and the tape stopped. The screen went blank, and I looked at Matt. His eyes were still glued to the screen._

'_What?' I asked. 'It's kinda self explanatory, right?'_

_Matt's expression was odd, like he couldn't remember the image of a face he'd seen. I waved my hand in front of his face, and he blinked before suddenly grabbing up the TV remote._

'_Hang on a tic,' he muttered, rewinding the tape a bit before replaying the footage of the protesters. Then, he paused it as the camera panned around to look at the crowd. _

_My breath caught in my throat as I realized who I was looking at in the mass of people – just behind the first line of the banner-waving crowd were two elderly men – younger than they were now, but both Matt and I knew who they were._

_Our two caretakers._

_Roger Ruvie and Quillish Wammy. _

* * *

_- Mello_

_**AfterNote:**_

THAR YOU GO! Now you can review and tell me JUST how much you hate the fact that I'm so lazy that I won't even give you a decent cliffhanger ;P still, here it is AND I've got a compromise for being such a lazy bum for this story and every single one of my others.

I will have **ONE NEW CHAPTER **for each (maybe two, depending on the story) story I've got up here. That means chapter 27 of My Autistic Brother will be up before you can say "you're bluffin', ya lazy so-and-so". ^_^ Yes, my kradoozles, **CHAPTER 27 IS COMING** within the **NEXT THREE DA**YS!

Peace, love and hugs to you all,

– _Mercy_


	27. Journal Entry 27

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

ACK! HERE WE GO, AS PROMISED! In record time (my standards suck these days) I present to you: **CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN OF **_**MY AUTISTIC BROTHER**_**!** (_can you believe it? I've almost got to 30 chapters and I've already got over 300 reviews! YOWZA!_)

Thanks go out to everyone who has stuck with me on this story, after I haven't updated in forever and a day.

YES THAT MEANS YOU. ESPECIALLY **YOU**, _EMILY_. (that probably _isn't_ your name but it was fun enough to mess with the heads of all the Emily's in the world!)

However! Onwards with the story – no cliffhanger this time, so you can put away your whiffle-bats for today!

**This chapter is dedicated to **_**nekonekoazaraku. **_**LOOK HER UP ON deviantART RIGHT NOW AND HUG THE KIZAZZLES OUT OF HER.**

**She's one of the best DeathNote artists in this world.**

_- Mercy_

…

"_It's like saying that my horse is cheaper to feed NOW IT'S DEAD!"_

– _Yahtzee Croshaw_

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #27**

_7/2/97 (July 2nd, 1997)_

**-:-**

'_Quick, while no one's looking!'_

_I snuck around the corner, walkie-talkie gripped in one hand and the tape in my other. I'd been able to walk around since yesterday, although I couldn't go for very long otherwise my stitches pulled. Matt ushered me into the hallway to Roger's office, but he stayed at the corner, as we'd planned._

_I slid up to the door of Roger's office, creaked the handle open, made sure no one else was inside, and then slipped inside myself._

_Matt was acting as my look-out while I returned the tape. We'd already made sure that Roger was still down at the breakfast hall before coming up, but we had also brought a couple of toy (but working) walkie-talkie's with us, just in case._

'_Done?' Matt's hushed voice came over the speaker in my hand, and pushed the button to reply as I looked around._

'_Not yet.'_

'_Hurry up!' he hissed. He'd been acting kind of agitated all morning, and I wondered if it was from all the built up excitement of sneaking around, or if it was from what we'd seen on the tape a few nights ago. Whatever it was, it had him on a tight string, and if I had to admit it, I would say it was getting on my nerves a little._

'_Okay, okay – gimme a second.' I muttered, and I started hunting around the office for the box of stuff I'd found the tape in. My stomach dropped like a lead weight when I discovered it wasn't where I'd found it. Or anywhere else in the office. 'Uh…Matt?'_

'_What?'_

'_We've got a problem.'_

'_Yeah, I know.' Matt's hushed voice suddenly seemed far away from the speaker, and he raised his voice with a fake smile obviously plastered all over his face, even though I couldn't see him. 'Oh, hey Roger!'_

_ROGER? Crap!_

_I had nowhere to hide, and somehow I didn't think that saying I was looking for another one of Near's toys was going to get me out of this scrape. The box was nowhere in sight, and I could hear Matt trying to entertain Roger on the other end of the line – he must be holding the button down on his walkie-talkie's speaker so I could hear what's going on. Man, I was glad that Matt was out there stalling for me._

_I heard Roger excuse himself from Matt, and my brain went into a frenzy – I whirled around, pulling so hard on my stitches by accident that tears came to my eyes. Trying to hold back my gasp of pain, I stumbled behind the door just as Roger opened it and stepped inside. Hidden behind the door, I silently removed the batteries from the walkie-talkie so if Matt did try to talk to me, he wouldn't be able to and Roger wouldn't notice me. _

_Of course, this was all assuming he didn't look down behind the small bookcase just behind his door, where I was crouching. I peeked out from around it, wishing I'd listened to Matt as he'd been asking Roger how he'd been. If Roger was in a bad mood, I wasn't getting out of here unscathed. I also wished that my hair wasn't such an obvious blonde colour, but that was something I couldn't have changed._

_Roger seemed flustered – he was murmuring to himself and searching all around his desk, on his shelves, when the TV on a set of drawers switched on, and I saw Quillish Wammy's face appear._

'_Morning, old friend,' Quillish smiled, his eyes crinkling up. Roger stopped fussing about and straightened himself out, although I could see he was clearly surprised by Quillish's appearance._

'_Ah, Watari – good morning,' Roger forced a smile, and I could hear the tension in his voice as he sat down in his leather chair._

'_You appear somewhat upset, dear friend,' Quillish said kindly, and Roger leant forward, taking a deep breath. 'Is there something on your mind?'_

_Roger let out the breath he'd been holding. 'Ah…Quillish, I've lost the news broadcast tape on the Rivers and Near's abandonment,' he admitted, and I felt a guilty pang run through me, seeing as I had the self same tape tuck under my shirt for safekeeping. I peeked out only as far as I dared, watching Quillish's reaction._

_He raised his eyebrows, but he didn't get angry. I don't think I've ever seen Quillish Wammy get angry. Maybe that's why he's L's caretaker instead of ours, because he can understand the way L's mind works where other people may not be able to._

'_It's not in the archives?' he asked, and Roger shook his head._

'_I had it because I was going over Near's case. He's had so many ups and downs lately, and Mello's made such an improvement with him, it's hard to believe it was only a few years ago he came to us. I was re-watching the tape about a week ago, and then poor Near himself got his hands on it.'_

_Quillish's reaction was a blink, a consideration, and then, he asked,_

'_How is he?'_

_Roger sighed again. 'Well, he's been better, but Mello's been working him through it. I took the tape back, and now it's gone again! I had it in a box of things I was going to be taking back down to the archives a few days before Mello's run in with Percy, and now it's disappeared! It's like we've got gremlins in the place or something.'_

_Suddenly, a knowing sort of smile broke out over Quillish's face._

'_Do you mean, a certain young gremlin hiding behind your bookcase by the door?'_

_What? Oh sh–_

'_What? What do you mean, Quillish?' Roger asked, confused, spinning around in his chair to look over at the bookcase as I cowered as far into the corner and out of sight as I could. I was caught, and Quillish knew it._

_There was a chuckle, and I heard Quillish's voice come to my ears gently as I tried to cover up my hair with my arms as much as I could while trying not to agitate my stitches any further._

'_You can come out now, Mello.'_

_Slowly, I stood, and Roger stared at me in surprise. Quillish, however, was watching me with calm eyes._

'_Mello –' Quillish started, Roger but interrupted._

'_What are you doing in my office?' he asked, and I guiltily pulled the tape out from under my shirt._

'_I…uh…came to return this,' I said, holding it out as I came over to Roger's desk, and he took it from me._

'_You took the tape? Why?' he asked, his eyes not angry, but questioning. I didn't meet either of their gazes, but I knew they were both watching me intently._

'_I wanted…I needed to know what made Near so upset. On the tape. When he threw that fit. I want to help him…in anyway I can.' I said, but even to me it sounded kind of lame, even though it was the truth._

_There was a long silence, and I knew they were both figuring out what to say to that. I wondered if Roger was going to get cross, but before I could even think about asking, there was another chuckle coming from the TV screen – Quillish. He was sitting in a sofa, from what I could see, in an expensive looking hotel. And he was chortling, almost to himself._

'_Good work, Mello.'_

_The words took me by surprise, and I looked up from my feet to see that even Roger was looking at Quillish strangely. _

'_P-pardon, sir?' I asked, and Quillish nodded to himself._

'_Well done,' he said, and I blinked, and he continued. 'Your detective skills have proven very sharp – snooping around may be a good asset at times, but in this case, all you had to do was ask.'_

_Roger looked from Quillish to me, and then back again. I risked a glance at him, and saw that he was nodding along with what Quillish said, silently agreeing._

'_Going about to find things out yourself, Mello, is a good sign of independence, but at the Wammy's House you don't have to worry about hiding things from the staff. They will do everything they can to understand your situation and help you – you don't have to take the world onto your shoulders.' Quillish said, his voice a gentle creak, like an old door swaying in a slight breeze. He looked down at Roger. 'Don't you agree?'_

_Roger nodded with a small smile._

'_Yes, I do agree – Mello, we're here to help you grow into an independent individual, but you're still young and you have already gone through a lot lately. If you'd simply asked about the tape, told the truth and said that it was because you wanted to help Near, we would have told you what was on the tape. We would have told you about Near's estranged mother.'_

'_But you wouldn't have let me see it for myself,' I said, feeling a small spark of confidence. I momentarily wondering what Matt was doing, if he was still waiting for me or if he'd gone to stay with Near, who we'd left in the playroom. I hadn't realized that I might have gotten caught in this situation, but now I was in it I knew that Matt was probably wondering if I'd make it out alive. _

_Sorry. Back on topic._

'_Perhaps not, Mello,' Quillish agreed. 'But understand, we're explaining this to you now so that, when you are older, you do not come back demanding to know why we hadn't told you this earlier. We didn't want to expose you to the atrocities that Near has already gone through at such an early age, but now you know, we'd like you to accept that we were concerned for your own good.'_

_I nodded. It made some sort of sense, I guess. Suddenly, there was a ringing sound coming from the TV, and Quillish looked up, sniffing the air in the room he was in._

'_The smoke alarm's going off,' he explained. He stood, his face disappearing from sight as he raised his voice over the alarm. 'L! What happened?'_

_There was a muffled reply, and then a clearer response;_

'_I cannot seem to make the fire extinguisher work.' Came L's voice, almost completely calm, but there was a definite hint of distress in his voice._

'_What do you need that fo–'_

'_Watari, the kitchen appears to be on fire.' _

_Quillish muttered something, and then he leant back down to the TV screen._

'_Excuse me, I must go.' He said, closing the link. A moment later, the screen went blank, and a moment after that, Roger and I looked at each other with wide eyes. Then, Roger started chuckling._

'_Apparently that's the third time L's set something on fire this week alone,' he said through his laughter. 'Quillish hasn't yet taught him to leave the stove alone.'_

_I couldn't help but feel a slightly choked laugh rise in me – I felt like I'd just escaped some sort of raging mountain lion – I'd been expecting both Roger and Quillish to rip me apart, limb from limb. But they hadn't. _

_I apologized again for taking the tape, and Roger let it go. I was heading for the door when a sudden though struck me._

'_Roger?' my hand was on the doorknob. He looked up from his desk, where he was looking at the tape I'd left there._

'_Yes, Mello?'_

_I paused a moment, wondering if I really should ask or if I should just leave. I made my decision._

'_Why were you and Quillish in the report?' I turned back to him, and Roger contemplated it for a moment. 'I mean – I saw you in the crowd. How come you were there?'_

_Roger was quiet for about a minute, and then he replied,_

'_Quillish and I were – and still are – child's rights activists. We were part of an association at the time that had some definite things to say about how Julia River was treating Near as a child. We were the representatives on that particular, and although were weren't particularly vocal, we were still seen and people knew who we were. Quillish was a world-renown inventor who's fortune has allowed him to open orphanages around the world, the Wammy's House the first, and I was a good friend of his. You could almost consider us as business partners back then,' he said, looking back down at the tape in his hands. 'Three days after the protest recorded on this tape,' he tapped its case with a finger. 'A baby was left on our doorstep – white hair, dark eyes. And roughly bandaged and still bleeding.'_

_My eyes widened – still what…?_

'_B-bleeding?' I repeated, and Roger nodded._

'_Yes, Mello.' He held up his left wrist and, with his right hand, ran a finger across the base of his wrist, from one side to the other, as if to slash his wrist open. 'Understand this. Near's mother was a devil of a woman. She did in fact try to dispose of Near; but something inside her wouldn't allow her to simply drop him over a bridge or in the middle of the road. She tried to kill him herself, tried to slash his wrist.'_

_Something cold grabbed my heart and chest felt tight. I had this vision of that cruel, horrid woman, holding a knife in one hand and a crying baby in the other, clumsily trying to slit his tiny wrist. His screams of pain elevating every time she moved the blade._

_I felt sick._

'_Mello,' Roger's voice brought me back to earth, and in the mirror set behind Roger's desk, I could see my own pale reflection – paler than normal from the nightmarish thoughts flooding my head. 'Mello, listen to me. You are searching for the cause of Near's autism, and a possible way to help him through it. But you're very young and this is obviously hard for you to take in all at once. Please, don't rush into things.'_

_I forced myself to nod, knowing that, in a way, he was right. I did have a tendency to run straight into trouble without looking. Maybe what he was saying (and what Dr Lenkov has told me time and time before) was that I needed to look out for myself as well as Near._

_But something else snagged with what Roger had said. Finding the cause…_

_And then, I had it. The forming of a brilliant idea._

'_Mello?'_

_I looked down at Roger, feeling my heart rise._

'_I've got an idea,' I said, whirling towards the door, pulling on my stitches and stumbling to a stop. 'Once I stop beating myself up,' I added with a sore groan. Roger laughed heartily as I headed out once the flash of pain had passed._

_Going as fast as I could down the hallway towards Mrs Potts office, I almost ran straight into Matt._

'_Whoa, hey!' he said quickly. 'What happened?'_

'_Uh – Nothing,' I said, not really sure how to tell him about what I'd just heard and said. 'I gave the tape back to Roger, apologized, and he said it was okay.'_

'"_Okay"?' Matt asked incredulously. He was sceptical for a seven year old. 'He said that it was "okay"?'_

_I frowned slightly._

'_That's what I said,' I nodded slowly, and he raised his eyebrows at me._

'_Yeah, I heard what you said, but I don't believe you,' he said, and I blinked. What was with him all of a sudden?_

'_What's gotten into you, Matt?' I asked, and he folded his arms across his chest._

'_I want to know what happened. And you're just sayin' that everything was just dandy. C'mon – I know that's not true.'_

'_It is!' I insisted, and I realized that we were bickering right outside the play room where we'd left Near earlier. We both stopped suddenly, staring at each other, and then we both turned to look down the hall to the playroom._

'_If Near asked, you'd tell him,' Matt pouted, glaring towards the albino haired boy as Near crashed little toy planes together._

'_I would have told him what I told you,' I retorted. Matt snorted in disbelief._

'_Yeah, sure you would have,' he muttered._

'_What's that supposed to mean?' I asked, searching Matt's face. I didn't see anything there but fuming aggression. He wasn't mad he was just… 'Matt, are you jealous of Near?'_

'_What?' he exclaimed. 'That's stupid! Why the heck would I be jealous of him? He's autistic, man, and I'm not! I've got nothing to be jealous about.'_

_I shook my head._

'_That's not true. Everyone else gives Near lots of attention since I figured out about his autism. They're being extra nice to him. You don't think you're getting enough attention. Is that it?' I asked, and Matt stepped back like I'd stung him, but his eyes were hard._

'_Psh,' he spat. 'I don't need attention. I've got Jo. But you're so wrapped up, Mello – you're never thinking about anything else but Near.'_

'_You are jealous!' I said with realization, and Matt just about laughed in my face._

'_Get a life, Mello – I don't need you telling me what I am and what I'm not.' He'd grown a few inches since I'd really made friends with him, since I'd found out about him being Johanna's little brother, and now he was slightly taller than me. _

'_I'm not trying to,' I said. 'But if you are jealous then you don't have to be! I'm trying to make Near better. I want to be your friend, too, Matt.'_

_Matt rolled his eyes._

'_You move too fast, Mello,' he said critically._

'_What's that mean?' I asked, and he shrugged._

'_Everything you do – everything you've done, it's all gone be so fast. Don't you ever just want to sit down and not do anything?' he asked. 'It wouldn't hurt your ego, would it?'_

_Okay, I'll admit it – that one did hurt. I didn't like it when people thought I was over confident – I just wanted to do my best. Yes, beforehand I wanted to be better than Near, but that was a while ago, before I realized how Near got to be the way he was._

_Which reminded me…_

'_Listen, I don't wanna argue with you, Matt,' I said, trying to keep my cool. 'And there's something I've got to do.'_

_I tried to step passed him, but he blocked my way._

'_See? Always dashing off to do something "important".' He said sarcastically. 'Listen to yourself, Mello. No wonder Percy stabbed you.'_

_My eyes widened – what was wrong with Matt? Why was he being like this? I bit back the hurtful response I wanted to spit in his face, knowing that it wouldn't do anything but make the two of us angrier, and shoved my way passed him. Matt hardly moved, and suddenly, I didn't feel eight years old anymore. I felt a lot older – and thinking about that argument, I bet we both sounded older, too, like we were bickering teenagers or something. Roger and the other staff had always said we were more mature than normal children – even more mature than some of the other children here at Wammy's. But Matt's words kept coming back to sting me as I didn't dare look back, and kept going to Mrs Potts office. I'd find Near when I got back. _

_- Mello_

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

Okay, so I did sort of leave it at a cliff-hanger, with Mello not telling us what his brilliant idea is and all, but that's what chapter 28 is for, is it not? ^_^ Anywayser! Peace to you all, love, hugs and wishes of hope to the people who are still suffering in Japan.

Please review and tell me how insane you think I am for sticking to my word! ;D

– _Mercy_


	28. Journal Entry 28

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

AL-RIGHTY! I'm letting you all know now, I KNOW I haven't been updating in ages, but this will probably be the only thing that I DO update for the next two to three weeks – at least until my exams are over.  
Just so you don't think i've forgotten you all ^_^

thanks for waiting!

_- Mercy_

…

_this chapter is dedicated to **colbub**, a fellow australian who has the most fantastic imagination. ^_^_

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #28**

_7/5/97 (July 5th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_Three days later, I was back at the doctors clinic, where I'd first taken Near to see that awful man Dr Hawkins on the 14__th__ of April. Wow…that was four months ago now I look back at it…Still._

_I had called Dr Lenkov three days ago, and had arranged an appointment to see him. Sorry, I should really say that Roger and I arranged for a meeting, since the receptionist wouldn't allow a kid to make an appointment, so I had to get Roger. He asked why I wanted to see Dr Lenkov, and I told him about my idea, and he agreed almost immediately. I'm really glad that Roger is helping me out – thinking about what he said, it didn't actually feel that bad to ask for help. In fact, I felt quite good. But anyhow – the appointment was made, and now I was standing outside the clinic again. It was high summer here in Winchester, and the sun was warm on my back. The morning had started off a bit chilly, and some of that chill still hung in the air where the sun hadn't yet found the cooler nooks and crannies. _

_I was wearing a dark blue shirt and black jeans, my trainers and a little plaited bit of string around my wrist that Lily had helped Near to make for me about two days ago. Near had sat between Matt and I at breakfast for the last two days, looking from me to Matt and back again. He had been wondering why we weren't talking to each other, and he asked me why Matt had been attacking his cornflakes? Why didn't I look at Matt anymore? I told him that Matt and I were angry at each other, and Near had asked if it had been to do with him. I had lied – and told him no. So he made me this little bracelet thing, Lily had called it a friendship bracelet. It was green and red and blue, and Near had made Matt one, too. But I saw him take it off the second Near wasn't looking. Ass._

_Anyway – Wendy, who had said she would drive me out to the clinic, walked me into the clinic, signed me in with the receptionist. It wasn't the same woman as last time – it was a young man with gelled hair and rectangular glasses. He smiled at us and asked us to take a seat, and about ten minutes later Dr Lenkov came out of his office along with a woman and a young girl, smiling and talking amiably (which means warmly, or good-heartedly) with the woman. I watched as Dr Lenkov took a lollipop from his pocket, bent over and held it out of the little girl. She was hiding in the folds of her mothers skirt – she couldn't have been much older than Matt, and she peeked carefully out from the fabric, and then, slowly took the lollipop from Dr Lenkov. I heard her murmur, "ank you", and her mother smiled down at her, and went back into his office as Dr Lenkov came over to us._

'_Mello,' he said warmly, holding out his large hand. I took it and forced a smile. 'Good to see you again – ready?'_

'_Yep,' I said, slowly starting feel better as I remembered why I was here – not to think about the argument between me and Matt. Not to worry about what the other kids were doing back at Wammy's. I was here to talk to Dr Lenkov about Near._

_Dr Lenkov nodded and then smiled at Wendy._

'_I'll have him back at one this afternoon,' he said, and Wendy nodded._

'_Sounds good,' she patted me on the head. I was a little old for that, but I didn't mind. I was going to spend the next hour or so figuring out my plan with Dr Lenkov. Wendy bent down and gave me a hug. It was a Wendy thing – she did it with all the kids, even the senior kids. But no one minded – Wendy was like an aunt to us all; she spoiled us when Roger wasn't looking and told us off when we'd done something wrong. She hugged us goodbye and she stitched our torn clothes and soft toys back together. 'I'll see you then, Mello.'_

'_Okay,' I nodded, hugging her back. 'Bye, Wendy.'_

_Dr Lenkov and I watched from the front door of the clinic as Wendy got back into her car and drove away, back to Wammy's. Then, he looked down at me._

'_I just have to finish up with one of my patients – I hope you don't mind, Mello,' he said, and I shook my head._

'_Not at all,' I said, and he nodded with a smile, leading me back to his office. He held the door open for me._

'_You can come in if you like, I'll only be five minutes,' he stepped inside, where the woman and her daughter were sitting in the chairs by his desk. 'Ah, Mrs Winters, this is a friend of mine, Mello,' he put a hand on my shoulder, and I gave a little wave. Mrs Winters daughter looked at me with wide eyes, and she stopped twiddling the lollipop around her mouth. It was a little unnerving, the way she stared at me. 'Mello, this is Mrs Winters and her daughter, Susan.'_

_Mrs Winters smiled and gave Susan a little nudge._

'_Say hello, Susan,' she said, and Susan looked up at her with the same big, frightened eyes, and shook her head quickly. Mrs Winters laughed, and Dr Lenkov chuckled as he sat down behind his desk, motioning to the one other empty chair in the room for me. I sat down as Mrs Winters said, 'You're not afraid, are you?' to Susan._

_Susan pouted and glared at her mother, still not saying a word, and then shook her head again. She had white-ish blonde hair pinned back away from her face, and her eyes were big and blue – she reminded me of a photo I'd once seen of Celicia's family that Celicia had given Johanna. Matt and I had seen it over Jo's shoulder – it had a young Celicia, only about six or seven, and a younger girl, possibly a little sister – who had to have been maybe four or so, with white-ish blonde hair and green eyes. _

'_Then say hello,' her mother nudged, and Susan looked from her mother to me, and then let her head droop, almost like she was embarrassed, and took maybe less than half of a step forward._

'_H'lo,' she whispered, and I smiled, aiming to look as friendly as possible. She glanced up, then ducked back beneath her fringe and blushed madly._

_I snuck a look at Dr Lenkov, who simply smiled at me. Then, he turned back to Mrs Winters, and they began discussing something to do with Susan and her "normal behaviour". Whatever that was._

_I had a look around the office while I was waiting. It was fairly clean and tidy, with framed photos and awards hanging on the walls, mainly congratulating Dr Lenkov on his work with children with mental disorders and aspergers and autism and so on. On his desk there was a computer, a few stacked files, and two photo frames. One was of a boy and a girl, and after a moment of staring at the picture I realized who I was looking at – Dr Lenkov's son and daughter. Both of them looked…really happy. There was another photo frame, too – one of Dr Lenkov, a woman who must have been his wife and there were his two children again. Something tightened in my chest, and I looked away._

_I caught the end of Dr Lenkov's conversation, and shook myself to find that he was almost finished – Mrs Winters was gathering her bag together and took Susan by the hand. I'm not sure what sort of disability Susan had, since it wasn't like anything I'd seen Near act like, but I was guessing that Dr Lenkov was more than just an autism-doctor-thing (how would you describe that, I wonder?)._

_Anyway – after they left, Dr Lenkov took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. Then, he turned and gave me a tired smile, and said,_

'_Shall we go, Mello? I hear you have something important to tell me,' I nodded, and he gathered his long brown coat, clicked his leather suitcase shut, and led the way out, holding the door open for me._

_I followed him out into the parking lot, where he put his suitcase in his car, and then he turned and we began walking towards a nearby park. As we walked, I told him my idea, and it went something like this:_

_The brain wave I'd had when I'd seen the tape of Near's abandonment, and then heard Roger explain about the witch hurting Near, and something between the two, plus something that Dr Lenkov himself had once told me about autism._

_That autism can be caused by a random event of trauma, mostly from a very young age – up until a child is about two or three. An accident, an injury – anything could suddenly make a child's mind snap._

_Dr Lenkov listened, and I explained how I figured that it was the trauma that Near went through as a child that must have caused his autism to occur. Damn, Dr Lenkov listened so hard – he didn't say a word, only nodded along and when I'd finished, I felt odd, like I didn't have anything left to say anymore – not now the words were all out and my idea was shared. I'd kept it bottled up for three days. Three days of sitting around and getting better, not aggravating my stitches, not talking to Matt, keeping Near company and wracking my brains to find a way to help Near get over the worst of his autism._

_And now, now it was all just let out, like when you pull the plug on a sink full of water. I waited for Dr Lenkov's reaction, and he simply said,_

'_That's…really quite something, Mello.'_

'_What do you mean?' I had to ask – I couldn't not ask. Dr Lenkov smiled to himself. We were headed into the park now, the very same park that Roger and Wendy had taken us kids too ages back, when Near had freaked and ran off, and we'd both ended up in lock-up for the night. And then I'd met Johanna – which led to Matt._

_But the thought of him made my teeth clench, so I tried focussing more on what Dr Lenkov was about to say._

'_For someone so young, Mello, you've made progress far beyond your years.' He said softly, and we stood by the pond for a while, watching the ducks swimming across the surface. I remember when I was younger and the kids of the Wammy's House would be taken for walks down to this park, and we'd sit and throw breadcrumbs into this pond, to these ducks. Well, maybe not the exact same ducks, but there were still a lot of them and they still swam in the pond._

'_I couldn't have made connections like this even with my expertise in the autism spectrum,' he continued. 'But I guess that someone so young, you're incredibly open-minded, and so you can put puzzles together much more easily.'_

_He ruffled my hair, and I grinned up at him._

'_Nah – Near's the best at puzzles,' I laughed, and he smiled back down at me._

'_Yes, but you're just as good, Mello – even better right now. Near wouldn't have been able to figure this out, now would he?'_

'_I guess not.'_

_Dr Lenkov put a hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer as we walked, and I liked how close we could be, almost like he was more than a friend and doctor – maybe like an uncle. With his bald head adorned with his hat and his long brown coat, me in my dark blue shirt, black jeans and trainers. I felt safe with him, even though I hadn't known him very long. His coat smelt old, worn, like it was often used no matter what the weather. The day was beginning to get a little overcast, clouds passing across the sun. We walked in a calm, happy silence for a while._

'_Tell me something, Mello.'_

'_Ask me first,' I snickered, and he Dr Lenkov chuckled._

'_Now I've heard your idea, you've given me one. What do you think Roger would say to having Near come into the clinic for a check-up?'_

_We had walked all the way from the clinic through the park, and now we were standing outside the Wammy House gates. I looked up at them, the rusted iron gates that were so trusty, always sheltering us from intruders, people who thought we were weird because we didn't have parents. I think the last time Near was outside these gates was when we went for that walk to the park. Other than that, though, I could count off on one hand the amount of times I'd seen Near go out of these gates._

'_I don't know,' I said honestly._

'_Of course, we'd need to know that Near was prepared for it, too,' Dr Lenkov added, and looked down at me. 'I was just wondering…I had a case one time where an autistic child had something else wrong with them, too – they didn't just have autism, they also had a cancer, which inflicted more damage than just their autism. I'm curious to see if Near may or may not have a similar problem.'_

_I blinked, and looked up at Dr Lenkov. He'd gone back to staring through the gates. He was gazing off at the bell tower, which was now fenced off. Ever since the incident with Ada…I always shiver whenever I think about it._

'_You think Near might have cancer?'_

'_Not so much cancer itself, but I've been kept up-to-date by Roger concerning Near, and I understand that he's gone through a lot. But his progress, with everything you've been doing, giving him your focus, he's been taking a step backwards with every two he takes forward.'_

_I paused a moment. I honestly had no clue what that meant._

'_What do you mean by that?'_

_Dr Lenkov sighed._

'_I've heard that Near is sometimes looking up, but then his condition worsens somehow – one time it was excessive sleeping, another it was his screaming fits at a video tape he didn't even understand. To me, these are clear indicators that something else is going on. How major or minor it is I can't tell, but I'd like to find out.' He said, and I realized that he was right – Near seemed to be doing well, and then he'd take a plunder downhill again; sometimes I hadn't even seen it. Like the weird sleeping habit he'd picked up._

'_I think…' I began, and I knew he was watching me carefully. 'I think it would be a good idea. For Near. If there's something wrong, and I haven't picked it up yet, I don't want it to get worse.'_

_Dr Lenkov nodded._

'_I understand,' he said, and he opened the gates. 'Thank you, Mello – one thing I had to do before I consulted even Roger about this was to have your consent.'_

'_Consent?' I repeated as I stepped inside the gates, then turned and looked back at him. 'Why my consent? I'm still a kid.'_

_Dr Lenkov chuckled, but it was sad._

'_No, Mello – to me you're far more than a child. You're Near's guardian, and without your consent, Near wouldn't do anything. He'll understand if you're there for him, if you are the one to tell him what's going on and that everything will be all right. I have every faith in you.' He said, and then, he closed the gates._

'_Thanks, Dr Lenkov,' I said. 'Thanks for hearing my idea.'_

_He smiled, but his eyes were crinkled in a sad kind of way._

'_No, thank you, Mello,' he replied, before tipping his hat to me. 'Thank you for agreeing.'_

_And then, he turned and headed back down the street, crossed over the road into the park, and disappeared from view behind the tall, shady oak trees._

…

_Back inside, I let Mrs Potts know I was back and then headed towards my dorm. I ran into Cameron and Lily on my way, and they both told me that I'd just missed "that red haired older girl who hangs around here on Fridays". In other words, Johanna. I asked them if she'd already left, and they said she'd left about half an hour ago._

_That was strange. I'd only been gone for about an hour or so, and Johanna usually stays the afternoon. Had she and Matt had a fight, maybe? Then, a steel hand grabbed my heart – what if…Near?_

_I raced passed Cameron and Lily, thanking them anyway as I went, and made a mad dash for my dorm. I reached it in record time, and slammed the door open, only to find Matt waiting for me._

'_Hey! Where's Near?' I demanded, and Matt shrugged. He was playing on his Gameboy – again._

'_Dunno. Down in the play room.'_

_My shoulders slumped as I felt a wave of relief pass through me. If he was in the play room, he was under adult supervision, and he wouldn't be in any danger. Momentarily, I was so wrapped up in feeling relieved about Near I almost completely forgot Matt was still sitting there, his legs hooked over the back of my chair as he sat in it, his back leaning against my desk._

'_If you weren't so beat up already, I'd hit you.' He said, without even looking up, and I looked up. That's when I noticed the weird thing about the whole Matt-in-my-room-in-my-chair picture. There was a cigarette stuck between his teeth._

'_Uh…why?' I was still surprised by it – where had he gotten it from? I didn't know if Johanna smoked or not, but the shock of seeing Matt with one, even though it was unlit, was still…uh…shocking._

'_Coz you just run off all the time. Doin' hell knows what. Leavin' Near on his own.' Matt said, not even looking up from the Gameboy, the only light source in the entire room, as my curtains were still drawn. _

'_I'm trying to help him!' I objected, but Matt just shrugged._

_There was this silence, and I knew that I had to break it._

'_Uh…what're you doing in my room?' not the best question I could have asked, but Matt just shrugged again._

'_Coz where else would you be when you got back?' he asked, as if he didn't really care._

'_Um…with Near?' I tried, and Matt finally sighed and tossed his Gameboy down on the pillows that made up Near's current nest on the floor._

_He got up and walked over. I could see the cigarette hadn't been lighted yet, but in truth, I was scared if it would be. He was definitely taller than me now, and his eyes were this cold grey colour with this look of nonchalance. I didn't like this new, hard Matt. Where had my friend gone in three days?_

'_Dude,' for a moment, Matt's shoulders sagged. His eyes fell. 'Dude I hate fighting people. I don't like fighting you. I just got mad.' He looked up. 'I got mad, okay? It was stupid.'_

_I didn't quite understand what he was saying, or why he was saying it. It was like he was trying to say sorry, but didn't have the courage to say it outright. But, when I looked at it that way, I guess it kind of made sense. Matt wasn't the type who went out and put his emotions all over the table. He was the quite kid, he didn't like big crowds, and I guess I really had dragged him through a lot lately._

'_Nah. You had a right to get mad,' I admitted, and Matt snorted._

'_Yeah, but not that mad,' he said, and I could have sworn I saw a hint of a smile flicker across his face. I attempted a smile myself, but watching that cigarette was still creepy. It was so…un-Matt._

'_Sorry.' _

_The word was mumbled, but I heard it. I didn't really know how to react – it was a kinda awkward situation, us standing awkwardly in the doorway to my dorm._

'_Uh – don't worry about it.'_

'_Um. Okay.'_

_Another awkward silence. Another one I had to break myself._

'_Uh – Matt?'_

'_Yeah?'_

'_What's with the cigarette?'_

_Matt looked down the end of his nose at it, looking kind of displeased. 'I dunno.' He said, twisting up one side of his face in slight disgust. 'I pinched it from Johanna's jacket when she wasn't looking. She doesn't actually smoke; she just holds it between her teeth. She says it stops people talking to her. I hate it when people I don't know talk to me.'_

'_So you took one?'_

'_Yeah. I wasn't gonna smoke it, Mello.'_

_I smiled, and reached up and plucked it from between his teeth. I tossed it into my trash bin._

'_Good. I wasn't gonna let you, either.'_

_And then we both smiled for real. _

_- Mello_

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

and now dear friends you can review and tell me just how much you'd like to take a spatula to my arse for being so slack with my updates ^_^ seriously, though; thanks for reading. WARNING! My Autistic Brother is on the final stretch. it will soon be *GASP!* **COMING TO A CLOSE**._ but no promises of an ending just yet ^_^.**  
**_


	29. Journal Entry 29

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

AAAAH! i've been so terribly busy over the last few weeks - PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEEEE! updates have all been put on hold, partly because of the busyness and partly because i've been suffering from writers block and ANOTHER PART because i'm a very sad, do-nothing slacker! XD exams are finally over! WOOOO! and term 2 is just about finished! IN TWO WEEKS -I PARTY! HOLIDAAAAAYSSSS! WOOOOOO!

BUT ANYHOW! LET'S ALL SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO **bffs4evamattandmello** AND YOU MUST ALL SEEK HER OUT ON THIS SITE AND HUG THE_** FLAMIN' KRAZZZLES**_ OUTA HER!  
GO! NOW!

DARLIN'! THIS IS THE SECOND HALF OF YOUR BIRTHDAY PREZZIE! ^_^

_- Mercy_

…

_which has strangely left me with nothing else to say...(and somewhat out of breath...) XD  
_

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #29**

_7/10/97 (July 10th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_I'd like to say that I've done well in writing this journal – it was supposed to be handed in a long time ago, by I don't think Roger really minds. In fact, what harm would it do if I didn't actually hand it in at all? He wouldn't miss it and if I ever needed a reference in the future, it would be right here, waiting for me. Of course, I'd be older then and probably think about how childish this seemed at the time._

_Seriously. What kind of eight-year-old "genius" keeps a journal? _

_One of the older kids in the junior wing asked me that the other day, and I told him that it was the kind that cares. Near and Matt had been sitting with me, and they both put on their bravest faces, too. The kid backed down and left us alone after that._

_Although if there's something I can quite clearly say I haven't accomplished about keeping this journal, it's the poetry. Even I have to admit, I don't know what I was thinking when Roger talked me into this. Looking back through the pages, I can see the poems I wrote were okay, I guess, but I feel older, more mature, now that I have some more perspective, thanks to Dr Lenkov._

_Then again, I guess another reason I don't want to hand this in is because Roger will know just by reading it that I haven't written any poems for a long time. And I don't think I want to hand it in, either – keeping a journal is something that is almost routine for me now, writing down what's been happening every couple of days, keeping myself up-to-date and organized._

_When I told L this over the phone yesterday, he laughed and said he was never organized. I heard in the background Watari's tired comment on how L was forever leaving a cake-crumb trail in his wake, or a lolly wrapper, or perhaps a few sprinkles – always something that told Watari where he was. L had chuckled at that too and simply rebuked Watari's comment (rebuked means to make a comeback) by saying that Watari didn't need crumbs – he was just too smart for L to hide from him. And I guess it was kinda big of L to admit something like that, too._

_Anyway. I'm lying on the floor of our dorm, writing this, waiting for Dr Lenkov to pick us up. Matt's up on my bed, playing his thumbs off on that Gameboy that Roger gave him, and Near is sitting next to me, working his way through a sudoku puzzle book that Wendy dug out of her handbag about a week ago. I don't know how he does those things – I've tried and managed to solve five puzzles before I gave up._

_Dr Lenkov is picking up the three of us so that we can get Near to see specialist who could determine if Near needed to have any sort of scans to see if he had anything like cancer or something. But Dr Lenkov had insisted that Matt and I be there, too, because he knew that Near would flat-out refuse anything unless one or both of us were there. I was really glad that he was responsive to Matt, and that Matt and I weren't fighting anymore, since it meant I could catch up on some of the schoolwork I'd gotten behind in over the past few weeks. Matt seemed happy enough to look after Near and keep him occupied while I was working, but I knew he wasn't great at keeping anything but himself occupied for more than a short period of time. _

'_Hey,' Matt said, looking up from his Gameboy with a grin. 'Why is a dog better than a girlfriend?'_

_I rolled my eyes. Two days ago he'd found one of the senior wing kids notebooks lying around in the library – and had found a heap of dirty jokes in it. Some were funny, others were just plain gross._

'_Why?'_

_He snickered. _

'_Coz after a year of having them, the dog is still excited to see you,' he cackled, and I snorted. That was an okay one, I guess._

'_Oh – oh, here's a good one…' Matt said. He'd picked up the senior wing kids notebook again, and was going through it. 'Little Johnnie was in the playground…'_

'_No little Johnnie jokes!' I cried over the top of his voice, startling Near slightly. 'No more! I've heard so many of those my ears are gonna bleed!'_

_Matt laughed so hard he fell back on my bed, but I wasn't so amused. Near gave us both funny looks, and then went back to his sudoku. There were definitely some jokes in that book that I _didn't_ want to hear._

_A knock at the door made us all stop, and I scrambled up. Opening the door, I came face to face with Dr Lenkov._

'_Mello,' he smiled. 'Good to see you again.'_

'_And you,' I nodded, and Matt and Near stood, Matt stretching and pocketing his Gameboy. _

'_Ready to go, boys?' he asked as Matt and Near came up behind me. We nodded, and followed him out. Roger and Wendy were waiting for us in the foyer. Wendy hugged us all (Matt wasn't too keen on the idea, but he let her anyway), and she told us to not talk to strangers, smile and say hello when adults say hello, be on our best behaviour, etcetera. Roger told us that we might not understand a lot of what the people around us say, and he said that if anything troubles us, we were to ask Dr Lenkov, who agreed. A few of the other kids came to say goodbye, to find out where we were going, and I explained to them that Near needed a check-up. _

_Some of the kids giggled, other looked worried, but I tried to make myself feel stronger and braver than I knew I was. I didn't want them to think Near wasn't coming back. That happened once with a little girl who was here, about two years ago. Her name was Jenny – one night she woke up the whole junior wing with her crying. She told Roger and Wendy and the other adults that she had a pain in her chest, so painful she could hardly breathe._

_Wendy took her to hospital that night, and all us kids were worried, since no one had ever gone to a hospital other than to have flu shots. When Jenny didn't come back the next day, and Wendy did, Wendy told us that Jenny was very sick and needed to stay in hospital for a long time. She told us the doctors had said that we could go see her, and we did. We all made her get well cards and picked flowers from the garden. About ten of us went, her closest friends (I remember her well – she and I used to be spelling buddies in our English class, and she and I would sometimes play in the sandpit together with the other kids).  
But when we got to hospital, we found that something had gone wrong between the time Wendy had come back to the orphanage and when we got there. We weren't allowed to see Jenny, but we could hear Wendy crying in the ward while we all sat outside in the plastic chairs, holding our self-blown balloons and cards, our flowers tied with ribbons that Wendy had given us. Wendy came out soon after, and called Roger. Roger was there in about ten minutes, then they both went back into the ward. I remember this so clearly because the other kids were too frightened to listen at the door after Roger and Wendy went back in, so I did. I couldn't hear what the doctors were saying, but about fifteen minutes after that, Roger and Wendy came out, both with red-rimmed eyes, both had been crying, and they ushered us away from the ward, down the cold corridors, back out the big hospital doors, and out into the chilly sunshine of that autumn day. When we asked why couldn't we see Jenny, Roger said that Jenny wasn't going to be coming home. He said that she was so sick, that during the morning after Wendy came home, God had come to make her better._

_We all cried because we weren't allowed to see her, and none of us ever saw her again, but I don't think we all understood at the time that what Roger had meant was that Jenny had died. But I understand it now, and I know the others do, too – Lily and Cameron and Nigel in particular – they were some of the others who'd been there that day. All the others had either gone to foster parents or had moved on, but I knew from the looks on Lily, Cameron and Nigel's faces that they remembered. Cameron even came up to me._

'_Mello?' she whispered as Roger and Dr Lenkov discussed something about the hospital._

'_Yeah?' _

'_Near's…coming back, right?'_

_I blinked back, hard. I felt something lodge in my throat because I could see the fear in her eyes when she asked. She'd only have been six at the time Jenny died. Didn't understand much but now she was older, I figured she hadn't had to do too much guessing to figure it out on her own. We were all smart here, smarter than the average kids these days. That's why L chose us – because we would succeed where other kids wouldn't, and we had to be strong for each other._

_I forced myself to nod, and then wrapped my arms around her, giving her a big hug. 'Of course he's coming back,' I said. 'Near's going to be fine. We just need to make sure that he stays fine.'_

_She nodded, and suddenly I felt more arms around my waist – looking down, I saw Near burying his face into my ribcage._

'_Hugs,' he mumbled, and Cameron giggled slightly. I put an arm around Near's shoulders, just as another pair of arms wrapped around my own – Nigel was behind me, and then Lily was there beside Cameron, and we were all wrapped up in this big, little-kid hug. Near didn't mind the others too much, but I knew he was slightly uncomfortable, so I reached down and tapped the back of his hand. He looked up at me, and we smiled at each other._

_I glanced at Matt, who was standing nearby._

'_Want a hug, Matt?'_

_He looked a little pale at the idea of having to be so close to the rest of us, and shook his head._

'_Naaaah,' he said, eyeing the others. 'I'm good.'_

_I shrugged, but sent him a grin, and his mouth twitched in response. I was glad that he was my friend, even if he wasn't big on hugs._

_Roger and Wendy looked down at us, and Dr Lenkov chuckled._

'_I think it's time we got going,' he said gently, and Cameron, Nigel and Lily let go, but Near giggled into my shirt and refused to be prised off. So I left him there._

'_Take care of him,' Nigel said a little gruffly, scuffing the floor in his socks. 'Bring him home.'_

'_I will,' I said, giving Lily and Cameron both another hug, and then peeled Near off me and led him by the hand, following Dr Lenkov and Matt out the front entrance. _

_As we got into the car, I looked back and saw everyone standing by the front entrance of the Wammy's House, up on the front steps. Nigel, Lily and Cameron were waving, putting on their bravest faces, and Wendy and Roger had a hand on their shoulders as they waved to us with their other hands. Dr Lenkov glanced at me and smiled – I was in the passenger seat, Matt was in the back with Near._

_But even though Dr Lenkov talked us through everything, even though he said we'd all be fine, that Near would be fine and I could be with him the whole time, I had this sinking feeling of dread that it wouldn't be okay._

_That Near might not be coming back._

**…**

_The hospital is different to Dr Lenkov's clinic. His office was fairly small – but the woman's office we were in was about three meters larger by each measurement – height, width and length. Also, the clean white foyer and the antiseptic smell hit me so hard I started having a reel of flash-back memories from when Jenny had been in here. Near was holding my hand, and he looked up at me when he felt me shudder. I forced myself to take a deep breath, and tried not to look at Matt, who was also watching me, as I followed Dr Lenkov inside. He led us through a waiting room for emergency patients – a quick glance made me wish I hadn't looked. There was a girl with a blood-stained cloth pressed to her knee – she was drying and in her mothers hand there was a big shard of glass that was stained with blood. There was a man and his wife with their child, the mans arm in a cast, and their child in a wheelchair – there was some sort of back brace supporting the child – he couldn't have been much younger than Matt – but my best guess was that the father and son had been in car accident. The woman was rocking the boy back and forth in the wheelchair, and I remembered how, only about a week or so ago, I was also in a wheelchair. My shirt brushes my stitches (I get them out tomorrow), and the pain from Percy stabbing me reminded me of me being in the boys' predicament._

_There were a couple of other people – and old man wheezing into a paper bag, a teenage couple looking around boredly and watching the TV that was up in the corner – but Matt nudged me, and I realized I was dawdling. I quickened my steps to catch up._

_Finally, after a long, carpeted hallway, Dr Lenkov reached a doorway that was painted white and had the label that read "Neurologist – Dr Sharon Morven". Dr Lenkov knocked, and then waited a moment before a woman's voice came from the other side of the door._

'_Come on in – it's open.' Dr Lenkov twisted the handle and opened it – and then stood aside to let us in._

'_Come on, Mello – Matt, Near,' he said kindly, and I took another deep breath, and stepped inside. Near followed me, his hand still tight in mine, his other hand to his face and his sleeve in his mouth, and Matt came in after us. 'Boys, this is Dr Morven – she's going to help Near out.'_

_Dr Morven looked friendly enough. She had long, blonde hair, and long slender legs. She was wearing a long white overcoat like a scientist, and under that a sky blue button-up shirt and a black, knee-length skirt. Her legs were covered by dark stockings and she was wearing dark blue, sensible shoes. Her fair face lifted in a smile when we came in – we must have looked really nervous, because she stood up and came around her desk to greet us, her hand outstretched to each of us in turn._

'_Hello!' she said, her voice open and welcoming. 'I've been hearing a lot about you from Dr Lenkov here,' she flashed a grin up at him, and I glanced up to see that he was smiling, too – he looked…content? At ease? I trusted him more than I would trust any other person I've ever met outside the orphanage, and so I tried my best to be polite and on my "best behaviour", as Wendy put it, while we were here. So I shook Dr Morven's hand, and she knelt down on the carpeted floor to greet Near, who shyly hid behind me._

'_Hello there – Near, is it?' she said quietly, but Near buried his face in the back of my shirt. I heard Matt giggle a little behind me, but he smothered his voice before Dr Lenkov or Morven could notice._

'_No wanna,' Near mumbled, and I prised myself away from him, peeling his hands away from his face where he was covering his eyes. I almost smiled – it was like he thought that, if he couldn't see her, then Dr Morven couldn't see him, either. But one peek behind his hands showed me he was actually blushing. That made me smile._

'_It's okay, Near,' I said softly. 'She's going to make you better. Don't you wanna say hi?'_

'_No wanna,' he murmured again._

'_Why not?' I asked, smirking slightly._

'…'

'_Near?'_

_He didn't reply again, only tried to bury his face in my shoulder and wrap his arms around my neck so he wouldn't have to look at anyone. I laughed and peeled him off of me._

'_No, Near – I'll give you a hug, but only after you say hello to Dr Morven,' I said, remembering Susan Winters from about five days ago, and how childishly like her Near was acting right now. Finally, Near gave up and stepped back. He turned, but refused to look at Dr Morven._

'_H'lo,'_

_Dr Morven smiled._

'_Hello, Near,' she said softly, holding out her hand, but Near, blushing like an idiot, whirled back to me and buried himself into me. I laughed a little and rubbed his back reassuringly._

'_Heh heh – ah, he doesn't really like meeting new people,' I said a little sheepishly, and she smiled._

'_Don't worry, Mello – I think every has the right to be shy sometimes, don't you?' she winked at me and stood. She shook Matt's hand (I could have sworn he was blushing too – but probably for a different reason to Near), and then turned to Dr Lenkov._

'_Shall we?' he asked, and she nodded, stepping across her office to a door that led elsewhere in the labyrinth of this hospital. Opening the door, it swung open to reveal a white-washed room, a long bed standing in the middle of it and a big overhead light hanging above it._

'_Come right this way, boys,' she said, and that's when we stepped into the large white room to get Near's head examined. _

_- Mello_

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

YAAAY! GO ME IT'S FINISHED! XD finally! i've got the chapter up and finshed! *phew*! AND LIKE I SAID! PLEASE FIND **bffs4evermattandmello **AND WISH HER A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ^_^ hope you like it, sweetie - i know i put off uploading it until tonight, but here you go! ^_^

please review, and tell me just how much of a slacker i am ^_^

_**- **Mercy**  
**_


	30. Journal Entry 30

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO – okay screw it.  
HELLO AGAIN! I haven't abandoned this story – I've just been SOOO F***ING LAZY! DX I'm so sorry everybody – I've been thinking of this chapter and wondering if I'd ever get it finished BUT NOW IT IS! I CAN RELAX FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS!  
(and then I can get my ass back to writing! XD)

But for now I give to you, you wonderful readers, chapter 30 of My Autistic Brother, and I also give a warning:

**The following chapters will be the last. This story is finally coming to a close.  
There will only be a few more chapters, and I know I said I'd update other stories, but me being the lazy ass I mentioned above has made me give in to defeat and **_**My Autistic Brother **_**will be seen through to the end, even if no other story is.**

I'm not leaving – I've taken a long enough break from writing and as soon as My Autistic Brother is complete, I PROMISE I will put more time into the other fics I've so stupidly abandoned (don't hate me! DON'T THROW THAT!)

_- Mercy_

…

_Really, though. I love ya all, and I thank ye for being so patient with me.  
You read the work of a laaazy writer -_-"_

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #30**

_7/11/97 (July 11th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_It's the morning after we came into the hospital. Dr Morven and Dr Lenkov are still in the white washed room – they haven't come out yet. Near came out twice, only because he started screaming until I hushed him until he was calm again. And even then I had to go into the room with him and hold his hand until he wasn't crying anymore and Dr Morven was ready to restart the scanning. Finally, Dr Morven had to give Near a cup of water with a sleeping pill in it to put him to sleep so that she could get a proper scan. Near kept screaming whenever she brought the scanning machine close to him, and Dr Lenkov finally agreed that there was no other way. After that, Matt and me have sat outside. I'm starting to run out of pages in this journal, mainly because I've used about three of them for scribbling bored drawings in while we wait. We promised each other we would stay awake for Near, just in case Dr Morven and Dr Lenkov came out anytime soon, but while I sat on the floor of the waiting area (it was empty by now), I could see Matt was valiantly fighting to keep his eyes open._

_A nurse had come by last night while we were waiting, and offered us some sandwiches – we hadn't eaten since morning tea yesterday, and we were both really hungry since it was about eleven o'clock when she had come around._

_Apart from that, though, the night had been quiet, long, and full of the both of us worrying about Near and what Dr Lenkov and Dr Morven would find on his scans. I honestly hoped I could go back to the Wammy's House and reassure everybody that Near would be fine, that there was someway around his autism, but the longer we waited outside the scanning room, the more I felt that something had to be wrong, and that Near wouldn't be all right._

_Finally, though, after some serious staring at the wall opposite where I was sitting, Dr Lenkov emerged – there was the beginning of a shadow beneath his eyes and he looked like he hadn't slept a wink either. But Matt and I were both wide-awake the moment he stepped out of that door._

'_Boys – I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting for so long,' he said apologetically, his voice tired and drowsy._

'_That's okay,' Matt mumbled, scrunching his fists against his eyes to fight off the sleep. 'We got sandwiches from a passing nurse. We're okay.'_

_I nodded, biting my lip, desperate to know the results._

'_Well,' Dr Lenkov said slowly, sitting us both down. 'We've got the prints of the scans back, and there is some good news, but –'_

_Matt and I both cheered, and my heart soared. I was so happy – until I realized he hadn't finished._

'_But,' he stressed after we calmed down slightly. 'But there is some bad news to go with it.'_

'_What? What's wrong? Is he gonna be okay?' my heart fell and sank lower into my stomach. Dr Lenkov took a deep breath._

'_I believe we may be able to help Near overcome his autism, but the thing is, there is a brain tumour suppressing a part of his brain which he'd normally use for social interaction and normal behaviour. Sharon and I believe that Near keeps reverting to the more childish habits of his autism regardless of how much time you spend working with him, Mello, because of this tumour. We don't know what caused it, but it may have formed due to some sort of trauma before he ended up in the Wammy's House.'_

'_What's trauma?' Matt asked sleepily, still rubbing a sleeve across his eyes._

'_It's where you get hurt, and you're still pretty shocked or unnerved about it afterwards,' I quickly explained, and Matt frowned._

'_It can give you tunas?' he asked, and I giggled while Dr Lenkov cracked a tired smile._

'_Tumours__, Matt, tumours.' He corrected, and a look of recognition dawned over Matt's face. I turned back to Dr Lenkov._

'_But you can fix it, right?' I asked hopefully, and Dr Lenkov swallowed._

'_Well, that's partly the good news. More bad news is, to fix it, we need the tumour to be removed. All amounts of damage may be inflicted upon Near, though, because he's of such a young age. Then again, the procedure could go perfectly and Near may in fact grow out of his autism altogether – all by himself.'_

'_That's great!' I said, feeling a little bit of a lift in my chest. But then another question raised it head in my mind. 'But…how're you going to remove it?'_

'_Is it like how the Egyptians removed their Pharaohs brains?' Matt asked curiously, now more awake but probably still somewhat confused. 'With, like, a hook up their nose?'_

_This caused both Dr Lenkov and I to laugh._

'_No, Matt,' he said. 'We'd have to remove it via surgery – that means opening his brain and physically lifting the tumour out of his head.'_

'_Eewie,' Matt scrunched up his face in disgust. I shrugged._

'_It's no more gross than a hook up your nose,' I reminded him, and Matt gagged, obviously imagining both things happening at once. I tried not to. Dr Lenkov shook his head and sighed._

'_The thing is, we need to clear this with Roger – he knows that you're both safe here, and is coming to pick you up in a couple more hours or so. I think you both deserve a good sleep – not to mention some real food,' he smiled tiredly, but I didn't share in his enthusiasm. He noticed this. 'Mello?'_

'_I just…can I see him?' I asked, giving Dr Lenkov a pleading gaze. He chuckled and straightened up, ruffling my hair with one hand._

'_Of course Mello – he should be waking up soon,' he smiled, and I grinned, and Matt followed me into the scanning room where Dr Morven was standing back a bench examining a set of X-ray-like scans._

'_Morning boys,' she said quietly, and she turned to smile tiredly at us. 'Dr Lenkov give you the news?'_

'_Yes,' I nodded, and her smile turned sad. It was a strange look – it made me feel sad inside, too. So I attempted to brighten my tone. 'But he also said there's a way to help Near. I reckon if he thinks that, then there's a really, really, really good chance that Near's gonna be okay,' I said optimistically, and Dr Morven sighed. _

'_Well, if you'd like to see him, he's just in there,' she pointed towards a curtained-off area of the room, behind which we found Near lying in a hospital bed, rubbing his eyes of sleep._

'_Mello?'_

'_Hey,' I said softly, sliding into a chair beside him while Matt hopped up onto the bed next to him. 'Listen, Near, we're going to help you, and you're being so brave right now. I wouldn't have been this brave if I was you,' I admitted, and Near took my outstretched hand in his tiny fingers._

'_Got you,' he whispered, his voice a little raspy. That made my throat close over. I couldn't help it – it sounds so silly and baby-ish but I couldn't stop myself. I was scared shitless that Near wasn't going to be okay. So I started crying._

'_Aw…' Matt rubbed my shoulder as I slumped down across the bed beside Near, and buried my face in my arm, his hand clasped in mine. Near made a surprised sound, but I couldn't stop myself to comfort him. They both sat with me while I cried like a complete baby – embarrassing the hell out of myself and feeling like I wanted to curl into a small ball and never look outside again. I didn't care if I was the second-best in the junior wing of Wammy's House. I didn't care about the weather or what anyone else was doing. The thought of life without Near – without the long nights of soothing him to sleep, without tapping the back of his hand and without discovering something new with him every day made it impossible to comprehend being alive. I suddenly realized that Near was taking up so much of my life, I hardly had anything left of it without him. Where would I be without the competition to be the best? Where would I be without standing up to the bullies for Near when he couldn't defend himself? For Gods sake, I was more of a brother to him now than a rival._

_But both of them let me cry my eyes out, and after that, Dr Morven came in with hot chocolates and biscuits, and then a few hours after that Roger appeared in the doorway – all three of us rushed to him for hugs, even Near. Dr Lenkov had told him everything, and he nodded gravely along as Dr Lenkov told him what could be done, and what had to be done._

_What had to be done, in short, was getting rid of Near's brain tumour._

_In the end, Roger agreed to have Near stay put in hospital while Matt and I went back to the Wammy's House to get some proper sleep and breakfast. Afterwards, we'd come back and help Near settle into his ward where he'd stay for a couple of days while the surgery was prepared and then, I would be allowed to sit with Near while he "went under the knife", whatever that meant. _

_While we were driving back to the Wammy's House, Matt asked Roger about what the phrase meant – he didn't answer. He just took a deep breath and told us how we had to be strong for Near, as he wouldn't want us being upset or scared when he was already scared enough. Near hadn't wanted me to go – he'd clung to my shirt and started to cry himself when Roger had decided it was time to leave. But Dr Lenkov had kept him entertained enough for us to sneak away. I felt guilty about leaving while Near was preoccupied – listening to Dr Lenkov talk to him and soothe him. I should have been the one doing that. I was blankly staring out the car window, wishing I was back in the hospital with Near when Roger called my name for the fifth time and Matt poked me in the arm._

'_Hm? What?' I asked, and Roger looked back at me through the rear-view mirror. That was the thing about Roger – if you weren't fifteen years old, you weren't allowed to sit in the front passenger seat. It was one of the rules he had about cars – not to mention his rules about seatbelts, hands out the window and pulling faces at people we went passed._

'_I think you should take Near a little something to help him settle in, when you go back,' he said softly. 'Something he'll have to remind him of you while you're not there.'_

_I thought about this on the way back, thinking through all the things I could take for him. One of his toys? It'd probably take up too much space and especially if it was one of his toy robots, some of the pieces might get lost or cause trouble. One of his pillows? He probably already had enough and the nurses wouldn't want to have something that could spread germs in the hospital, I guessed._

_Not matter what I thought of, I couldn't come up with anything. Neither could Matt. We brainstormed so hard if it could have happened, rain clouds would have appeared above our heads. It wasn't until we'd been back at the Wammy's House for a few hours, unable to sleep during the day, when Johanna dropped in to check on things. Matt had called her to let her know what was happening, and we'd all ended up sitting on the floor of my dorm, still trying to come up with ideas._

_And we'd found out what "under the knife" means, too – it means surgery. They use really sharp knives called "scalpels" to opening the skin and some sort of saw blade to open the skull, according to Johanna, and that's how the term came about. Matt looked slightly sick at the idea of a saw blade going through someone's skull, but Johanna managed to take his mind off it._

_Finally, we were sitting in silence, thinking. Then, Johanna piped up._

'_I think I've got it,' she said suddenly, and we both looked up at her. I'd resorted to scrawling frustrated scribbles in the back of this journal again – another page gone to waste and my pen was starting to run out of ink._

'_What?'_

_Johanna leant forward, a small smile playing across her face._

'_I'll take you shopping tomorrow, and we'll find something for him then,' she said, and Matt and I frowned._

'_But…won't he know it's not his?' Matt asked. 'He might not like it.'_

'_Maybe,' Johanna agreed, but she looked ready to argue the toss. 'But if Mello picks it out, and shows Near how much thought he's put in to finding it and how much we helped out, he'll more than likely understand how much Mello cares – no matter what, Mello, I'm sure he'll accept it.'_

'"_We"?' Matt repeated, appearing to pale a little. 'I don't like going into town, remember?' _

_Johanna smiled, taking it all in stride._

'_Well, why don't you stay with Near, keep him from going stir crazy, while Mello and I find him something?' she suggested, and Matt blinked, nodding slowly._

'_Um…I guess so,' he said, then he looked at me. 'Wotcha think?'_

_I tried my best to be enthusiastic. 'Sounds good,' I agreed, but inside I was wondering if I really could find anything that Near would like – something that could keep him company through his stay in hospital._

…

_Later that evening, after we'd talked to Roger and he'd agreed to letting Johanna take us out to the hospital to drop Matt off, then Johanna and I going into town to find something for Near, I was almost asleep on my feet, but I went to Mrs Potts office anyway, knowing there was one last thing I needed to do._

_She let me borrow the phone – Mrs Potts was very understanding and had grown used to my making phone calls – even the overseas ones. I dialled the number and waited, trying desperately to not yawn._

'_Moshi-moshi?'_

'_L? It's me.'_

'_Mello – what a strange hour to be calling at,' L's voice wasn't chiding, but maybe a little surprised. 'Are you all right?'_

'_Mmm fine,' I mumbled, then I shook myself. 'Uh – have you heard? About Near?'_

'_Yes, I have. Roger informs me that Near is in need of surgery for a tumour that appears to be preventing him from making progress against his autism.'_

'_Um…yeah…' well, that was one way to put it, I guessed. 'Listen, I need some help.'_

'_You sound like you need sleep.'_

'_Help first.' I insisted._

'_Sleep.'_

'_Help.'_

'_Sleep.'_

'_It's important.' One of the things I liked about L was that he never became flustered if someone disagreed with him. He merely insisted the facts and he wasn't afraid to do so in order to make his point or get his way._

'_And so is sleep. At your age you should be getting at least ten hours of undisturbed sleep every twenty-four hours. From what Roger has told me, you haven't had any sleep at all in the last forty-eight hours.' _

_I blinked, trying to find some sort of rebuttal to his argument. But, once again, L's logic was flawless and I couldn't come up with a good come back._

'_Well…okay, yeah, but this is for Near.'_

_There was a pause, the sound of clinking china cups, and then L replied._

'_All right – but please make it brief. I'm very concerned for your well-being, Mello.'_

'_Mine?' I said incredulously. 'Near's the one needing brain surgery!'_

'_Yes, but who better to help him than you? And can you be of much help without much sleep?'_

_I glowered at the phone, wishing for once L wouldn't be so childish by keeping on pointing out the fact that he was right. But I really did need his help._

'_Urgh – okay, okay,' I grumbled, and if we'd been talking face-to-face, I would have sworn L was smirking ever-so-slightly._

'_Very well. What is it you need help with?'_

'_I need to find something for Near that will stop him from being lonely while he's in hospital. I don't think any of his toys will do the trick, and Matt and Johanna can't come up with anything either. Jo said we'd go shopping tomorrow, though – what should I look for?'_

_Another pause followed, more than likely, L was either thinking it over or reading a case file he was currently working on in Kyoto. Probably either staring at a muted TV screen or reading a criminal's profile. I could hear Watari saying something in Japanese in the background, L's vague reply, and then he said to me,_

'_A pet.'_

'_A what?'_

'_Something small, perhaps a guinea pig. Something that doesn't need feeding often – maybe a goldfish. Something that moves or makes small amounts or noise – in which case a budgerigar, perchance. Something that doesn't make a mess or constant attention or long-term commitment – not a dog or a cat.' He mused, and I felt ridiculous just talking to him for a moment._

'_You think Near would want a pet?'_

'_I think you want Near to have a pet.'_

_I blinked._

'_What? Why?'_

'_You don't want Near to be alone,' L reasoned. 'So quite obviously a moving toy or plush animal won't be enough. But if he had a small pet by his side, he would be entertained even when you aren't there.'_

_Suddenly it made more sense, and I was glad I had L for a predecessor. He was wacky, but he was also very thoughtful. So tomorrow, Johanna and I would go in search of a pet shop._

_Afterwards, while I was lying in bed, thinking it over, I hoped the hospital would allow a small animal in. I figured they might, if they knew it was for company of a boy like Near in need of a companion when I couldn't be around. I wondered if he was asleep, right now, or if he was crying. Or if he was sucking on his sleeve or if he was behaving for the nurses and Dr Lenkov and Dr Morven._

_I didn't get lots of sleep that night – I did get some, though. But nowhere near ten hours – I was thinking too much, worrying too much, and trying to believe that everything really was going to be okay._

_- Mello_

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

AAAAAAH thanks so much you guys for reading this -_-" i seriously need to get my ass back into writing again, but my beloved Windows 98 computer is slowly dying and in it's last few however-long times i've got with it, imma cherish the damn thing ^_^ i'm getting a new computer soon, so i HONESTLY WILL be writing so much more. But then again, being a Year 11 sucks, with a social life, school (godDAMMIT school!) and a love life (wait-Mercy? a LOVE LIFE? perhaps i shall quickly look outside to make sure the sky isn't falling and the rivers are not running red with blood!haw-hee-haw-hee-haw!) XP

_****_seriously, though, i promise to be more productive in teh coming days/weeks/centuries... but for now, i bid thee thanks and farewell! ^_^ love ya all and please review with what you think of teh chapter!

– _Mercy_


	31. Journal Entry 31

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **__deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **__At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Here we go – the update to My Autistic Brother is *finally* here. I know, I know – I hear the sighs of exasperation because of my slackness to update, but thanks to all of you for your patience, and for your condolences on the young autistic girl I had the pleasure of working with a few weeks back.

This chapter is for you, darlin'.

_- Mercy_

…

_The idea for the pet for Near wasn't actually cooked up by me.  
No, you heard me correctly.  
It's actually borrowed, with permission, from a friend of mine of deviantART who painted a picture of Mello with a small white mouse on his shoulder. The caption was, 'Oh little friend, you remind me so of someone I once knew.'  
Immediately I thought of Near, and so this small story-arch commenced._

…

_Currently musing to 'Hand of Sorrow', by Within Temptation._

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #31**

_7/12/97 (July 12th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_I hadn't yet told Johanna about L's idea with the pets, but we were slowly getting desperate – I wanted to see if we could find something for Near that wouldn't involve the hospital staff going spare at us for bringing an animal into the hospital, but we were running low on other ideas._

_Johanna and I had dropped Matt off at the hospital after spending half an hour there with Near before we headed out into central Winchester. The town was small, but it was crammed full of life and jam-packed with tourists, a visiting circus and the rest of Winchester's population. We arrived in the midst of it, and spent the next three hours searching every toy shop we could find – until I finally came out with the pet idea._

'_A __what__?'_

'_I think it's a good idea,' I said quickly. 'I bet Near would like it, too.'_

_Johanna sighed in exasperation, a hand covering her eyes and her thumb and forefinger pinching her nose like she had a headache. I knew she was tired from all this walking around, but even she had promised not to go back to Near empty-handed. She said that, since she had thought of coming into town, she would be the one to help me find something. But she hadn't realized the "something" I had in mind was a pet._

'_What would you get him? And what the heck would the nurses say? They'd go crazy, man! Have you seen any of them? Seriously – one sniff of a small, fuzzy animal and they're socks'll blow off.' She said, and I sighed._

'_Then what else?'_

_Johanna opened her mouth as if to speak, but then shut it a moment after._

'_I…dunno.' She and I were standing at a stop sign traffic light that had already changed for pedestrians three times, and she reached over and punched the button again before throwing her hands up in the air. 'Okay, fine! We'll try a pet shop – I think there's one just up the way – but if this doesn't check out with the hospital, or we don't find anything suitable, you're buying the ice-cream.'_

_I nodded – we'd already agreed that whoever found something suitable for Near, would get to choose what flavour ice-cream from a nearby vendor in the shopping plaza a few streets back, where Johanna had parked her scooter, while the other one paid._

'_You're on.' I said, and we shook on it as the lights changed and we stepped onto the crosswalk, cars coming to a halt just a few meters away from us. She put a protective hand on my shoulder; I didn't mind it – it made me feel proud that she wasn't embarrassed to be seen with a little kid like me. Because let's face it – I was still only eight, and I know I've had some interesting little trips in the pasts out in the streets by myself, but I was more than happy to be with Johanna._

'_Jo?'_

'_Mm?' she replied as we reached the curb, and stepped up into the shadow of the store-fronts._

'_Thanks for this,' I said, reaching up and taking her hand. She looked a little surprised, but then she smiled and gave my fingers a small squeeze._

'_That's okay.'_

**-:-**

_The first few pet shops we found were a bit disappointing – only a few of them had small-ish animals that might suit Near, but we didn't find any that particularly stuck out for us. We ended up at a small pet shop set back into the walls of the plaza – it didn't look like it was incredibly popular, but I insisted that we look inside anyway, and Johanna reluctantly agreed._

_It was dark inside, but we could see all right because of the lighting that came from the fluorescent fish-bowls. We approached the counter and Johanna rang the small bell. After a moment of quiet, a boy came out from the back and stepped up behind the counter._

'_Hey there,' he said – he couldn't have been much older than me – maybe twelve? His nametag introduced him as Finnian. 'Sorry about that – were you waiting long?'_

_Johanna gave him a heart-winning smile._

'_No, that's okay,' she said, and gave me a small nudge. 'We were just looking for something in the line of small pets.'_

_The boys face lit up._

'_Oh, really?' he cried, and I gave Johanna a side look as the boy came out from behind the counter. She shrugged as he grinned at us. 'You guys have come in at just the right time – we've got lots in the range of small pets at the moment; guinea pigs, mice, rats, dwarf rabbits – ' he led us over to one wall of the pet shop and flicked a light switch – moments later a soft light began to glow overhead. 'They don't much like strangers coming in and looking at them like they're zoo exhibits, mind you, so don't poke your fingers through the wire.'_

_The wall was lined with several cages of guinea pigs, hamsters (Johanna actually said that a guinea pig and a hamster are the same thing; "same dog, different leg", as she put it.), and an assortment of different colours of rats and mice. We took some time to examine them as the boy told us more about them, and I found myself constantly coming back to the mouse cage. One looked up at me, a small white one, and Johanna came up to my shoulder._

'_I think he likes you,' she whispered, and I laughed._

'_Can I see this one?' I asked Finnian, and he nodded and opened the cage, reaching in. The mouse was smaller than the others, but where the others showed no interest, the small white mouse climbed eagerly into Finnian's hand._

'_This little guy's my favourite,' he said, smiling as he held the mouse out to me. 'Go ahead – just keep your hands cupped as you hold him.'_

_I did as he told me to, and the mouse crawled into my palms. It's whiskers tickled my skin and I giggled, and it looked up at me, it's dark eyes shining. That's when something weird occurred to me. I turned to Finnian as Johanna admired the mouse over my shoulder._

'_Um…don't most white mice had red eyes? 'Coz they're albino's and all?' I asked, and Finnian nodded._

'_Yeah – that's what makes this guy different,' he replied. 'I reckon he's special – my dad says he's a pain because anyone who looks at him reckons he's blind.'_

'_Well he's certainly not that,' smiled Johanna as she rubbed a finger over the mouse's head. It reached its head up and under her finger, enjoying the rub. 'He's great, Mello – what about him?'_

_I grinned up at her._

'_Weren't you the one saying how much the nurses would freak?' I asked, and she laughed._

'_Yeah – but I have a feeling Near would love him,' she said, and I nodded, and we turned back to Finnian. 'How much is he?'_

_Finnian put a finger to his nose and thought for a moment._

'_Hmm…I think he's only about five quid,' he said thoughtfully. 'Hold on – I'll go ask my dad out back.'_

_He ran off, back behind the counter and through the doorway behind it, as Johanna and I went back to the counter and waited, mouse in hand._

'_I think you're right,' I said to Johanna, who smiled. 'I think Near's going to have a field day with him.'_

'_Heheh – yeah,' she agreed, and then her expression turned serious. 'I'm just curious about Finnian – he's allowed to work the shop by himself?'_

'_Maybe his dad's busy out back,' I mused, just as Finnian reappeared in front of us._

'_Yep – dad says he's only five quid, tho' he also says that a mouse like him shouldn't be worth so much,' he laughed. 'I reckon he's wrong.'_

'_So do we,' Johanna said, pulling out five quid from her wallet and handing it over the bench. Finnian skilfully put it through the cash register, and then held his hand out for the mouse. _

'_Here,' he said. 'I'll get him a small carry-case for you, so he doesn't run away.' I nodded and handed the mouse back to him, and he quickly dug about under the counter before coming up with a ready-made carry box; it wasn't very big, and it had a small handle for carrying. He put the mouse in, shut the door, and handed t to me as he handed the receipt to Johanna. 'Take care of him!' Finnian called to us as we left. We waved to him before stepping back out into the street._

'_Well, that was eventful,' Johanna laughed as we headed back to the plaza. 'So, Mello – what flavour ice-cream do you want?'_

_I grinned, and took her hand and gave it a squeeze, Near's new pet safely in my other hand. Johanna smiled down at me and squeezed back._

**-:-**

_We sat close by to the ice-cream vendor in the middle of the busy plaza, eating our ice cream and laughing about the day's events._

'_It's always the last place you look,' Johanna grinned, and I nodded. The small white mouse was sitting on the table beside us, looking out at everything going on in curiosity. I even gave it a small dab of ice-cream, which it twitched it's whiskers at and licked eagerly. _

_We were watching all the passers-by as we ate, when something caught at the edge of my vision – I turned to look, when I saw a pair of brown pigtails get lost around a corner. At first, I dismissed it, but I turned back again to see someone I hadn't expected to see standing there with her back to me._

'_Celicia?' I said out loud, and Johanna paused and looked at me._

'_What about her?' she asked, and I pointed._

'_Over there,' Johanna followed where I was pointing._

'_Huh,' she murmured. 'Is she…arguing with someone?'_

_It looked like it – like she was pleading with someone to come with her. Johanna and I watched, fascinated, as Celicia looked around her anxiously, as if checking to make sure she wasn't being watched or followed, before turning back to whoever it was she was talking to._

'_I wonder who it is…' Johanna started to stand, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her back down. _

'_Wait – ' I said. 'Maybe if we wait, they'll come with her.'_

'_True.'_

_We watched for what seemed like forever, until finally the mysterious figure she'd been talking to stepped ever-so-slightly into view – but it was enough for both of us to recognize him. It was the wind-tossed raven hair, those dark sunglasses and the black clothes._

_Celicia was talking to Beyond. _

_Mello._

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

I'm terrible, I know – really should stop dropping cliff-hangers in everywhere. ^_^ But thanks for reading, please review and tell me how much I need to get my ass back into writing gear ;)

…I've just realized that the date of this journal entry, July 12, is the date of my good friend Andi Spyral's (find her on deviantART – she's AMAZING) birthday. She would have been 5 years old when Mello wrote this journal entry. XD

– _Mercy_


	32. Journal Entry 32

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Thanks all of you guys for your patience - yes, i've got a bit of a cliffhanger at this end of this, but i hope you'll all forgive me for being overly LAZY. school just started again, and i've got 8 weeks left before christmas holidays - all in that time i've already got more than a dozen assessments planned, PLUS exams in week 6. Sooooo...um...forgive any more lateness as i contiue to sloooowly chug out more chapters ^_^

LOVE Y'ALL!

_- Mercy_

…

_i'd say something witty here, but i've run out of things to say. *sighs...*_

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #32**

_7/13/97 (July 13th, 1997)_

**-:-**

_There was a silence in the hospital that I really can't describe here. It's like…it's like everything is bearing down on you, because you know that this place is full of people who are sick or hurt, and while most of them can be saved, you know for sure that some people can't be._

_I think…I think what I'm trying to convey is that this place stinks of death. Matt and I went exploring after I got back from town with Johanna yesterday, after Near had fallen head over heels for his new pet and after Johanna had won a glaring contest with the head nurse to make sure Near could keep the mouse in the hospital while he stayed here. Matt and I had found the morgue – we only knew it was a morgue because we'd seen too many cop shows on TV. Neither of us went inside – the sign on the door was enough to scare us both away._

_Dr Lenkov is seeing near right now – Dr Morven is out here in the corridor with me reading over some sort of paperwork. She's really nice – she didn't get either of us in trouble when Matt and I ran into her after we'd encountered the morgue, even though the three of us knew fully well that Matt and I shouldn't have been down there. She simply smiled at us and told us to be careful, since running in the hallways might upset some of the other patients._

_I'm not sure what Dr Lenkov is doing, though. He said he wanted to talk to Near before Near goes into surgery early this afternoon. He'd asked me to stay outside, because the small white mouse was already enough of a distraction for Near without me being there, too. So here I am, waiting outside while Near is prepared for surgery. _

_The surgery to remove Near's brain tumour is at one. It's twelve-forty right now. Matt's sitting next to me and Dr Morven is sitting across from us. I'm writing this while Matt's trying to count the lines on the carpet._

_I'm not sure what else to write, really. I'm think I'm too worried. Here comes a nurse – she's talking to Dr Morven. Hang on a moment; the nurse wants to borrow me for a moment. I'll be back soon._

…

_It was a phone call. L, to be precise. I had followed the nurse back to the nurses station, where she'd handed me the phone and said that someone had asked to talk to me. _

'_Hello?'_

'_Mello-kun. It's L here.'_

'_Oh – hi L. How've you been?'_

'_Quite good. Roger informs me you and Matt's sister had quite the task of convincing the staff here at the hospital that Near should be allowed to have the mouse in his room.'_

'_Yeah,' I replied. 'He's only allowed to let it out of it's carry-box for a couple of minutes at a time, and not where one of the nurses can see it – she's already fainted three times today.'_

'_Well, thirty nine percent of the human population has a phobia of mice,' he reasoned, and I tried to smile. 'How are you holding up, Mello? I understand that Near goes into surgery in fifteen minutes.'_

_Just hearing L say it was like being kicked in the stomach. I could feel it hit harder because it was really happening – it wasn't this bad a few days ago, when it was simply stated that Near needed brain surgery. Now it was going to actually happen. _

'_Um…'_

'_Mello? Are you crying, Mello-kun?' L's voice held concern, and I know that he only ever adds 'kun' or 'san' onto the ends of our names when he'd concerned._

_I bit my lip and tried to not let my voice tremble. 'No, L. I'm not crying.'_

'_And I'm not Sherlock Holmes, Mello, but I'm also not stupid. It's quite reasonable to be upset and afraid. I was quite upset myself when I was informed of the situation. Even Watari was able to see a change. I turned down cake.'_

_Now that made me laugh – I had to admit._

'_You? Turning down cake?'_

'_Isn't it ridiculous, Mello-kun? I needed to make up for it quickly, so I had three extra spoons of sugar in my coffee this morning.'_

_That would mean his cup was overflowing with sugar, but I thought the better than to ask for confirmation on that. There was a moment of silence, before L continued._

'_I heard that you saw Beyond yesterday.' He said softly, and I blinked – I'd almost totally forgotten having seen him, with having to convinces the nurses to let Near keep his new pet, and all the goings on here at the hospital – he'd just…slipped my mind._

'_Oh,' I said. 'Yeah.'_

'_Are you all right?'_

'_Me? Yeah, I'm fine – I'd just forgotten. It was weird, you know?' I asked, and I could hear a rustling sound on the other end of the line, as L was getting up from one of his big, comfy armchairs._

'_Weird,' he repeated quietly, and I waited for him to go on. 'Celicia was supposed to be under the protective care of a boarding house group – they say she didn't go home last night or the night before, either.'_

'_Do you think she's okay?'_

'_I'm not sure,' L mused. 'It's difficult to tell – I am over a thousand miles away from England, Mello. But…if I was to make a guess, which I don't do often, I'd say that Celicia has a seventy-five percent certainty of being with Beyond.'_

'_What about the other twenty-five percent?' I asked, and there was a long, deep sigh that crackled over the phone line._

'_That holds the possibility that she has been kidnapped, or she's run away, similarly to Beyond, or a range of other prospective things to take into consideration,' he replied, and I felt bad all of a sudden. What is Johanna and I had gone over to see her yesterday? Talked to her, even if Beyond was there. We'd try to convince him to come back, of course, but that wasn't the point._

_Suddenly, there was a yell from down the hall – it was Matt. He wanted to let me know they were doing the final preparations for the surgery._

_I quickly said goodbye to L, but before I hung up, he asked for me to wait a moment._

'_Will you do something for me, Mello-kun?' he said in his low, mostly monotone voice._

'_Of course.'_

'_I understand you're in a difficult situation, with Near going into surgery, but I would like you to keep your eyes open for Celicia and Beyond.'_

_I paused a moment. '…Why?'_

'_Because I have a feeling they might be up to something – from what I know of the two of them, they were two of my star pupils in the senior wing, alongside Ada. Beyond knew how to disappear; if he didn't want to be seen, he would not be seen. However if he and Celicia are meeting in a public place, where he cannot avoid being seen, then I think he may be up to something, and Celicia, too.' L explained, and I thought about it – Beyond had seemed…distracted, yesterday. 'All I would like is for you to let me know if you see anything, all right?'_

'_Right,' I agreed, and we said our goodbyes, and I hung up. I thanked the nurses and then ran back to Near's room, just as they were wheeling him out in his hospital bed to go down the hall to the surgery room. I followed, coming up next to the bed and taking Near's hand – he was already fast asleep from the anaesthetic._

**-:-**

_If there is one thing I can recommend to you if you ever have to sit through a surgery, bring a book. There's a long process, which readies the patient, and if you're sitting in with the patient, there will be a lot of ducking and dodging the doctors and neurologists and nurse attendants as they prepare to perform the surgery. Then there's a wait of about half an hour as they do a conformation to ensure that the tumour they're attempting to remove is in the right spot where they're going to cut into the scalp. Then, of course, is the surgery itself – and it isn't for the weak stomached. This is why I recommend the book – the first two steps of the surgery are interesting enough, and I learned a lot about brain scanning patients, but you may want to hide your eyes for a while when they stick a large, whirring electric saw through your little brothers head. For a while, I was terrified they were going to slip and saw Near's entire head in half, but they didn't. _

_After that, there's a lot of the doctors saying, "Scalpel!" and "scissors!" and "swab!", just like they do in TV shows. I was told to not get in the way, but I sat on Near's bedside, one of those white mask-things on my face to stop me breathing germs all over Near's brain, and I was allowed to hold his hand, listening to the soft beeping of the monitor next to me._

_I guess what I'm trying to get at is that brain surgery is slow, but also has some very rushed moments. The moment the neurosurgeon had the tumour out of Near's head in between his tweezers, he shouted "sew him up! Quickly!" and suddenly Near was lost in a swarming crowd of doctors as they all hurried to replaced the scalp. I was told it would take a lot of time for Near to grow his hair back, but I was rather sickened by the sight of them clapping a scalp back onto the top of my best friends head, then gluing it shut again. It was like…like Near was just an old clock, a machine that could be opened up, have a bit of dust removed, then closed up and sealed over, put back into working order._

_However Near comes out of this, I sure hope he doesn't start acting like a clock._

**-:-**

_It was the night after the surgery when Beyond jumped me. And I mean, seriously jumped me.  
I'd gone into the hospital garden patio for some fresh air – Near was resting back in his room; he still hadn't woken up after the surgery, and I was allowed to stay with him for the night in case he did wake up and wanted company. But I'd gotten bored and tired, so I went to see the stars.  
And that's when Beyond jumped down behind me and grabbed me._

'_Hey!'_

'_Shh! Shut up, kid!' he dragged me over to a large bush, which he pushed me into, weighing me down with a knee in my stomach. 'You want to get me caught?'_

'_Ow, you're hurting me!' I cried, but Beyond shook his head._

'_Listen kid, that doesn't matter – or it won't, not if you don't listen to me,' he said quickly, leaning in close. 'There's something going on – you Wammy kids are in danger.'_

'_W-what? Hey – lemme up!' I said, struggling to get out from under his knee. He was dressed in all black, like always, and his skin was pale as ever, but he looked…gaunt. Gaunt and tired – but his eyes were a burning red and when he turned his frown to a glare, I stopped struggling. It was terrifying – anyone who didn't know Beyond would think he was possessed…or…something._

'_Hush,' he said again. 'Listen, I need you to listen, Mello. You gotta listen to me, okay?' He waited until I had nodded slowly, then he continued. 'Listen. You guys have gotta be careful – there's someone out here who wants you guys; and they want you bad.'_

'_What do you mean?' I asked, and Beyond shook his head._

'_I can't tell you everything right now – me and Celicia are working on it, but we figure that we're the safest out of all of the Wammy kids right now. Us and all of them that are already dead,' he added bitterly, and I saw his eyes started to smoulder as he looked away. But when he turned back, he was just as fierce as ever. 'But still – you have to alert Roger of this, okay?'_

'_How do you know all this?' I wheezed, and he let me sit up a little, taking some of the pressure off my stomach. 'How do you know?'_

'_We've been following a guy – he's always hanging around Wammy's – well, I've been following him for the past two weeks; Celicia only just got in on it with me a few days ago when I went to her for help. She was the logical smart one – I'm the street smart one, according to her. Anyhow – we've been watching him and he's been watching you. We don't know who he is, or why he's been stalking you guys, but he has and that only spells trouble.' _

'_What?' I gasped for breath, not because I was surprised, but because he was really starting to wind me with that knee of his. I struggled to get him off me again, but Beyond simply leant in close, pushing a little harder._

'_Just listen – you gotta keep your eyes open, okay? I've got a feeling that he's after only after kids at Wammy's who fit certain criteria.'_

'_What criteria?'_

_Beyond shrugged._

'_Highly intellectual, young, naive – willing to follow a stranger.'_

'_I'm only half of those things,' I said, glaring up at Beyond, and he just shrugged again._

'_Yeah – but what about your friend Near? Or that other kid – Matt?'_

_He pulled me up short with that, I'll admit. Near…I remembered the incident with the guy on the street after Near had run off from the park that time, just before we'd met Johanna, and I remembered how Matt was always quiet and, now I thought about it, kind of impressionable._

'_I…'_

'_You nothing, Mello. You're in danger – to this guy, whoever the hell he is, you're a target. I don't know why, but I've seen stuff like this before.'_

'_Where?' I demanded, and Beyond pulled something from his pocket – two somethings; a small flashlight and a paper clipping – when he shone the torch on it, I saw it was a small torn out newspaper article. The letters in bold read 'Third Protégée Child Kidnapped This Month – Devastated Parents Hold Slim Hope.'_

'_See? This is what I'm talking about.' Beyond said, and he finally let me stand, handing me the article, which I took and read as I cradled my sore stomach with my other hand. 'Someone's kidnapping child genius', and they've gotten wind of Wammy's. They've realized that the Wammy's House is the prime buffet table; eat-all-you-can while L's not here to protect it.'_

'_L…?' I whispered, half listening and half reading. 'But he…'_

'_Said he'd always be there to protect us?' Beyond glowered and spat in anger. 'Yeah, sure – tell that to Ada's gravestone. Some protector he was, when he can't even protect our own nightmares coming true all around us.'_

'_He came for the funeral!' I objected, only to have Beyond cuff me half-heartedly across the side of the head._

'_Shuttup, kid – you want someone to hear us?'_

_I glared at him some more and then turned back to finish reading. The article was about young kids around our age being kidnapped recently, and the kidnapper was so well disguised that three months had passed, and no one seemed to be able to find the culprit or the missing kids. The article sadly stated that parents were beginning to give up hope._

'_Why…why don't you take this to L?' I asked, and then realized how stupid it sounded, even to me – Beyond would never go to L for help – not if Beyond believed that L was responsible for Ada's suicide._

'_You're insulting me, kid,' Beyond laughed cruelly. 'I'm not stooping so low to scrape my knees at that ass' feet ever again.' He looked away, up at the sky. 'Someday, L will know what it's like to lose someone dear to him. Ada meant the world to me and Celicia; L did nothing to help. Coming to a funeral to say he's saddened by it – then jetting away back to Japan – that's no way to respect the dead.'_

_He snatched the newspaper clipping and his torch back from me, shoving them deep into his pockets again. I was afraid I'd made him really mad, but when he turned back to me, his eyes were slightly softer, like he was mentally calming himself so he didn't go psycho on me._

'_Listen, kid,' he sighed, his shoulders sagging. 'What you do is your choice. I'm just – just looking out for you guys, okay? I'm lookin' out for Celicia – God knows what she'd do if she found out some Wammy's kids we used to know got kidnapped or something. She's…she's not quite all there at the moment, anyhow.'_

_I nodded, and it did make sense – sort of. Beyond turned away, then he jumped and grabbed hold of the edge of the patio roof, swinging himself nimbly and silently up onto it, landing with only a soft thud._

'_Beyond – wait!' I called quietly after him, and he paused, mid-crouch, and turned back to face me, his burning red eyes glowering against his pale skin, framed by his shock of spiky black hair._

'_Yeah?'_

'_Why'd you come back?'_

_He was silent for a moment, thinking. Then, he said something that I know I'll never forget._

'_We look out for each other, you know? Us Wammy kids – once a Wammy child, always a Wammy child.'_

_And then, he disappeared into the night, his footfall light on the roof, leaving me in the dark, feeling alone and suddenly, quite afraid. _

_Mello._

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

please review! let me know wotcha think and assure me that yes, i am one HELL of a lazy-ass aussie! ^_^

– Mercy_  
_


	33. Journal Entry 33

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on…_

* * *

_**BeforeNote:**_

_**PREPARE FOR LONG-ISH AUTHOR NOTE!  
**TURN BACK NOW!_

(Not really ^_^)

SO! Here we go – this will be my ONLY update for about the next 2 weeks at least – NO WAIT DON'T START CRYING -  
-_-" too late.

BUT STILL! I say this BECAUSE I'm going into exams next week, and I really should be studying, but I couldn't leave this chapter any longer, to be honest. And I'm a lazy writer – I know. I've hardly had any zest to write recently – even some of my own stories that I'm still sprouting ideas for. But THANK YOU.

THANK YOU ALL.

Thank you all so very, very much for taking the time to come back to this story and to read it – it means a lot to me, and I DO try to get back to all of your reviews – it's truly heart-warming that you guys still even read this gosh dang' story! ^_^

The fact that I really, really do need to write more on some of my other stories is still nagging me (when doesn't it?) but this isn't a story that's written by popular demand like some may think – I've truly enjoyed My Autistic Brother, and the adventure it's taken me on. So here's to this story, and one of my others – a Kuroshitsuji fanfic titled "You Will Rule The World".  
**.:Here's to being a lazy updater!:.  
.:Here's to being a lazy 5-TEE-subject-studyin'-student!:.  
.:HERE'S TO YOU GUYS! I LOVE YOU ALL!:.**

_- Mercy_

…

_Currently listening to "Soundless Voice", sung by  
Maaya Sakamoto, voice actress of Ciel Phantomhive._

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #33**

_7/21/97 (July 21st, 1997) – _AND the 24th of July, too! ~ Mello

**-:-**

_It's been days since I've written anything. But Roger says that's okay coz he knows I've been busy here. It's been days since Near came out of surgery, and I've been here at his bedside. They said that nothing went wrong during the operation, but he has hardly woken up at all for what seems like years. Really? It's only been just over a week. But it feels like forever. Sometimes he'll sit up and murmur things, other times he'll just lie there and look at me blankly until he falls asleep again._

_The doctors say that's okay, though – someone so young like him is bound to be wiped after such an experience. They say that being lucid for only short periods of time is quite natural after something as big as brain surgery. One of the nurses explained to me that it's probably Near's way of 'recalibrating' after having the tumour removed – he needs time to recover and recuperate, and this is his way of doing it with minimal disturbance. To me, it's creepy because I've never seen him so quiet for so long._

_Thinking of creepy – Beyond's words are still with me, even though I haven't seen him again. Or Celicia, for that matter. Johanna had been out looking around, keeping an eye out for them, but so far she'd seen nothing.  
She was taking this really seriously – this threat, this guy that was kidnapping kids. We hadn't alerted Roger that we knew about it, yet, and I hadn't told Matt, either – Beyond had made me swear to not tell anyone. He'd said, 'they'll know when the time is right for them to know'. And the look in his eyes – I wasn't about to go against him any time soon. But with Johanna being like an eagle-eye over us kids at the hospital whenever the nurses weren't on duty or anything – it made it a lot more real. I guess she was so concerned because Matt was a Wammy kid, and she didn't want anything happening to her little brother. Which is understandable. I don't think she knows about the kidnappings – but she's been on the lookout mainly for Beyond._

_I've been keeping watch, too. Every night, when I'm allowed to stay here in the hospital with Near, in case he wakes up and needs a familiar face in a scary new place, I look out all the windows, check up and down the hallways, make sure all the doors and windows that should be are tightly shut or locked. Any shadow that moves against the wall, I check out and make sure don't pose any threat. Once I ran into a security guard, who promised to keep my night patrols secret, and promised to keep his eyes open, too. He was nice, the security guard, but I wasn't going to fully trust him just yet. But…but otherwise I suppose there's not much else to say.  
Not much to report._

_Until about twenty minutes ago, when Near woke up – and here's the weird thing – he's stayed awake. The doctors say this is a good sign, since he seems happy. He's been chirping away his little noises, and Matt's been keeping him entertainment with an array of small toy cars that he brought with him from the Wammy's House this morning. I'm really happy that he's awake – and he looks okay, apart from the big white bandaged around his head. I know they had to shave a lot of his hair away to perform the surgery, but he's still got a bit on the top of his head – he looks a bit like one of those anime ninja's out of Naruto or something.  
But still…I'm worried that he's going to exert himself too much, and that'll make him sleep for even longer than before. Yet he seems fine – like it was any other normal day. Almost as if, if I can look at him in a certain light, not focussing on the big white bandage, not focussing on the drip in his arm or his pressed cotton hospital pyjamas, it's almost as if I can see him like he used to be before any of this started – happy to do his own thing, but now more accepting of others. Matt, for instance – Near probably never considered Matt's existence until just recently. I've known Matt's been there – he's always been there, just a background figure, playing his computer games and doing all the classes and stuff. But recently, Matt's become more than just a quiet, reserved kid – he's become brave and he's become willing to put himself out for Near. I'm proud to have both of them as friends._

_Watching them both playing like that, I can't stop thinking about how things may turn out when we get home to Wammy's. What about the kidnapper? Would he come after us? Or will things go back to normal? I hope that the other kids don't overcrowd Near – Dr Lenkov says that he could quite possibly make better progress through his autism now the tumour is gone – but I don't want him being too bombarded by everyone when we get back. Hold on – I'll be back in a tick – there's something that Dr Lenkov and Roger want to talk to me about._

…

__(24th of July)

_Well apparently we're going out tonight.  
Dr Lenkov believes that Near is well enough and has made enough improvement throughout the day that he should be able to manage it – he'd also like an opportunity to make notes on Near's interaction with other outside the hospital. Apparently, going out to dinner at a quiet restaurant is just the sort of thing._

_Sorry…I should explain. This entry is tied in and joined with the one above – I honestly didn't think that it would matter – I'll just change the date and add that this is three days after the beginning of this journal entry.  
There. That should probably help stop anything getting confused._

_We're about to get going – I've got a few minutes until Near gets out of the shower – he's been really good – he's even able to bathe himself. I've never had to help him before, (he's always had someone to help him with that) but I'm just sitting outside, waiting for him._

_The doctor said that Near could have the bandage removed from his head – he looks a little odd, but Roger suggested that I help him comb his hair that that it covers the parts that were shaved for the operation. When I ask why me, Roger said it was because I seemed to have a knack for getting my own hair in my eyes. It's not true! Well…uh. Okay, I suppose it's SORT OF true. Only when Wendy hasn't given me a haircut in a while._

_Anyhow. I went back to the Wammy's House about an hour ago for a shower myself (I've had showers here at the hospital while I've been staying with Near), and got changed into more going-out clothes. So now I'm dressed in a dark, long-sleeved shirt and a good pair of black jeans that don't have any grass stains or holes in the knees (I didn't think I had any left – apparently I did)._

_Johanna drove me back to Wammy's, along with Matt, so that Matt could also take a break from the hospital. He says he'd rather stay at Wammy's while we went out to dinner – he's still not too big on crowds I guess. After we left him there, Johanna took me back to the hospital on her scooter. I met back up with Dr Lenkov and Roger, who had also changed, and now we were just waiting on Near – so I decided to come and sit here outside the bathroom for him._

_Here he comes – he's managed to dress himself (mostly). I think he must have gotten a little soap in his eyes – he can't stop rubbing them. His shirt is a little roughly buttoned, but at least he got on his cargos, and his shoes and socks are waiting for him under my chair._

_I'll write again as soon as I've got more time – I've got to go help Near right now. I'll write again after we get back from the restaurant, probably – I'm taking this journal with me, so that I can make notes and such on Near and how he acts now that he doesn't have a tumour anymore – Dr Lenkov asked me to keep a sharp eye on him, and that's what I'm going to do._

_Because although we've gotten rid of one of his major problems, we still don't know how well he'll progress, or if he'll progress at all.  
So just because the tumour is gone, it doesn't make him any less of my little brother. Back soon – _

_Mello._

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

IT'S NOT REALLY A CLIFFHANGER! DON'T THROW THINGS AT ME, PLEASE! D:

Really, though. It's a sort-of cliffhanger. Not as bad as it could have been, right? WELL HELL NAW! Coz next chapter is when it ALL COMES TO AN END! TIS THE BEGINNING OF THE END, my darling readers and shenaniganans! But that's for next chapter, and the writing of it HAS begun, I can promise you that. Although like I said in my BeforeNote, I probably won't be updating for a little while longer after this chapter – chapter 34 will take it's time, but I promise you it'll be here at LEAST before I finish school for this year (in other words, in about 3 weeks, roughly ^_^)

Peace, love, hugs, and EVERYTHING that goes with you guys and your FABULOUS reviews and messages,

– _Mercy_


	34. Journal Entry 34

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

**EXTREMELY LONG NEW CHAPTER!**  
yes, I lied.  
I said I wouldn't update for the next two weeks – and while I really should be studying for my exams next week, I've saved some time in the mornings before school to squeeze out this chapter for you all.  
SO HERE IT IS!  
an update? TWO updates in FOUR days? I must be on drugs.

Seriously, though, guys. For those of you who reviewed chapter 33, thank you ALL so VERY VERY VERY EXTREMELY MUCH! I love you ALL. Really.

I couldn't resist writing this chapter. Because I knew that if I didn't I wouldn't end up writing it for aaaaaaaaaages. So here we go! ^_^ please review!

_- Mercy_

…

_PS – I don't ACTUALLY know is Winchester is 3 miles east of London. I was just guessing. Anyone who can tell me, please review and get my geography right! _^_^

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #34**

_7/-/97_

**-:-**

_I don't know what the date is today. It could be the same night as the 24th, or it could be the day after. But I haven't seen the sun since leaving Wammy's with Johanna to go back to the hospital to meet with Dr Lenkov and Roger just before we went out to dinner._

_So maybe I should start there – there's only a little bit of light that I can write this by, and I'm pretty sure it's from one of those little light bulb things that hang bare off the ceiling. But I'll do my best to explain everything that happened. Or, more precisely, what's still happening. My ribs are bruised and there's a cut over my right eye, which keeps blurring and stinging my vision – and I'm pretty sure at least one of my fingers is broken. But like I said, I'll do my best. I'm sorry for the atrocious (can't be bothered saying what that means here – I'm too tired) handwriting. It's only because my hand really hurts, and I can't quite see what I'm doing – it's really dark in here. I think I'm in some sort of garden shed, and I've also got one hand still tied to my side. But I'll try. Here goes._

…

_It all began in the restaurant. I think I'll write more like _this _to explain the past events. Maybe it'll stop any confusion._

_So – the restaurant. I can hardly write straight – my breath is shaking my body so much that even my dirty jeans have little bits of dirt falling off them. Anyhow – the restaurant._  
It was a very nice restaurant. It was low-lit, and the dimmed lights had a very nice, comfortable glow to them. Near stood patiently with us as we waited to get our table, and when we did, he didn't do anything silly, like try and put the little toy car he'd brought with him into his drink, like he'd done the last time we'd gone somewhere. That would have been back when we went out on an excursion at Wammy's. I feel…distant to them all now.  
But everything was going fine. Dr Lenkov and Roger talked amiably, and Near and I entertained ourselves while we waited for our meal after ordering. He zoomed the little toy car over to me, and I zoomed it back. He seemed to much happier – even though he seemed almost oblivious to everything else around him. I suppose that even with the tumour gone, he still had autism, and that made it really easy for him to focus on just one thing, and that one thing, over and over – we must have been rolling the little toy car (a blue one – he wouldn't touch the orange one that I brought him from Wammy's. I made a note of that.) back and forth for at least ten minutes. Even I got caught up in this game – but Near never grew tired of it.  
We were just being served by the waiter when I saw him – he was standing close to the back of the restaurant, where the restrooms are.

Beyond.

What was he doing there? I didn't know, but I wanted to, and I suppose that was my big mistake. If I'd ignored him, pretended he wasn't there, maybe I wouldn't be trust up like a turkey at the bottom of someone's shed right now. Sorry, I'm getting offhand here.

So what did I do? I excused myself, and I went over to him. He had been watching me, because he turned and disappeared into the bathroom, and I followed him (_I feel very stupid for doing that_).  
He was waiting for me, and when I got inside and the door closed behind me, he grabbed me and pinned me up against the wall.

'Hey – what's wrong with you?' I protested, but his hand was covering my mouth, preventing me from saying anything else.

'Shuttup, kid. That was a dumb thing to do.' He hissed at, but I squirmed out of his grip and brushed myself off.

'What was?'

'Coming over here! You've just left Near unprotected!'

I paused before I could spit an insult at him.

'Uh – what?'

'You didn't see him, did you?'

'See who, Near?'

Beyond snarled in frustration, and for a moment I thought he was going to hit me. But he didn't – he just threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

'No, you idiot! _Him!_' Beyond pushed the door open just a fraction, and we peered out. He pointed to Dr Lenkov.

'Dr Lenkov?' I yelped in surprise. What the hell was Beyond on about?

'No – God, who thick are you? Look _behind_ him!' Beyond jabbed his finger at Dr Lenkov again, but this time when I looked past him, I saw who Beyond was talking about.

It was the man from the newspaper clipping Beyond had given me – the man who was kidnapping all the kids. He was…he looked different in real life than what the newspaper had depicted him as.

'He's here?'

'Uh-huh. And you've just pointed out exactly where you and Near are,' Beyond growled. 'Luckily – Near's safe. Relatively. He's got Roger and your doctor friend. But _you_ are now the one in danger.'

'Why me?' I asked, and Beyond shook his head and let the door close on us – the man had been reading a newspaper – it didn't seem like he'd seen me come into the restroom. Beyond took a phone from his pocket and dialled a number, not answering my question.

'Yeah it's me – ' he said after a moment. 'Listen, we've got a problem – yeah, I'm with him, keep your shoes on.' There was a pause, and then, 'Well if he makes any move, let me know before he gets here, all right?'

After that, Beyond just hung up and stuffed the phone back into his pocket. It was so strange, seeing him look exactly like L, yet he acted so completely differently – he didn't have L's hunched shoulders – he looked like he actually put his spine to good use. And his face was gaunt – he looked thinner than when I'd last seen him, but then again he'd always been skinny. And he had his sunglasses on – I remembered overhearing the police puzzle over the fact that the sunglasses had disappeared along with Beyond. Now, here they both were. I didn't know what to do.

'Listen to me, kid – this is important,' Beyond knelt down in front of me, shrugging off a backpack and unzipping it. 'If that guy comes in here, there'll only be so much I can do to protect you.'

'Protect me?' I spluttered. 'I don't need protecting!'

Beyond gave me a long, hard look before going back to rustling around in his pack.

'Sure. Whatever – but you weren't so tough when you got yourself stabbed by Lachie's stupid brother, were you?' He sneered, almost to himself, and I felt like he'd punched me. Hearing him say "Lachie" instead of "Lachlan" was so weird, and I was suddenly taken back to the conversation Lachlan and I had had before he'd left – he'd said that he and Beyond had once been close – that they'd once been A and B together. Before Ada. Something got stuck in my throat and I had to swallow hard to stop myself from thinking back to Ada's death.

'I…'

'Yeah,' Beyond said, standing up. 'Exactly. You nothin', kid. Percy got you good – and this guy's a heluva lot stronger than some ten-year-old prick with anger issues.' I couldn't look him in the face – so I focussed on his hands instead. In his long, pale and slender hands was a beanie and denim jacket – which he promptly handed to me. 'Put these on.'

'What are they?' I asked, and Beyond shrugged.

'A sort-of disguise. If I can get you back into the restaurant with Roger, you'll be safe. But the restaurant is big, and it's crowded – plus –' he was cut off by the phone in his pocket ringing – once, twice, and then a third time. Then, it stopped, and Beyond swore under his breath.

'What's going on?' I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. Beyond gritted his teeth and took the beanie from me, jamming it down over my ears. 'Hey!'

'Shuttup kid – just get in there and don't make a sound,' he grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me towards the toilet cubicles. 'And for Gods sake, put on that jacket! You're gonna need it!'

'Why?' I managed before he shut the door on me, and held it shut by leaning against it from the outside.

'My phone ringing? That's the signal to say that you're officially screwed. He's coming.' Beyond didn't have time to say anything else – the door to the toilets swung open, and I heard footsteps coming in. Ducking down to the floor, I looked under and saw Beyond's black, scuffed old boots joined by another pair of shoes – these ones were clean, buffed and brown.

'Evening,' I heard a cheerful voice say, and Beyond shifted his weight casually from one foot to the other.

'Evening.'

'You…wouldn't happen to have seen a young, blond boy come in here, by any chance?' the mans voice was deep, and it was in a European accent that I couldn't quite place.

'Nuh.'

'Oh. I could have sworn I saw him come in here – ' The shoes stepped slightly towards Beyond. 'My son does like to dither a bit when he comes in here –'

'Hey, hey – back _off,_' I heard Beyond snarl, and the shoes stepped back suddenly, as if Beyond had given him a small shove backwards. 'The only ones in here is me and _my_ little brother – ' I'll admit, I felt my breath stop for a second when he said that, 'So you'd better look for your _son_ somewhere else.'

The man huffed and grumbled something, before going into the cubicle next to mine. I heard the door lock and the sound of his zipper. Then, Beyond knocked lightly on my door.

'Done in there, Michael?' his tone was a little bit lighter, almost, you could say, brotherly. I wonder if he was actually refraining from using my real name, Mihael, which isn't all that different.

'Uh – almost,' I replied, scrabbling to my feet and hurriedly pulling on the denim jacket and flushing the toilet for good measure. Suddenly, I felt a strange prickling sensation over my shoulder – and looked up.

To see the man reaching slowly over the stall behind me.

'Beyond!' I squawked, and the man lunged over the top of the other stall – he must have been standing on the toilet seat to get that high, but then the door to my stall was open and Beyond was grabbing my arm and pulling me out and behind him. The man fell clumsily and cried out as he hit the floor where I'd just been standing, but he was scrambling back to his feet, and seemed relatively unharmed.

He made a swipe at Beyond, but suddenly there was a Swiss Army knife in Beyond's hand – I don't know where it came from, and I don't want to – but the blade was exposed and Beyond growled threateningly as he slashed the air between him and the man, one hand still holding me, pushing me backwards towards the door as the man came slowly after us.

'Just – just hand him over,' the man was saying – he must have hit his neck awkwardly when he fell, because he had one hand rubbing a bruise that was forming just below his jaw. 'And there'll be no trouble.'

I could see Beyond's fierce expression in the mirrors that lined the wall – and he was _mad_. I didn't need to see behind his sunglasses to know.

'Not while Wammy's still stands,' he snarled, giving me another push towards the door, and as I pulled it open, he grabbed my arm and whirled, dashing through the door, the hand holding the knife plunging into his pocket and pulling out a ringing set of keys. We were out of the restrooms and into the restaurant – I could hear Roger and Dr Lenkov's surprised yells as they saw Beyond dragging me along behind, and moments later I heard the man crash out the door of the bathrooms behind us.

'_C_! Move! Now!' Beyond was yelling, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Celicia appear from a throng of people – she was headed towards Roger, Dr Lenkov and Near, but she sent a worried glance our way as we ducked around waiters and other diners – Beyond was headed for the nearest exit door, and I was tagged along behind him. I knew what we had to do now – we had to lure the man away so that Celicia could get Roger and Dr Lenkov to take Near to a safer place. I was assuming that meant they wouldn't be going back to the Wammy's House.  
But now, as Beyond said, I was the one in danger. I was smart – as smart as Near, and according to Beyond that meant I was just as vulnerable, no matter how tough I thought I was. So now that I was separated from Dr Lenkov and Roger and Near, I had no clear way of getting back to them – I only had Beyond.

'This way!' we burst through a side exit and into the cool evening air, and I was suddenly glad for the denim jacket. But we couldn't rest – Beyond was still running hard across the car park and around to the back of the restaurant, where a large van was parked, it's back roller-door open, and a motorbike standing inside.

'Who's that?' I cried, seeing the figure on the motorbike, but Beyond didn't reply. The figure flashed the motorbikes headlight twice, and Beyond waved his free arm in the air. The figure nodded, and we drew up to meet them.

'The cover blown?' the figure raised their helmets visor, and I couldn't have been more surprised. It was Johanna.

'Jo!' I was gasping for breath as Beyond and I came to a stop beside her, Beyond looking feverishly around, on the lookout for the kidnapper. I hope he got held up in the restaurant.

'Listen – ' Beyond was breathing hard. 'You gotta – take him back…to Wammy's. Alert the other kids. And Wendy. Tell her it's an emergency.' He sucked in a breath and blew out a cloud of dragons breath. The sky was dark, but there were no clouds – it was going to be cold tonight.

'You sure about this?' Johanna's eyes were really concerned. 'Taking Mello back could get risky – what if he has a car and follows us?'

'I'll…distract him…' Beyond ground out. 'Just go.' He patted me awkwardly on the head, his face unreadable. 'Getting back to Wammy's is the only chance he's got of staying safe. If I can lead this guy away, then we've got a chance of catching him more easily.'

There were several yells from around the front of the restaurant – and I know for sure that all three of us heard a car start. Beyond growled and then grabbed me, hoisting me up into the van next to Johanna. 'Go, kid, go!'

Johanna gave me a hand up behind her onto the motorbike, and as she revved the engine, Beyond ran around to the front of the van, hopping in and starting up the van.

'I can give you a running start – ' he yelled from the front, and Johanna nodded.

'Okay – we'll wait until we're a little way away, then we'll – Beyond!' She and I had both seen the car coming around the corner, and Beyond jumped us into reverse. Johanna had to brace herself against the sides of the van to stop herself from being thrown out backwards.

'Dammit!' we heard him bark as he dragged the steering wheel around to get the van going. We were jerked back, and though my sneakers didn't quite touch the floor of the van, I heard the scraping of Johanna's boots.

The car was heading straight for us, I could see it through the window that looked into the front. At the last moment, Beyond swerved, and we tumbled heavily out onto the open road, leaving the man behind in the car park.

As we sped through traffic away from the restaurant, all I could think was,  
_I'm abandoning Near. He's safe, but I'm abandoning him and he probably doesn't understand what's happening. He needs me. But right now, I need him to be okay without me for a bit._

I could see him standing outside the restaurant along with many of the other diners, Roger and Dr Lenkov at his side. He had this scared look on his face, and it was all I could think about – all I could see in my mind, until we were well out of sight. After that, Johanna pulled down the roller-door, leaving us in darkness.

**…**

Beyond let us out in a small park about two miles away from the restaurant, where there was little traffic and it was away from the main highway. Hopefully, he'd said, we'd be okay to get back to Wammy's without giving the man too much of a trace to follow. Beyond had, however, left significant markers, because he said that there had to be something for the man to follow us by, otherwise he'd go back into hiding if he thought he'd lost us.

Johanna wove among the traffic, me clinging on for dear life behind her, still wondering where she got her hands on a motorbike. I'd known she'd had a scooter, but that was a straight-laced, red-and-black scooter. This motorbike was big and black and fierce – it let out deep growls whenever she revved the engine, and stood imposing and tall among the cars as we waited for the traffic lights to change. I took this opportunity to look around – I'd only been to this part of London once or twice before, and I didn't know it very well. All I knew was that Winchester was about 3 miles east of here, and that's where we were headed.

I was looking over the cars, and I knew Johanna was, too, until I saw the car from the car park – he was five cars behind us.

'Jo! Look!' I said quickly, tugging on her jacket and gesturing over my shoulder. Johanna glanced around, and I heard her sigh under her helmet.

'Dammit. How could he have gotten passed Beyond?' she muttered, lifting up her visor.

'Maybe there's another way out onto this road?' I asked, and she nodded.

'Must have been. Some way that we didn't anticipate.'

I blinked in surprise. 'You were _anticipating_ this?'

Johanna shrugged.

'Beyond and Celicia had been planning this for a while. This was going to be the big catch for Beyond – he wants so desperately to beat this superior "L" guy, he's willing to put you in danger to prove himself the better. I don't know why. I guess it's something to do with Ada's death.' She explained. 'Celicia only reeled me in to get them transport and a place to set up their stuff and crash for a couple of days. And Beyond went to Celicia first. I'm just the one who does the reckless driving.'

'…Reckless…?'

'It's just a phrase, Mello,' she smirked, but her eyes were kind as she looked back at me. 'I wouldn't put you in danger. That's why I'm taking you back, and not Beyond. He's currently combing the city looking for that guy – ' she jerked a thumb over her shoulder. 'And he's supposed to be the one who corners this guy and takes him down. Celicia and I are just the ones on the sidelines – Celicia keeps your friend Roger, that doctor guy and Near safe, I keep you safe, and the two of us go in different directions. The guy has to choose who's more valuable to him – you or Near, who's autistic. You're quite obviously the better option. So he's coming after you, who he's seen with me on a motorbike, so he knows what to look for. But while he's chasing us, Beyond is tailing him from behind, searching for him and tracking him until he can get a clear shot at this guy. After that, Beyond plans to apprehend this guy and make him give up where he's hidden the kidnapped kids.'

After that long-winded explanation, I was quiet for a while. The traffic lights changed and Johanna released the brake, and we began to move forward. She wove her way further into the mass of cars ahead of us, and soon when I looked back, I couldn't see the other car anymore. But it didn't mean that he wasn't still there. What Johanna had told me hung in my head, and in a way, it made sense. It was the sort of plan L would devise to draw out a criminal. But I had to remind myself that no matter how much L Beyond looked like, Beyond was still Beyond and he was a lot scarier than L. L was clear-headed and logically thinking. Beyond was impulsive and emotional. He'd proven that to me several times tonight alone – I was trying not to think back to seeing him kneeling in the courtyard and screaming to the sky, Ada's body in his arms. But it was hard.

Wind whipped passed us as Johanna put on some speed as we hit a less congested road (congested meaning clogged up. Sort of.), and I wasn't able to talk to her without yelling, so I stayed quiet. I wanted to demand why I hadn't been told that I was going to be used as bait, but then I remembered something that I'd once heard one of the older kids at Wammy's, Henry, say while to one of his friends while he was doing an experiment involving flies and spiders.

_Bait doesn't need to know it's bait until it doesn't have any other option other than to know. The more oblivious it is, the better bait it will make, as to now alert the predator._

I guess that doesn't really apply to me anymore. It was clear that I knew what was going on now. So instead of saying anything, I just buried my face into Johanna's back and hung on.

**…**

We reached Wammy's a little while later. There was no sign of the car, no sign of the man, but Johanna still parked a street away. I got off the motorbike.

'You sure you'll be okay?' she asked, and I nodded.

'If I can run, I can make it there in no time,' I said, and she looked worried, glancing around again. She sighed.

'Okay. Just be careful – don't let any of the kids go outside, all right?'

'All right.' I nodded again, and she reached a hand down, and I shook it.

'I'll come around in about five minutes to make sure you've gotten in, okay? I'm just going to do a perimeter sweep.'

I nodded once more, then turned around and started jogging away from her, towards home. She'd told me that this was where I was most vulnerable, and that if I wasn't fast, if the guy was in the area he could quite easily get passed her and grab me off the sidewalk. We'd seen Beyond also doing several drive-bys in the van, but once Johanna had moved off and had disappeared around the corner, I finally felt truly scared. And alone.

The thing is, I'd never been afraid of my own street before. I'd come up and down this very sidewalk so many times I knew every crack in the walls, knew every weed springing up between the pieces of pavement and knew every drain set into the tarmac alongside the path. But now, it was cold and it was dark – and I was all by myself. I wished I could run faster – but I seemed to be going really slow. My legs felt a little like jelly after getting off Johanna's motorbike, and I stumbled once or twice.

Finally, I reached the tree-lined gates, and leant against them, gasping for breath. This whole night was one big blur, and as I got inside, I could see some of the lights on in the windows. A curtain moved, and then the front doors were thrown open. Wendy and several of the kids from the junior wing poured out to meet me.

'Mello!' Wendy cried as I rushed into her hug. I was so happy to be home – I just buried my face in her apron and clung to her for several moments before realizing that the other kids were also hugging me. 'Oh Mello, are you all right?'

'I'm fine,' I mumbled, and then looked up at her. She was so familiar, Wendy, but now I'm doubting whether or not I'll ever see her wonderful face again. Enough of that. I must stay focussed, no matter how much my hand is hurting. 'I've gotta tell you –'

'It's okay, Mello,' she shushed me, gently tugging the beanie off my head and stroking down my messy hair. 'Roger called us and alerted us ahead of time – '

'No, that's not it! You've got to get back inside!' I looked desperately around at everyone – Matt was there, a scared look plastered to his face. 'You're all in danger if you stay out here – quick, we've got to get in!'

I started trying to usher them all inside, but Wendy took over, and Matt fell in step beside me as we headed inside. I looked back at the road, hoping that Johanna was okay. I should stay out for just a moment and let her know I'd gotten here okay, I figured.

'Are you really okay?' Matt asked, pausing next to me as I stopped. I smiled a little shakily.

'Yeah. Beyond and Celicia have this whole plan to stop this kidnapper guy – he's been kidnapping child genius', and Beyond reckons that he's coming after Wammy's kids now.'

'You mean…us?' Matt squeaked, but I reached out and pulled him into a comforting hug.

'S'okay, Matt,' I said softly, and he returned my hug a little awkwardly. 'We're safe now. I just have to let Jo know –'

'Jo's here?' Matt pulled back and grabbed me by the shoulders. 'Where?'

'She brought me back – she's helping Beyond and Celicia for a bit. We had to get away from this guy in his car, and Jo's got this motorbike, while Beyond was driving a van –'

'Was it just like one of those chase scenes in Grand Theft Auto?' Matt's face lit up in excitement, obviously forgetting that we were both in danger by just dawdling outside. But I had to give Johanna some sign that I was here.

'Yeah – hey, listen, Matt,' I said quickly as I heard the sound of an engine not too far away. It had to be Johanna. 'I'll be right back – just go inside and I'll be right behind you.'

Matt gave me a slightly dubious look, but he nodded and headed inside, probably thinking up this amazing car and motorbike chase scene that I was involved in – in his mind it probably involved lots of screaming tires, flashing lights and several car pile-ups. None of which actually happened. As far as chase-scenes go, mine wasn't all that exciting other than the fact that I was on the back of a very loud, very big, and very _fast_ motorbike.  
I headed back to the gate, and slipped out to the sidewalk. There was Johanna – coming around the corner about a hundred meters away. That was when I realized there was something wrong. The sound of the engine I'd heard was coming closer – and that's when I saw the headlights light up the road behind me.

I heard Johanna scream but I didn't register it as I swung around, only to be momentarily blinded by bright headlights as the car mounted the curb and I stumbled back with a yell, trying not to get hit by the car. I fell and hit the pavement, hearing Johanna's bike and a louder, roaring engine getting closer as well, but I also heard a car door slam and suddenly there was hands grabbing me and dragging me up – I couldn't see anything so I just bit and kicked and fought as hard as I could, yelling at the tops of my lungs. Something clubbed me in the ribs, and I felt the wind leave my lungs in a rush, my side bursting with pain.  
There were yells somewhere off to my right, and I figured that the other in Wammy's had seen what was going on, but someone was dragging me along the footpath – I could hear a door opening and I was suddenly stuffed into the car. There was the screaming of tires coming to a stop right behind us – I got a faint glance out the back window of Beyond's face through the van's windshield – he'd seen me get thrown into the car and didn't want to hurt me by ramming the car with the van. The car started, and I could just barely see a figure trying to run in front of it – Johanna, attempting to stop the car by throwing herself in front of it, but the car simply swerved around her.

I tried to sit up, but there was something on my wrists – and it was tied to my legs as well. Trying to blink away the light that was still bursting behind my eyelids, I could feel that it was a very roughly tied rope, and it was tied tightly – so tightly that if I pulled at it, it would tighten even more. The man must have had this ready before he'd gotten out of the car.

Sitting up just enough that I could squint out the back window, I saw the van only a little way behind us. I heard the sound of a train's horn, and realized that we must have taken a back road away from Wammy's – the back road that led down to the train tracks. The train was close, and even as the car was moving, I could feel the vibrations of the train. We zoomed over the tracks, and I looked out the back window again – suddenly, I was desperate for Beyond to catch up – but the train was already there, cutting the van off from crossing the tracks.  
The man had gotten away. And he had me. I could hear him chuckling to himself, but my hearing was going all fuzzy. He had won. I was his now. I moaned a little, and then I'm pretty sure I passed out.

**…**

_That's all I can remember after I woke up here. Everything else about the night is fuzzy and unclear. But I woke up with my head spinning and I don't know where I am. I think I'm in a shed, and I'm pretty sure my hand is broken and my wrist is sprained, now I think about it. I don't know what this man wants with me, or what's going to happen to me now._

_All I can do is hope that Roger and Dr Lenkov can keep Near safe, and that Near will be okay. I don't think I can write anymore, simply because every time I think about Near and Matt and Jo and the others now, I always end up crying. And crying makes my head and my ribs hurt even more. All I want to do is curl up and die right now. So for the moment, that's exactly what I'm going to do.  
_

_If I ever write another entry, I promise to write down what happened here. I'll write about how brave Beyond and Johanna were, how smart Celicia was, how much I miss Near and Matt and Wendy and everyone else. And I'll write down how much I want L to come and save me, but how much I know that he just can't. _

_Mello._

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

_****_AAANNNDD NOW you can all tell me how HORRIBLE i am for making such a cliffhanger NOW! XDDDDD (and for not updating within the next two weeks! XD) but seriously, guys, thank you for reading. it means a HELUVA lot to me, and writing this has been ALL too much fun, even when i take EXTRA HUGE AND STUPIDLY long breaks between writing the chapters. -_-" but still! rest assured that this is NOT the end! (that's coming in about three or so chapters ^_^)OOOOOOH, SPOOOOILER! :D

– Mercy_  
_


	35. Journal Entry 35

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on…_

* * *

_**BeforeNote:**_

The promised update is finally here! Here is chapter 35 of My Autistic Brother, fresh for you guys! If I'm honest, I've slacked off HEAPS writing this chapter.

I should have had it finished a WEEK ago, but because of lack of enthusiasm and encouragement and holiday-hoo-harring, I just haven't written anything decent. REALLY. I've deleted this chapter and restarted about five times.

So I've got a plea for y'all. Could you guys please review more? Thing is, I feel like the lack of enthusiasm to write has come from the fact that hardly anyone reviewed the last two chapters.  
So **before** I update again, can we see if we can get at least ten reviews for this chapter, and perhaps a few more for the other two? I'd love to hear your feedback, love to see what you think.

Thanks for reading and may you ALL have a Merry Christmas! I hope to be able to update again before Christmas for you guys, and this will be _My Autistic Brother's_ SECOND CHRISTMAS! (oh gawd now I'm excited XDDD)

_- Mercy_

…

_Currently having some trouble with some people I know over deviantART, and I've been kinda troubled lately. If I'm honest, that's probably also taken out some of my zest for writing.  
It'd be great to hear from you guys again ^_^._

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #35**

_7/-/97_

**-:-**

_I don't think I've ever felt this sick in my life._

_I've spent the last three days here, stuck in this shut-off cupboard in the back of this shed. I can only tell it's been three days because there's a little, grimy window up really high in one of the tin walls. _

_There's five of them. Not just the one that grabbed me that night. That's how they've managed to kidnap so many kids without being caught. I heard this old saying once when I was at Wammy's – 'many hands make light work' – I suppose that qualifies here. But it's bad work. Work that they talk about whenever they're around – just outside this little cupboard like shelter. See, this is only a small part of the actual shed. I've seen more of it whenever they open the door to my area just a little. I can see the way out, and I want to go outside, but they won't let me. They say I must stay inside._

_And they wouldn't let me out, anyway – not since yesterday. Yesterday, one of them left my door open while they went to fetch something from outside. I'd been crying, so he'd come in and given me some water. But it was dirty and tasted like he'd scooped it out of a gutter, and I'd told him how sick I'd felt, so I was guessing that he went outside to get clean water. But he left the door open and I crawled out into the rest of the shed. I found one of their cell phones on an old table, and I dialled the first number that came to mind – L._

'_Moshi-moshi,' came the answer after two rings._

'_L!' I whispered hoarsely – I haven't been able to speak properly since one of them whacked me in the throat when I threw a piece of stale bread back at them two days ago – and I was so relieved to hear L's voice._

'_Mello.' He sounded truly, honestly surprised. 'Mello, are you all right? Tell me where you are. Have you called Wammy's yet? Are you safe?'_

'_Stop, L, stop – I don't have long.' I hissed, and he fell silent. 'Listen, I'm okay. I think. My ribs and my head and my hands hurt but I'm some sorta shed – but is Near okay?' the only think I desperately needed to know at that point. The last three days, I'd been constantly worrying, crying, and wishing for Near to be okay._

'_Near is fine, last time I heard. Now, about you –' L said quickly, just as a door banged open behind me._

'…_And that's when we saw the – **Oi**! What d'ya think yer doin' – ' There were two of them this time, and their footsteps were so fast and heavy that I hardly even turned around before one of them had me by the scruff of the neck and was yanking the phone from my heads._

'_No! L! HELP MEE!' I shrieked and kicked and fought as hard as I could, but the one who had me clouted me across the head, and I yelped in pain. I could hear L's worried voice calling back to me as the other one, the one who'd grabbed the phone from me, tossed it back to the table._

'_Hello? Mello? Talk to me, Mello. Mello, I'm here Mello – ' the other guy ended the call, hanging up on the one person who could have saved me._

_I was tossed back into my little cupboard – literally, tossed – I landed on a heap of fertiliser bags, and the door was slammed shut, and I could hear them both swearing and muttering about trouble-making children. So that was my brilliant escape attempt yesterday. Now all I can think about is how much of a genius I'm not._

_But that was yesterday, and today, they moved me to where the other kids were being kept. According to the one who'd grabbed me three nights ago, the cops were slacking off on the patrols now, and it was safe to move me. So they put a Hessian bag over my head, which smelt like old fish and something putrid, tied up my hands, and they pushed me into the backseat of their car.  
There was just the two of them driving today – the other three were already there at the place we were going. So I managed to wriggle my head out of the bag, just enough that if they noticed, I would be able to pull it back down with my thumbs and forefingers, which I managed to get free. I kept glancing out the window, looking for signs of where we were going or where we were, but I was unfamiliar with this part of London. For a split second, I had a sinking wonder if we were even still in London at all. Perhaps on the outskirts, I had to console myself. _

_We pulled into a small, bumpy and grassed-over lane, with only a few houses on one side, and just down the hill, some warehouses. I caught sight of the signpost as we rattled passed it._

'Headsworth Lane' _it stated in faded lettering._

_I ducked back down under the bag as they started talking again, saying something about one of the warehouses. I knew we were in the warehouse area now – I felt us go down the hill at one point, and now we were on a smoother, cemented surface. I couldn't see out of tiny holes of the canvas bag, but I tried to strain my eyes so I could count how many warehouses we went passed._

_Oh – something I should probably note here, is that they also stole away this journal. For a while, anyway. They took it and my pen that I always keep in my pocket from me on the first night, and then, later that night, one of them tossed it back to me. They were all drinking beer and laughing about something they found funny in a different language that I didn't understand, but I was miserable and cold and hungry, so I didn't care. I just sat huddled in a corner all night, first re-reading everything that I'd written here, from realizing Near's autism to meeting Jo and finding Matt and Ada's death and Beyond and Dr Lenkov and his daughter Ruby – all the way through Percy stabbing me and Near's tumour being removed, until now. Then I just held it to my chest and cried. I don't think I've cried so much in my life – they didn't give me my pen back, either. I managed to catch a snippet in English – apparently they thought I'd try to use it as a lock pick or something. So I'm currently writing this with a small charcoal stick that I found on the floor in that small cupboard in the shed. I've kept it hidden by tucking it down my shirt whenever they're near me, so they won't see it and confiscate it like they did with my pen._

_Anyway. We swung into one of the warehouses eventually, and a roller door came down and a light flicked on. The bag was pulled from my head and I was taken out of the car. I blinked in the suddenly bright light, and I saw all five of them standing around the car. The three who were already here were greeting the two that had brought me here, and I saw that at least four of them had handguns tucked into their waistbands. The one who'd taken me from the car gave me a shove from behind and I stumbled around the side of the car and saw a walkway leading away from the garage area we were standing in._

_I was pushed down that hallway, and then into a large, open area that looked like it was used for storage, meaning there had to be another way out. In one corner, there was a pen created by old fencing wire and some old, rusting sheep-gates interlocked and stacked on top of each other. And in that pen, there were twelve other children._

_They all gasped and looked up when the five men came into the larger area, but then all of the other kids eyes fixed on me. I was the new kid. The newest victim. I didn't have to be a genius to recognize the pity on their faces._

_But the men shoved me inside with the rest of the kids, and one man stayed behind as the other four left. Presumably, the one who'd remained was a guard. I'd heard the others talking about him, but I hadn't seen him before._

_I tried not to think about how doomed I was, and I turned to look at the other children. Who were all staring at me intently._

'_You're the thirteenth,' one of them whispered softly. He had short, dusty-blonde hair and freckles all over his face, though most of the freckles were smudged with dirt. He looked like he'd been crying a lot, too._

'_Um…yeah.' I nodded. What else could I have done? 'Where are you guys from?'_

_A lot of them shrugged, only one of them, a girl at the back who looked about my age, spoke up. She had another small boy in her arms, and I felt a pang in my gut as I thought of Near, and how I'd once held him comfortingly like that._

'_We get taken from lots of places. Spread out, over London, so we can't be traced,' she said quietly, hoisting the boy onto her hip and coming over to the rest of the children and myself. The others gathered around her, and I realized that they were all either just younger or just older than her – but they all looked to her like some sort of big sister. I'd been here for all of a minute, and I could already tell. She pulled some of them into her arms and stroked their heads._

'_Who are you?' I asked, and she shrugged._

'_I'm Sarah, but it doesn't really matter now,' she replied. 'We're never going home.'_

_I blinked in surprise. 'How can you tell?'_

_She gave me a withering look that could have made L think twice. But I was already so bruised, beaten up, tired, hungry – whatever – that I wasn't thinking as clearly as I could have been._

'_Because I was the first to be taken. _And_ I speak Russian.' She jerked a thumb over at the one remaining man at the door. He wasn't looking at us._

'_They're Russian?'_

'_Every single one of them. And they're English is atrocious.' She sighed. 'They hardly even know what they're looking for.'_

_I lowered my eyes for a moment. I'd known there had been many kidnappings, but all of these kids…seeing them made it all the more real. There was straw on the floor and a couple of knocked-over paper cups with spilt water trickling from them, and I realized that they'd been putting up with all of this a lot longer than I had been. Sarah especially. She must know what's really going on, I grasped._

'_So…what are they looking for?' I asked, raising my eyes. Many of the other kids huddled closer to Sarah, and gave me fleeting, frightened looks._

'_Well, they've found it,' she said, and I blinked. What was that supposed to mean – _

'_They've been looking for you, Mihael Keehl.' Sarah continued, and my heart stopped cold._

'_How…how do you know…?'_

'_Your name?' she asked, her eyebrows raised. 'Because I've told you already. I speak Russian, fluently. And you're the one they've been after all this time. You're the "royal catch" as they put it.'_

'_Royal?' I suddenly had this sinking feeling in my stomach. What could they possibly want me for…?_

'_Yes,' she nodded. 'Because you're the son of one of the top Russian Mafia crime bosses, Uborivich Keehl.'_

_My jaw dropped, and everything else faded away. I had no clue what to say next. _

– _Mello._

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

I'm actually really glad I've finally got this chapter written to a standard that I'm happy with – rewriting's a bitch, but you've just gotta stick with it, people.

Please review! YOU HAZ MAH LURV!

– _Mercy_


	36. Journal Entry 36

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

perhaps it wasn't 10 reviews, but thank you ALL. thing is, i found myself writing this in between very sad games of solitaire and drawing up part of a christmas challenge that i'm doing this year - AND THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS, HAVE I MENTIONED?

s'all for now, i guess...a bit more of a cliffhanger here at the end of this chapter, too, so beware...O_O

_- Mercy_

…

_currently listening to the sound of my dad playing a racing car game in teh study behind me. sittin' at the dinner table with my feet up and my internet workin'!_

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #36**

_7/-/97_

**-:-**

_Sarah kept her eyes on me. She has these grey, almost sky-blue pale eyes, and combined with her red hair, she could look pretty intimidating. But I wasn't concerned about that – what she'd just said was even more concerning. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't actually the son of some Russian Mafia boss – how could I be? I'd only heard rumours that he'd had ties with the mafia – and even then, I wouldn't have picked me to be of Russian descent. I'd been an orphan since I was…er…two? Maybe? I think, anyhow – I can't remember much about the places I'd been before I was sent to Wammy's when I was four. And I don't have any memory of my parents – not really, anyway. I suppose I'd just built my own perspective of them after what I'd been told (which was very little) and what I'd overheard (which was even less). But I'd never have imagined that any of it was true._

_I thought back to my dream, back in the hospital after Percy had stabbed me – and I realized that they probably didn't even sound or look like anything I'd imagined, either. _

'_How…how could you be sure of this?' I asked quietly, and Sarah sighed in exasperation._

'_I told you – I speak – '_

'_I don't care what you speak!' I cut her off, and she shrunk back a little. 'What I want to know is why after all these year are they suddenly looking for me? And what do my parents want with me, if I've been in foster care all this time?'_

_Sarah looked speechless, and one of the slightly older-looking boys spoke up._

'_Listen – s'not our fault you're here. It's your fault that we're here. From what we've heard in some of the conversations they've had on the phone, your old man had a lead that you were in foster care somewhere here in London. So he sent a bunch of guys to find you. Took a handful more kids to make the kidnappings look random, and not so specific.' He explained, and I thought for a moment. That would make sense._

'_Is that why…there are girls as well as boys?' I asked, and Sarah nodded._

'_Yeah,' she said softly. 'They didn't have much to go on, so they picked a bunch of random kids of similar ages out of the foster care systems in the hope they'd get gold with you.'_

'_But how did they know it was me?'_

_The boy who'd spoken up shrugged._

'_Dunno. But they've got this room out there – just off the garage – where they plan out their next kidnapping. Got photos of all of us all over the walls.'_

'_You weren't the original target, though,' Sarah interjected. 'There was another child from that orphanage that they were going to go after – ' she looked around at the other kids, as if looking to one of them for help. 'I don't…I can't remember what they said his name was.'_

_My heart clenched – they were…those guys were originally going to kidnap one of the other kids? What if it was Near, or Matt…?_

'_They called him "bino",' one of the smaller kids said quietly, and Sarah snapped her fingers together._

'_That's right! They always referred to him as that albino kid – wears all white, white hair – '_

'_Near!' I exclaimed, and the others all looked around._

'_Where?'_

'_No, that's who they were going after!' I felt something cold drop in my stomach. Oh man, they were going to kidnap Near first? I couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of trauma that could put him through…_

'_So you know this kid?' asked the boy from before – his name turned out to be Ryan._

'_He's…' I was lost for words just then. 'He's my…'_

'_Best friend?' Sarah asked helpfully._

'_No – nononono,' I moaned, burying my face into my hands. I wanted to cry so badly, partly from picturing Near's face in my head, seeing the worry in his eyes, and partly because I was glad. Glad that they'd gotten me instead._

'_Hey, wassup with him?' I heard Ryan mutter._

'_He's my brother,' I whispered, and Sarah raised an eyebrow._

'_Really?'_

'_Well, we're not blood-related,' I admitted, raising my head. 'But he's autistic – and I've been his guardian for ages now…I might as well be his brother, and he's almost like a little brother to me.'_

_I watched numbly as Sarah, Ryan and a couple of the others shared confused looks._

'_What's autistic mean?' Sarah asked, and I sighed, feeling my shoulders drop._

'_It comes from the Greek word meaning "self". It's where a person becomes withdrawn into themselves, usually at a very young age,' I said, feeling slightly proud that I could quote L word for word. Another face that flashed into my mind – another lump I found in my throat as I thought about it._

'_Uh…huh,' Ryan said, still looking confused. 'And this auto-erm…thing – this is bad because it makes him antisocial? What's it got to do with us being kidnapped?'_

'_It's bad because if he'd been kidnapped instead of me, he'd been terrified! He hates loud noises, big, new, scary people and he can't communicate properly! They'd think he was dumb or stupid or nuts –' I was really getting myself worked up now. My ribs complained every time I took a breath and my hand ached with stiff pain, but I tried my best to ignore it. 'If they'd kidnapped Near, they wouldn't be able to stop him screaming, and who knows what they would have down! He'd be so badly traumatized he'd probably never recover! Someone would stick him in a loony bin!'_

'_Okay, okay – calm down,' Sarah said quickly, glancing quickly at the guard. He hadn't moved – he almost looked like a statue over there by the door. He didn't even move a muscle or look in out direction. But I tried to calm myself down, anyway. There was no point in getting mad about all of this when Ryan was right. It wasn't their fault they'd been kidnapped. It was mine. Sort of._

'_Well, what happens now?' Ryan asked, and Sarah shrugged._

'_I don't know.' She replied. 'I suppose they do whatever they've been ordered to do with Mihael – '_

'_Mello,' I corrected, and she frowned at me._

'_Why Mello?'_

'_Mihael is my old name. Mello is the name I go by now.'_

_She shrugged and turned back to Ryan._

'_But after that, I don't know.'_

'_You don't know what's gonna happen to us?' one of the other kids asked, and Sarah shook her head sadly._

'_No, I don't. I'm sorry guys,' she hugged the kid, and several others looked like they were on the verge of crying._

'_Maybe they'll…you know…let you guys go,' I suggested, but Ryan shook his head._

'_Nah. I don't reckon so. Why go to all this trouble, if they're just going to let us go now they have you?'_

'_Well, they know that you guys aren't the kids they're looking for – I am. Now they have me, there's no point into holding onto you.' I argued, but one of the other children raised a finger._

'_Not true. They could hold us for ransom. Like they do with prisoners in those cowboy movies.' Sarah shushed him._

'_No, I think Mello could be right. But it all depends. I overheard last night that Uborivich is coming here – to London. To see if you're really you.' She said, and I felt my breath hitch a little. My…my real father – coming here?_

'_Are you sure?' I asked, and she gave me another withering look._

'_Of course I'm sure. They don't know that I can speak Russian, so they think their conversations are safe from our ears when they're not speaking in English – which is really quite terrible – apart from Skinhead.'_

'_Skinhead?'_

'_Mhmm,' she continued. 'The man who snatched you. We call him Skinhead, because he's bald. He's the only one who can actually speak proper English and pass himself off with just a hint of an accent. All the others can't speak worth a darn.'_

_I nodded, and my eyes wandered around our captive area. It was fairly primitive – all the sheep gates had been connected and then a second row had been joined together and stacked on top to make a higher fence – the floor around us was just dirt – the concrete had been worn away long ago. There was barbed wire strung along the bottom where the sheep gates either didn't touch the ground or where they ran out of sheep gates in one corner – the corner was strung off with wire._

_I stood, and went over for better inspection. I knew the kids were all watching me, and a quick glance told me that the guard was also watching, so I made it look like I was just kicking dirt around, before going back over to Sarah and the others. A plan was beginning to form in my tired head. I needed a phone again._

'_Do you know, Ryan, if they have a phone in that office place?' I asked, and Ryan looked surprised. 'The room where they plan out all their next moves and kidnappings?'_

_Ryan looked thoughtful for a moment, and I realized that all these kids had to have higher than average intelligence, like me – otherwise, they wouldn't have been kidnapped. _

'_I …I think so, yeah,' he said quietly, and then leant in close. 'What're you planning?'_

'_To get us out of here,' I whispered back, and a collective gasp went up._

'_No way!'_

'_I wanna go home!'_

'_But how will you do it –?'_

'_Hush everybody, please,' Sarah managed to quiet them all down a little. 'Mello – what're you thinking of doing?'_

'_I know someone who can help find us and get us out of here. But I need to get to that phone first.'_

'_How will you get out?' Ryan asked. 'There's no way out of here other than that little gate over there – ' he was pointing to the make-shift gate that I'd been pushed into this pen through. ' – and besides, how'd you get passed the guard?'_

_I managed a weak smile._

'_I gotta plan,' I said, before half-dragging myself over to the temporary fence, pretending to gasp for air and clawing at the bars. 'Water! Pl-please! I need water…' I knew I'd caught the attention of the guard, and he came over to me, kneeling down on the other side of the fence while everyone else watched._

_He said something in Russian, and I shook my head._

'_I need it! Please! Get me a drink of water – pleeease…' I put on a harsh cough and made a drinking motion with one hand. The man seemed to get the idea, and he headed out, returning about two minutes later with a paper cup of water. While he was gone, Sarah sent me a 'what the heck?' gesture, and I just shrugged, indicating that I was improvising._

_When the guard gave me the cup, he knelt back down. I took a convincing gulp, before I quickly tossed the cup and it's contents back at it – straight into his face. He cried out and reeled back, and I shot my leg out through the bars and tripped him up. He fell hard, and he was unconscious almost immediately._

'_Whoa! How did you do that?' Ryan said, and when I looked back at him, there was a look of awe on his face. I shrugged again as I got up and moved stiffly passed him. I didn't want to have to hurt or knock out the man, but I knew it had to be done._

'_Just a little trick someone once taught me,' I said. Actually, Near had taught it to me. If there was something he didn't want to eat, he'd pretend to eat a little of it, then he'd toss some at me so I'd be distracted, and then he'd take off like a shot while I was trying to get whatever it was he'd thrown off my shirt front. It was a dirty trick, but I'd grown used to his temper tantrums, and I never would have thought that I would have used one of his tricks to my own advantage._

_But I'm glad I did._

'_Cool,' said Ryan, following me back to the corner I'd gone and scuffed some dirt around in before. 'What're you gonna do now?'_

'_Not me,' I said. 'You.'_

_Ryan blinked, and the other kids all looked confused. Ryan pointed a finger at his chest. 'Me?'_

'_Yes,' I nodded, and then, I got down on my knees, as much as it hurt, and lifted up the loose cords of barbed wire, careful of the barbs. 'You're going to help me get into that office – I have to use the phone.'_

_Ryan backed away._

'_No way!' there was fear written all over his face. 'I ain't going out there – they'll hit me again! Like they always do if we misbehave! I ain't risking that.'_

_I ground my teeth. 'But I need you to show me where the office is.'_

'_I don't wanna! No way, dude – I'm not going out there.'_

'_Baby,' Sarah muttered as she drew level with Ryan, and then set down the kid she'd been carrying on her hip. 'I'll go with you, Mello.'_

'_You will?' a little bit of hope reignited inside me. Sarah nodded._

'_Sure. Besides, if it's your fault that we're all here in the first place, I think it's only fair that you should be the one who devises our escape.'_

_Somehow, I was getting the sinking feeling that Sarah wasn't all that fond of me. But I wasn't about to turn down another opportunity to get away, and this time I had a clear plan in my sore, aching head about who I was calling and why._

_Sarah and I wriggled out from underneath the wire and out into the open space of the rest of the storage area, passed the unconscious guard, and crept back up through the walkway I'd first come through._

'_There,' Sarah whispered as we stopped just before we came to the garage. She pointed around the corner to a door set in the far wall, and I cast a quick look around. I saw the other four of them – they were all passed out in old deck chairs surrounding a couple of their cars – there were beer bottles everywhere. Most of them were snoring loudly. Sarah made a small, disapproving noise._

'_Ew.'_

'_Agreed,' I whispered back, and we slunk passed them, trying not to made a sound. Thing was, she was barefooted, and I still had my good, quiet sneakers on, so we made it across the cement floor with hardly a sound. The door to the office creaked slightly, and we both winced and went still the moment it began to groan, and then nervously checked over our shoulders. One of the men mumbled something, but then went back to his heavy snoring. _

_We were in._

_Inside the office, I saw what Ryan had been talking about – there were photos of all the kids I'd seen in the pen – and more – tacked literally everywhere. All over the walls and even on the drawn blinds. I recognized most of the kids, and I saw several of each. I even caught sight of Sarah and Ryan's photos – the photos had been taken at a distance, and it had a creepy, stalker-ish feeling about the whole musty room._

'_Hurry,' Sarah whispered softly, tugging on my sleeve, and I turned to see her gesturing to the promised phone._

_But before I reached for the phone, something caught my sight in the corner of my eye. A flash of white and yellow. I turned slowly, dreading the feeling that was settling in my stomach._

_It was a photo of me and Near – I didn't have to see the date printed on the back of the photo to know when it was taken. It was from the day that I'd first taken Near to the doctors' surgery, when we'd gone to see Dr Hawkins. Dr Lenkov was a fuzzy figure in the background of the photo – he was just coming out of the surgery several meters behind us, and we were already on the curb and running._

_There were more photos of Near and me, too – most of the older looking ones were of Near, the newer ones of me. I felt sick and paranoid as I realized that the photos had been taken when I was just about anywhere – the park, just before I'd met Johanna, in the street, hand-in-hand with Wendy with a few other kids around us, in the Wammy playground – there was even a zoomed-in shot of me studying at me desk – the photo must have been taken by looking through my open window. Near's photo's were taken in a similar fashion, and I was in some of them, too._

'_Mello!' hissed Sarah, and I was jerked back to reality._

'_Yeah – sorry,' I mumbled, and picked up the phone quickly, dialling the number I'd been going over in my head for the last three days. The number that, only last night, I didn't think I'd ever call again._

'_Wammy House orphanage, this is Mrs Potts speaking,' came the low voice of Mrs Potts. At that moment, I could have cried, I was so happy to hear her voice._

'_Mrs Potts!' I whispered, feeling excitement racing through me. 'It's me! It's Mello!'_

'_Mello? Oh my, oh my – let me fetch Roger for you – ' she began to say, and I could hear her hustling about. 'Where are you love? Are you all right? Are you hurt? Mello dearest, you're not hurt, are you?'_

'_Um…no – I mean, yeah, I am hurt, but that's not important. I have to make this quick,' I said quietly, and looked over at Sarah. She was standing by the door, keeping watch for me. She gave me a thumbs up. 'Listen, I need you to get Near for me. It's really, really important and I have to talk to him.' _

'_Near's in a session at the moment – hold one,' she put her hand over the phone and spoke to someone for a moment, then was back on. 'Okay darling, I've just sent Lily to go and get him for you. In the meant time, what happened, honey? It's okay – it's going to be all right, Mello, I promise. Just tell me where you are –'_

'_Mello!' Sarah whispered urgently, and I twisted around to see her point desperately outside. 'They're waking up!'_

'_Crap,' I muttered._

'_What was that?' Mrs Potts asked frantically. 'Just hold on, sweetie – Lily's just on her way –'_

'_I gotta go.' I babbled. 'Tell Near – uh – tell him – Top Quality Path.'_

'_What?'_

'_Just tell him!' I wasn't whispering anymore, and Sarah yelped – I could hear the men beginning to move around, and one of them said something loudly in Russian – we'd been sprung._

'_Hurry!'_

'_Mello, wait – ' Mrs Potts said quickly, but I'd already slammed the receiver of the phone down, grabbed Sarah's hand, and we were out of the office like a couple of bullets. There was yelling across the garage as the men were suddenly up and drunkenly stumbling about, but we'd made it to the walkway before they'd fully come to their senses._

_Only to run straight into the guard, who had a hand cradling his head. Sarah cried out, but I merely dragged her forwards and went down on my knees, skidding across the concrete painfully, taking her with me. We went down, between the guards' legs, and Sarah was back up and running again – I was about to follow, only to have a large, strong hand close around my shirt and drag me backwards. I yelled and kicked and tried to hit the guard as he wrapped an arm securely around me, pinning my arms to my sides._

'_Mello!' Sarah had turned back to see what had happened._

'_Just go! Get back in the pen!' I shouted, only to have the guard cuff my across the cheek. My head snapped to the side and I could taste blood in my mouth. Sarah was crying, I could hear her, and I was vaguely aware of more shouting from the men, and I managed to catch a glimpse of Sarah scuttling back under the wire and to the other kids as I was taken across the garage to a wooden crate. Screaming and kicking, my efforts were of no use. The guard simply rammed me into the box and closed the lid over my head._

_Everything was very, very dark after that._

_But at least I'd gotten my message through to someone who would pass it on to Near. Near would figure it out. It was a puzzle, something he could solve. Something to challenge him – a word game we liked to play. And I knew, that if Near knew it was a challenge that I'd set him, he'd solve it, and he'd solve it fast. _

– _Mello._

* * *

_**AfterNote:**  
_brace yourselves for teh next chapter - NEAR TAKES ACTION! *DRAMATIC DRUMROLL PLZ!*

please review. ^_^_  
_

– _Mercy_


	37. Chapter 37

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

**HEY! HEY, ATTENTION FIRST, PLEASE!**

I know lots of you are curious about the puzzle, but first I'd like to ask you all something.

**DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS?**

'coz I do ;D

if you think you know, then you'll certainly find out if you're right in this chapter – but I'm just curious to know what you thought it was, and if you're right or not. SO PLEASE. After reading this chapter, please REVIEW and let me know EXACTLY what you thought it was, and if you thought it was a fairly easy puzzle or not.

Coz I thought it was. -_o? Still. I want to hear what y'all think of it – the answer has _ALREADY BEEN GIVEN TO YOU in a PREVIOUS CHAPTER! _  
So this isn't L-grade material. But I hope you enjoy this chapter, written outside of Mello's perspective, and this is where the fun REALLY starts….

**_PS!_ CHECK OUT THE AFTERNOTE IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN KNOWING MORE ABOUT THE WRITING OF _MY AUTISTIC BROTHER_!**

_- Mercy_

…

_I should note here – thanks for all your reviews, but also – something that's been brought to my attention:  
I've had a few reviewers who like where the story's going, but they're not sure about this whole Mello/backstory arc, shifting the focus away from Near and his autism somewhat.  
THIS shows you the dedication to some fanfiction readers! THANK YOU ALL for picking me up on this – I was going to mention it myself, so rest assured, Near and his autism has NOT been forgotten, we're just on our way back to it. ^_^_

* * *

**Chapter 37**

_7/28/97_

**-:-**

They all looked into the room. There were several desks set up in a small, stall-like set ups so that the children couldn't see each other, but from a certain angle at the door, Dr Lenkov and Morven were able to see straight through from one corner of the room to the other, and they could see all the children. Some were fidgeting with their marshmallows that they'd been given, others were simply looking at them intently. Others were looking around to see if anyone was watching, then, thinking that no one could see them, they quickly pinched the marshmallow and swallowed it in one go. But there was one child who wasn't sitting at the desk they'd been given – right in the very back corner, Near was sitting against the wall, tracing circles on the wall with a finger, gazing at what seemed to be nothing at all.

Matt was standing next to the two doctors in the small conference room next door, watching the other kids. It was a test, something that L had devised for all the six-year-olds at Wammy's to take part in. Something for him to assess them on, and something to partly take their minds off Mello's kidnapping. But it wasn't working for Near. Sharon Morven had said, as she'd handed out the marshmallows to begin with, that if the kids were allowed to eat their marshmallows as soon as they'd gotten them – just that if they didn't, and if they held onto it, she'd give them another one when she came back in. Then, she'd excused herself and went to stand in the conference room with a see-in window between the two rooms. It was almost like an interrogation room, really. The children couldn't see through the window, but those in the conference room could see into the classroom.

'It's not working,' Matt said quietly.

'Actually, it is,' Dr Lenkov assured him. 'Just…just not for Near.'

'Poor thing,' Dr Morven had sadness in her eyes, and as Matt watched Near for a while longer, watched the boy trace his finger in circles on the wall, Matt remembered what that horrible night was like.

A moment, that's all it had been. Mello had been with him – his arm around his shoulders, a triumphant smile on his face – and then he'd turned to reassure Johanna that he'd gotten in safe. Matt had taken his word that he'd be okay, and he'd let his best friend go back out to the curb to wave to his sister. Matt had followed the other kids inside. He'd stopped on the steps to wait for Mello when he heard the screeching of tyres and Mello's yells for help behind him.

He'd watched his best friend get kidnapped right before his eyes – and what had he done? He'd stood there, frozen, and he'd watched. As Mello had been stuffed into that car and how they'd taken off with him. How Johanna had so bravely run into the road to try and stop them, and how she'd had to dive out of the way to avoid getting hit. How the van Beyond was driving roared after them – Matt had just stood and watched it all unfold before him. Mello was gone. Three, four days had passed – the police said that kidnap victims didn't have much of a chance after that, and they'd packed up from looking for evidence throughout London and put Mello's kidnapping case on the 'backburner' as they'd said, along with all the other recent child kidnappings. It burned in Matt's throat every time he thought about the police giving up on his best friend, but what could a little, seven-year-old kid like him do? He knew Johanna and Beyond had been scouring the entire city and surrounding areas thoroughly for the passed few days, but every time he'd sat on the steps and waited for them to return – every time, every single time – they returned with frustrated scowls and empty hands.

No Mello. No luck.

Beyond – creepy as he was, Matt knew that he was still looking for Mello, still blaming himself for allowing Mello to be kidnapped – still reassured Matt that he'd find him – that he'd bring Mello home to Wammy's. If it was going to be the last thing he did, he'd do it. Matt was glad of that. He was glad that Johanna and Celicia were just as dedicated, too.

What he wasn't glad about, though, was that Near seemed to have reverted almost completely back to his former self – before Mello, before the autism was discovered, and before the operation to remove the brain tumour.

'Matt?' Dr Morven was crouching down next to him, a hand gently on his shoulder.

He looked up at her.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered, and drew him into a hug. 'Let's get Near out of there, okay? We'll try something different next time.'

He nodded, and then followed her and Dr Lenkov back into the classroom. Dr Lenkov allowed him to help hand out another marshmallow to each of the kids that hadn't taken theirs, while Dr Lenkov and Dr Morven began to take down the makeshift-stalls. Then, after Dr Lenkov had dismissed all the six-year-olds, only Near remained, sitting in the corner, and he began to gently bang his head against the wall.

**-:-**

'Well, I'm not sure what else I can do for him – I've tried everything,' Dr Lenkov sighed as he emerged from the small session room. Inside, Matt and Dr Sharon Morven were sitting with Near, who was kneeling by the wall, slowly and purposefully knocking his head against the wall.

'Can we get him to stop that?' Johanna asked, looking concerned as the bandage around Near's head looked like it was in danger of coming undone. 'I don't want him to hurt himself in there…'

'None of us do,' Dr Lenkov reassured her with a tired, weary smile. 'But there's nothing more I can think of that might help him come out of this state he's in.'

'It's almost like he's totally reverted to how he was before Mello became his guardian,' Celicia said softly, watching the small, white-haired boy with the sad, numb look in his eyes. There was a pair of dice in his limp hand – and it looked like he'd almost forgotten that they were there. All around Near, there were puzzles, his favourite toys, cards with colourful words and animals and pictures on them, but none of them seemed to capture his interest.

'It's like he could just go on like that forever,' Johanna sighed, and Dr Lenkov shook his head sadly.

'I've seen this before. It's a state of shock – and I think we're out of time to get him out of it.' He said. 'My daughter is the same way, in hospital – she just sits and rocks herself back and forth all day. No response to any sort of stimulus – she even has to be spoon fed.'

Leaning against the wall opposite them, Beyond was silent, arms folded, sunglasses on, head down and fringe hanging over his face.

'Poor Roger,' Celicia said. 'He's at his wits end. And even the police have packed up and gone. We've got nothing to go on with Mello – where he is, who took him – I just don't –'

'Oh there you are!' suddenly, Mrs Potts was hurtling down the hallway towards them, her arms flailing and carrying a piece of paper. 'There you are, dears! Is Near in there?' She was puffed and out of breath from running.

'Yes – why, what's wrong?' Dr Lenkov asked, and Mrs Potts handed the paper to Johanna – the closest person. She unfolded it and raised an eyebrow at what was written.

'What's "Top Quality Path"?' she inquired, and Beyond straightened up and reached over, plucking it from her hands to read it for himself – Celicia peered over his elbow to see as well. Mrs Potts was leaning against the wall, taking long, deep breaths to try and calm herself down.

'It's…something – I just had – oh my Lord…Mello – he said – Near had to…'

'Mello?' Beyond's head snapped up, and he was immediately attentive to the receptionist. Dr Lenkov held up a hand to him, though, signalling that Beyond should hold his questions for when Mrs Potts got her breath back.

'Hang on – Mello?' Johanna said, not taking the hint. 'What about him?'

'I just had a…a phone call from him…'

'A call?' Beyond was suddenly gripping Mrs Potts by the lapels. 'Where is he? Did he say? Tell me, woman!'

'Beyond! Get _off_ her!' Celicia cried, dragging on his arm to pull him away – Dr Lenkov also stepped in, placing his hands firmly on the teenagers narrow, bony shoulder and giving him a gentle push back.

'Easy, Beyond – just give her a moment.' He said, and then turned to Mr Potts – she was definitely frightened of Beyond, it was clear to see, and she was shaking a little bit – not just from the exertion of running to find them. 'Now, Mrs Potts,' Dr Lenkov continued, calmer now and giving her a gentle smile. 'What about this phone call from Mello?'

'He said – oh dear me, he said he had to talk to Near. He wouldn't say where he was – just that he was hurt and he needed Near to do something for him – he told me to tell Near…this "Top Quality Path" thing that I've written down…' she gestured to the piece of paper, which Johanna had taken back from Beyond. Johanna looked down at it, her eyebrows knitting together, and then she looked into the session room, to where Dr Morven and Matt were still with Near, but were now looking at the commotion in the hallway. Dr Morven got up and came over.

'What's going on?' she asked softly.

'Mello,' Dr Lenkov said. 'He managed to get us a message for Near – hopefully it'll be something useful to help us get him back.'

Relief washed over Dr Morven's face.

'Oh thank God he's alive – did he say if he was hurt?'

'Yes,' Mrs Potts said, her lower lip wobbling and her eyes beginning to get red with unshed tears. Celicia put a comforting arm around her.

'Top Quality Path,' Johanna murmured, and Beyond cast a glance over the piece of paper again. 'What could it mean? Why would he ask to talk to Near? Why didn't he just tell you where he was?'

Mrs Potts shook her head.

'I don't know,' she cracked up and began to sob, dropping to her knees. Celicia knelt beside her, pulling a handkerchief from her pocket and offering it to her. Mrs Potts blew her nose, loudly, and Matt looked up from where he was sitting with Near at the sound.

Johanna watched her little brother for a moment – the way he was absently trying to comfort the autistic boy that Mello cared so much about. Then, an idea came to her.

'What if he mean this as a riddle? A puzzle of some sort?' she wondered, and she stepped into the classroom, followed by Beyond, Dr Lenkov and Dr Morven.

'What do you mean?' Dr Lenkov asked, confused. Johanna showed him the piece of paper.

'I think he's trying to get a message to Near that we're not supposed to understand – but Near is. If he knew that he couldn't tell us his exact location, then what if he's simplified it so well that we can't even recognize it? But someone like Near – perhaps an autistic person – who doesn't see the world the same way that the rest of us do – what if someone like Near can see it?'

'You're right,' Beyond murmured, and plucked the paper from her hands again. He stepped over to Matt and Near, squatting down next to them. He handed the paper to Matt. 'You think Near can decode this?'

Matt screwed up his face. 'What is it?'

'A message. From Mello.'

Near's eyes lifted, and he stopped banging his head for a second to look up at all of them – he gazed at them curiously, as if he'd only just realized that they were all standing around, watching him. But then his eyes settled on Beyond.

'Mello?' he whispered. His voice was soft, hoarse, almost, from a screaming fit he'd had last night. Every night that Mello had been gone, Near was either unable to sleep, or always woke in screaming and sweating fits, tossing and turning and crying from nightmares. Matt was hardly able to help – he didn't know what to do and he didn't know how Mello coped.

Beyond nodded, his sole focus on Near.

'That's right. Mello. He sent you a message. But we don't know what it means. Do you?' he turned the paper in Matt's hands so that Matt was holding it up for Near to see. Near studied it, then looked up around to all of them again, and then back to the piece of paper. In the hallway Celicia was craning her neck to see what was going on as she comforted Mrs Potts.

'Can you do it, Near?' Matt asked softly, and Near pulled a face and turned away.

'Not Mello. No.'

Beyond took a deep breath – it was clear to see that he was beginning to lose his patience. He tapped Near on the back of the hand – just like he'd seen Mello do, so many times before – and Near turned back to him.

'No, it's not Mello. But he needs you to decode this message he sent. He wants you to solve this puzzle.'

Near stared blankly at him for another moment, then, he slowly took the paper from Matt's hands, clambered to his feet, and stumbled from the room. Then, he was off like a shot – running down the hall way and towards some of the other classrooms.

'Where's he going?'

'Don't just stand there, follow him!' Matt urged, tripping on his way up to follow Near. Confused, the others chased after him – and Celicia and Mrs Potts watched in surprise as they all dashed passed them.

They found Near in a classroom – one of the early learning areas for the younger children. He had a permanent marker in one hand and the piece of paper with Mello's message on it in the other. He had his back facing them, and he was writing shakily on the whiteboard – his handwriting was atrocious – worse than most six-year-old genius', but everyone could make out what he was writing. First, he wrote, in big, bold, underlined letters;

**TOP QUALITY PATH**

And then, beneath it, he scrawled;

**HIGH WORTH TRAIL**

Johanna, Beyond, Dr Lenkov and Dr Morven watched in silence and awe as Near carefully drew a very wobbly line through the word 'high' and then the word 'trial', leaving the word 'worth' in the middle.

'What…exactly is he doing?' Johanna whispered, and there was a smile beginning to creep across Dr Lenkov's face.

'He's solving the puzzle,' he said softly. 'To him, it's like one of those word puzzles you see in the comics and crosswords section of the newspaper.'  
Near continued to scrawl about on the whiteboard. Next, the white-haired child wrote;

**SUMMIT WORTH WAY**

Then, crossing out 'summit' and 'way', he left then wrote;

**PEAK WORTH LANE**

'Lane? Like in…the road, maybe?' Beyond murmured, and Dr Morven blinked.

'What if it's a street name? What if that's what he wants us to know?' she asked, and Johanna nodded encouragingly.

'Yeah – yeah, that could be it…' she trailed off. 'But there are no streets in London that I know of with names like this…'

She was about to go on, but Near was still writing. He stopped for a moment, though, his sleeve in his mouth and the marker hanging limply in his other hand. Then, he looked down at the piece of paper one last time, then crossed out the word 'peak'.  
Beneath all his previous attempts, he proudly wrote in rather squiggly letters;

**HEADSWORTH LANE.**

And then, Near turned to the others and said, quietly, but quite clearly,

'Want my Mello, now.'

They couldn't do anything else but stare at the little genius before them, and the puzzle he'd so cleverly solved on the whiteboard behind him.

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

**In Relation to the PS note:**

I've recently been asked if I'll do a **Questions and Answers** for _My Autistic Brother_, and I have agreed. So please, if you've got any questions, queries, wonders or whatnot about the story now that it's finally coming to an end, please leave a review and ask, and I will answer the questions in some of the AfterNotes of upcoming chapters, since I still have a few chapters to get out. PLEASE, though – must request that you DON'T ASK for spoilers, because I WILL NOT ANSWER those sorts of questions. ^_^ Anyway – please, feel free to leave your questions in a review!

– _Mercy_


	38. Journal Entry 37 & 38

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on…_

* * *

_**BeforeNote:**_

_**INCREDIBLY LONG CHAPTER RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!**_

Just for you sweethearts ^_^

SERIOUSLY! I LOVE you guys so much! just WRITING this chapter in two days was awesome enough – I hope it's up to scratch and yes, it IS about 11 pages long in my Word Document processor. THAT'S WHY I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!

It's okay people. You can come out from under your rocks now. Mello and Near get reunited at the end of this chapter. =D

Also, bonus points go to the person who can get the gag about Guinness the horse in this chapter. **SPOILER**! There is a horse going by the name of Guinness, and anyone who can guess the link between his name and his breed (which IS mentioned), leave a review and you get bonus marks for being awesome!  
it's just a fun little quiz thing I popped in here for giggles. I'll explain it in the BeforeNote of the next chapter for those of you who're confused. ^_^ but if you know it, PLEASE! Drop me a line and say!

_- Mercy_

…

_PS – I'm still going to be to the **Questions and Answers** on the **Writing of My Autistic Brother**, so if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask! ^_^_

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #37/38**

_7/-/97_

**-:-**

_Not much has happened when I first tried to write this journal entry, so I'm going to combine two journal entries into one again.  
Well, when I say nothing much has happened, I meant before I woke up in hospital after the most incredible night of my life. In short, I was out, I was rescued, and all the other kids were safe, too. But I think I'll start from where I left off, so that you're not confused._

_Yes. The box. They left me in there for half a day, before dragging me out and tying me to a chair. I heard one of them mutter something in English, something about not trusting me if they put back in the pen with the other kids. So for the next four hours, I was sitting on the cold concrete floor of the garage, surrounded by the mafia guys who'd kidnapped us, listening to their conversations, mostly in Russian. I guessed that if I was supposed to be other Russian descent, I'd at least have something of an idea of what they were saying, but I had no memory or clue of how long I'd been with my birth parents before I ended up in foster care – or even why I ended up in foster care, if I still HAD birth parents, but L said he's going to explain it all to me when he gets here later this afternoon._

_But with no clue what they were saying, only that they were saying somethings about me, I had no idea of what their next move was, so I couldn't add the possibility that Near had figured out my riddle yet or not. It was a simple word game – something we liked to do often. I'd write a term or phrase on a piece of paper, but I'd rephrase it and make the words different, but similar to the original phrase. Then, Near would go through it, word by word, and change each word with similes until he got back to the original phrase. So I was able to tell him 'Headsworth Lane', but changing 'Head' to 'Top', 'Worth' was changed with 'Quality' and 'Lane' was replaced by 'Path'.  
With that in mind, I knew he'd be able to solve it, but I didn't want it to be solved immediately, I knew I needed more time before anyone back at Wammy's came up with some sort of rescue plan. That's why I didn't tell Mrs Potts exactly where I was – because if they'd come charging in, the mafia would have undoubtedly either run, or killed the other kids, or fought back, and no one at home knew that they were dealing with the Russian mafia. I didn't want to endanger anyone if they rushed in. See, if I made the message cryptic, Beyond would probably guess that I was in a dangerous situation.  
I was, of course, assuming that Beyond was still there. That he'd hung around._

_Anyway.  
At around three o'clock the next morning, one of them rolled up the big roller door in the garage to reveal a large van outside – it had it's own back rolled door open, and two of the men went and started bringing out kids from the pen. They were loading us up, I realized, and something went cold inside me. We were going to be moved – and now, if Near hadn't solved the puzzle and no one had come up with a plan, we'd be gone by the time anyone got here to help us._

'_Hey,' Sarah said softly as she was plonked beside me by one of the men. They left two other kids with us, and one man stayed with us, too, standing guard. _

'_Hey,' I winced as I stretched my stiff hand. My ribs still ached, and if they were broken, I knew that if they started to set on their own, I might have to have them re-broken to set them properly. I was afraid I'd have to have the same thing done with my hand – now, it was in a wonky position and it hurt every time I tried to move it out of that position._

'_Are you okay? What did they do to you?' Sarah whispered, looking me over._

'_Nothing – they just shoved me in that box over there,' I whispered back, nodding to the crate they'd locked me in. Sarah shivered._

'_Oh – they've done it to some us, too. It's horrible being in there. If we were too noisy or we got out and were wandering around, they'd grab us and lock us in there for hours. Are you sure you're okay?'_

_I nodded, biting my lower lip. I wasn't sure if I was okay, but I'd been a student at Wammy's for four years now, and I'd have many, many lessons with L to develop practical and survival skills. One of them was learning to keep it together whenever you got yourself into trouble. I remember that lesson – L had placed three buttons on the desk between us, and told me that one button would 'ding' if I picked the right button, and the other two would give me electric shocks. L told me that if I picked the wrong one, all the lights would go out and everything would go 'berserk' as he put it. I picked the wrong one, and yes, the lights went out, and suddenly, pop-boards of gangsters and homeless people with guns sprang up from the walls, all with terrifying looks on their faces, and flashlights would flash on and off, giving the scene a horror-movie-style look. I freaked out as alarms started going off, and, after about a minute of it, I had a panic attack. It was only last year, now I thought of it.  
L made me do that as many times as it took for me to get over the fear of being out of control of the situation, and as many times as it took for me to press the right button, three times in a row – and the right button was changed each time by L._

_What I'd learned from that was that you had to stay calm in situations that you couldn't control, like kidnappings like this, for example. What I'd also learned is to not trust L when he says things will go berserk. Because they do._

_I was pulled back to reality when I saw another truck moving through the warehouse yard. It stopped at the opposite end, close to the entrance/exit. The mafia men hadn't seemed to notice, but I nudged Sarah._

'_See that?' I nodded towards it, and she nodded, too._

'_Perhaps another couple of guards? To make sure we're not attacked by police or anything?' she wondered quietly, but we hushed ourselves as one of the men stomped passed. It was the guard man from the pen – the one I'd tossed water into the eyes of and tripped up. He gave me a murderous look from his great height._

'_I don't think so,' I whispered after he'd moved on. The van was moving again – and it disappeared from our line of sight. 'It looked like it was scanning the area. And whoever's driving definitely saw us.'_

_Sarah didn't reply, and I had a sudden hope in my heart that it was actually someone that L had sent to rescue us. But the van didn't come back, and I heard the low rumble of an engine slowly dying, and the hope faded._

_Then, the four of us – me, Sarah, and the two other kids, were hauled up and wrestled towards the van the other men had been loading all the other children._

'_Do you have a plan?' Sarah asked as one of the men started the van's own engine._

'_No,' I said sadly as we were about to be loaded into the back. Suddenly, the van I'd seen from before came hurtling around the corner of one of the warehouses, and pulled to a jarring halt in front of our van._

_I could hear the mafia men swearing and cursing in Russian, and one ushered the last of us back into the shed, pushing us inside and then, in bad English, told us that if we moved, he'd shoot us. Then, he hurried around the other side of the van to see what was going on._

_That when I heard Celicia's voice._

'_Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I'm taking my lessons and I wasn't sure how fast I was going – ' I couldn't believe my ears – or my eyes. Around the back of the van that had just raced in front of us, Johanna came creeping, and she shot me a grin and a thumbs up as she snuck over while everyone else was preoccupied._

'_Hey there kiddo,' she said, and I grinned big. It was so good to see her._

'_Jo!' I whispered, throwing myself into her arms, then trying not to cry from the pain. She shushed me and smoothed down my hair._

'_It'll be okay, sweetie – I know you're hurt, and it's time to take you home,' she said softly, and I was crying tears of both pain and joy._

'_I can't believe it's you, I can't, I can't!' I kept whispering, and Jo just grinned down and me before looking around quickly._

'_Come on – there's no time.' She looked to the kids already in the van. 'Can you close the door from the inside?' They nodded. 'Good. I'm getting you guys out of here.' Then, she turned back to me, Sarah, and the other two kids. 'Listen – go around the back of the warehouse – Beyond is waiting for you. Hurry – Celicia can't keep those guys occupied forever.' She said, before giving me another quick hug and ushering us into the night air. 'Go – I'll see you back at Wammy's!'_

_I grabbed Sarah's hand and ran, making sure the other two were keeping up, and we sprinted for our lives around to where we found Beyond waiting by the stone wall behind the warehouse._

'_Come on, kid,' he didn't say anything else, only caught each of us as we ran at him, and hoisting us up and over the lip of the stone wall. We sat there a moment, breathing hard, and Beyond then took a running jump at the wall, pulling himself expertly up beside us. Then, he scrubbed a hand through my hair._

'_Still got that journal?' he asked, and I nodded, patting my shirt, where I kept it tucked into the waistband of my now thoroughly dirty jeans. 'Jo got the others okay?'_

'_I…I don't know…' I said, only to hear more Russian swearing from the warehouses again, and we saw over the roofs that Johanna had hijacked the van with all the children in it, Celicia riding in the back, trying to pull down the roller door. The mafia men were pulling out guns and chasing after them – _

'_C!' Beyond screamed suddenly, just as one of the men fired. It was Skinhead. His first three shots flew wide of the van, but the fourth one hit home – and caught Celicia in the shoulder. She cried out and fell back into the van, the roller door coming crashing down. The van was out onto the street and moving fast back towards London. I could see it fairly clearly, but my heart was pounding as I kept seeing Celicia's shoulder spurt blood, and seeing her fall, over and over again in my mind._

'_Dammit,' Beyond cursed as the mafia men gave up the chase, only to turn around and immediately see all five of us perched on the wall. They started yelling and running and aiming their guns again. 'Shit – quick! Get over the wall!' _

_Beyond just about dragged us all over, and we landed hard on the mossy ground at the bottom of the other side, and then, we were up and we were running again, Beyond leading us through a forest of silver birch trees._

_I was breathing hard and my lungs were aching, not to mention my ribcage was hurting like you wouldn't believe, but with Sarah still grasping my hand, I was managing to keep up. About three small river crossings, ten rabbit-holes that we stepped in, running into low-hanging branches at least twice each and five minutes later, we all tumbled out onto a road that looked somewhat like a main highway._

'_Come on, kids,' Beyond said after a moment of hard breathing and being bent over, hands on knees. He straightened up. 'We gotta get moving.' He checked his bearings, then turned around. 'This way.'_

_We followed him, and I fell in step beside him. _

'_Why…' I gasped for air. 'Why did you ask…if I still had the journal?'_

'_Still writing in it?'_

'_Yeah – but why?' I asked again. Beyond shrugged._

'_Because people have to know what happened here. Someday you're going to be all grown up and people won't know what you're childhood was like. That's the way Wammy's works. But if you can tell people how you were kidnapped, how you sent the only person in the world who could understand you a message to find you so we could rescue you, then that's something to be proud of.' He said. That's probably more than I've ever heard him say in one go._

'_Really?' I asked, then, I had a better question. 'Did…Near understand it? Did he solve it?'_

'_In about three minutes,' Beyond said with a smirk. 'He's not doing so good without you. So we gotta get you back there, and quickly. That's why you're with me – this is actually the road that will lead us back to Wammy's. Weird how main highways' work.'_

_I blinked in surprise. This was…this was one of the main roads that could get us back home?_

'_Why didn't you bring a car or something?' I asked. 'Are we going to walk all the way home?'_

'_I didn't, because…' Beyond trailed off, as the sound of an engine began to roar somewhere behind us. 'Because of that.' He turned in the middle of the road, a mad grin on his face, as the van all the kids were in, the one that Johanna had hijacked, came rumbling towards us. 'Bingo.'_

_We stepped off the road as Johanna came to a halt next to us and wound down the window._

'_You guys better hurry and get in – Celicia's in a bad way and we've got company,' she said quickly, and just as she said that, two large four-wheel drive cars that were definitely not of British make came hurtling around the bend behind us. I didn't need to see their faces to know that it was the mafia men – but from what I could see of them, they were mad._

'_Get in!' Beyond hissed, ushering us around to the back of the van, where he pulled open the door just enough for us to squeeze through. He lifted us in, one by one, until just Sarah and I were left._

'_Can we trust these people?' she asked, worry written all over her face. I nodded._

'_Of course. Jo's one of my best friends sisters, and Beyond and Celicia used to go to Wammy's, the orphanage I'm from.' I reassured her, just as Beyond hoisted her up under the arms and helped her in._

'_Come on – no time to talk,' he muttered, reaching back for me just as headlights suddenly blinded us both – we turned to see one of the car headed straight for us – it was going to ram the back of the van._

_Beyond launched himself at me and caught me as we rolled off the road and into a ditch out of the way, the car bashing into the back end of the van. We heard Johanna yell, and then, dragging me up, Beyond started running again._

'_Go!' he shouted to Johanna as the car backed up to ram the van again. Johanna hit the accelerator just as the car leapt towards the van again, and they shot away down the road. I could hear Sarah calling my name from the back of the van, and I caught a glimpse of her looking out from under the roller door as the van sped away in an attempt to lose the cars._

_Beyond grabbed my hand and helped me up, and we started running again, this time on the opposite side of the road and into a field. _

'_There!' he pointed up ahead, and I saw a farm shed standing out in the field, small paddocks with some horses in them around it. 'That shed…is owned by a man – that I know…' Beyond said as he ran, and I stayed quiet as we kept going. We finally made it to the shelter of the barn, just as we heard the crash of a gate behind us – the roar of an engine told us that one of the cars was still after us, and had just gone straight through the fence._

_A farmer emerged from the barn, yawning and leading a tall horse by the reins as we dragged our tired feet into the small holding paddocks._

'_Mr…Jacobson!' Beyond wheezed, and the farmer's eyes widened as he saw us. He hurried over._

'_Are you boys all right? B – what are you doing here in the middle of the night?' he asked, looking us both up and down. 'What on earth have you been doing?'_

'_We need…uh…' Beyond staggered for breath. 'Help.'_

'_Help, boy? Whatever for – hey!' Mr Jacobson the farmer had just seen the destroyed fence, and the car coming our way. 'Are you being chased, B?'_

_Beyond could only nod, and if I'd been asked to speak, I know I'd only have been able to nod as well, I was breathing hard and holding my stomach – I felt like vomiting after the moments just passed. Everything had happened so fast, and I kept trying to go over it in my head._

'_You need a get away?' Mr Jacobson asked, a small smile on his face. Beyond looked up at him, and a small smirk appeared on his face, too._

'_Yeah. If – if you wouldn't mind.'_

_Mr Jacobson held out the horses reins to us as Beyond straightened up._

'_I was going to take the bloke out for a morning ride like I usually do, but I think his speed could help you. He'll get you home safely,' he said proudly, and Beyond took the reins._

'_Thank you, sir,' he said quickly, then looked down at me. 'Well?'_

'_We're going to ride home?' I asked sceptically. The car had gotten itself bogged in a small hillside only a few hundred meters from the shed, and Beyond nodded._

'_He's the fastest horse I've ever seen,' he said with a quick grin, before reaching down, grabbing one of my legs and then scooping me up into his arms and literally throwing me up and onto the horses broad back. The horse snorted and pranced, and I yelped and grabbed it's mane. I expected it to kick from all the pulling I was doing, but Beyond just chuckled as he swung up in front of me, keeping the leg he swung over the horses back tucked in so that he didn't kick me._

'_It's okay, boy, easy,' Beyond seemed so natural in the saddle, it was hard to believe that he knew how to ride. But apparently he did – though it wasn't something I could see him doing on a regular basis._

'_Keep them safe, boy,' Mr Jacobson nodded and stroked the horses muzzle, and it snorted softly into his hand. I grabbed Beyond's waist instinctively as he gently pulled on the reins, backing the horse up a little. Then, Mr Jacobson looked up at us. 'And bring my Guinness back in one piece when this over, hear me?'_

_Beyond nodded and tipped his sunglasses to the farmer, before turning the horse around and giving it a nudge in the side. His feet reached the stirrups, and he had a better grip on the horse. I, however, felt like I was straddling a single bed, the horse was so broad in the back, and even sitting in the back of the saddle behind Beyond, my legs were too short to come anywhere near to his. So as the horse moved from a trot into a canter, I was clinging for dear life._

_We raced passed the bogged car, and I heard snatches of Beyond's laugh as we both heard the Russian's swearing after us. Looking back, I could see them shaking their fists and trying to get the car out of the ditch they'd ended up in. We reached the broken gate, and I thought we were going to have to slow, get off the horse and lead it over or around the bashed down gate, but Beyond simply gave it another kick and the horse made the jump over it with hardly any hesitation at all. Beyond rose in the saddle as we went over, and I rose with him, mimicking his movements and guessing that, if I did, I had a better chance of staying on the horse than being thrown._

'_Let's get you home, then,' Beyond tilted his head back over his shoulder to me after we'd landed and slowed to a trot on the road. 'There's still a third car out there – we'd better stay on the road for as long as we can before going cross-country, which is going to be a lot bumpier.'_

_I was getting the hang of sitting to the horses trot, and we moved in mostly silence, apart from the sound of the horses hooves on the tarmac road._

'_Where did you learn to ride?' I finally asked, and Beyond jerked a thumb over his shoulder, back at where we'd just come from._

'_Mr Jacobson used to let Ada, Celicia and me into his fields to study or do field trips with L,' he said. 'One time, Celicia was so taken by the horses that Mr Jacobson invited her to learn how to ride. Me and A agreed that we might as well learn, too. I learnt on old Guinness here. He's an Irish Draught horse, so he's good at jumping and most endurance riding, especially cross-country.' He reached down and patted the horse, Guinness, on the neck. The horse wasn't even breaking a sweat yet._

_I nodded against his back, and went quiet._

'_You ever ridden before, kid?'_

'_No,' I replied, and Beyond nodded, although that could have just been the bobbing of the horses movements._

'_Good experience for you, then.'_

'_Uh…sure…' something made me turn my head, and when I looked over my shoulder, I saw the car tumbling out onto the road from the broken down gate a fair way behind us. 'Um – Beyond?'_

'_Yeah?' he'd heard the engine, too, and he urged Guinness to go faster. The horse easily complied, breaking into a canter, but the car was gaining and fast._

'_Beyond!' The horse burst into a full gallop, and I had to cling to Beyond to stay on. Suddenly, the sun cracked over the hill on the field to our left, casting the first bright rays of light over us and washed the yellows grass in the field in a golden glow. Galloping at full-pelt down an open road at four in the morning is an amazing experience, but at the time my breath was only taken away by the fact of how fast the horse was capable of going, and the fact that there was sun in my eyes and I couldn't see much passed Beyond's elbow.  
That and, of course, that we were still being chased._

'_Hold on, kid!' Beyond yelled over the wind and his hair that was whipping around his face. 'We're going to turn off and into that field!' He pointed to the field across the road, and I felt my heart pounding faster with every stride that Guinness took. 'Now!'_

_Beyond jerked back on the reins and Guinness squealed in protest, but the massive horse slowed enough to turn and then leap out right in front of the oncoming car. We dashed across the road and leapt over the ditch to the fence, which Guinness took from almost a complete stand-still._

_We landed harder than before but Beyond urged Guinness to keep going, and the brave horse did, cantering up the hill and over the crest, away from the road. We heard another crash behind us, and realized that the car had simply ploughed straight through the fence._

_Beyond pulled Guinness to stop at the top of the hill, and we turned back to see the car rumbling into a ditch at the edge of the paddock._

'_They keep ploughing through fences like that, their car's not gonna hold out for much longer,' Beyond observed, and I could only nod. Then, Beyond pulled Guinness around and gave him another quick heel in the ribs, and the horse burst into a lively canter. We were headed along the ridge above the car the Russian's were following us in, almost running parallel to them._

'_What if they shoot at us?' I yelled above the wind._

'_They won't risk harming you,' Beyond yelled back. 'If they shoot Guinness, he'll go down and we both risk serious injury – or even death. If they shoot me, I lose control of the horse, you could fall and be killed. They shoot you – you either die or get seriously injured. Whoever wants you wants you alive, otherwise they wouldn't go to all this trouble to keep pursuing us.'_

'_Comforting!' I responded, and I heard Beyond chuckled. Then, a whole-hearted whoop came from him, and I could feel him shaking with laughter. 'What are you laughing about?'_

'_This is fun, Mello!' Beyond hooted back to me._

'_This is terrifying!' I cried, wondering if I could shout some sense into him. But Beyond shook his head, not taking his eyes off the grassy land ahead of us for a second. _

'_This is all part of it! The thrill of the chase, the terror or being pursued with big men with bigger guns – what's not to love about it, when you know I'll get you out of it?' he yelled, and then, he pointed to somewhere ahead of us, but downhill, down to the ditch. 'See those trees?'_

'_Yeah!'_

'_See what's behind them?'_

_I squinted – it was hard to see from the rocking motion of Guinness' canter, and the car was almost matching our speed because of all the rocks and potholes down in the ditch, but I saw what Beyond was talking about. There was a blocked-up drainage pipe set into the middle of the ditch. It's gaping hole that would probably have allowed the car to go straight through it was now blocked up with massive boulders and pieces of old, unused fencing posts and wire. And the trees were blocking the view of the massive concrete pipe._

'_They're going to crash!' I cried, and Beyond nodded._

'_Yup,' he said bitterly._

'_We have to –' I began, but he cut me off._

'_No, we don't. It serves them right, and it'll send a clear message to whoever it is they're working for.' He said harshly, before tugging gently on Guinness' reins and steering him away from the edge of the ridge and into the open field._

'_You're going to let them die?' I shouted, unable to believe it. _

'_I'm not letting this happen – ' he was cut off by the loud explosion now far behind us, but we still felt the tremors and we still heard the screams. After it had died down, Beyond continued. 'I had no control over how they chased us. But you don't want them to get you back, do you?'_

_I hung my head, and just held on._

'_No,' I said softly, and I don't think that Beyond heard me. He didn't say anything after that, either._

_The field we were in was also home to a rather large flock of sheep, and as we went over the next rise, we discovered just how many there were, and just how scared of horses they were, too. Sheep scattered everywhere, and some of them even ran out ahead of us. Guinness took flying leaps over several of the terrified sheep, landing precariously among them and making me cling harder to Beyond to stay on. Beyond himself was thrown forewords at one point where Guinness had to make a sudden swerve to miss a rather indignant ram, but he managed to reseat himself and regain control of Guinness fairly quickly._

_We made it to the opposite side of the field about ten minutes later. The sun was now creeping into the morning sky and the sky itself was lightening to a lighter blue and the stars were beginning to fade. At the other end of the field, Beyond slowed Guinness to a trot, then a walk about a hundred meters away from the gate._

_I was trembling. My hands could stay still and I was having a hard time holding onto Beyond, but he reached back and awkwardly patted my hand._

'_It's okay, Mello. We're almost home. Wammy's isn't far.'_

_Beyond dismounted, and pulled his phone from his pocket. He checked it over to make sure it hadn't bee damaged in any way while we'd been riding, running, and dodging cars, then he dialled a number and waited._

'_It's me. I have him, yes, yes – look, cool your hat, he's fine. Bashed up and knocked about a bit, but he'll be fine.' He glanced up at me. 'Yeah. Sure. Listen – is she okay? Really? Mhmm. Okay, good. Yeah – yep. I'll keep an eye out for them. Kay. Bye.'_

_He put away the cell phone._

'_Okay. There's a couple of ambulances waiting for us back at Wammy's – Jo got the other kids and Celicia back there no problem, and Celicia's being treated for her bullet wound at the moment,' he said, opening the gate for us, and then he reached and gave the reins a small tug. 'Come on, urge him through.'_

_I blinked, then realized that he wanted me to ride Guinness through the gate. I picked up the reins where Beyond had left them loose on the horses neck, and mimicked Beyond's movements as I'd seen him riding. I sat forward in the saddle, looked straight ahead, and tried to give the horse a bit of a kick, but my legs were so short it was almost impossible. But Guinness got the idea, and stepped through the gate without hesitation, and stopped when I gave the reins a pull to make him stop._

'_Good – you're almost a natural,' Beyond said, before closing the gate behind us and then coming up to us. 'Listen, there's still one of those cars circling the area – apparently Jo managed to shake the one tailing her and the kids before she got back to Wammy's, but apparently it started to turn back towards our general direction.'_

'_So…we just go as fast as we can without being noticed?' I asked as Beyond led Guinness up onto the main road ahead of us._

'_Pretty much,' he said, just as something made me turn my head – I wasn't sure what it was, but the feeling that something was behind us just wouldn't go away – until I saw why._

'_Beyond! They're behind us!' I hissed, and Beyond whirled as the car burst out into view, and we could both hear the acceleration as it came racing towards us._

'_Go – go, go, go!' Beyond cried, throwing his arms into the air, startling Guinness into snorting and backing up a few steps. 'Run!'_

'_But I – I don't know how to – ' I began to protest, but Beyond had already smacked Guinness on the rump, and the horse surged forwards into a fast canter beneath me, and I was forced to grapple with it's mane and the reins to hang on._

'_Keep going til you get home!' I heard Beyond yelling behind me. We reached a bend in the road and I pulled as hard as I could to get the startled horse to come to a stop. Luckily, he did, and I managed to turn him back to see Beyond racing into the middle of the road, waving his arms and shouting like a mad man. The car swerved to miss him, then swerved again as he dashed back into it's path – this time, they were going to hit him. He had a rock in his hand, and he hurled it through the windscreen at the last moment, and the car went sailing off the road and straight into a tree. There was a loud crash and smoke began to emerge from the car, before a spark lit a fire on the front engine. I could hear the terrified shouts of the men, but Beyond was already there, yanking open the car door and hauling them both out, one by one. He tossed them out onto the road, where they stumbled to regain their footing as the car behind them exploded._

_Beyond was sent flying, but he managed to knock one of them down with him as he fell. I couldn't do anything but watch as the scene unfolded in front of me – the man Beyond had landed on was obviously either unconscious from the fall or dead, because he didn't get back up, but the second one did. Beyond was also staggering to his feet, but the Russian caught him across the jaw with a heavy punch. Beyond stumbled and staggered back, and I couldn't help but yell for him – as much as I thought he was creepy and all, he'd rescued me and he'd helped me, a lot. I didn't want to see Beyond get hurt by these man, I suddenly realized._

_The Russian heard me, and he turned to look in my direction, giving Beyond time to come back with a hard hit of his own, sending the man stumbling over his own feet and landing in a heap on the ground. A smaller, secondary explosion came from the still burning car, which was now just a wreck, but Beyond was far enough away that he wasn't thrown by it again. He raised his head to me, and he took off his sunglasses._

_Even from this distance, I could see his eyes. There was anger in them, in those blood red orbs of his, but there was also triumph. We'd done it. We'd won, and we could go home._

_But instead of starting towards me, he simply nodded, and waved for me to go on without him. I nodded in return, knowing that, if the two men were knocked out, Beyond would be able to handle them, and hopefully stop any fire from spreading from the burned out vehicle. So I pulled Guinness around again, facing the way that Beyond had said was home, adjusted myself in the saddle so that I wasn't going to fall off, gripped Guinness with my knees as much as I could and took the reins in my hands, steadying myself on the horses neck.  
Then, I gave Guinness a pat, a flick of the reins, and we set off back towards Wammy's. Guinness moved at a tired but calmed trot, as the sun was wearing down the dawn and setting itself into the sky. As we rode, I tried to go over all the events of last night in my head – no, the last three days – but it was a blur. Only now that I'm sitting here in hospital, thinking straight and calmly, can I remember that night._

_Anyway._

_When I reached Wammy's, I could see police cars everywhere, along with two ambulances, and there were adults swarming everywhere. I could see Celicia sitting in the back of an ambulance, a bandage around her upper arm and a black around her shoulders. I could see Roger, and Wendy – and my heart lifted as I did. They were talking with some of the police officers, Roger with a cell phone clenched in his hand. _

_I trotted down the road, and when I came closer, I heard a yell from Wammy's boundary wall – there was Matt, sitting on the wall with Lily, Andy, and several of the other Wammy's kids, and they were all cheering as they saw me. I managed a smile, but I didn't dare take my hands off the reins to wave back at them._

_Their commotion got the adults attention, and suddenly, everyone was shouting and yelling when they saw me, clambering to get closer and to see me. Despite how tired I was, despite how shaky with adrenaline I was, I was so, so happy to see everyone – Johanna came running with Matt at her side as I slid down from Guinness' back and into Wendy's arms, and suddenly everyone was trying to hug me and check me over all at once. Some of the kids were crying, most of the adults from Wammy's were crying, too, and the policemen were trying to get everyone to stand back and give me some space as we headed into the Wammy House courtyard. _

_Standing in a small, huddled group, was all the kidnapped kids. They looked terrified of their surroundings, but then Ryan saw me and shouted my name, and they all brightened and came racing over too. I got swarmed again, hugging and holding and crying with the other kids, laughing and suddenly they were all cheering, and then, Sarah came at me and we hugged, big and tight._

'_I'm so glad you're okay,' she whispered before standing back. 'What happened to you?' _

_I laughed giddily, unable to keep the grin from my face now. 'Long story,' I replied, still trembling. There were paramedics bustling over, trying to get me away from the other kids, but Roger and Wendy had them stand back a moment as I looked around before turning to Matt._

'_Hey you,' I said, and he ran at me, and I caught him in a hug. There were tears running down his face, and I held him as Johanna came up and knelt next to us, tears in her eyes, too, and she hugged us both together, careful not to squeeze me too tightly because of my injuries. I glanced around again as we parted – I couldn't see the familiar locks of white hair anywhere. _

'_Hey…' I started. I looked to Johanna. 'Where's…where's Near?'_

_She smiled, and then pointed through the crowd. Celicia was standing by the doorway to the Wammy's House front entrance, and from around the doorway peeked a small, white sleeve with a small, pale hand attached. Above it came a small face, biting its lip and eyeing the world in front of it with curiosity and caution, hiding it's dark brown eyes with it's white hair._

_Near looked around at the crowd, before his eyes fell on me, and they widened. I smiled gently, reaching out a hand towards him._

'_Hey, Near,' I said softly, and he stepped out to Celicia's side, and she offered him a hand. He put two fingers into her palm, and she led him down the steps towards us. Then, Near pulled away from her and stepped uncertainly in our direction, before breaking into a run._

_He was crying – bawling by the time I caught him in the tightest hug I've ever had. We fell to our knees, holding and hugging and hushing and crying – I stroked his back and his hair and he just kept on weeping into my grotty shirt. Never in my life have I ever been happier, I realized. Reunited, and it felt so good to be back with the one person that needed me, and it felt good to be needed. I rocked him back and forth, whispering into his hair and not letting go._

_Now that I think about it, now that he's asleep on the bed next to me and curled into my side, my being apart from him was one of the worst things that could have happened. Right now I'm thinking back to Ruby, sitting in this same hospital as me, rocking herself back and forth as she thinks of her big brother.  
Near doesn't know about Ruby. But he knows I'm his brother – his friend – and his guardian. He said so himself. _

– _Mello._

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

ARGH! It's FINALLY WRITTEN! XDDD actually, this didn't take me as long as it probably should have to write. I've had this real buzz to write and make up for what time I wasn't writing throughout the year at the moment, so I hope this is up to scratch for you all, and I wish EVERYONE a very safe, **VERY** happy Christmas!

-:-

Depending on family and friends coming to stay next week, I may not have another chapter written and ready until the New Year. And I'll just warn you all now, I'm currently trying to stop a friend from committing suicide on New Years, so also depending on that, I may or may not update for a while. Just a heads up, so I don't leave you guys all hanging like I did at the beginning of this year. ^^" thank you ALL, and **MERRY CHRISTMAS! I WISH YOU ALL A BRIGHT AND FABULOUS NEW YEAR! **

– _Mercy_


	39. Journal Entry 39

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on…_

* * *

_**BeforeNote:**_

**I'm so DREADFULLY sorry about the wait.**

But it's been kinda hectic around here lately. With friends of the family coming to stay around New Years, a friend on the verge of suicide and then just when everything seemed to calming down, I found my dad looking up porn about a week ago, and mum consequently threw him out. And he won't be coming back.

But I suppose on the upside to this chaotic New Year so far there is good news (gasp, really?) *ahem*. There mostly certainly is indeed. My friend who was ready to top himself over New Years? He's decided to stay and he's slowly accepting as much of my help that I can offer to help him get back on track. THAT, my friends, is a MASSIVE accomplishment, in my books.

I've also got an idea for my own take on Lewis Carroll's _Alice In Wonderland_ story, and I'll be trying to turn it into an online graphic novel of sorts once I'm finished Year 12 this year (oh gawd I start in, like, seven days). But it should be good ^_^

Finishing school will also be great. Year 12 LOOMS and terrifies the crap out of me but I'll tackle it head on and see just how far that gets me. XD

But that also brings a little bit of bad news, too. I won't be fanfictioning very much AT ALL over the next several months, so updates will be as rare as they were last year (and sadly there won't be any coming up towards Christmas this year like there were last year because I'm going to be study like MAD for exams). THAT, however, I believe is a small price to pay.

My Autistic Brother will be finished before I've two weeks into Year 12, I can promise you that.

_- Mercy_

…

And finally it brings me to the dedication of this chapter! The one and only, **TheCatchingLightAlchemist** is having her birthday in a day or so, and I'd like to dedicate this chapter to her, because she's been an awesome reader, a great supporter, and my artistic skills are running low so I haven't drawn her anything, so I hope that you like this chapter, darling –

AND I WANT EVERYONE ELSE WHO READS THIS TO LOOK UP HER FANFICTION PROFILE AND WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO!

* * *

**Mello's Journal Entry #39**

_8/10/97_

**-:-**

_Over the next few days, I had doctors, nurses, policemen, Dr Lenkov and Dr Morven, Roger, Wendy, Matt, Johanna, Celicia and Near visiting me almost non stop. The doctors and nurses wanted to make sure that my broken hand and my cracked ribs were setting properly, that my windpipe wasn't as badly bruised as they first thought it might have been, and that I wasn't doing anything to strain myself. The policemen wanted to know everything that I could remember of the kidnapping incident, to which I simply handed them this journal to read. Apparently, combined with the accounts of the other children, everything seemed to add up, apart from one factor._

_Beyond had gone missing. He'd simply vanished after I'd left him with the other mafia members, and apparently, the policemen had paid Mr Jacobson the farmer a visit, and discovered the bewildered farmer had found Guinness either been returned without him knowing or had wandered back from Wammy's all by himself. I suspect that Beyond may have had a hand in taking him back, though._

_Dr Lenkov and Dr Morven wanted to make sure that Near was okay, and Dr Morven also insisted that my head be checked for any signs of trauma too, so I had to sit in a big, white leather chair for half an hour gazing through sunglasses at a very bright light while scanners and lights and beeping things went off all around me. According to them, I was just as normal as I was before, and I wasn't suffering any psychological or traumatic after effects. _

_Roger, Wendy, Jo and Celicia wanted to see me to also ask me about what happened, mainly to Beyond, which I couldn't tell them. Celicia is still recovering from her bullet wound to her shoulder, but she's much better than she was, and according to the doctors, she'll be as good as new in a few months. She's just not allowed to reach for things that are high up and out of her reach. I wasn't able to tell them much about Beyond, apart from how he'd risked his life in so many different ways that night to save me. How he'd pointed out the blocked drain that the mafia men that had been chasing us in the field had crashed into, how he'd ridden Guinness with such ease and finesse – now I remember it more clearly, it was like he was made to ride that horse, the way Guinness had responded to Beyond's every movement, every command. _

_What I wasn't able to tell them was where Beyond was now. He hadn't come back to Wammy's, and if he had returned Guinness to Mr Jacobson, then he'd taken off in the opposite direction afterwards. Police had combed the area in an attempt to find him, but it was a lot of ground to cover, they said, and they'd stopped searching late yesterday afternoon. All they could conclude was that Beyond was missing, again, and this time, neither Johanna nor Celicia had any idea where he was._

_Matt would often come and sit on the hospital bed with me and tell me all the latest news at Wammy's – how L was coming soon to see me and the other kids to check on how we were doing personally. I was looking forward to seeing him again. Matt also mentioned that L had tracked down all of the kidnapped children's foster parents, and that the day I was going to come out of hospital was the day they'd all be returned to their foster parents after being processed in the police department._

_Matt also always brought Near with him – and that's what made my day every single time. Matt had told me how much Near seemed to have reverted, and at first, I could see all the things that he was talking about – how Near unconsciously did little, repetitive things like stacking dice, or tracking a circle on the wall or bumping his head in his hands. But slowly, as he saw me every day, I began to see the improvements in him. He'd be smiling with Matt as they came into the children's ward room that I was in. He'd sit quietly and hold my hand and mumble things to me – all the things he'd been having nightmares about, all the things he wanted to do when I came home. Apparently he wanted to learn how to finger-paint the walls of his room – I suggested that maybe we should start on paper, first, then talk to Roger about redecorating the dorms._

_But there were things about Near that never seemed to change – he still played with all his toys, he still slept on the pile of pillows on the floor of my dorm, even while I was still in hospital, and he still sucked on his sleeve. Occasionally, he still rejected anything that was any shade of orange that he didn't like. But according to Matt, he was getting better at it._

_Close to a week after the incident, I was released from hospital, and the nurses seemed to have a giggle about how I might become a regular patient if I keep getting into trouble the way I do – and I suppose they're right, in a way. Between Percy stabbing me and the whole kidnapping ordeal, I was turning into a real magnet for any injury-related incident. Anyhow. On my last day, Sarah came to visit me. Wendy had brought her over to see me out of hospital, and she knocked hesitantly on the door to my ward as I was packing up the last of my things._

'_Hey,' she said, with a small smile. I waved her in, toothbrush stuck between my teeth as I tucked my toothpaste into my toiletries bag._

'_Hi,' I managed around a mouthful of toothbrush, and Sarah giggled, hopping up onto my hospital bed._

'_So – you happy to be going home?' she asked, and I nodded, before spitting into the sink as politely as I could and then rinsing out my mouth._

'_Mmhmm – you?' I replied as I wiped my face and dried my hands on a towel before stowing my toothbrush with the toothpaste and zipping close my toiletries bag. Sarah, however, lost her smile and shrugged a little._

'_Um…actually, I'm not…I'm not going home,' she said quietly, kicking her sneakered feet against the bed frame. I looked up from my bag in surprise._

'_You're not?' I asked, and she shook her head. 'Uh – where're you going? You're not getting put back into the system, are you?' Suddenly, worry flooded through me – what if Sarah's foster parents didn't want her back? I'd heard the horror stories of being passed from uncaring family to uncaring family like a badly addressed parcel – what if Sarah ended up somewhere where she was unhappy? Mistreated?_

'_Well…' suddenly, there was a small glint in her eye as she twisted one of the bed sheets around her finger. 'Yes, I am. But – when you're friend – L – when he tracked down my foster father, he found out some…stuff…'_

'_What stuff? Bad stuff?' I asked, beginning to pull on my own sneakers but not once taking my eyes off her. Sarah nodded. I realized the glint was a tear._

'_Yeah,' she said softly. 'He found out that my dad…um…'_

_I waited, and she took a deep breath, obviously trying not to get worked up about it. A second before she started to cry, I knew what was going on._

'_He hurts you,' I whispered, sliding across the floor until I was sitting by her feet. Sarah whimpered and nodded, before slipping down onto the floor next to me and throwing her arms around my shoulders._

'_Yes!' she cried. 'He beats me, Mello! Every time I don't do something – *hic* – something he wants me to, he hits me.'_

'_But – hey, hey, easy,' I shushed her, hugging her as best as I could with my busted up and bandaged hand while I rubbed her back with the other. 'Hey, sssh – L found out, right?'_

'_Mmhmm,' she mumbled into my hair. 'But I – I have to go back into the system…it's like, law or something-'_

_I had to chuckle at that – just a little. _

'_L's never been a big one for laws,' I said, and she pulled away from me to look me in the face. 'In fact, I think I have an idea.'_

_Sarah looked at me incredulously through her tears._

'_You do?'_

'_Yeah! In fact – we can talk about as soon as –'_

'_Mello!' Wendy was suddenly at the door, and we both looked up to see her, followed into the ward by none other than L himself._

'_L!' I cried, and something akin to a smile appeared on his face. I scrambled up and launched myself at him, and L caught me under the arms, swinging me up and around so I landed against him without much force, being mindful of my still kind of tender ribcage._

'_Mello-kun!' he returned the hug I gave him in a slightly awkward manner, like he'd only seen people hug on TV, and he'd never tried it himself. 'Mello-kun you must be more careful! You don't want to be staying in hospital for longer than you have to.'_

'_I know,' I said, grinning big. I remember Sarah, and turned back to her. 'Hey,' I said softly to her, holding out my hand. 'Come on – that idea? We can ask now.'_

'_What idea?' Wendy asked as Sarah got up slowly and came level with me in front of L._

'_Indeed. What idea is this, Mello-kun?' L asked, and I took Sarah's hand._

'_You know about her foster dad, right?'_

'_Yes, Mello-kun.'_

'_Weeeell,' I drawled, giving him a subtle look. L blinked. 'Sarah's just like us at Wammy's, right?'_

'_Y-yes, Mello-kun. Her intelligence is far superior to others of her normal social group, I'm told – Mello-kun, what are you trying to get at?' _

_I sighed in frustration, but there was a wink in L's eye that told me he was just playing hard to get._

'_She could come and stay at – wait – you've already organized it, haven't you?' I cried, and L nodded._

'_Come and stay at where?' Sarah asked, her confused eyes darting from me to L. There was some sort of unspoken conversation between us for a moment, and then, I turned back to Sarah and grinned._

'_Come and stay at Wammy's with us. You don't have to go back into the system!' I said, and her face lit up. I wiped the tears from her cheeks, and Wendy offered her a hanky to blow her nose. _

'_R-really?' she whispered, and the three of us nodded._

'_Of course!' I said enthusiastically, but L's cool, pale hand was on my shoulder._

'_Yes, Sarah-san,' he said more gently, and Sarah looked up at him. 'But only with your consent. We would not wish you to be pushed into an environment that you'd be uncomfortable in. However, there are about three or four of the other children who also wish to move into the Wammy's House – they came from unhappy foster homes themselves. I made the offer and the arrangements with their foster parents.'_

'_Who,' Wendy added. 'Were quite indignant at first.' She smiled down at Sarah and stroked her hair away from her face. 'Your foster father needed quite some convincing.'_

'_How did you – how did you do it?' Sarah whispered, the happiness momentarily fading from her face. L shrugged._

'_I can be very persuasive.' He said simply, and I guffawed, knowing that L's definition of being "persuasive" probably included threats from the other top two detectives in the world besides L – Eraldo Coil and Deneuve. Who were, both, L, of course. He always told me that it paid to be best friends and worst enemies with yourself – which is why having two alter ego's alongside his own detective's title worked so efficiently for him._

_Sarah didn't seem to be able to stop staring at him – I couldn't blame her, really. His gaunt look with the massive shadows under his large, round eyes that never seemed to blink – I know I'm used to it, but I suppose it would be a bit weird for someone who didn't know him._

'_You…did that for me?' Sarah whispered, and L nodded slowly._

'_Yes. And I hope you'll be happy there. Of course, the offer only stands if you wish to take it.' He said, and I felt it was a bit of a redundant statement, but I didn't make a comment. L most likely knew how awkward he sounded saying it, but then again, L's never been good at talking to people._

'_Do I?' Sarah cried, a smile spreading over her face. 'That would be – that would be so wonderful!' She was laughing, crying, and suddenly, hugging me, too – I was so surprised that I took a step back before managing to realize that she wasn't attempting to strangle me. Wendy laughed and L had this sort-of smile on his face as Sarah and I hugged each other, laughing and cheering._

_Afterwards, Wendy shuffled us all out, carrying my bag, L padding bare-footed along behind us, and when we reached the car park outside after Wendy had signed me out, we came face-to-face with Roger and a group of the kids from Wammy's – including Near – they were all waiting for us by the minivan that Roger used to take us on bus trips sometimes. There was more cheering and laughing, hugging, and welcoming Sarah into our group of friends. On the ride home, Near and I settled ourselves into one of the minivans double seats, and he immediately snuggled up next to be and curled up into my side. I stroked his hair; careful of his stitches and feeling the small prickles of his regrowing hair that the doctors had had to shave away. He was asleep by the time we got home, but dutifully got up when I woke him and we trudged inside together – but the moment we got into our dorm (Nigel by this time had well and truly swapped dorms with Matt), the three of us, Matt, Near and I all just collapsed onto our beds and pillows and sighed in contentment. Then we burst into giggles for no apparent reason. Sarah was downstairs getting the tour of the orphanage, so I was able to spend some good, quality time with Near again in a comfortable environment for a while._

_At dinner, Sarah sat with the three of us, and I introduced her to Matt. She thought he was really nice – I'm pretty sure he liked her, too – but he kept blushing and looking away; it made Sarah and me laugh – Near just asked me what was going on._

_We had a movie night that night, and everything seemed to be settling back to how it all was before all of this started – but this time, with Sarah with us. The library became packed with kids from the junior wing, all getting comfortable on cushions or the couches, throwing pillows at each other and tossing popcorn around before Wendy came in and sternly told us to stop before she put the movie on. _

_After the movie, Matt, Near and I stopped by Sarah's dorm to make sure she was settling in with Lily, before heading back to our own shared dorm. It's kind of become "ours" somehow, since Near sleeps on the pile of pillows still after Andy couldn't get to sleep with Nears screaming all those months back, and Matt swapped with Nigel whenever Near wasn't able to settle and it was disturbing Nigel. So I suppose you could say it all kind of arranged itself like a bit of a jigsaw puzzle, really – and it ended with all the right pieces in all the right places. I was home, finally, Matt and Near were close by and they were happy, Sarah was safe, the other kids were safe, too – and L had sent a special operative FBI agent that had been working in London recently to head up the police investigation other the mafia members and to bring them all in to have them processed before having them sent back to Russia. Apparently, her name was Naomi – or at least, that's what L told me. But then again, all our names are different around here, under L's watchful eye – so who knows? Maybe Naomi Misora isn't really an FBI agent, either. Maybe she's someone else completely and uses that as a cover story as she works for L. _

Sorry. I'm rambling and I really do need to get to sleep. I'm writing this by torchlight in my bed at the moment because I'm afraid that if I use my bedside lamp, Near or Matt might get woken up. So I'll finish here on a good note, I think. Goodnight, silent reader.

– _Mello._

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

So there you have it ^_^ I hope you guys enjoyed it, please review (as always – hey! Can we see if we can hit the 500 review mark before my next update? That would be SWEET and go STRAIGHT to my ego-inflated head and get me to type the second last chapter really quickly for y'all.) WAIT DID I JUST SAY- yes, yes I did. There will only be ONE more chapter of My Autistic Brother before the epilogue. THERE'S YOUR SATISFYING CLIFFHANGER, GEORGE.

– _Mercy_


	40. Journal Entry 40

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

SECOND LAST CHAPTER! :D

soooooo here we are. *awkward silence*

i don't have much to say here, except that so far, i am NOT enjoying year 12. but i'll make it through because hey, it's only about twenty weeks! ;D then i'm ! ;DDD

so anyway. the second last chapter of My Autistic Brother...wowzers. i never ACTUALLY thought i'd make it this far or that half of you would even stick with me throughout this story. But out of everyone i want to thank COBRASTEVE.

you're awesome, man.

_- Mercy_

…

everyone's gonna get called out in my AfterNote of the last chapter - that's right. EVERY SINGLE GOL-DANG ONE OF YOU WHO HAS REVIEWED will be THANKED and CALLED OUT. coz you're all awesomesauce. and because i feel like i've really kinda grown up with this story over the last two years - and there have been some people who i've met who'd made this trip on hell of a ride - okay, let's not beat about the bush - **ALL OF YOU** have made this story successful and an awesome journey.

i'll be sad to see ya'll go. please review.

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**Mello's Journal Entry #40**

_8/13/97_

**-:-**

_I only have a little bit of time to write this before L arrives – we'll be heading out soon after that. Apparently, L was contacted by my father, the mafia crime boss Uborivich Keehl, and he wanted to arrange a meeting. So L agreed, on the condition that I was prepared to have Uborivich here._

_At first, I was surprised that L was leaving the decision down to me – he arranged to meet wealthy and powerful men everyday – whether or not they were criminals – but he'd never said that it was down to one of us to make the decision. Then again, he did explain to me that he didn't want Uborivich to just show up unannounced, and have me not want to see him in the first place, so I can see some of L's logic in that._

_Oops – Matt's at the door saying that we gotta go – he, Near, L and I are all going out to the airport to meet Uborivich and my mother, Ekaterina. Near's only going because he doesn't want to be by himself in the orphanage while I'm gone and Matt's only going because he insisted, even though it was most unlike him – usually he relishes any time he gets to himself. Anyway. I'll be back in a few hours, and I'll update then._

**…**

_It's about 11:30 at night, and I'm updating now because I just can't sleep. I must have been either the bravest or stupidest kid in all of England today._

_I can only give one tip for meeting your real parents for the first time – if your dad's a mafia crime boss, do NOT piss him off.  
I didn't mean to, but I'm pretty sure I did. Okay – let me explain from the beginning._

_We piled into Roger's car – L, Roger, Matt, Near and I, and we headed out to the airport. Everything went well until we passed through the security checkers, the ones that check incoming people for metal on their person. Matt thought that the metal detectors were only used for people coming off the plane, but Roger explained that the security didn't want people walking in with a gun or anything, just in case they planned to harm anyone in the airport. Near and I got through fine – he was a bit uncertain at first, but once I stepped through and beckoned him after me, he reached for my hand, and when I took it, he stepped through after me. Then came Matt, who looked up at it in awe as he passed under the big metal sensors – they only went off once because of Matt's fillings in his teeth – they were capped and the security guard explained that with Matt gaping like that, it was no wonder the detectors caught them on sensor. Matt quickly shut his mouth and ducked through to where I was giggling, glaring at me as he held his hands clapped over his mouth. Near told him how funny he looked, and he flushed red with embarrassment, but he was giggling, too._

_Then Roger came, placing his mobile phone into the tray, along with his watch and his wedding ring, and then joined us on the other side. L came last – which was when the metal detector suddenly went off it's nut. L had this wide-eyed expression of surprise and he just stood there, blinking as people began to turn their heads and stare. The security guard came out from behind his desk and asked L to step back onto the other side, and to empty his pockets of anything metal._

_Cautiously, L removed the mobile phone from his pocket and placed it in the tray next to Roger's, and the guard waved him through. But the detector went off again, and L stepped back, the guards hand firmly on his shoulder. The guard motioned towards the tray again, and L rummaged deep into his pockets again – this time, he managed to produce_ _a thumbtack tied to an elastic band, a magnet, and__ a thin chain with pendants made to look like letters hanging from it – there were just two letters attached – an A and a B – I swallowed as I realized that L must miss both Ada and Beyond. _

_Frowning at the curious items now placed carefully into the tray, the security guard sighed in exasperation and waved L through again, saying he could pick up his weird things from the tray once he was on the other side. L went to go through again, only to have the detector go off – again. Grumbling, the guard hauled L back and demanded he explain himself – otherwise, the guard would personally check him over for any other metallic objects. L patted himself down – twice – his fingers lightly brushing over his shirt and his faded jeans, until he came up with what was causing the commotion with the detector. It was a candy wrapper – tied with a rubber band and holding something inside it – L had obviously rewrapped it after putting whatever was inside it in. Roger frowned at L as the security guard cautiously allowed L to step through again after putting the retied wrapper in the tray, and L shrugged._

'_It was supposed to be a surprise,' he grumbled as he picked up everything of his from the tray once he was safely on our side. He reached for the wrapper, but was stopped by the security guard._

'_Sorry, sir – I have to inspect this,' the guard gave L a murderous glare for causing so much trouble. L's brow knitted and he suddenly turned and tapped Near on the shoulder. While Near whipped his head around, L quickly fished a pair of dice from his pocket and tossed them a little way away across the carpeted floor._

'_Quickly, Near! Find the dice!' he urged, and Near whirled to see the dice rolling to a stop. He went after them, but L caught my arm when I went to go with him. 'No, stop,' L said softly in my ear before turning back to the security guard, who'd opened the candy wrapper to expose a pile of iron filings._

'_What're these for?' the guard asked, and Roger, Matt and I peered at the filings in interest. L shuffled awkwardly._

'_For Near – to help keep him entertained. He mustn't know – they're a surprise,' L held the magnet of the filings, and they suddenly began to shift and move, almost like they were dancing as L moved the magnet back and forth over them. Matt and I were both impressed, as was Roger, and the security guard grudgingly rewrapped the wrapper as Near trotted back to us, the dice clutched triumphantly in his small, pale hands. He held them up to L with pride, and L smiled a little as he accepted them back and thanked Near, pulling a small lollipop from one of his other pockets and awarding it to Near._

'_Fine.' The security guard had quite obviously had enough of us, and he just sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, as if he had a headache, and handed the small packet of filings back to L, who stowed them away in his pocket along with the other items of his odd inventory (meaning like a pack, or a set of items). 'Just…urgh. Just go.'_

_Roger sighed and ushered us all away, and Near took my sleeve and hugged my arm as we walked, sucking on his own sleeve. There was a plane coming in for a landing, and we stood by the large, floor-to-ceiling window in the arrivals bay. What looked like mostly business people were getting off the plane after about 10 minutes, and Matt, Near and I squashed our faces up against the glass, trying to see everyone as they came off._

_Last off was a blonde, well-dressed woman, a large, dark burgundy (burgundy is a shade of red) suited man and several tall, bald men in suits and dark glasses. Roger and L exchanged a glance, and they led us out through an exit door and out onto the tarmac. We passed all the people who were heading off the plane and into the arrival bay, and many of them gave us odd looks – the elderly man, the three kids and the teenage who looked like he had never slept before in his life – we were quite the group. We stopped in the sunlight a little way off from the man, woman, and the other men who had to be their bodyguards, and I realized with a jolt that I was looking at my family – my parents._

_My mother and my father._

_The woman saw me, and clapped her hands over her mouth. Her eyes filled with tears as she took two hesitant steps towards us, before breaking into a run. She was wearing impractical heels, as L later described them, but she managed to run quite well in them. Matt and Near shuffled back to the safety of Roger's side, but L and I stood forward. The woman, my mother – fell to her knees on the tarmac in front of me, and she threw her arms around me, sobbing. My eyes were wide and my heart was pounding – I didn't know what to do. I knew that the heavy-set man – my father, Uborivich Keehl – was watching ma and so was L, but I had no idea how to respond to my mother crying all over me, her arms around me and holding me to her, so securely – so…so motherly._

_I don't think I'll ever experience anything like that again._

_Finally, she knelt back and took my face in her hands, tears still streaking her make-up down her own face._

'_Mihael…' she whispered. 'Oh my…my Mihael – my baby.'_

_Her Russian accent was heavy, but she spoke English all right. I tried to take a deep breath to say something, but a shiver ran through me and my breath shuddered – something hot well up in my own eyes and I realized I was crying, to. _

'_Mother…'_

_Neither Roger or L made any move to step forward to introduce themselves, and Matt and Near were watching me, I knew. So was my father, Uborivich. But this was my decision – I was the one who had to decide whether or not I wanted to remain at Wammy's, or go back to Russia with my true parents._

_L had told me this last night. This was the deal that he and Uborivich had come to when they had decided on a meeting._

_Uborivich joined us, his hand gently resting on my mother, Ekaterina's, shoulder, but his eyes were hard and watching L._

'_This is…my son.' He said softly, and L nodded, chewing absent-mindedly on his thumbnail._

'_Yes. We know him as Mello.'_

'_Mello,' Ekaterina rolled the name around her mouth softly, her eyes set on mine, her hands on my shoulders. 'My beautiful baby boy…it'll be all right now.'_

'_What do you mean?' I asked, frowning. Perhaps they'd come to believe that I would go back to Russia with them, or maybe…I looked up at Uborivich. Maybe he hadn't told my mother about the deal with L. Maybe he'd just said that they were coming to take me home._

'_You'll come home with us, won't you?' a nervous smile cracked over Ekaterina's lips. Her eyes were full of hope. 'You're safe now. We won't ever send you away again.'_

_My eyes widened. I was…_

'_I was sent away?' I whispered in shock, and Uborivich clenched his teeth. I glanced back at L, who was watching me closely. 'W-why…?'_

'_There was a raid – I had to, I'm so, so sorry, my baby…' Ekaterina stammered. 'We were attacked by – by rival gangs. You would have been killed if I had not.'_

'_For your own well being,' Uborivich said, and his eyes suddenly fixated into a glare, directed straight at L. 'But when we came for you – some orphanage had already snatched you up into some sort of system. No one would tell us anything. We were turned away for being Mafia and threatened with prosecution if we didn't return to our own country. They denied us access to you – said we couldn't prove we were your true parents. Thought we were in for child trafficking.' _

_Uborivich tugged a small metal case from his pocket, and I saw a set of cigars inside when he opened it. He took one, then stowed the case away and pulled out a lighter. He lit up the cigar, and an unpleasant cloud of purple smoke flew away as he puffed out, straight into L's face. L coughed and swished a hand to clear the smoke._

'_Hey!' I said. 'Why did you do that?'_

'_Because it was his fault. We were told some child brainiac with the world around one finger and at his feet had ordered all supposedly orphaned children to be enrolled in this system of his. And they thought we were the traffickers – psh.' Uborivich growled and spat the words right at L, and I looked up to him – L, my idol, my predecessor, the one person that I'd fought to be just like for my whole life. I felt torn in two. _

_I'd always been told that L would save the world – and we'd have a chance to be just like him and solve crimes and such – and here was my own parents thinking that he was just using us. How could L possibly do such a thing…?_

'_L…?' I said softly, and L looked down at me calmly, and he nodded at me._

'_It's all right Mello. Remember. Whatever you decide is your decision entirely.'_

'_But – '_

'_But nothing, Mello-kun. I believe in you to make the right choice for you.' L said nonchalantly, as if he truly didn't care what Uborivich thought of him. I knew that Roger was quivering with rage behind L, and that Matt and Near had no idea what was going or why the things that were being said were getting said.  
Ekaterina looked back to me._

'_Mihael, sweetie? You're safe now, baby – we can go home and we can have a life together.' She said softly, encouragingly. There were deep shadows beneath her eyes that were definitely not her eye shadow smudging. She'd been really torn up by all this – that was plain to see._

_This was down to me. I had two sides of a coin. On the one side, there was what I'd always wanted, deep down in my heart – real parents; the opportunity to have a real, true life of normality with a loving family. Ekaterina was more of a mother figure than I had imagined; Uborivich, however, wasn't the way I'd thought of him. Even his gaze was demanding that I make the decision to go home with them._

_But then there was L, and everyone at Wammy's. I'd been through so much – I'd met Matt, Johanna, Celicia, Ada, Beyond…and Near. I turned, and saw him watching me from behind Roger. He was sucking on his sleeve, his dark eyes peeking out from under his mop of messy hair, wrapped up in the bandage that he still wore from his operation. My whole life that I'd known had been one big competition – get to the top, be the best, reach for those who struggled and help them to succeed as well._

_I had a sudden realization. _

_I couldn't possibly leave Wammy's. It wasn't because I didn't know anything else as home. It wasn't that I didn't speak Russian. It wasn't because I was one of Wammy's best students and it wasn't even because I wasn't too taken with the idea of Uborivich as my father. It wasn't because I'd fought so hard to get away from his men, that I'd put all those other kidnapped children and Beyond and Celicia and Jo in so much danger that night, only to just give it all up and go to Russia with two people I hardly knew. Although all those things were certainly part of it._

_It was because of Near._

_Near had been my life for the last several months. He'd been there, like he always had, but we'd become more than rivals and more than friends – we were brothers, and brothers who needed each other never let each other go. If I went away to Russia, I couldn't possibly imagine what hell that would put Near through, especially since I'd just been rescued from being kidnapped._

_So hesitantly, I stepped away from Ekaterina, away from the smoke plumes blowing away on the breeze from Uborivich._

'_I…I can't.' I whispered._

_Ekaterina looked like she was going to burst into tears away._

'_But – but why, Mihael…?'_

'_It's not because…because I don't want a family – a true family, one that I'm related to by blood,' I said slowly, feeling something hard tighten inside my chest. 'Because I do. I want it so bad. But I can't.'_

'_Mihael –' Uborivich looked like he was going to take a step towards me and reach out to grab me, but L got there before him and stopped him. There was a look on L's face that I'd never seen before – it wasn't that thoughtful face he gets whenever he has an idea or is observing a situation. It was a deadpan serious expression. One that said without words that he'd happily kick Uborivich around the airport and afterwards rearrange his teeth with glee if Uborivich so much as touched me. I took another step back._

'_It's not because I don't love you, mother…'_

'_My baby – ' Ekaterina was trying to not cry._

'…_Because I want to love you, so desperately. But that's not my place,' I said, my voice trembling. I swallowed and kept my head high – I had to stay strong. 'My place is here.'_

_With that, I reached down and felt Near's hand reach up for mine. Gently, I lead Near forward. He shuffled after me, not certain of what was going on, but he seemed to trust me in the presence of two complete strangers. Uborivich looked down at Near like he would to a small, sickly mouse that had just puked on his shoe._

'_And what…what is this?' he glowered down at Near, and I felt L shift by my side, ready to take action if need be. I hardened my eyes and returned the glare. Uborivich blinked, like a gerbil had just growled at him._

'_This is my autistic brother, Near.' I said defiantly. Squaring my shoulders, I continued. 'And I belong here, for him. I don't want to go to Russia. I am a successor to the L name – an heir. I am nobody's son anymore.'_

_Ekaterina's muffled sobs were shaking her whole body. Uborivich narrowed his eyes._

'_I stopped being your son a long time ago.' I said, before turning on my heel and going back to Roger and Matt, Near at my side. L turned away, too, quite obviously dismissing the mafia crime boss and his wife – my parents. We were going to go home – home to Wammy's._

_This is where everything goes kind of weird – things seemed to happen so fast, but at the time, it all went in slow motion._

_I heard Uborivich growl._

'_Brat.' I heard, just before I heard the click of a guns hammer getting cocked back. There was a gunshot, a scream from Ekaterina, and we whirled to see L fall to the ground in front of us. Matt and Near screamed – Roger was yelling and I was staring at the blood forming a pool under L's shoulder. Ekaterina was trying to pull the gun from Uborivich's hands, but he merely shrugged her off and she fell back against the tarmac. _

_L, however, was not dead. There was a shuddering breath as he slowly climbed back to his feet, his white shirt quickly becoming stained red with bright red blood – and he cradled one arm in his other – the blood was blossoming from his right shoulder. Roger was dialling an ambulance and trying to get L to come to him while trying to hide Matt and Near and I behind him. L and I stood, me gazing up at L and L gasping for breath awkwardly, when something inside me snapped._

_Screaming with rage, I launched myself at my father – the revolver in his hand went off again into the sky as I tackled him with so much force that he stumbled back in surprise, but then he had his hands on my arms and shoulders, and was wrenching me back so I could land any hits as I yelled and screamed bloody murder at him. His fist caught me across the stomach and I cried out in pain – his eyes were wild with anger and fury, and he went to strike me again, but he was suddenly launched back off his feet, dropping me in the process. I fell to the ground to see L looming over me, one leg still straight out in the air from his kick into Uborivich's jaw. There was blood splatters on L's face and blood ran down and dripped from his hair from where he'd been lying in the puddle of his own blood, but his face was set in determination._

_There were Uborivich's bodyguards all around us now, their weapons drawn and all aimed at L, and the wail of police and ambulance sirens were going off in the background. Ekaterina was shaking and crying, Matt and Near were at my side and begging L to tell them he was okay. L simply straightened himself up – and he really did straighten up._

_It was something I hardly noticed about him anymore – that he always seemed to stand with a sort of stoop, but now, he stood up straight – his shoulders back but a little slumped, one hand still holding his bleeding arm, and the look on his face was one of pure, unbridled hate and fury._

_Uborivich was stumbling up to his feet, nursing his jaw and waving a hand to his bodyguards to lower their guns. He was glaring daggers at L, and there seemed to be a sort of silent war between them – neither was willing to back down until L won as he spoke. He reached a hand down, to me, and I took it. I rose to my feet, and he brought me close into his side._

'_Leave.' His voice was hoarse, and he was still breathing hard. His hand was covered in his own blood, but I didn't mind as he held me against him in an awkward sort of one-handed hug. 'And never. Ever. Come back.'_

_Uborivich looked like he was about to attack L, but at that moment several police cars and an ambulance screeched their way out onto the runway, the police cars scattering the Russian bodyguards and forming a barrier between Uborivich, Ekaterina, the bodyguards and us, them on one side and us on the other._

_We all let out a shaky breath as police started swarming around, yelling orders and arresting the bodyguards for carrying unlicensed weapons and there were medics running towards us. L sighed slowly, sagging slightly, and then, quite suddenly, he simply let go of me and fell back, hitting the tarmac with a sickening crack as his head hit the ground._

'_L!' Roger, Matt and I were screaming and Near was crying as L seemed to look up at us with blank, staring eyes._

'_Oh dear,' was all he said, before his eyes closed and paramedics ushered us out of the way. Roger gathered us all close as we cried into his sweater, begging to be able to see L, Near huddling close to me and me with my arms around both him and Near. _

_We watched as my parents were taken in for questioning, and as L was hurtled away in an ambulance to hospital._

**…**

_But that's not all that happened. We were able to go and see L at the hospital a bit later that night after he'd come out of emergency surgery. Apparently he'd needed a large blood transfusion after the bullet had nicked an artery in his shoulder, but he was going to be all right. He seemed back to his normal self when we got in there, and to help sooth Near he showed him the iron filings and the magnets, which cheered Near up a little._

_Roger went back to the orphanage to let everyone know what was going on, allowing Matt, Near and I to stay behind with L to keep him company. L didn't want any of the hospital food, so he sent Matt down to the nearest vending machine with a pocket full of change for some chocolates and lollies, which he shared with us. At first, we were too anxious about his condition to eat anything, but he insisted._

_He had a call later tonight, too – a woman. Matt, Near and I had fallen asleep in a little heap on the bed next to L's – I was woken by the sound of her and L speaking softly to each other over the phone. I could hear her voice from the speaker. He didn't speak with her for long, but I overheard that my parents were being sent back to Russia and that they had a restraining order placed against them – not just for being mafia but for also for attacking an unarmed child and citizen of England – namely, myself and L. The paramedics had insisted they take a look at the bruise on my ribs, because of them being recently cracked while I had been kidnapped, but they said I would be all right. Sore in the morning, but better than having to be confined to hospital in order for them to re-heal. _

_Roger came back a little after that, and woke us all quietly and told us it was time to go home and leave L to rest, that we could come back tomorrow afternoon if we wanted to see him again but first we had to get some rest. We tip-toed out, taking care to not wake L, who seemed to have fallen asleep, but out of the corner of my eye I swear I could see him watching us as we left. _

_And now we're home. We passed L's doctor on our way out and he told us that L should be cleared from hospital in a few days – he was still rather fragile and needed to rest away while he got his strength back, but he was going to be fine otherwise._

_Now, it's currently 1:56 in the morning. It's only taken me a couple of hours to write all of this. We got home at about 10:45, and Matt, Near and I headed straight for the showers and then went and collapsed here in the dorm. Wendy brought in some warm muffins and tea for us, which we happily had, knowing that L was safe and in good hands. Matt and Near were both asleep soon after – Matt had been sitting with Near on Near's bed of pillows, and they'd fallen asleep together._

_But who knows what tomorrow will bring? I'm fairly certain I won't have to ever deal with my parents again – I know some kids always dream of having a loving family, and I know I once did, but somehow I think some kids would just get disappointed._

_Just like I was, I suppose._

_I think I'll try to get some sleep – like L always says; it's vital for our development. And I'll need every bit of strength I can get to be able to take on the future – after all, I'm still going to be looking after Near, even if we do grow apart. I'm still going to striving to be the very best I can be, so that one day when L isn't strong enough to be the greatest detective in the world, he'll hand his title down to one of us. _

_I'm writing this as I lie in bed, now. There's not much else to say and I suppose I can finally say that this journal is complete – there's still so much to do and places to see and people to meet and things to learn, but it's got no place here anymore. To think it all started with poems, poems that I've forgotten to write._

_Poems all about my autistic brother Near. _

– _Mello._

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_**AfterNote:**_

_****_**BE QUIET EVERYONE ITS NOT A CLIFFHANGER. L'S OKAY, ALLRIGHT? XDD **seriously, though. thanks for reading. i'm feeling down lately because my dad was recently kicked out of the house after i found him looking up porn, year 12 is tapping its pimp cane behind my back and i'm still fighting the on going battle to save my friend. but otherwise, life is good so far and YOU'VE ALL MADE IT WORTH THE JOURNEY. THANK YOU ALL A BIG HUGGY BUNCH, GUYS! 3

– _Mercy_


	41. My Autistic Brother: Eulogy

-:- **My Autistic Brother** -:-

_**Author: **deunan4eva_

_**Summary: **At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on… _

_**BeforeNote:**_

Well. I never thought I'd say this, but this, my friends, is the end. I am proud to present to you the very final chapter of My Autistic Brother – it's been a while coming now, but as I look back at it, I started this story about 17 months ago now. **42 chapters**, **5 journal months** (_and a good several years – OOPS! Final chapter spoiler ;D_), **512 reviews** and **113 separate** (_and faithful_) **reviewers** later, My Autistic Brother is finally drawn to a close – and I've got to hand it to you guys, you've all made this journey worthwhile. Haha – this also means several of my other fics will be wanting more attention than ever, and so with this project that started out as a short story to fill in as a time-waster during maths class and grew into the story you've all been reading and telling me to get off my lazy butt to type more, I thank you all. And yes, at the VERY end of this chapter, I'm calling you all out to say thank you. WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. So here we go…

- Mercy

**PS – **The list of names used on the gravestones at the end of this chapter were all chosen at random (apart from Ada, Beyond and Celicia, Matt and Mello) from a dictionary of first names. This is because I'm no good at naming characters that are supposed to have normal names. A dreaded downfall of mine.

**PPS – **Also, if anyone's still interested in the Questions and Answers of My Autistic Brother, please don't think you can't still ask! Either PM me or you can always leave a review! X,D *hint, hint!*

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My Autistic Brother: _Eulogy_

_31st of January, 2010_

He closed the book. It was dusty and his fingers left trails through the grime. Turning it back onto its cover, he looked at the words written on the cover, three simple words written in whiteout on the black surface. _**My Autistic Brother**__._

Why had Mello done it? Near wondered. He had spent a whole year of his life for Near, and how had Near repaid him? He had always been better than Mello. Mello was reckless, emotional, and the sad thing was, Mello had known it. Near felt a tear threaten to prick his eye as he realized that without Mello, his autism would never have been truly discovered, he wouldn't have gotten the right help, and most likely, without Mello, Near would be dead.

Near wanted to cry. So hard, but he bit into his lip and hung on – it felt better, but only a little. Mello had gone to the ends of the earth for him, and all Near had done in return was turn his back on him when he needed him the most. The Kira case was over – thousands dead but the world was finally rid of the holy terror that held it hostage. Light Yagami, Near believed, had killed Mello. Through Takada, as Kira, it didn't matter. Yagami had been responsible for Mello's death. But Near told himself, he wasn't allowed to cry. What would L say?

Realization hit – his family was dead. Mello, L, and Watari...he was alone in the world.

'Near? Are you almost ready?'

...But not quite alone, he reminded himself as Roger stepped into the doorway, straightening his bow tie. Roger was dressed in black, but Near was still in his usual white shirt and cargos. He hadn't bothered to change – besides, Mello had said in the journal "_Near wouldn't seem right if he wasn't wearing his usual white clothes. It just wasn't him_", and Near hung on to those words. They hurt – Mello had once considered him a brother, and then a rival, and Near had never had a chance to truly repay him for that year when he'd been six, sick as hell, and the eight-year-old with a mop of blonde hair had sacrificed himself for him.

'Almost,' Near said softly, feeling a small smile tug at the corner of his lips. He wasn't going to dress in black, in mourning, for Mello's funeral. Mello wouldn't have wanted that.

'The car's coming in five minutes – what have you been doing all this time?' Roger asked, stepping into the old dorm. The yells of excited kids running passed the doorway echoed around the mahogany halls, but Near hardly heard them. For a while, he wondered how to answer Roger. Would Roger be mad about the fact he'd found Mello's old journal? Probably not. Near let the smile spread a little.

'He never handed this in, did he?' more of a rhetorical question, he held up the notebook. Roger frowned at it before coming closer, and then, he took it from Near to study it.

'Good_ God_,' Roger breathed, and Near nodded to himself.

'I didn't think he did.'

Roger handed the book back to him, and Near hugged it to his chest, his last piece of Mello.

'Mello did everything he could to be number one,' Roger said softly. 'And when he saw how easily you did everything right, so perfectly…I think it was then he saw how imperfect you really were – he saw what no one else could.'

'And I repaid him by ignoring him and telling him to keep quiet during the Kira investigation,' Near said. 'I never once said thank you.'

'You never had to,' Roger's hand was on Near's back – Near was kneeling on the floor, in front of the box where he'd found the journal. The boxes of Mello's old stuff that one of the orphanage staff had found in the attic. 'He wouldn't want you to say it.'

Near nodded, but he knew in his heart that Mello would have gloated over the fact Near would be the one apologizing, but he also would have been humble about it. He wouldn't have rubbed it in beyond the first gloat.

Roger looked around, noticing Near's uncomfortable air. The room was old and musty – it hadn't been used in years since the extensions had been made to the Wammy House. Above them, in the ceiling, a manhole hung open and wind whistled quietly through it, a warm breeze drifting down around them, occasionally bringing bits of insulation fluff with it, twisting them and making them dance to the carpet, where they lay like abandoned toys. Near watched one of the pieces of insulation coming down, watched how it fell with such grace, some stray strands of fluff catching the light that streamed in from the open window and making the strands shine gold for a second, and then it continued spiralling down. He caught it in his hand, and then, he held his open palm up and blew gently. The fluff flew from his palm, a tickle across his skin before it danced it's way on the breeze and out the window. Roger sighed after a moment more of silence.

'Well, let's get a move on,' he said, and Near nodded again. He got slowly to his feet, and followed Roger out to the waiting car.

…

The funeral wasn't very crowded – some of the staff from the Wammy House had come, and Near saw a couple of young adults milling around. One pair stood out in particular – a young woman with her arm around a younger man, the young man, who couldn't have been much older than nineteen, was crying silently into the young woman's shoulder. She was pretty, Near saw, but he didn't have a chance to try to figure out where he recognized her from. He was swept away by Roger and Wendy, who had also come to join them.

The service consisted of a reverend, the casket bearers and the mourners. Looking around, Near saw so many people crying, and momentarily, he wanted to join them, but then reminded himself of a promise he'd made himself on the drive to the cemetery. That he wouldn't cry for Mello – Mello wouldn't want that.

Near's eye caught on a young woman – she had to be Halle's age, at least – about…thirty or so? She had long, dark red hair swept away from her face, flying free in the wind behind her. She held his gaze for a moment, and he knew her from somewhere, he was sure – but he couldn't place her. Sometime long ago, when he'd been much younger, she'd been a friend, he thought. Had she? She wore a dark leather jacket and black jeans, and an unlit cigarette was tucked between her teeth. An uncanny resemblance to Matt – Near realized, but no name came to match the face. She looked away, blended into the crowd, and then, she was gone from view. Near tried to shake himself from his reverie, tried to focus on what was being said.

'…May God recall our son and brother Mello back to his side, for all times,' the reverend said softly, a bible open in his hand, and Near wanted to correct him – Mello wasn't anywhere in Heaven, or even Hell. Users of the Death Note couldn't go to Heaven or Hell – only nothingness awaited them. But Near bit his lip and kept quiet. The Death Note's existence was to be kept secret – he had arranged to have it burnt with Mello during the cremation. Near touched the notebook of Mello's under his arm, just as the reverend asked if anyone would like to give a eulogy.

Roger stepped up, spoke for a while, but Near was hardly listening. Wendy, too – and the young woman he thought he'd recognized, too. As it turned out, it was Lily – and the young man with her was Andy. Near wanted to pinch himself for not recognizing them sooner. Lily was crying and unable to finish her words, and returned to her seat. The reverend asked if anyone else wanted to speak, and without really thinking, Near stood. Roger looked at him in surprise, but Near made his way up to the stand by the coffin that held his friends body. Looking around, he was suddenly struck that he had no clue what to say.

'Um…' he started, knowing what an idiot he must look like – a short albino kid with dark eyes, slumped in posture, barely out of his teens and nervously looking out to the people around the podium. Why was he so nervous? Bold moves and risks were no trouble during the Kira case, but now? All eyes were on him, waiting for him to make his move. Like always.

'Mello…Mello was a brother to me,' he managed, not quite sure how to go about all this wordy-sharing of feelings. 'But we were rivals. He hated me with a passion, but there was a time that he was the only one who seemed to care if I lived or died. And I only really found that out today.'

Everything was quiet, everyone was watching him, and Near tried to imagine he was in a completely white room, surrounded by nothing, no one, and just talking to himself. Out loud, though, so he could he his voice clearly in the nothingness. Briefly, he imagined he was with Mello again.

'There was one thing that Mello did for me, and that was never let me down. He was there to chase the nightmares away, he was there to stand up to all the bullies and he was there when I felt like I wanted to curl up and die. All he ever did – was be there for me. Even when we were rivals, fighting for the right to the L name, he kept me going, kept me wanting to better him, like he was daring me to. And I never, ever backed down from his challenges.

'But now he's gone, I realize that it was me that pushed him that far. I never meant to – I wanted him to back down, but neither of us were strong enough to admit it. And now Kira is gone too, but his twisted vision of peace cost me my only friend, the friend who held me through the nights of tears, head and heartaches, and wishes that it was anyone but me in my situation.'

Looking around, Near saw Lily wiping her eyes, obviously remembering the days Percy had beaten up the little kids, especially Andy. Andy was trying not to cry, his arms wrapped around Lily. Near couldn't think of how to finish, but he did his best. His thoughts were swimming and he was starting to get dizzy – it always happened when he stood for too long. Biting his lip and trying to stay balanced, he took a deep breath. His palms were sweating and the sun seemed too bright piercing his mind and confusing him, but he knew that wouldn't have stopped Mello. Near could imagine Mello tapping the back of his hand and saying to him "it'll be okay". Near swallowed hard.

'I don't have much left to say,' he said quietly. 'But _goodbye_, Mello. I never got to say it when you left the Wammy House, and I never got to say it before you died – but I'm saying it now.'

He stood over the coffin, saw Mello's scarred face, but instead of a frown, his face was peaceful, calm, like Near had never seen it. Oddly enough, the fire that Light had used to manipulate Takada's suicide had somehow left Mello's body in the drivers area of the truck mostly unscathed. For that, Near was glad. It was strange, but nonetheless, Near made himself lean over, and he lay the journal down on Mello's body. Picking up one smooth, pale hand, Near lay Mello's hand on top of the journal. Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see Anthony Rester. With the eulogy over, people started to line up to say their final goodbyes.

'I didn't ask you to come,' he spoke softly, but Rester shook his head.

'That doesn't matter. You still need guarding – and I brought this,' Rester leant around Near and showed him the item in his hand – Sidoh's DeathNote.

'You brought it to the funeral? Why?' Near asked, and Rester shrugged.

'Take it – we wouldn't have a chance to put it in with the body before the cremation. This is your last chance to get rid of it,' he said softly, and Near sighed inwardly, but took the notebook and leant over Mello's body again.

'All right,' he whispered, tucking the DeathNote into the journal, so other mourners wouldn't see it when they came to pay their respect. 'I'll miss you, Mello. Forever.'

…

The sun winked in and out of sight as thick, heavy clouds promised a later storm. Near followed the precession of mourners carrying the now closed coffin to the long black car. He had offered to help, but Rester has said with Near's inadequate height and lack of strength, he wouldn't be of much help. So he couldn't do anything but follow the precession as they came to the car, loaded the coffin, and closed the doors. It was the last time Near would ever see Mello, the journal, or the DeathNote that had brought so much hell to the world.

Rester had left Near to watch the precession – and was heading back towards the car parked across the green on the side of the small tarmac lane that wound its way through the cemetery. Standing by the car were two other men – Aizawa and Matsuda, Near recognized as he saw the outlines of head and facial hair on them. Matsuda had an umbrella, which he offered to cover Rester when Rester got closer.

Rain began to lightly fall, and Near looked up, his shirt slowly soaking through, the ground around gathering the droplets of water and his hair slowly flattening to his head, and he wondered, briefly, if Mello really was nowhere, that neither God nor Satan had accepted him in an embrace of either love or terror, that he really had just…disappeared. Either way, as Near looked up to the clouds, he prayed. Prayed that wherever he was, Mello wasn't in pain.

That he wasn't fighting or hurting or angry. In that moment and for the first time in his life, Near prayed.

…

Winchester; three days later…

The Wammy House cemetery stood, as it always had, a couple of miles from the orphanage. Grave plots had been marked out, and a young woman with long, dark red hair stood by two graves. The body in the first grave had been buried without ordeal – ridden with bullet holes, Matt had died with a witty comeback at hand and a cigarette between his teeth. The second grave had gotten more attention – she'd even seen a few heavy-set African-American men come to pay their respects. Mafia, no doubt. The second grave held a small box instead of a body, a box of ashes. Something had been burned with Matt's best friend – she'd seen Near tuck two notebooks under Mello's hand at the funeral.

There was a slight breeze that ruffled her hair, the unlit cigarette still tucked between her teeth. She thought of Near, at the funeral, remembered the faint recognition on his face. She didn't expect him to remember her – it was well over ten years ago, and she honestly couldn't ask even a world genius like Near to remember her face from when he'd been six.

She looked at each of the tombstones, engraved with the names and dates of birth and death of her brother and his closest friend.

**Mail "Matt" Jeevas**  
Beloved gift from God,  
You were taken too soon.  
_2/1/1990_ -:- _1/26/2010_

**Mihael "Mello" Keehl**  
Strong like the Lord,  
A brother with wings of an angel.  
_12/13/1989_ -:- _1/26/2010_

She turned away from the graves, started walking back towards the top of the cemetery, where the gate stood, wrought iron and rusted after so many years, where the first of the graves stood. Most of them were occupied, and she found herself reading the names on each one as she passed.

_Jackson, Iona, Hazel, Gideon, Ferdinand, Ellwyn, Dante, Celicia, Beyond_ and _Ada_...Matt had once told her about the famous "first" children of the Wammy House – some headstones had a few others lined up behind them, all the names behind a certain letter also began with that letter. "Ada" for example, had another headstone standing behind it, with the name "Anton" engraved upon it. "Beyond" had no graves behind it, but the grave marked "Celicia" had at least ten. She smiled – she remembered Ada and Beyond – Mello hadn't been too fond of them. They'd be only a couple of years younger than her, now, had they still been alive.

She never did know what happened to Celicia after that…_incident_ at the boarding house…now, though; she was able to estimate a guess.

The heavy air that hung over the place seemed to bear down on her. It had rained for three days straight after the funeral, and the dark, coiling clouds threatened more chilling, soak-to-the-bone downpour. Pulling the cigarette lighter out of her pocket, Johanna lit up the cigarette and left the graveyard; the heavy, rusty iron gate closing after her.

_**The End.**_

* * *

_**AfterNote:**_

And that, mon ami, is that. Which leaves me, surprisingly, with nothing much to say at all. Sad, isn't it? Well – here we go, don't pack up and leave just yet, I've still got these thankyous to say. Ready? Good, because I'm not…

_Kindacravingshortcake,_ **COBRASTEVE,** Fluff Ducklings, _**Quirkyotaku,**_ _Cherry's blood,_ **kishimojin,** igor, _Evangeline Noel_, **Ayanami Kaori**, Mizuki Mai, _**Nitrea**_, _scrambled-eggs-at-midnight_, **XsereniteX**, andysanime, _Burning Moon of the Sky_, **Little Fan Girl**, Melanie Swirls, _**MostlyxShortxStories**_, _coloredsparks_, **leil**, Lawliechan, _TheCatchingLightAlchemist_, **Luma Shine**, Eternally1Yours, _**MistressMurder93**_, _deadpoolhulk_, **WarriorKitteh**, Pink Star Art, _Hunny Bunny Chan_, **SecretYaoiLoverInc**, tealeyedmoon69, _**joy2theworlddannyphantom**_, _Kayla-kun_, **AwkwardTurtle007**, blackwingsgreeneyes, _psyche-of-frogs_, **Fairylust**, Misery Lives, _**theTIGEER**_, _AristheUnique_, **Maara Annika**, Square-haired genius, _Volixia669_, **tHe-DeLuSiOnAl-RuStBuCkEt**, SecretlyTwisted, _**NekoVampireNinja**_, _SasukeTheUnicorn_, **Madigan Keen**, deathcabforkira, _Sen_, **writer-in-progress-94**, Sense Marauder, _**maili-chan**_, _Ebbie54_, **Kunai-sama**, teamLNMM, _natlikesNEAR_, **Tanglepelt**, Negiocca, _**DLC-JeN**_, _it'smenotyou_, **Tanya Rayne**, DLC GIRL, _wammy-boii-lover_, **mellolover**, MAH-BLACKBERREH, _**colbub**_, _9shadowcat9_, **YumYumGirl**, SimplyEcho, _riddle101_, **LilyRosetheDreamer**, altessara, _**XxSaphirezxX**_, _nekojen9_, **LukeBenz**, charmthedragonslayer, _Pandaki KuroShiro (formerly CrimsonStarlight)_, **Faye**, Cherrypie timeXD, _**icywarm**_, _Honeydew_, **3 please write more**, domino KEI, _Bag o' Moon Frogs_, **lolzy33**, NearInsanity96, _**Hannah**_, _pandas'n'kisses_, **Hum-Burgler**, Anon, _Meefgal_, **andromeda0909**, Kira Kiwaseki, _**Near0218**_, _Raspberrih,_ **SafetyPinStitches**, Jay breeze158, _Tetra Muffins_, **Evil of Mint**, etowa-ru, _**SarySoda**_, and _Uprising Devil Detective-L._

Of course, that's not all of you. Special thankyous go out to…

**ITILY**** – **_you were there all the way and you never stopped encouraging me. This story wouldn't have been finished without you, your art, and your stories._

**Zuza Chan**** – **_for kicking my butt back into writing gear when I've been a lazy so-and-so, you've read, reviewed, and been a pleasure to have met here. Here's to forever!_

**it'spronounced'lowlight'**** – **_you always had something shiny to dangle in front of my nose to get me writing again, and I'm still chasing whatever it was we first realized with so shiny._

**oursolemnhour49**** – **_from beginning to end, it's been great to meet you on this journey. May the future hold (and litter) your path with prizes and success._

**MothMask**** – **_one of my most faithful readers, I've always looked forward to hearing what you have to say about my writing progress – thanks so much, hon. *hugs*_

**DarkAngelJudas - **_thank you for such a wonderful ride. your reviews, your point of views, your awesome input and one of the most awesome people i know here - never ever change._

**Beckett Simpleton -** _you are, seriously and truly, one of a kind, m'dear. thank you ever so much for that beautiful poem you wrote in dedication to My Autistic Brother._

**Doppelganger's Doll** - _you always have such a unique way of saying the most beautiful things. Thank you._

**ilovezim123** - _i only really met you towards the end, but thank you so, so, SO much for the things you've told me, and that idea will definitely go far!_

And last, but most certainly not least,

**hamaell**** – **_my wondrous friend, my darling Swedish angel – and my faithful muse. The ideas I bounced off you must have bruised something awful – we've got a long way to go but things will get better eventually. But nevertheless, I'm still waiting to win the lotto. You know what I mean, right? _;D

**THANK YOU ONCE MORE TO EVERYONE.**

**YOU. ALL. ROCK.**

– _Mercy _


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